Publisher’s disclaimer: AVFM isn’t and never has been in the business of defining masculinity or femininity for men and women. For men, our policy is to forego any sort of “man up” message or other forms of shaming designed to control men’s sense of identity and self-respect. This piece skates very close to that concern. However, we published it with the understanding that it does not reflect the editorial opinion of AVFM, and that it might foster some healthy discussion along those lines. Your mileage may vary. PE
A man cannot have a conversation with a woman like he can with another man. If he’s been programmed to think with a feminist mindset, he has to say this to himself before every conversation with a woman, otherwise its more likely he’ll be led down a meaningless string of words that have no value and don’t evolve into a greater relationship. Men who equate a woman’s intents and words with equal quality or value to their own are bozos who get chumped by girls on the regular. Only a fool can get the run-around from women continually month after month, year after year, and not pickup that they speak from a different perspective with an entirely different purpose.
Many women cop an attitude when they want to object to something rational and male, just because. Feminists (or perhaps all women at some point in their lives) do this out of spite for masculinity. However, in general women will do this at random to test the men in their lives, pushing boundaries to see what men are made of.
This is in their nature, and there is no way around this. If men aren’t aware of this function they might succumb to confusion when they should display certainty. They might buckle down when they should remain steadfast. If men are unaware of how women operate, they may grow to hate a woman when she exposes weakness in him. Such an emotional investment might even make him more prone to care about what women think of him. That’s by-in-large a fruitless endeavor, because women change their minds (or appear to) all the time.
The Testing Cycle
In my life, the adverse confrontations with females I’ve seen or been involved in all have the same cycle: 1)Female sets semantic/situational trap for male; 2) if the male falls for it, the female will slowly begin to bubble with emotion, trying to throw the male off balance (this could happen within a single conversation, or over a month); 3)the female will continue until a boiling point is reached, and/or continue on with the emotionalism until the man lays the law down. If the man does not do this, the female will inevitably subordinate the male.
It does not end there: regardless of the male’s response (laying down the law, or being subordinated), the female will escalate into an emotional storm. She will do this to double/triple check his answer. If the man laid down the law properly, that female will later display respect and allegiance (it may take time for her to display this openly, but it started the moment he stood up to her). If he faltered and was not masculine enough, or did not lay down the law at all, she will act with increasing spite/arrogance/vain-smugness around said boy.
This is literally all they do. There is no magic trick. There is no user’s guide to understanding women. It’s what they do to know if they can actually trust you. A woman throwing minor fits, tossing wrenches into a man’s gears, is her way of finding out how masculine and resourceful he is. It’s a subtle, low-key social engineering trick rooted in their insecurities- not your folly, unless you are not sure of yourself. Being aware of the test does not mean you’re magically going to win every argument but it will help you keep in mind that there are bigger things at play than what a woman is targeting at the moment.
Women can test all they want. They can call names or go silent -while talking about him to their friends. They can purposefully misinterpret something he said and explode with rage to the -nth degree. However, if a man maintains his course and fails to yield to her distractions it becomes apparent to her on some level that she is a petty, pathetic creature. She craves the attention of men who do not give into her fickle and tumultuous ways. She becomes envious of a man’s certitude and in one way or another desires his companionship with.
When a man is in the wrong, it’s good for him to make amends. However, if he is always striving to be his best and to do whats best and learning as much as he can, there wont often be a need to apologize. There are all sorts of tactics women will use to tear a man down. When women are in the wrong, they’re in it no matter how much they try to deflect from that fact. If a woman is right about something, or has a genuine concern, it’s most likely going to come out of a conversation as a plain suggestion- not a subtle trap that was designed to try to break them down as a person.
You do not have to prove anything to them by matching their shrill argumentation (that’s how you lose). You prove it to them by being strong, calm and poised in the midst of their mania. You can even beat their attitude with a strong, playful sense of humor, and if you get them to laugh too, they’ll forget what they were complaining about and love you for it.
A woman’s temperament is temporary and transient. It can also be forced. If a man thinks every emotion displayed by a woman is genuine; if he thinks that they don’t make stuff up to get their way; if he doesn’t think they are acting out in a way to give him the illusion that they are ‘out of control’; if he thinks such behavior is beyond them, he’s already a sucker. He’ll say, “I don’t understand, I did everything right. What’s wrong? I did everything they wanted and everything they asked.” And that’s the problem, he thinks he did do everything they wanted. But he only proved to them that he is easily deceived, and not a real man to them.
When they are able to remove you from your center; your masculine core; you lose. But you yielded that loss to them. This proves to them that you are emasculated- you let a woman win. It will certainly feel that way when you let their words get to you, or fall for tricks (over and over again). If a man doesn’t wise up, they will continue to bowl him over.
