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  • Annie

    Lol, you can accept the subject as mythical, and are much more interested in the reasons why this myth exists, but I accept it is not mythical and so called breeding theories are erroneous. So the reason this theory exists, is because it’s true.

    Or was the headway you are looking for, more along the lines of scientific diligence?

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Annie

    Trying to debate this is like debating AGW. It really goes in circles depending on what research, and what criteria, you want to accept.

    My point in this is that the average 40 year old woman who claims to be in her sexual prime is simply saying, “I am hornier than I have ever been in my life,” and I while I think science bears out that she is, if fact, near 20 years past that prime, we can only go in circles debating it.

    And just from the observational standpoint, that statement, as I have always heard it expressed, is one of desperation against fading sexual relevance.

    Of vanity, if you will.

  • alek

    “”My point in this is that the average 40 year old woman who claims to be in her sexual prime is simply saying, “I am hornier than I have ever been in my life,”””

    Yep. I think everyone will agree to this (or most). So the problem is in how you define “sexual prime”. If you define sexual prime as horniness, then 40 year old women are in their sexual prime.

    I had to admit I made the same mistake when I read your article. I completely missed the point first time until you replied to my comment with a clarification, that its about PRIME, not horniness. I actually originally read the article, with the filter of “prime=horniness”.

    At first, I thought you were wrong, because I thought… “prime” means “peak”… So… I thought, well if they have the most sex when they are 40… then, maybe paul is wrong and they are indeed right? Their sexual prime is at 40? Maybe Paul is wrong and he’s mixing up breeding with sex (sex for pleasure)…

    BUT THEN

    Then I went to the dictionary, and here’s what it says…

    1.of the first importance; demanding the fullest consideration: a prime requisite.
    2.of the greatest relevance or significance: a prime example.
    3.of the highest eminence or rank: the prime authority on Chaucer.
    4.of the greatest commercial value: prime building lots

    So prime, actually means “of highest value” or “highest preference”. And women of 40 simply are not of prime sexual value. The women I most want to bang are between 19 and 25. This is true for most men. They have the highest sexual value… DESPITE breeding purposes. I.e. for pleasure…

    – Women at 14 are at their BREEDING/reproductive prime
    – Women at 19-25 are at their SEXUAL prime
    – Women at 40 are at their SEXUAL PEAK (not prime)

    Dictionary definitions for prime (5. the maximum point, degree, or volume of anything: Oil prices reached their peak last year.
    6.a time of the day or year when traffic, use, demand, etc., is greatest and charges, fares, or the like are at the maximum: Early evening is the peak on commuter railroads. )

  • alek

    Sorry, last paragraph has an error, should say:

    #

    Dictionary definitions for PEAK** (5. the maximum point, degree, or volume of anything: Oil prices reached their peak last year.
    6.a time of the day or year when traffic, use, demand, etc., is greatest and charges, fares, or the like are at the maximum: Early evening is the peak on commuter railroads. )

  • alek

    peak:
    8. a. the maximum value of a quantity during a specified time interval: a voltage peak.
    b.the maximum power consumed or produced by a unit or group of units in a stated period of time.
    17.being at the point of maximum frequency, intensity, use, etc.;
    18. constituting the highest or maximum level, volume, etc

  • Annie

    @Paul.

    Women of my age, want a thick hard cock. It doesn’t matter what theories men put out. Nor what men say.

    The sexual prime of a woman is true. MY god is.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    @ Annie

    OK, so you are a horny old broad. If you want to believe that puts you at sexual prime in the eyes of men looking for prime sexual material, be my guest.

    My money is on someone half your age getting much more attention, and by men who aren’t willing to settle for someone whose shelf life is near the spoiling point.

  • Alek

    “””Women of my age, want a thick hard cock. It doesn’t matter what theories men put out. Nor what men say. The sexual prime of a woman is true. MY god is.”””

    Read the dictionary definition above Annie. I made the same mistake. I assumed that “prime” means peak. It doesn’t. Wanting to have more sex doesn’t mean you’re at your prime, it means you’re at your peak. Two completely different things.

    1.of the first importance; demanding the fullest consideration: a prime requisite.
    2.of the greatest relevance or significance: a prime example.
    3.of the highest eminence or rank: the prime authority on Chaucer.
    4.of the greatest commercial value: prime building lots
    5.first-rate: This ale is prime!
    6.(of meat, esp. of beef) noting or pertaining to the first grade or best quality: prime ribs of beef.

