Welcome to MiGal™ Corporation, your one-stop provider of all your sexual and reproductive needs for men. We know you have a choice in premium sexbots and we are grateful you’ve chosen to check us out. We won’t be satisfied until you are.
Why choose MiGal™?
While women’s sexuality is simple – 10 minutes in a vibrator shop and they are set for life or until the batteries need replacing (link is NSFW) – we at MiGal™ appreciate that men’s sexuality is a billion times more complex. All a woman needs is her government check and the vibrating simulacra member of a man but the discerning man needs to consider all his senses when investing in a partner. Does she look attractive? Smell nice? Have a pleasing, melodious voice? Taste pleasant? Feel like she wants you? You know, there?
That is right – here at MiGal™ and unlike your other alternatives, we take full responsibility for meeting your needs as a man.
No longer must you settle for whatever half-drunken feminist barfly is still tottering about at closing time. What some deride as “objectification” we see as your right to seek happiness as your demanding standards permit. By choosing MiGal™, for once, YOU will have the power to not only choose but indeed, custom-build and later even reprogram your MiGal™ sexbot based on your changing needs and whims.
Fancy a virgin? Or a pro? Or something in between? Your MiGal™ can be set to up to 15 distinct levels of sexual accomplishment (available levels may vary depending on your choice of model), and can be manually reset at any time. Our deluxe models have optional learning modes where her own sexual skills can grow in tandem with yours – or, in LeapFrog™ mode, you will be hard-pressed to keep up with her.
Want to keep score? While in privacy mode no data is shared, in competitive mode your MiGal™ will compare your sexual prowess to that of millions of other owners across the planet. Want to be an alpha male? Your MiGal™ can rate your masculinity achievement – or even help you improve it. It is all up to you. We even have monthly tournaments – the only monthlies your MiGal™ will ever have. We guarantee it.
Want to guarantee her fidelity? Your MiGal™ comes with an optional chastity feature – the “Engagement Bling™” to keep her pure when you cannot be there for her. The one-carat Bling™ will restrict your MiGal™ to, at most, two other partners. The two-carat will reduce that to one, and with the super premium three-carat Bling™ she will fight “unto death” to protect herself from interlopers using our patented VicBlame™ technology. As a bonus, the three-carat Bling™ includes full replacement coverage should your MiGal™ be compromised or otherwise defiled. Please see the policy for full details.
Doesn’t that all sound great? And you haven’t even picked out her cup size yet. But wait! There is more!
Need an upgrade? Your shopworn MiGal™ can be refitted in our cutting-edge Cervix Department™ or even returned for a generous trade-in allowance at any time – and it won’t cost half of all your stuff to buy a younger, hotter MiGal™!
Need motivation? Your MiGal™ comes with over 6900 personality options easily configurable by a password-protected remote controller. In shuffle mode she can have a new surprise personality every day for almost 19 years – and we are always looking to add more!
- Naughty/Nice Our RadioFreckles™ can make your MiGal™ naughty enough for a honeymoon or nice enough for a chair at Thanksgiving.
- Chatty/Reticent/Blessed Silence
- Happy/Moody RadioFreckles™ can turn her from a kitten to a spitfire in a heartbeat, just like a real woman except for the real heartbeat.
- Trusting/Jealous RadioFreckles™ can turn her from a loving soulmate to a vicious bitch for no reason. If you can’t handle your Migal™ at her worst then you do not deserve her at her best or without the remote.
- Personality Disorder RadioFreckles™include both “Healthy” and the entire Dark Triad, including Narcissistic and Borderline.
Need Power? Your MiGal™ is not only fully rechargeable but with our Shocking Maw™ solar power upgrade you can park her by the pool and not only will her batteries revive, but your motor may be revving as well. Sign up to be early in line for our tanning upgrade once it becomes available in the Spring of next year.
Worried About Maintenance? Your MiGal™ comes with her own VanityAlcove™ which will restore her to minty freshness condition in less time than it takes to run a load of laundry. Our higher-end ambulatory model will go to her VanityAlcove™ on command. Once a calendar quarter our service van can stop by to replenish her VanityAlcove™ fluid levels – or, you DIY types can order whatever you need from Amazon, Please note that the use of third party fluids is not recommended and may void your warranty / Cervix agreement.
Need your own unusual fantasy brought to life? Our R&DDD Department can help you if you need something really special. We recently completed a “Ghostbreasters” model that oozes slime from every pore. If we wind up using your idea to expand our product offerings, YOU may become eligible for compensation. Restrictions apply; only purchasers are eligible. Contact our legal department for details.
Are you ready to start picking hair and eye color yet?
We know our prices can be a shock but they are cheap compared to your other options in a companion. Your MiGal™ will protect your wealth as she makes you happy and healthy.
That is right – healthy. Our medical monitor upgrade will contact help immediately if something happens to you while your MiGal™ is close – and she won’t be factoring in her inheritance in lieu of getting the ambulance…
What more could you ask for?
And by the way, we finance.
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- Do men make better CEOs than women? - April 12, 2017