lamp head beautiful naked woman

Time for a new Breast Test

I want to talk about women’s breasts. While it is undeniable that they evolved for a role in child nurturing, the majority of the western world assigns an additional, sexual significance to women’s breasts. Venturing into the debate, I declare that the empress is naked, and I suggest a simple solution to this conundrum.

Women’s breasts can be a confusing subject for heterosexual men. Sometimes, the feminist assertion is that they are sexual, such as when wagging a finger of disapproval in the direction of a girly poster or a strip club. In fact, even looking at them from across a room is often at odds with the rules of polite behavior. On other occasions, the feminist position is that breasts are not sexual and that it is offensive to consider them so. Examples include the right to breast feed in public or the right to be topless in all situations where a man could be topless.

In such cases, women’s breasts are merely mammary glands which women use to feed their young. Analyzing the situation, it becomes clear that breasts have two modes – we’ll call them mode A and mode B – and the only consistent rule is that men are usually on the wrong side of the rules.

Take the recent scandal involving the long lens paparazzi photos of Kate Middleton and her husband, Prince William. A lot was made of the fact that she is topless in the photos. And yet, where are the cries, from feminists, that toplessness does not constitute nudity? It seems that, by consensus, the breasts were in mode A that occasion. In Britain we have a strange tradition called Page 3 in which photos of topless women appear in some of the tabloid papers, and almost every feminist objection to Page 3 makes reference to the fact that the models are baring their breasts. It seems that the boobies are in mode A for that one too.

Furthermore, breasts would be in mode A if a feminist mother or teacher found that a boy had a picture of a bare chested woman on his locker, on his bedroom wall or set as the backdrop on his computer. Breasts switch to mode B when feminists are marching, topless, for the right to “top-free equality”. They’re in mode B again when feminists are making it sound like men are attempting to prevent them from ever leaving the house by not allowing them to breastfeed wherever they like.

Imagine if men could control the mode of breasts. Think of how much money one could make by setting up a bar in which all of the female staff would, in common with the male members of staff, wear shorts and nothing else. “Really?”, the proprietor, could exclaim. “To me, breasts are merely mammary glands that are used to feed young children. It had never occurred to me that anyone could view them as sexually arousing. Are you suggesting that this is why I am making a fortune?”

If you’re in game development, why not shove some topless female characters into your game? Massive, jiggling boobies all-round, I say. I mean, it wouldn’t be sexual, would it? “They are objects of beauty that symbolize feminine power and fertility”, you could point out while clutching a feminist textbook. You could on go on: “Only silly schoolboys think of them as being connected with sex in some way”.

Something tells me that the people who run Facebook would be completely happy to allow women to post pictures that show their bare breasts in profile photos, but the people who are arguing in favor of it would start to complain if they did. You see, they are sacred parts of the body that must never be gazed upon. Everyone knows that.

Although most people immediately think of sex when they hear the word fetish, it is originally an economic term. Commodity fetishism is the principle that elevates the value of a lump of gold above that of a tin opener. That’s what sexual fetishes are: when something commonplace and not innately sexual such as a part of the body (or a whip or authority) is imbued with a significance that evokes a sexual response.

It is important that sexual fetishes are treated with respect. For example, if a liberal heard that a particular gay person got off on wearing leather while they are having sex, a solemn acknowledgement would be the order of the day. God help the hapless person who made a jokey reference to that practice.

Yet, breast fetishism, which is perhaps the most common sexual fetish in western culture, and has all the hallmarks of an autonomic sexual response, does not get respectful treatment. Whether brought about by social conditioning or biology, it doesn’t seem that men choose to be affected by it.

So, is the confusing feminist reaction to the mere sight of bare breasts simply a stick to hit men with? It smacks of a typical “have their cake and eat it” situation in that feminists want all of the benefits of having bodies that are sexualized, without accepting a few, minor inconveniences that result from that.

A cynical person might conclude that this is a tactic employed by feminists in order to make themselves the victims of an imagined hardship. Perhaps, it’s a battle of wills in which feminists attempt to claim that black is white and up is, in fact, down? Or, perhaps they are telling the truth and are genuinely ignorant of the sexually arousing effect of bare breasts on most men? I propose a test to find out.