They don’t trust him, and if he lost, he deserves it. He deserved it when he allowed her to pull him away from his convictions with false pretenses, crocodile tears, seduction or by being coy. For men, if people are able to do this to him more than once, his foolishness is the cause.
Women do not deserve misogyny for their behavior. They don’t deserve the hate any more than they deserve his fleeting infatuation (the two go together more often then not, and both may be a sign of deficient masculinity).
Men deserve self-improvement. A man can’t achieve this if he does not, at some point in his life, separate from others and stand on his own two feet without any help.
Growing up, I was taught to be “neutral” about everything in matters of gender, so I didn’t know better. It always left me confused and on the wrong side of things. I never saw the formula. I always assumed women wouldn’t lie to me over stupid things to protect their vanity, or to try me as a person (cue the canned laughter). On the flip side, being confident in myself has never failed me. Even in the face of incomprehensible, irrational, spasmodic female emotions. Sacrificing false closeness in the short term makes one stronger and more resilient in the long term. It also makes people ready for deeper, genuine intimacy.
If a man genuinely feels he is in the right, there is no need to become overly concerned if someone is offended. He is just being who he is. A short pithy explanation may be appropriate to clear up misunderstandings between people within his circle of trust, but it’s usually not a good idea to answer questions people didn’t ask. It makes you look defensive and weak.
If someone is severely offended (man or woman) this almost always falls back on the insecurity of the offended. That insecurity was there before they even knew you. Women in particular can get offended and emotional. Especially during their cycle. When a man starts sucking up to women over meaningless issues, apologizing for things that even the woman knows are stupid, his weakness is only going to offend the woman more. That’s not good for anybody.
Some women go overboard and completely manic with their display of emotions, but most don’t. Women of the former fold only tend to get crazy on people they’re familiar with, because they have an idea of how they’ll react. A man can avoid emotional turmoil from these women by learning how to identify them, maintaining boundaries and laying down the law at appropriate times.
He has to forcefully maintain those boundaries at all times and not show weakness or vulnerability around them. Being on guard all the time might sound difficult, but it’s easy to keep them in your social circle, being placid around them when they’re within range. When you know women like this play games, you can keep yourself on the outside those games by watching how you react to their theatrics. They will be able to detect that you’re not buying into their antics, and act accordingly. They can’t exploit people who wont invest in them emotionally.
Every man has weaknesses and vulnerabilities, but a man with a warrior mindset is always tactically assessing what those vulnerabilities are and strategically fortifying them. Women have “power”, but only via men, or some platform a group of men have given them. Prideful woman who flaunt ‘power’ are not flaunting power in a masculine way; they flaunt their beauty, their social status, and capacity for guile. A woman’s emotional fierceness is usually a façade she puts up that has no foundation, if a man doesn’t validate it with attention. If a man can read between the lines, he can render all her tactics futile.
Resistance is key here, but I’m writing this as preventative medicine for not letting shallow women into your life. In more important relationships, listening, conversation, compromise and compassion might be a more appropriate answer.
The next time you catch a woman exaggerating her emotional state, or telling a fib, do not react at all the way you normally would if they were being honest. Again, being placid is usually a indicator that you’re more in control than she is. When you don’t give her the reaction she wants, you will be able to perceive her changing her behavior in an attempt to pull entirely different heartstrings from you, or the crowd, or whatever. She’ll make up new stuff, new feelings, new stories, contradict herself, etc…
If she does this, its because she wasn’t submitting a genuine display of emotions. She is projecting a charade crafted for the purpose of getting something that she wants. She can invoke emotions out of men by appearing to exhibit an emotional state (tears are most common here), and men in particular might react a certain way because she is a woman but she is not actually having those emotions.
If men don’t understand this type of behavior it’s going to spell out bad news. Lets be honest, everyone knows women behave like this and they do it way more often than men do. However, men with deficient character usually have a deep desire to feel needed, or to feel like heroes. They become desperate for validation (or as my generation says; “thirsty”). When a thirsty dude attaches to a woman who is ridiculously selfish, they will create a dishonest bond where the latter steals from the former.
The man being stolen from may feel like he is giving something up for a greater good but in reality they are contributing to a woman’s web of lies and gaining a false sense of validation. The thief is left with a deficient moral character (gaining something for nothing) and the victim is tied on a string (he’ll find out she was full of it eventually, and if he doesn’t let his false hopes get to him, he can ditch her).
While women may catch flack for their behavior, the reality is that this is a symbiotic relationship. Women have their agency, but men who participate in their false charades are enabling their behavior. They generally tend to be empowering the type of women they don’t like, don’t need, and who don’t want them, either. They are too blinded by some superficial characteristic to realize it. There’s no use feeling sorry for them, and the best way to prevent this in either sex is good parenting. The alternative is getting red-pilled the hard way.