Women’s Sexual Peak Rests Atop a Pile of Lies

(Authors note: For those interested, Chuck Ross did an excellent piece of writing on this, in The Sexual Peak Myth, He approaches the subject with a good bit more scientific diligence than I am willing to do here.  I have already accepted that the subject is mythical and am much more interested in posing some questions about why this is the case.)

Some years ago I was at a night club with a group of men and women. Naturally the conversation turned to sex. One woman, in her late forties, said, in a good natured way, “It’s a shame that by the time men really learn what they are doing in bed, their equipment doesn’t work like it used to.”

“I understand how you feel,” I said, in an equally jovial tone, “By the time women start learning what they are doing in bed their looks start fading.”

Needless to say, my response, while as truthful as hers, more or less took her out of the conversation. It was not my intent at all, but you could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt like every line on her face was magnified a thousand times, reading like a giant “use by” date from the last millennium. Fortunately for me, I didn’t have all manner of ego and identity tied up in my penis, or I might have felt the same way.

There was a silver lining, though. It did spark a rather lively round of verbal sparring with the rest of the people at the table. And I am sure that it was a discussion that has been echoed millions of times at millions of night club gatherings.

Why is it that men and women hit their sexual peaks at such radically different ages?

And the answer is, of course, that they don’t. It is just another one of the myriad of lies we enable women to live for the sake of not disturbing their self image- and perhaps for the sake of getting in their pants in leaner times.

Where else but the current gender Zeitgeist can a woman with crows feet, sagging breasts, reduced sexual hormones, a vagina that does not lubricate as it once did, more difficulty conceiving and less ability to attract sexual partners of their preference, stand up and say “I am in my sexual prime,” and have everyone in their presence nod their head in agreement?

Only in a world where we tell women whatever they want to hear, no matter how ridiculous.

And it admittedly fits with part of women’s experience to maintain the lie. An observation I have, one that I cannot back up with any research, is that as women’s biological clocks tick down toward the final moments, there is a tendency, in the words of Dylan Thomas, to rage against the dying of the light.

It’s not sexual primacy, it’s desperate horniness. Their fantasy of being in their sexual prime when they are well past it is only the labored breathing of someone in their last moments, struggling to suck air just a little while longer.

I am not knocking it. When I was 21 I had a 45 year old woman show me what fer, good and proper, for three weeks in a cabin in Oklahoma. It was an educational rite of passage and a very fond memory in my life. Wouldn’t trade it for the world.

But, let’s face it, the only one in that cabin in their sexual prime was me. I was a youngster with a gold mine of a horny older woman desperate for sexual relevance. And when the experience was over, I walked away smiling, and a little better equipped to take care of business with women who were, well, who actually were in their sexual prime.

And she had at least one more round of clinging to her sexual power; to her relevance in the world.

The point is that without sexual viability, the power of most women in this culture is reduced to whatever is afforded by rote chivalry. And while that chivalry affords them a great deal of latitude, it doesn’t provide them with the meaningful significance of a younger woman who still turns heads- and can have babies.

Being in your sexual prime is about being ready to make babies, not about how willing you are to be ridden hard and put up wet.

In the pure biological sense, infertile women, even those that just appear to be, are just so much excess baggage. And since women as a group either cannot or will not draw their self worth from anything but sexual power (NAWALT stipulated), we will forever have them demanding to live lies. And in modern times, they even have the option of paying surgeons to cut, suction and inject that lie until it looks damned near the truth.

Business is booming.

There is a solution to this, though it is doubtful we will ever get there.

Women, feminists in particular, have long lamented the male beauty standard. They claim it drives women to extremes like surgery and eating disorders, and results in damaged self esteem, all because men want women to look a certain way.

But of course, once you peel back the layers of victimized drivel and get to the core of the matter, you find that women drive themselves to do these things, biology leading them by the nose, because that is their quickest route to personal power, and because they don’t rise above it and find relevance in other ways.

Like the ways men do.

