kate winslet child abuser

A Christmas Letter for Fathers Alienated from their Children

Kate Winslet has been in the news lately, threatening to sue Fathers4Justice over an ad campaign criticizing comments she made in the media indicating that she does not believe in shared parenting.

None of this 50/50 time with the mums and dads – my children live with me; that is it.

The comments appeared in Vogue magazine, and Ms. Winslet does not deny that she uttered them.

Winslet, who has three children by three different fathers, may or may not be handling her family dynamics well, ensuring that her children continue to enjoy the undeniable benefits of a continued relationship with their fathers. That is a moot point.  Winslet’s personal circumstances are irrelevant.  What IS relevant is her assertion that shared parenting, this “50/50 time with mums and dads” – is negative and detrimental to children’s well-being.

“Oh, my God! Those poor children! They must have gone through so much”.

Says who? They’ve always been with me. They don’t go from pillar to post; they’re not flown here and there with nannies.

Winslet’s first husband, Jim Threapleton, agrees with Fathers4Justice, and said he went months without seeing their daughter, Mia, but even so, the point is not how Winslet is managing her own circumstances – the point is that as a public figure, she is explicitly encouraging custodial parents to reject shared parenting.

And for that, she deserves to be called out.

Winslet makes her living as a public figure.  Her words were not taken from a private conversation she had with friends.  She made her statement in Vogue magazine, which she clearly understands will be read by millions of magazine subscribers and buyers.  Total average circulation for Vogue magazine is 1.2 million, which only includes direct purchases. The number of shared reads (you read my copy) increases the circulation number even further. Indeed, that is the point of appearing in Vogue:  it keeps her in the public eye and bolsters her value as a performer and public figure, allowing her to charge high prices for her services.

No one cast Winslet as a vindictive, alienating shrew.  She did it to herself, so crying foul now is a bit rich.

The simple fact is that divorce, and separation from children is a critical public health issue.  Divorced men are 39% more likely to commit suicide when they are separated from their children.  The complete article is behind a paywall, but here is the citation:

Daniel S. Felix, W. David Robinson, and Kimberly J. Jarzynka. The Influence of Divorce on Men’s Health Journal of Men’s Health. September 2013, 10(1): 3-7. doi:10.1016/j.jomh.2012.09.002.

It is unconscionable that Winslet would promote separation as being good for her children, or good for her ex-husbands.  She deserves every ounce of opprobrium she has generated.

I am the adult survivor of parental alienation following divorce, and I would like to spend the rest of this article addressing fathers who find themselves in this terrible situation.  You can read the story of how the alienation played out here.

Christmas was always the worst time of year. My father was rarely a full participant in the celebrations, but he would drop off gifts, or have them mailed to us, and then be on his way.  We had no idea at the time that he was in violation of court orders when he showed up, and that my mother would only permit him to stay for a few minutes. He considered himself lucky to have even that.

We hated him for thinking that being a father meant spending some money and then taking off at the earliest opportunity. Whatever presents or gifts he brought, it was never enough.  We showed no gratitude.  The words “thank you” were never uttered.  We glared at him sullenly and perhaps begrudgingly conceded that some presents were “okay”.

We were utterly miserable and angry and ungrateful and terrible to him.

We had no idea that everything my mother had told us was a lie. I feel so wretched now, as an adult, looking back at how my brothers and I behaved towards my father, who, bless his courage and strength, never lashed out at us, and never gave up. I have no idea where he found the heart, but he did.

My father was no angel.  He embraced a particularly violent form of Christianity that encouraged… interesting, shall we say… disciplinary techniques.  He believed in the value of physical labor, and took that to extremes, sometimes.  He believed in the character-building value of hardship.  He was not always the best father.

From those flaws, my mother built a careful psychological cage around her children and taught us to hate him.  Not just dislike, but to actively despise and hate him.  And she succeeded. He faced that hatred and never wavered. It is often said that women grow up to marry men who remind them of their fathers, and I have often said in the past that I am so glad I married a man nothing like my father.

The poison runs deep, and bleeding it out takes a long time.