    In other words annie, your prime is defined by how much OTHERS want to have sex with you. Not by how much sex YOU want to have with them.

    I assure you… There’s a lot more folks fantasizing about and desiring 20 year old women, then there are fantasizing about and desiring 40 year olds.

  • Peggy Spencer

    “There’s a lot more folks fantasizing about and desiring 20 year old women, then there are fantasizing about and desiring 40 year olds.”

    Alek – I believe you. There are also a lot more folks fantasizing about and desiring 20 year old men than there are fantasizing about and desiring 40 year old men. It goes both ways. Men’s sexual prime, if defined as their peak desirability and sexual attractiveness, is the same as women’s. Most women, if looking simply for sex, would rather have the young bodies in their bed.

    Beyond that, there is the fact that we all learn with experience, which makes a 30 year old more attractive than an 18 year old. But nobody really likes to see Grandpa in a speedo.

  • Alek

    Yep, that’s why an ideal version, is a 30-40 year old woman that looks like she’s 20, or a 40-50 year old guy who looks like he’s 20. I know some… I’m talking about physical fitness. I find female fitness models (who are like 30-40), extremely hot, because they have a certain sexual “confidence” and demeanor, while with the body of a 25 year old.

    I’m sure its can be the same for a man. There are guys who have the confidence and charisma and suave experienced character of a 40 year old (because they are), but the well kept, ripped body of a 20 year old model. In fact, most men’s health cover models are 40+. I’d think they’re an equivalent for women.

    She’d maybe rather have that guy, then an average 20 year old boy-man, just like I’d prefer the fitness model over an average 20 year old girl.

  • uratrick2

    @ Peggy Spencer
    I suppose I could fall into the Grand paw category ,and I am having the time of my life at a university in Texas. And I am broke going to school on the G.I. Bill. and having the time of my life with young women without children. And some of them with children (I find stretch mark somewhat repugnant)so single mothers will do on a pinch. I don’t wear a Speedo but I do wear boxers and am pleased that the younger ones still find their way clear to have Gramps over every so often. Just one man’s opinion here and that’s all. But a single 40 something single year old man always seems to do better than let’s say the 40 something year old cougar or old maid whichever you prefer.

  • uratrick2

    I love the thought that if I live to let’s say hmmmmm 71. My sperm will still make a 22 old woman pregnant we just remain fertile until we die. Albeit highly unlikely, I would hate the thought of the State Attorney General to haveing the power to garnish my social security income. Wear condoms men no matter your age. And with the licentious women in the Anglo- sphere Gwad knows who was digging around prior to you getting your turn on the merry go round.

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  • Mark

    I know many of these older “cougar” types and I can certainly say that they are in denial. They all – ALL – think that they are more attractive than the 22 year old woman that are closer to my age simply because they can fuck a younger guy. This is obviously BS. After trying to talk with a few of them about the fact that these younger men are all just sleeping with them because they ARE considered an easy, desperate screw they all keep saying that it is really because they look better than the younger girls. 50 is the new 30, blah blah etc.

    There is even a “Cougar” bar near where I live. I never saw so many sagging boobs, crow’s feet, bad fake tits, and liver spots in one place since I served the food at an AARP event a few years back.

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  • OutsideVoice

    Harsh. And way too dumbed down. Ugly men have less power than handsome men. Ugly women have less power then beautiful ones. Tis the way of the world for both genders. And besides, you must live in LA or something Paul because I hardly know a woman that would care more about being perceived by men as sexy than being able to provide for her family. You write about a very small percentage of women in the first world who have the luxury of caring about beauty instead of what to feed their children.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

    Speaking of dumbed down, where are you from, a farmhouse ouside Pocatello? The weakest measure of men’s power is in their looks. Money and other forms of power trumps all for men, leaving looks in the dirt every time. Or do you think Mick Jagger attracts all those women because he is hot?

    And as to the women you know? Even in Pocatello, they are the primary ones to tear their families up with a divorce, so they can keep a man’s assets while getting rid of the man. Got news for you, OV, numbers speak louder than anecdote. And the numbers about women across western culture don’t lie.

    Deal with it.

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  • http://www.libidomen.org/ Kathyrn Dagraca

    All women need to produce lots of testosterone and estrogen, these are both key sex hormones and are needed for both sex drive and sexual satisfaction. To boost libido, you normally have to improve blood flow to and into the sex organs and not only dies sluggish blood flow cause low libido, it can cause numerous other health problems too. In a woman’s life, numerous hormonal changes occur and such changes that take place in response to the Menopause, PMS and childbirth, can upset the bodies hormonal balance and when this occurs sex drive falls. Last but not least, the mind plays a key role in female sexuality and such negative inputs as stress, worry and anxiety, will leave a women unable to focus on sex.