When women collectively quit worrying about sexual primacy and start focusing on their own innate human potential, when they learn to value their own accomplishments more than they value what they can sexually manipulate out of men, the plastic surgeons will be out of business and their bad self esteem, rather than their personal significance, will be facing expiration.

What’s that you say, women already are like that? They already do more on their own than they try to get men to do for them through sex and other forms of manipulation?

Well, I would like to address that here, too. But I only take on one lie at a time.

About Paul Elam

Paul Elam is the founder and publisher of A Voice for Men, WhiteRibbon.org and the founder of A Voice for Men Radio, the AVfM YouTube Channel, and appears weekly on AVFM Intelligence Report, Going Mental with Dr. Tara Palmatier and weekly on MANstream Media with Warren Farrell and Tom Golden.

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  • Darrin

    Ouch! The truth hurts… but only if you were living the lie.

  • http://denisspaceeh.spaces.live.com/ Denis

    Ophelia wrote: “Scientifically speaking. Women hit their peak around 24, while men do so around 17.”

    I couldn’t find any scientific justification for your statement, could you be more specific?

    Ophelia wrote: “I would quote more specifics had I the time and energy. I am, however, not going to write a research paper for you. You can do more research on your own”

    You spent plenty of time arguing about other things, but can’t be bothered to quote a scientific journal for your “scientific” statements which are directly related to the subject of this article.

    Not professional or believable.

  • Pingback: The "Women's Sexual Peak" myth discussed()

  • Promoman

    Please… Please…. Please…. make a YouTube video for this. It’s always a treat to check out your material but this one is the undisputed champ. You need to make this one your first video whenever you get back over there.

  • Not to be named

    Just out of curiosity, are there any women out there who are men’s rights activists? Surely there’s no way that all women buy into feminist garbage and get offended when people speak facts.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    Promoman,

    Will do.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Not to be named,

    While I don’t think all of them would like the MRA label, there are alot of women out there that support men against feminism very actively. Kathleen Parker, Katherine Young, Christina Hoff Sommers, Phyllis Schiafly, Barbara Kay, etc.

  • http://logic11.wordpress.com Traverse Davies

    There are some women who focus on their accomplishments, not their sexual primacy. Very, very few of them, and other women tend to hate and reject them. I personally have met one (she suffered from severe aspergers syndrome) and have read the work (and online comments) of a few others. They stand out, they don’t watch sex and the city or anything like it, they don’t wear makeup and they don’t dress to impress. The one I knew was actually very attractive, but without any knowledge of it at all and with no effort put in. She wore clothes that looked like they belonged on an alien in Star Trek, she kept her hair cropped short and as far as I can tell was the only woman in existence who viewed shoes as protectors for feet and nothing else. She also was doing AI programming at a level that I could barely follow, and I had more of an AI background than anyone else at our mutual workplace (of around 500 programmers). I was the only person who really talked to her because no-one else could even understand her conversations. Like I said, these women tend to stand out. If you have ever met one, you will know it right away.

  • http://strike-the-root.com/user/188 B.R. Merrick

    drex, you may not appreciate this, but your unabashed, boisterous, um… “hard-hitting” post was quite the turn-on. Gotta love men!

    :)

  • Panu Horsmalahti

    It seems the main point this article makes is that the definition of sexual prime is not the demand of a person, but their value in the “sex market”. So while a women might want most sex in their forties (backed up by several results), their value in the market peaks when they’re in their 20s or so.

    Then, confusingly you make an alternative definition: “Being in your sexual prime is about being ready to make babies, not about how willing you are to be ridden hard and put up wet.”
    This third definition makes the sexual prime for women around 13 and 14.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Panu

  • It seems the main point this article makes is that the definition of sexual prime is not the demand of a person, but their value in the “sex market”.
  • The point is neither one. The point is that sexual prime, assuming we still remember that the biological purpose of sex is to make children, is the time when a woman is most viable in a reproductive sense. It is just the design of nature to make her the most attractive during those years.

    So there is no confusion if you get the premise correct to begin with.