The truth is that I married a man who has all the strength and character and goodness of my father.  His cheerfulness is exactly like my father’s unwillingness to ever abandon hope. They are both relentlessly optimistic that thing will work out, eventually.  I was blind to that for a very long time.

I cannot imagine the pain I have caused my father, and I take some responsibility for that.  As I child, I was more or less helpless against the lies my mother told.  I could not understand how I was being manipulated, and I therefore could not resist. As an adult, I have fewer excuses. My father was the one who reached out to me.  I cannot say if the day would ever have come that I would have looked for him. The truth about my childhood came as a complete shock, and yet, once I knew, it was all so obvious.

This is the hardest part. All across the world, there are countless fathers, facing down a Christmas season with children who hate them.  Who resent them.  Who are ungrateful, unappreciative, sullen, unpleasant and just generally unlikeable.

Their minds have been poisoned.  They have been subjected to a kind of psychological torture called “parental alienation”. It is an extreme form of child abuse and the goal is to deprive both the children and the alienated parent of love.

And it works. 

Oh how it works.

But not forever.  Resisting parental alienation as it is happening is incredibly difficult.  I wish I could offer some happy solution. Here are a few success stories to consider. And a few more.

It is bitterly unfair that both the alienated parent and the alienated children are condemned to missing one another’s lives while the children are young and being subjected to extreme brainwashing.  And the devastating truth is that the effects can last long after childhood.

In most cases of parental alienation, it is fathers and children who are victims of vindictive mothers – women who are fully prepared to destroy their children psychologically for their own twisted desires.

I am by no means suggesting that alienated parents give up the fight to have their children rescued from the psychological abuse that is parental alienation.  Absolutely not. This is an issue that must be understood as deeply harmful abuse with long-lasting effects.

I’ve lived through both physical and psychological abuse – the psychological was far more difficult to overcome.

And that is the heart of my message.  My father was not perfect.  And neither was I.  I held on to my irrational anger for a long time.  Much longer than I should have.  I know that.  My unwillingness to confront the truth means I lost my father for ten years.  Ten years I should have had, but didn’t, because I was not willing to see the truth.

And believe me, this is no attempt to garner sympathy – “oh, no, JB, you were just a child, it isn’t your fault.”  That’s bullshit. It violates the central maxim of my life:  you don’t get to choose your childhood, but you do get to choose how you respond to it.

I chose badly.

My children have an adoring grandfather, my husband has a father-in-law he loves, my neighbors have a man who can fix almost anything mechanical, my friends have a conduit into my past and the stories that made me who I am, my community has a watcher who keeps an eye on the pets and children – and I have my father back.

Not because of anything I did.

Because my father never gave up hope.

What is Christmas? It is tenderness for the past, courage for the present, hope for the future. It is a fervent wish that every cup may overflow with blessings rich and eternal, and that every path may lead to peace.

Agnes Pharo

To every Daddy without his babies this Christmas season:  Our hearts are with you.

May that give you the strength to never lose hope.

Merry Christmas.

All the love,

JB

 

Please help AVFM continue to spread the message that Men’s Rights are Human Rights by contributing to our quarterly fundraiser. Thank you.

 

Editorial note: Merry Christmas and much love and support for Fathers 4 Justice. You guys are heroes. And have a Lousy Christmas, Kate Winslet. Child Abusers like you don’t deserve happy Christmases. –DE

Feature image by Chrisa Hickey under Creative Commons license.

About Janet Bloomfield (aka JudgyBitch)

Janet Bloomfield is Social Media Director for AVfM. She has an undergraduate degree in Film Theory, a Master’s degree in Business Administration and is pursuing a PhD in Entrepreneurship and Innovation. She is a full time mother to her three children and a full time wife to Mr. JudgyBitch. Her children have never seen the inside of a daycare center and her husband has never made his own sandwich. That makes her very happy.

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  • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

    I am also the adult survivor of parental alienation following divorce.

    Kate Winslet is a child abuser. I put no qualifiers on that statement. What she’s doing to them is worse than beating them.