  • http://saratoms@ymail.com sara toms

    hi there…

    i don’t agree with you at all. i believe there is an increased feeling of sexual prowress and general confidence, drive and assertion that a woman experiences when in her early 30’s. i am 33 years old, and have been observing my female friends going through similar changes. it may not be hormonally based…perhaps, just a part of evolution that gifts self-acceptance, but i don’t think its just a desperate attempt for a woman to hold on to the last strands of her youth, and justify being promiscuous while doing so! your article is just another attempt to shame women regarding the experience of their sexuality. your article was pretty bad. you blanket state “all women” together as though their motives are one in the same. it’s clear you do not know women at all. and if you’re a women writer, you do not know yourself, and you probably do not have close female friends with whom you have sisterly bonds. anyway, you should read the book: “women’s fidelity” and maybe you’ll learn something.

  • electriclady

    Hi Paul! I have a lot to chime in here, so please bear with me.

    “When women collectively quit worrying about sexual primacy and start focusing on their own innate human potential, when they learn to value their own accomplishments more than they value what they can sexually manipulate out of men, the plastic surgeons will be out of business and their bad self esteem, rather than their personal significance, will be facing expiration.”

    I completely agree with you, and I am so grateful to hear a man say this. From reading many of your posts – some of which I find slightly hateful, but that’s beside the point – I do respect your overall theme that women should take responsibility for themselves and the lives they want to lead and not demand the world delivered to them on the backs of hard-working men.

    However as a young – newly engaged! – woman, one who has always paid her way with her own employment, focus and attention to studies and tangible hobbies – I must say that there are many of us who go through life without the crutch of manipulating men. I can’t say that there aren’t men (as well as women) who have helped me along the way, but I certainly have never paid any sexual favors to get to where I’m at.

    Unfortunately, there are many young men out there who do truly seem to value a woman’s looks over everything. Perhaps it’s a reflection of the maturity level of my peers, but I am often seeing men I know chasing after women who are objectively attractive but morally vacant, manipulative, talentless and just plain mean. They tend to ignore whatever woman doesn’t fit their “Perfect 10” category. Perhaps the morals of my generation allow them to do this? I’m not sure.

    Regarding the sexual peak. From my own experience, my interest in sex, my libido and my pleasure levels have all increased markedly in my 29th year. I watch pornography, masturbate frequently AND engage in sex with my fiance on a regular basis (twice per day). Whether this makes me a nympho or not, I don’t know. But I have attributed this to a possible hormonal shift – because up until about about a year ago, I quite honestly didn’t care about sex that much. Now I cannot live without it. My high sex drive is really in part what lead me to seek out a long-term relationship with the wonderful man who I will be marrying. I also feel that my body is getting better with age. I know I’m not as old as the women you were describing in your column, but I do have to say that from my experience I believe there is a time in a woman’s life where she finds more interest in sex than when she’s younger.

    Thanks for reading my novel. :)

  • Genyooin

    Paul, thank you for a very good read. It’s an important topic you ‘discussed’ here.

    I think many women try to cling to their ‘years of power’, when due to being in sexual peak they could pick and choose suitable mates at will. By doing so they make themselves feel unhappy and unfulfilled, often taking it out on men. For women past their sexual peak losing that power can be very difficult. It makes me feel of a junkie, being forcibly put into a rehab, who just can’t let go of his/her drug.

    Sorry if my comment offends anyone but I really think it’s true. We’re all human beings, men and women alike, and as such we’re very much biological creatures with biological instincts to appease. The sooner a person accepts that the easier it is for him/her to live.
    Of course I’m not trying to imply that that’s just what we are – we do have finer feelings, more developed brains and ability to think creatively, etc.
    But, at the end of the day, as any other existing species we’re desperate to carry on doing just that – existing. And that means, that deep down inside we’re looking for a sexual mate in his/her prime. Where many of us have problems is accepting when that prime passes away. And, imo, true ‘sexual prime’ of women in their 20’s and increased libido of those in their the 40’s are 2 separate things, not be confused.

    I’m now past my sexual prime (I’m 33), fully accepting the fact and damn happy about it :)

    Paul, your articles are excellent and truthful and resonate with me a lot – thank you again.