Note: I know, men are victims, too. No need to remind me. This one is for the ladies. PE
Upon occasion, like right now, my body and mind are invaded by the Holy Spirit. Now, I am not referring to that in an evangelical sense, but it is the kind of moment that makes me want to preach some truth.
Today’s truth is directed at women who have experienced violence in intimate relationships. Too many words? OK, it is directed at victims.
If that is you please buckle in. Also, let this be a trigger warning to Ostrich Rights Activists (OSTs with a tip of the fedora to Robert St. Estephe). OSTs, for those just learning the term, are men’s “activists” that live in terror of saying or doing the wrong thing to the point that they don’t do much of anything. I would say that they are victims of paralysis through analysis, but I really can’t give them that much credit. The only things they are analyzing is their need to keep dirt off their hands and maintain mommy’s approval. They tend to seek what they imagine is a “respectable” place among good decent white folk who can talk about men’s issues and sneer at AVFM at the same time (when they are not asking us for stuff).
I should probably do another article on that rather than subject you to this digression but like I said the spirt is in control, not me.
So let’s get down to business ladies. And let me state from the start, if you want the numbers behind what I am about to say, just go watch Hannah Wallen’s latest video. She has it all there.
This writing will be guided by those numbers but is not aimed to bore you to death with them. The spirit is now directing me to just talk to you honestly, just like we were sitting here in my living room with Warren Haines playing some soft blues on the music box and the tantalizing promise of truth hanging in the air.
I will be addressing all the things that can put you on the business end of a right hook in a relationship, and exactly what you can do to put a stop to it. I admit in advance that what I have to say is what any self-respecting perpetual victim would call victim-blaming. The part that is hard to get around is that it is all true, which is decidedly inconvenient for the terminally victimized. They coined the term victim-blaming because accepting responsibility might solve their problems and then people would not need to pat them on the head and while they are putting a roof over it.
Holy Spirit says no-way-today-Jose to that one. Today we roll forward full speed with eyes wide open. Slackers will be left behind.
OK, here we go, starting with the least common type of victim. And we will start this one with solutions.
The answer for the smallest group of victims is to move. Run away. Find a shelter that takes women in spite of the patriarchy. It’s not that hard. Move in with a friend. Take sword fighting or Kung Fu lessons. Better yet, Buy a Taser or, at the high end of solutions a Glock and learn how to use it. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself and your kids if you have them.
Whatever you do, leave.
You women in this particular group, the smallest group of DV victims are the ones who got hooked up with real McCoy abusers. This small but persistently stupid portion of the male population is very real. Often they are too dumb to understand anything less than very simple equations like “No Means 9 millimeter.”
After you manage to get rid of your current Chris Brown (I know, that is totally unfair to Mr. Brown but he is an idiot and that was the only alliteration I could think of), then you need to spend some time sorting out why you are sexually excited by dangerous men. It is not that you will be able to change it, but understanding where it comes from and where it takes you might help you make something other than really stupid decisions where it concerns men.
And let’s face it, your man-picker is as functional as Obamacare. It puts you in a tough spot because as sure as you are hot for some guy — you can predict the jailhouse tats under his shirt sleeves, which are shorter than his rap sheet.
The guys who will treat you nice don’t do a thing for you. Likely as not they would drive you right back into Mr. Smashmouth’s arms for an ass-kicking just to relieve the boredom.
You may have to face the fact that you need to be alone till your looks start slipping and you are willing to settle for stable over steamy. If you mature enough before you get yourself killed, you might do it.
This brings us to our next group of victims, this time of a more ersatz variety. After we acknowledge the real, plausible victims of unidirectional, unprovoked abuse we have to talk to you ladies who wind up with a smacking after months or years of psychologically abusing and undermining a man who does not have the good sense to kick you to the curb. Too many words? OK, to you insufferable bitches.
That’s right. Insufferable bitches on wheels. This is where we find the personality disorders, the emotional reasoners, the pyromaniacs that look at relationships and see piles of dry wood and matches. These are the kinds of women who are totally immune to reason, accountability and who would rather make their love life circle the drain than to try to solve a problem rationally.
They displace all their life’s frustrations and failures, which are many, onto whoever is unfortunate enough to be yoked to them. They care about one thing and one thing only, control. And they will use shame, humiliation, family, the cops and anyone or anything else they can to acquire it.
They are so arrogant and abusive that they will frequently end up nursing a shiner because they have literally pushed someone over the edge into acting in ways he normally would not dream of.
These are the primary purveyors of the “never, ever, ever hit a woman” narrative, mainly because she knows full well that the beating she got was, if not deserved, inevitable. Then she takes the “abuse” she just suffered and parlays that into a reason to gain more control and power.
This is your more typical shelter refugee on the state dime.
Her solutions? There are none. Her best hope, if being abused is not actually something she wants, is to grow old ungracefully so that she attracts and ruins fewer men into the future.
Does she deserve an ass kicking? No. The man’s best choice with particularly huffy brand of a bull in the romantic china shop is to just leave. Unfortunately he suffers the same deficit of common sense as does our woman in group one; the ones who tell doctors, “He’ll change,” as he stitches up the side of her face from the last beating .
Is our insufferable bitch to get an ass-kicking? Oh hell yes. In all likelihood many of them. The only benefit any of those ass-kickings will serve is to give her stories to tell about the bastards who abused her when she is with her girlfriends or on a first date with the next man she is going to drive to violence.
So, ladies, if the bitch I am writing about is the bitch you see in the mirror, stock up on high-dollar foundation, Ray-Bans and carry on. This is your life.
That brings us to the last rung up on the victim ladder – the largest group of lady-victims. That would be you women who can’t keep your filthy hands to yourselves and who act out physically in relationships. Too many words? OK, to you abusers.
Yep, the next group of women who end up crying their way into social services and shelters are women who initiate violence with men who sometimes decide to hit back. That is the number one way, statistically speaking, that women end up getting smacked down. When that happens, what’s a girl to do, right? Call the police, see him carted off to jail for defending himself, then set about proving to the world that she has been traumatized by her uppity punching bag.
She also belongs to the never, ever, ever hit a woman club, even when the woman is beating the crap out of some poor slob. She is not likely to improve with therapy, support or facial reconstruction.
That puts all you need to know, ladies, in a very simple nutshell. You don’t want to deal with a violence partner? Fine, don’t sleep with abusers and don’t be an abuser. It is just that simple even if it is not that easy.
Before the accusatory mantra of victim-blaming begins, let me say I know. I get it. Society is on a binge of anti-victim blaming so intense it is as though it was a side-effect of long-term methamphetamine abuse. It is a trend so powerful that ideologues wet their panties (and not in a good way) at the mere mention of any solutions that don’t involve putting all the onus on men.
Thing is, all that is bullshit. If you want to solve problems you have to take stock in your role in them. Shallow sloganeering is a dangerous road to take when your safety is on the line. And in abusive relationships your safety is always on the line.
I also know that you can find literally hundreds of sources that will address this topic, almost all of them useless because they rely on the pathologically distorted feminist worldview; the most common model out there. This will likely produce more conflict than it solves.
If you want a better life with men, you are much better off working on yourself than them.
After all, it’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Get some real awareness.