Next time you are talking to a feminist, ask if you can see her breasts. Surely, you can argue, she could not object? For breasts, as many feminists argue, are not sexual. If it is a colleague that you are debating with, she may object that the breasts are sexual or non-sexual depending on the context. You can reply – with a look of astonishment – that the workplace is a context in which feminists have argued that women should be able to bare their breasts. Perhaps you could request a photo of a woman’s breasts over email or Facebook, if she is a feminist? After all, it wouldn’t be sexual.

About Michael Reed

Michael Reed is a UK-based freelance writer and he mainly writes about technology for various magazines. He's working on a book, and one day, he'd like to have a male rights column in a national newspaper. See his website for full biog -

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  • ContraTerrene

    Agreed. :)

    Buffet feminisim, where they want all the privileges of the old days plus the freedoms of the new combined just help us illustrate the hypocrisy of the ideology.

    Articles like this make the average guy do a double take and start to question the status quo.

    • Steve_85

      You say Buffet Feminism as if there was another kind?

  • Aimee McGee

    Brave man venturing into this area!
    I’m an owner of a pair of breasts and am amused at both reactions to them, because yet again it is putting things into a zero sum game.
    In my opinion breasts are both sexual and utilitarian. At the same time. I’m very pro breastfeeding as a health measure, and believe that there should be no problem with a woman choosing to breastfeed in public, but it can be done discreetly – I’ve been round lots of women who do breastfeed in public and most people would walk straight past and not notice unless they heard the contented snuffling of an infant on the breast.
    However, I know from the literature that one of the strongest predictors of successful breastfeeding is a male partner is supportive of her breastfeeding – as one of my male friends said to his newborn son ‘those are on loan to you, treat them with the same loving respect as I do!’ His wife told me many years later that it helped her immensely in the middle of milky bloat to think that her breasts had a future as sexual objects.

    • captive

      Are MRA’s generally against breastfeeding in public? I sure don’t care, but you can’t ask me to not notice that your breasts are hanging out because I’m still a guy and I sure like breasts.

  • Kasey

    This is true! Personally I don’t want to be topless in public, but I guess I’m just a mindless sheepie to feminists.

    • Aimee McGee

      It’s more subtle than this because you are likely to be told by covering up you are being oppressed by men objectifying your breasts.
      It’s a ‘can’t win’ so the main message needs to be as women we make our own choices. My choice is to as much as possible eschew fashion, I wear a modern version of plain dress as I prefer to be modest and simple in my appearance. If any woman tries to tell me I am oppressed I then challenge her on the oppression of fashion on the clothes she is wearing. Most men either don’t notice or complement me on the way I dress…no man has ever tried to relate my clothing to my faith

      • Kasey

        Right! That’s what I mean. :3 Thank you. But yeah, I generally dress comfortably myself (which tends to be a little on the exposing side and I admit that) which has gotten me a few lectures from presumptuous random street women. I think it’s silly. I’ll dress how I bloody want. XP

    • Dr. F (Ian Williams)


      Again, a reference to yourself, and used as a conduit to give a message not worded.

      Tell me if I am wrong here but I think your real intention is to say something like, “You people are slow to catch onto the fact that not all feminists are bad people. Some of us have good cause to tell the world our core beliefs. Oh if only you would open your ears, hearts and minds you would see this?”

      Is this right? Be straight shooting here and tell us.

      Your next reply to me will negate if I squash you as a stink bug under a dropped anvil of the ban hammer or let you continue to flitter about here with the abandon as a wee child with a harmonica on Christmas day.

      Your call. Answer the question honestly or ta fucking ta.

      A cunt.

      If you answer the question and I do not like the answer big deal. You stay anyway if you answer honestly. So that means directly with no padding that refocuses or meandering text that suggests ignorance etc.

    • The Equalizer

      Judging from your public profile on the internet Kasey, you have taken the ‘middle way’ – the low-cut-push-up-look-at-my-breasts-but-not-the-nipples-I’m-such-a-tease-boys-aren’t-I option….

  • Kimski

    In the 16th century, when breasts were forced into the eyes of the beholder and very often including a bit of nipple, due to the fashion of the dresses back then, it was women’s ankles that were THE hottest thing. Breasts didn’t get nearly as much attention as they do today, but any man caught gazing at ankles were treated in much the same way that we see with breasts today.
    I guess this kind of irrational ‘have their cake and eat it’-behavior has been around for just as long as women have felt the need to expose their bodies to gain attention.

    • Peter Wright (Tawil)

      My god, that is hillarious Kimski- ankles as sex objects.