  • An Non

    Slightly off-topic, old joke:

    Monica Lewinsky: “There are battered husbands? I didn’t know that. I’ve been eating them plain.”

    Alright. I’m going back to work…. gotta keep my day job.

  • XCT

    Panu,

    A woman in her 40’s can not keep up with a woman who is about 25.

  • brian

    a LOT of truth in this… some is BS. but still a good read. the whole “sexual prime” with women is about them i think is coming to an acceptance of who they are and their bodies. it’s a psychological prime. that’s all. and i think it gets misused as a physical prime. women have alot more going on in their bodies to get used to than men do.

    “because they don’t rise above it and find relevance in other ways.

    Like the ways men do.”

    i have to ask. what ways do men do? we aren’t much better off when we get in our 40s and beyond.. midlife crisis anyone? still trying to show off how fit and Verile we are? rogaine, viagra, buying a sports car, having an affair with a younger woman, etc.

  • http://www.CanadaCourtWatch.com Attila L. Vinczer

    Great piece Paul!

    I wonder if the current trend of women divorcing men, taking their money and power and placing men in enacted bondage may be their response to keep men from engaging younger women and running off with the money men have earned?

    It seems that women are all about deception much like a magic show. Then you realize the lie and deny the truth just like them! There are exceptions though you know.

    If you want to learn the secrets of how to pleasure a woman ask a woman. My experience has been that not all older women have more skill or knowledge about sex. It seems that lesbians have a whole lot of knowledge about pleasing a woman! I also find it far easier to get deeply aroused by a younger woman than one that is aged and beyond her expiration date. So my body naturally steers me in the right direction and naturally does what feels right and good. So give me an attractive young woman and there is no need for a blue pill!

    In my view women have a far shorter sexual prime/peak time than men. I believe women know this and despise men for this pile of truth unlike the pile of lies they want us to hang our coats on.

    Respectfully,
    Attila L. Vinczer

  • uratrick2

    I am a mature man but this article is so true. There are some nice looking women out there in their late 30s and even up into their late 40s. But these qualify as what I refer to as “ gandmaws’’ and for the most part I don’t go for them. I am an old dude and with patience and just not giving a shit about how they feel I still am able to date women half my age. The one thing I have learned marriage is out of the question here in the Anglo sphere.

  • Peter

    @traverse davies I too have Asperger’s Syndrome am HIGHLY INTELLIGENT Thank god there is Women out there for men Like me I can’t stand those ditsy women the wallet-divers, Hoodwinkers and the like did you ever Y’know (with her as you’d be a fool not to!!) we AS people don’t show off as much as other people and we are METICULOUS about our cleanliness I bet her house would be “AIRTIGHT” did she let you touch her her skin is like silk isn’t it? you had the urge didn’t you (we don’t like being touched as our skin is oversensitive)

  • Peggy Spencer

    Nice job, Paul. I agree with you that women (and men too) try to deceive ourselves about our sexual prime. Younger people who can make babies are the most sexually attractive. It’s a biological thing. That’s not to say that us older folks can’t enjoy sex, but the prime happened some time ago.

    You know, we women put a lot of pressure on each other to look a certain way. We might say it’s for the men, but much of the time the men don’t even notice. It’s probably, at some level, competition for male attention, but I think it’s also us giving in to the whole impossible Madison Avenue thing.

    The less we can focus on our sexual selves, the more we can succeed in other areas of our lives. And, lets’ face it, 50 is NOT the new 30 when it comes to bods!

  • Alek

    A commenter above made a good distinction you didn’t touch on Paul. Its probably a psychological prime, that they mistake for a physical sexual prime.

    By the time they’re 40, women are the most ready to have sex, without guilt, without issues and most ready to go for it and GRAB IT. They’ve overcome most of the hangups and issues they had most of their lives… etc.. etc…

    Honestly, maybe I’m spoiled coz of the super-hot young-ones that pursue me, but I find the horny desperate 40 year olds disgusting. Was just walking down the street earlier… And saw a bunch of 40-50 year old dressed like street walkers… I almost felt offended by the sight honestly… I was like “aaaaaaaaawwwwwww, don’t wanna see that, please don’t rub your desperation in my face like that”.