    • http://www.judgybitch.com Janet Bloomfield (aka JudgyBitch)

      One husband says yes she is keeping the children away from their fathers. Another husband says no. Perhaps she likes one ex more than another?

      I don’t know.

      I’m willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I condemn unconditionally her saying that she doesn’t agree with nor allow equal time with both parents.

      If she is, in fact, engaging in alienation, then I agree. She is abusing both her children and her ex-husbands.

      • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

        If her ex-husbands are all cool with this, then they’re just colluding in child abuse with her. Especially if she keeps running around spawning children with different men. Three different fathers so far? How nice. Those dads are either being alienated on purpose, or, they’re colluding in the alienation, and fuck them. Kate’s either making it happen, or is entirely blase about a tragedy to her children, and in any case is encouraging millions of women to think the same. Making her complicit in the abuse of millions of children.

        Fuck her.

        • comslave

          You have to remember, this is all in the context of Hollywood culture. If the fathers openly protested the situations, they would have all of Hollywood against them for insinuating a woman could not raise the children all by herself better than if a man were present.

          In Hollywood, the idea that having a man around is good for children is just not allowed.

  • crydiego

    I wasn’t going to cry today and now a second article about fathers separated from their children and the pain it causes. I’m not going to cry tomorrow!

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      We’re looking into setting up a live hangout for guys tomorrow night with Steve Brule. I was going to skip it, feeling too tired, but then I saw Aimee’s video and I thought “I can’t do that.” I’m not alone on Christmas, not this year, but I don’t want anyone else to be either.

      • Laddition

        Really like the hangouts, please keep them coming.

        I understand that BTR is the root of a lot of the radio show issues (it’s not AVFM’s fault), but the hangouts work better IMHO.

        Look forward to the new hosting company…a lot. The audio delays causing people to trip over each other’s speaking really break the flow, if the people involved weren’t so fair minded and polite the problems would be serious. I look forward to you all being able to let things flow more naturally when the technical interference is removed.

        A someone who, under various names, has been here from pretty much the start, I am really impressed how you lot are progressing things.

        To infinity…and beyond. Up the matriarchy ;)

  • Kimski

    Joan Crawford has risen from the grave to give her audience one last lifetime performance as Kate Winslet, in the real life drama “Mommie Dearest”, version 2013.

  • eccehomo

    Bless you all and thank you for sharing your experience JB and DE, it means so much hearing from people who have endured and suffered this, it gives real hope to us dads out here too and not just golden platitudes that come with a charge.

    Thank you and all the best for next year and may the voice4men be with you!.

  • http://unknownmisandry.blogspot.com Robert St. Estephe

    Behold — Queen Kate is of the privileged sex and has been afforded additional privilege by the public which is grateful to submit to her dicta. Queen of Gynostan need not live under the same code as the vassals. No wonder this matriarch reserves royal privilege and dismisses the views of F4J from on high from her royal pedestal. They are serfs and they, mere worms that they are, have no legitimate voice in the Queendom of Gynostan.

    All chivalrous White Knights will rush to slay the naysayers who have dared to insult the Queen. All the Manginas of the queen’s realm will grovel in submission and beg to be allowed to martyr themselves by working double-hard at double-jobs to pay all the Queen’s male-taxes to insure her jewels and palaces are the most glittering of all among the royalty of planet Gaia.

    The code of chivalry had ruled for a thousand years and has never ceased to pie up ever greater prerogatives for the royal sex. Sumbit! — or off to the dungeon with you.

    So it is written in the scared text of the Vagina Monologues.

  • Heisenberg

    This sickens me. I’m a Kate Winslet fan. I’ve enjoyed everything I’ve seen her in. She’s a very real acting talent. Also, she’s beautiful …. externally, she rings my bell. The more life experience that I acquire, the more paradoxes of our humanity I discover. A very ugly sprit is so often wrapped in a striking and alluring package. Shame on her.

    • http://www.avoiceformen.com August Løvenskiolds

      There is a movie, Holy Smoke, with a scene where a naked Kate Winslet pisses herself on camera. If Kate reads this post, I imagine she’ll do it again.