      Tomorrow I’m going to make a pact to look at the ankles of every woman i encounter in order to make up for all the breasts I daren’t glance at for fear of feminist retribution. And i’m going to compare… I’m looking for perfectly rounded anklebone mounds that quivver as they walk. 😉

      • Aimee McGee

        Nooooooo! You are going to kill any hope I have of being objectified.
        I have cankles….,

        • Steve_85

          Push-up socks? Ankle Corsets?

          I’m sure some enterprising young man will happily create something to help your… ahem… issue :)

          • Aimee McGee

            Sigh! It’s such a terrible thing, I’m a victim of shonky genes inherited from my ancestors…
            I bet there was many a distressed man on his wedding night to be confronted by CANKLES!

      • Kimski

        I guess as long as they don’t bounce when running, you’ll be fine. 😀

  • Morpheus

    Its an extremely interesting topic.

    The idea that what is essentially a mass of tissue, being such a controversial topic.

    I think you can stem the “sexualization” of breasts (and genitals) to when moronic organisations under the influence of their imaginary friends said,”no that’s naughty!”

  • Legion

    Fairly sure breast’s are both sex objects and used for child-rearing…

  • Stephen O’Brian

    Only 10 comments so far.
    This thread is sagging, so I thought I’d lend a hand and suppor t it.

  • Dean Esmay

    As non-interested as I am in most PUA literature, I have to admit I think this whole subject is one gigantic mass Shit Test.

    I sometimes think feminism itself is exactly that.

    Here’s some lovely tits, moving and bouncing to some lively music:

    • Dr. F (Ian Williams)

      This is wonderful Mr Esmay.

      I have to admit it but it has moved me in a way not expected. It really is quite the respite from a world too fast and maddened.

      Thank you for the reminder that the world has beauty where we might just pass it by.

    • TigerMan

      Aww cute tits :)

    • Kimski

      Got one with ankles?

      • Steve_85

        Beet me to it :)


  • Hunter85

    Just a thought, but if it were to become that breasts were absolutely not considered sexual (or at least in a legal sense), would that not mean that groping breast would no longer be classed as sexual assault?
    Methinks certain folk shan’t be fond of that side of the coin.

    • OneHundredPercentCotton

      Groping anything on anybody is considered bad form if said groping is unwelcome.

      • Hunter85

        Agreed. My point though is in terms of statistics it would lower the count of sexual assaults and for those whom use statistics and twist them to their own biased agenda they may not be happy with this and Im sure some of them are in support of classifying breasts as non sexual, ironically.

  • OneHundredPercentCotton

    Nobody says it better than Dave Chappelle’s It’s A Wonderful Chest.

    As an “itty bitty” person myself I almost cried the first time I saw it….truer words were never spoken….

  • Kasey

    My answer to that is that I’m not a feminist. Feminism is the one side of the extreme, while many on this site seem to be part of the other. I, on the other hand, believe both are wrong. You’ll get nowhere with insults like that, by the way.

    • Kimski

      Ehhmm…No, actually feminism is both sides of the extreme, all wrapped up in one.

      It makes victims of women, men, and children under the false pretense of empowering those who don’t really want to be empowered, because that would mean a loss of power and the reinstatement of accountability, while taking responsibility for their own lives.

      If women indeed were empowered by feminism there would be no need for it anymore, which is why the main objective of feminism today is keeping women in a perpetual state of being victims. A lot of people’s jobs depend on the continuing state funding of feminism, you see.

      What you’re witnessing here on these pages, is nothing more than the high hopes that women will realize this on their own, before it’s too late and the whole card house of lies women have been basing their ’empowering’ upon goes up in flames.
      -And the rest of us with it.

    • Dr. F (Ian Williams)

      And Kasey as predicted you blew it.

      If you read my question again you will see that I did not ask anything regarding your being a feminist or not.

      Furthermore, you being offended by my question is not the same as me trying to insult you.

      So you’re shifty, and you’re pretty dumb (this bit is an insult but it’s the truth at the same time) and only one of those is not tolerated here. If you can’t figure which one then that makes you even more stupid than your astounding verbosity suggests.

      So what do you have to say to that oh yeah I forgot, I banned you.

      • Cordovan Splotch

        I downvoted this comment, not because I support Kasey or her arguments, but because whenever I see people banning dissenting opinion from the discussion, I’ve come to expect this to be done by the feminists.
        Seeing it done by people whom I support is highly disappointing.
        I had hoped that the MRA could be better than the Feminists, I had hoped that AVfM could be better than Jezebel, and I firmly believe we are better… but I see this as a step in the wrong direction.
        Disagree with Kasey all you want, call her shifty, call her stupid… but don’t ban her.
        Those are feminist tactics, and it disappoints me to see them being used here.