    • Louise

      My experience is that women who accept themselves are found attractive at any age. I’m not too impressed with older women dressing like they’re still in their 20’s, just like I’m not impressed with older men driving a fancy sports car and using the same tired lines that worked when they were 25 and had both muscles and hair. I think that every person, at every age, wants to feel attractive and desireable. No one can fault someone else for that.

      I’m almost tempted to say that people, in times of high stress and loss of self, revert back to a time when they felt most confident and comfortable. For many, that was in their 20’s, when they peaked (and they’ve been talking about “the good ol’ days” ever since then). Not everyone “peaks” at 20. Not every girl starts menstruating at 12. Not every boy gets a beard at 15. People mature at different rates physically.

      In my family, the women tend to start menopause at 50. That’s a little on the late side, so a woman who’s 30 is still very much in the game. In my family, a woman at 40 is still 10 years from even beginning menopause and still quite fertile…just ask my mother, who had a child at 45 without any fertility treatments (or even really trying to get pregnant).

      There are things that will always be attractive in a woman. For instance, class is attractive in a woman. Elegance is another thing that’s always attractive. These things are ageless. From the posts here, it doesn’t sound like many of the men have had much contact with ladies that exhibit these traits, which is a shame. However, that doesn’t mean that women like that don’t exist. It just means that they’re not as easy to find. They are out there, though. They just don’t tend to sit around waiting for someone to come save them from their lives. I hope you weren’t hoping for easy prey. :-)

  • Alek

    @Ophelia…

    “”It is a problem with our capitalist society, selling unattainable dreams so that women will spend money on cosmetics and so that men feel as though they need to have excessive money or other assets in order to bait these non-existent women.””

    OH LOOK… A marxist :)

    Sorry to burst your bubble ophie, but capitalism didn’t create hypergamy. Nice fairytale version of reality you want to build yourself. Capitalism doesn’t create anything, it simply ACCENTUATES human drives BY virtue of freedom.

    It creates a free market and in it, the deepest instincts of humans are accentuated because it is a FREE market. When people are FREE, they do what they WANT to do. Deep inside, women want a high status man. And men, deep inside, want to be a high-status man, that has a harem of hot babes. Deal with it.

    Capitalism doesn’t “make” people fat for example, it simply gives them the FREEDOM to stuff themselves fat… because deep inside we have those mechanisms. We can overcome them through growing character, or having a nanny state that prevents us from making mistakes. I prefer freedom.

  • Annie

    This sounds like a very defensive article, written by some-one who gave in to the power of their hormones in their youth.

    A females “sexual prime” according to the definition of having children, would be as soon as a female is fully “formed”. Ie as soon as she can have children. This, is around 14 yrs of age(on average). A female in her 20’s, has moved beyond her “sexual” or at least ‘breeding” prime.

    There is also the belief, that the MAIN purpose of sex, is in fact breeding. I think this is completely erroneous, and does not fit with our behaviour, nor with our biology. Most primates, use sex for purposes other than breeding(look up bonobo’s). Sex, is primarily a bonding activity, that results in children. This is why oxytocin is released in both the male and female brain, and bonds us together. It also releases massive doses of testosterone in males, making them less aggressive, contributing to social cohesiveness and male protective instincts. If it was JUST for making babies we would go on heat, and the desire for sex, would stop until a female wanted another baby. It doesn’t. Nor would males who have sex with a female in the long term, develop an attatchment to her, as a result of sex.(Long term oxytocin attachment, takes much longer in males).

    Pay attention to how humans and primates actually behave, instead of what society or people want to believe.

    Having said all that, a females testosterone levels go up as she gets older. That’s why she feels she is in her sexual prime. She wants it more, she wants it rougher, harder..in fact, her desire FOR sex and the TYPE of sex she wants, becomes more masculinized. I am a woman in her 30’s, this is spot on. Males lose their testosterone and become slightly more feminized. This is why older females in part, like younger males. More stamina, and young sperm works a lot better with older eggs(just like young eggs, work better when you have older sperm).

