As an MRA, MGTOW and feminist booster, I read with dismay that, even as feminists are ejecting white women from their midst, actress and Hillary shill Lena Dunham has expressed regret that, unlike her mother and friends, feminist Lena herself has never had the pleasure of abortion.
Even as one might wish that Lena’s mother had been more consistent in procuring abortions for herself, as a feminist booster I feel compelled to do everything I can to aid Lena in achieving the nirvana of baby killing.
Lena, since you are coming from a feminist framework, I will try to relate the requirements and processes of obtaining an abortion in terms you are familiar with.
First off, Lena, even though, to feminists, gender is an arbitrary “social construct” – “human systems of social interaction organised around shared ideas“ – it turns out that this is not really true when it comes to abortions. The choice to end parenthood via abortion is an unchecked privilege given to women only, and denied to men. When it comes to abortion, being born a girl and growing up to be a person with a vagina and uterus is not optional. No womb, no abortion. For the sake of brevity, from this point forward I will refer to these womb-havers as being “women” or “a woman”.
The next step in having an abortion is that you have to be a “fertile” woman. Trigger warning: fertility is age-ist. Only women of a certain age – between menarche and menopause – are eligible for abortions. As a spinster of age 30 your chances of having an abortion are sharply declining each day, and you have already wasted most of your fertile years, but not all hope is gone if you move quickly and follow the advice in this article closely. Think of it like a magical quest to take your cervical ring to Mount Doom. More on mounting later.
As your next step, you are going to have to find your fertile days. These are some of those days when you are not free-bleeding or raping yourself with tampons. Using a fertility test is one way to gauge your potential for abortion readiness.
Fertility can also be impaired by too much, or too little body fat. You may need to take on some fat-shaming to get that pre-abortion transvaginal ultrasound going. In fact, a lot of fat-shaming might be the best plan for you.
Once you have reached your most fertile time, you will need to take steps to inseminate yourself. This is sort of like the feminist “spirit cooking” popular among your Democrat friends except in this case you will need to put the semen into your vagina instead. Remember when you stuffed rocks into your toddler sister’s vagina? Same thing, but again, with semen, not rocks, and to you, not her. Although you might get lucky on the first try, you may need to inseminate yourself for months or even years to qualify for an abortion.
Now, securing a regular supply of semen can be daunting for a rape-averse feminist, especially one with your unfortunate tattoos and your habit of dressing like a dude. Men, you see, must be sexually aroused to produce semen for you, and your efforts to desexualize yourself will not serve you well in your sacred abortion quest. If you are to storm the gates of Mount Doom, your best bet might be to hang around the discharge gates of a men’s prison on release day.
Trolling through truck stop trash cans for used rubbers might also work out for you.
When and if you miss your monthly free-bleeding, there is a chance you have become abortion-qualified! You may wish to take something called a “pregnancy test” to confirm this. Avoid the temptation to buy a positive test online – these are for girls trolling for cash and marriage, and as a feminist seeking abortion you want nothing to do with that unless you can pinpoint a wealthy baby-daddy and in your case, let’s face it, this is problematic.
Once you are “pregnant” (abortion-ready) you need to make an appointment at a relaxing abortion spa sort of like the retreat you took in the horrible aftermath of the Trump election. You are going to want to invite the media to the event to show how joyous you are that at last you are a fully qualified white feminist, even though by the time this happens there will be no white feminists left as the intersectionalists purge them from feminist ranks like so many forgotten men on the battlefield.
In conclusion, dear Lena, the hardest part about getting a feminist abortion is all the hard work you have to put in to get one – hard work that men should be doing instead. In your case, it might be easier just to make up a story about some imagination Canadian back-alley abortion with shady, impossible to verify characters.
You know, like a feminist campus rape hoax. You are supposed to be an actress, Lena. Prove it.
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- Further boosting feminists’ presidential hopes - November 29, 2016
- Helping feminists win the Presidency - November 15, 2016