    • Mika

      1. What Heisenberg said.

      AND

      2. With all due respect to the author, I am firmly of the opinion that at least 80% of divorced/separated women with children have exactly the view expressed by K. Winslet.

      The difference is that KW has come out and epressed it openly because she can.

      For the most part she is talking to the converted. No news here. Other women with children separated from fathers express the same through their various actions (rather than words) and through their often ruthless hijinks in Family Courts around the world.

      IMHO most (80% at least) separated/divorced woman firmly believe they “own” their children (rather than the mothers and fathers jointly) and that substantial ownership and effective control should be theirs alone. Further, they believe that visitation rights should be bestowed on the father at the whim and convenience of the mother. They will never refer to their children correctly as “our children” but rather as “my children”. It is no accident that they do this but a refelection of their true thoughts.

      I would so much like to be proven wrong. Good luck with that.

      3. Back to Kate. No doubt she had the children to satisfy her own selfish needs and possibly does not really care that much (if at all) about the fathers. In that respect she is no different from very many other women.in our western societies today.. I feel sorry for the children if indeed that is the case.

      AND

      A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS AND VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL THE STAFF AND CONTRIBUTORS AT AVOICEFORMEN AND, ESPECIALLY, TO ALL THAT VISIT HERE.

    • Seele

      Heisenberg,

      She did not choose to look the way she does, so we cannot give her any credit for that. But she chose to be the kind of person that she is, to hold the values that she does; to my mind that is the measure of her as a person. Of course, a chain is as strong as its weakest link, and in that respect looks has nothing to do with that.

      Come to think of it, very few women actually come to realize that men actually value women’s looks a lot less than they imagine them to do.

  • scatmaster

    What Heisenberg said. Perfectly mirrors my thoughts.

    • http://gloriusbastard.com/ JJ

      And for both of you, one more discovery of why it is the women of the last hundred years pushing these bachelor taxes and others continue to succeed in the public eye. They know how to wield the beta to devastating effect. They are in fact a herd, rather than wolves. Wolves may hunt them all, but we are always smaller in number, and the food will never allow their meager, and pathetic existence to be threatened, for by their fear it is all they have.

      • http://unknownmisandry.blogspot.com Robert St. Estephe

        Make that two centuries — at least. We just found an English bachelor tax from 1788. The AVfM Herstory Audit continues. Herstory is, indeed, the greatest lie ever told.

  • FRAMERSQOOL

    Two points:

    One is that this yet another incident vindicating Barbara Kay’s statement that children are seen as a mother’s PROPERTY. Perhaps if they did not have power of life and death over the unborn, they would not be so tempted to exercise it over those they allow to live.

    The other is this: there is, as I say, no shortage of evidence that parental alienation is both a pandemic of child abuse and increasingly condoned or at best rationalized by society. Continuing to gather that evidence is only the beginning. What are we going to DO (there’s that word again) about it? Where are the services offering direct intervention to re-unite families, one real live case at a time, and not just keep talking about it?

  • numbCruncher

    Ms. Winslet, you are full of fucking shit

    My parents got divorced and for a time I lost contact with my father. It was life-damaging.

    He wanted to see me, and I wanted to see him. But we live in a world that puts up walls against men in these circumstances.

    WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU OVER PRIVILEGED ASSHOLE, TO PROMOTE THIS WORLD VIEW? WHAT EXPERIENCE – OTHER THAN YOUR OWN GILDED EXISTENCE – DO YOU SPEAK FROM?

    • Bewildered

      YOU OVER PRIVILEGED ASSHOLE, TO PROMOTE THIS WORLD VIEW?

      You have hit the bull’s eye here. Feminism was created solely to massage the egos of the members of this class,everything else is unadulterated hogwash.
      They make pronouncements from their bubbles of entitlement where they lead surrealistic lives that grossly pervert the realities of life elsewhere.
      Gullible sheeple lap them up like gospel truths and seek to emulate these self appointed role models and predictably come to grief.