    And lastely ,A young female, who has small children, will often lose her desire for sex, regardless of wether or not she is stil highly fertile as her primary responsibility is toward the child, NOT toward creating another one.

    All of this makes the above article sound more than a little ignorant, and is verging on sour grapes.

    Sigh…are there any websites out there that are truly trying to discuss the issues between males and females, rationally? Or are they all just hysterical feminist/anti-feminist websites. I’d love to find one as I think these problems are real, men are being castrated and hysterical women aren’t willing to truly embrace equality. Now men, are starting to get hysterical and ridiculous in their anger. Very frustrating.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    ROTFLMAO!!! You drop in, claim I am defensive, ignorant, indulging in sour grapes, hysterical, ridiculous, make personalized assumptions about my youth, and then say you are frustrated because you can’t find a rational discussion.

    I’d say there may be something amiss in your approach, but it’s just a thought.

    Oh, and also, go fuck yourself.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Alek

    I think I did touch on it. Rather it was pretty much the point. I can buy a woman of forty saying she is at the horniest point of her life, but I think tagging that as “sexual prime,” is a pretty glaring misnomer, designed more to imply she is at her sexual best, which she is not. Even for sex without the intent of children, the average woman won’t lubricate like she did at 22, and of course, there will be a good many men with better options, like you, who won’t give them a second look.

    They are just horny older women, well past their prime.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Peggy

    I never deceived myself about my sexual prime. One little blue pill and POW, I am a sexual God.

    :)

  • Annie

    Yes Paul, sorry but you sound very defensive. You may not be, but you certainly come across that way. Now, even more so.

    Your views aren’t backed up with anything that we currently know about biology or human sexuality, indicating ignorance.

    I’ve offered a different point of view, which you haven’t rationally argued or responded to and you’ve offered virtrol as the only response.

    How can anyone possibly hope to address gender imbalance for males, when you can’t even discuss it without responding in anger? This is no different than the feminists, sorry to say. I’m tired of both sides doing it, and if that is all that will occur here, don’t worry I won’t stick around.

  • Annie

    Okay, well I’ve re-read my post, and I could have put more time into the wording. I wasn’t actually trying to bait you Paul, so I apologize.

    I have a very good male friend, who is a male activist and I’ve begun to realize that things are getting pretty bad. I really don’t want men to go through the same shit women went through(even if it wasn’t nearly as bad as we say it was).

    I have been plowing through the plethora of male/female websites out there, and there is a very common thread. There are a lot of FU posts, given by both males and females whenever one gender “loses” their power. It makes both sound very defensive, and secretly thrilled that they’ve “one-uped” the other gender and sounds like sour grapes over the past. We are going to end up truly hating each other, if we keep doing this, and a world without love, is a dangerous one imo.

    The reason for the “sexual prime” comments you hear, have nothing to do with a loss of power. As I explained, it is most likely physiological.

    So yes, perhaps I shouldn’t share my frustrations, as this is a site for men to air thier’s, but this power struggle happens everywhere you go. It makes both of us sound as though we are more interested in putting each other down, than fixing the problem, and it worries me. There’s no-where left to go.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Annie

  • Your views aren’t backed up with anything that we currently know about biology or human sexuality, indicating ignorance.
  • Now, read carefully, from the very top of the article.

    (Authors note: For those interested, Chuck Ross did an excellent piece of writing on this, in The Sexual Peak Myth, He approaches the subject with a good bit more scientific diligence than I am willing to do here. I have already accepted that the subject is mythical and am much more interested in posing some questions about why this is the case.)

    Now, once again for effect.

    (Authors note: For those interested, Chuck Ross did an excellent piece of writing on this, in The Sexual Peak Myth, He approaches the subject with a good bit more scientific diligence than I am willing to do here. I have already accepted that the subject is mythical and am much more interested in posing some questions about why this is the case.)

    Are we making any headway here?