  • Zorro

    Not terribly OT:

    http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/12/23/pennsylvania-woman-tried-to-frame-hubby-with-child-porn/?intcmp=latestnews

    I remember taking my car into a garage in NJ to have my oil changed. The mechanic told me my serpentine belt needed to be replaced. When they took off the old belt, the manager hung it in the customer service area on his “Wall of Shame.” The belt was figuratively seconds away from snapping while I drove!

    I predict Paul will soon put up a Wall of Shame (like Register Her), except it will list women according to the bastardly stunts they pull to win favoritism in the Anti-Family court system.

    I propose the above bitch (not the wonderful judgy one!) to start the list.

    Loading child porn into her ex’s computer…and she’s busted for it! Classic Female Evilness.

  • http://www.CanadaCourtWatch.com Attila L. Vinczer

    Kate Winslet, I have one thing to say, you are a selfish, scum-bag of a bitch! Who the hell do you think you are to decide IF the child(ren) will or will not see their father? What a selfish turd you are.

    Kate Winslet, the Grinch who stole Christmas from father.

    Then you flex your pathetic financial might and threaten to sue F4J who dared to call you out on doing something that is so egregious as to alienate the children from dad.

    The vitriolic disgust I feel for you would make hydroflouric acid seem like a tasty lemonade.

  • http://vilo13.blogspot.com/ Lucian Vâlsan

    “That’s bullshit. It violates the central maxim of my life: you don’t get to choose your childhood, but you do get to choose how you respond to it.” – Wait, what?

    You mean you actually take responsibility for your actions? You are actually owning your shit, as GirlWritesWhat would put it? Seriously?

    Then it is no wonder, JB, that the Sisterhood hates you. How dare you take responsibility and actually be a grown up, instead of being a toddler as the great engine of “empowerment” of the Sisterhood advocates?

    Merry Christmas, JB! Thank you for the story!

  • donzaloog

    I’m very disappointed to hear Kate Winslet is involved in this kind of bullshit. Can’t watch her movies now.

  • James Williams

    I can only say how I can never fully enjoy Christmas knowing that there are so many children who will be separated from their dads. I am not affected this way by divorce, but by being a seafarer, I have missed countless Christmases and birthdays. It hurt for everyone I missed, but to be excluded due to the open bigotry that exists against men would have been far worse.

    I will make a point of avoiding watching anymore Winslut movies. Her comments are an expression of her own egotistical arrogance and sense of self importance mixed with a good measure of narcissism.

    I recently had a blog clash with a feminist over children (i.e .boys) being sanctioned for sexual harrasment of girls. She announced herself as a feminist and mother, as if being a mother was enough to lend authenticity to all she said. I replied that I was a father of three and every bit as valid with my opinion as she was. She wasn’t too pleased when I said that feminists should be registered and banned from schools just as pedophiles are. She then went on to accuse me of being a misogynist and a bully.

  • clusterbatchit

    Two plus years into divorce proceedings, STBXW moved off to pursue lesbian self-actualization (sic). You go girl, but why take my two daughters along for the ride? STBXW and GF worked so well to isolate and alienate my children from me, and I was 100% unprepared as to how to fight back. Now I sit on Christmas, having seen my kids for a total of 2 hours in the last seven months. Won’t see them today – probably won’t get a simple reply to another of my hundreds of texts.

    Oh does this suck.

    Merry Christmas all, may our prayers be answered.

    • Eizieizz

      You have my deepest sympathies.
      Try to remember the relationship with your wife is not who you are, you are not like her.
      She commited sexuality fraud, not you, you are better than her.
      Fight for your children, they need you.
      Godspeed.

  • clusterbatchit

    I would fight with the last of my strength, but this is a battle that I can not figure how to wade in. The courts seems oblivious, the therapists and lawyers seeing dollars, it is the loneliest fight of my life. The more I understand – BPD, FOO, heritability, etc., it just frustrates me even more. It seems the entire system is tilted to enable the psychopaths.

  • cdriskell

    That is one major reason I don’t watch any Hollie Berry Films. She is a vindictive woman. It has been publicly open with that fact. Equally, I blame the courts.