  • Kasey

    Also, The Equaliser, I honestly have no idea how to change my profile pic. I didn’t see it when I first came on the site yesterday…but apparently I sleep-typed because I did set a picture XD Anyway, this is really just the most recent picture of me. I honestly don’t think it’s a huge deal to wear low-cut stuff as long as your breasts aren’t about to explode out. Which they aren’t, I assure you.

    • Disorderly Conduct

      I think it’s okay for women to draw attention to their breasts as long as they have no problem with men/lesbians checking it out.

      • captive

        Who cares if they have a problem with it? It’s our bodies, our eyes: we are free to point our eyes in any direction we want.

    • The Equalizer

      Oops, you accidentally posted a breasty pic, you find that when you point a camera at yourself to take a picture you just accidentally happen to be wearing a very low-cut top and a squeeze-em-together / push-em-up bra. Most convincing. You know exactly what you are doing in sexualising your image, you know exactly what reaction it’s going to get, and yet you deny any responsibility for your choices and further, you complain (on another thread) about guys wanting to fuck you. Hypocrisy worthy of a feminist, even if you aren’t one.

      It’s very simple. If you don’t want to be treated as a sex object, stop objectifying yourself, dress more modestly. Meanwhile, stop complaining that it’s working.

  • malcolm

    It’s really nothing new, just another example of women wanting it both ways. When it’s convenient to make a display of their breasts to get something they want, they will do it, when the wrong guy takes the bait, then breasts aren’t sexual and the righteous indignation of being considered a sexual object kicks in.
    It’s very childish, but many women are childish.

  • Kasey

    An interesting point, Kimski. However, I don’t think that they’re both sides of the extreme. I’m not referring to all or even most of the people on this site, but many seem to have been so fed up with feminists that they start drifting toward the other end, which is generalising women as a whole based on the minority who are radical feminists. That is bad. I agree with a lot of stuff on this site, but I do think that some people need to reel it in a little.

    • Kimski

      “However, I don’t think that they’re both sides of the extreme.”

      No, of course you don’t, because that would mean a loss of power, and admitting that feminism is based on hypocrisy and lies.
      I’ve just said that, remember?

      Well, I tried.

      Regarding ‘some people’ on this site, you might want to take into consideration that some of those ‘people’ have been treated like shit by x-wives, divorce courts, are unable to see their children, have had false rape accusations against them, or even spend time in jail because of that. Or did hard time because they were unable to pay alimony, because they were destitute themselves, and living on the streets.
      All consequences of the “blessings” of feminism, and especially the women who takes advantage of it, for the average man of today.
      Those are the walking wounded you are referring to, and they have absolutely nothing to gain from treating any female with respect, ’cause that is what brought them here in the first place. Myself included.

      I’m just too tired to get into an argument over it, but try at least to use the ability for empathy, that women usually praise themselves in abundance over.

    • Kimski

      “However, I don’t think that they’re both sides of the extreme.”

      No, of course you don’t, because that would mean a loss of power, and admitting that feminism is based on hypocrisy and lies.
      I’ve just said that, remember?

      Well, I tried.

      Regarding ‘some people’ on this site, you might want to take into consideration that some of those ‘people’ have been treated like shit by x-wives, girl friends, divorce courts, or are unable to see their children. Some may have had false rape accusations against them, or even spend time in jail because of that. Or did hard time because they were unable to pay alimony, because they were destitute themselves, and living on the streets.
      All consequences of the “blessings” of feminism, and especially the women who takes advantage of it, for the average man of today.
      Those are the walking wounded you are referring to, and they have absolutely nothing to gain from treating any female with respect, ’cause that is what brought them here in the first place. Myself included.

      I’m just too tired to get into an argument over it, but try at least to use the ability for empathy, that women usually praise themselves in abundance over.

  • Wendy

    So, this website is making the classic claim that breast fetishism results from not breastfeeding. I wouldn’t mind reading a more scholarly article on the subject.

    Oh, and as for having it both ways. . . don’t forget those who are into lactation as a sexual fetish. :X

  • TigerMan

    I quickly lose the will to live whenever I try to read feminists screeds about sex. Some are into porn others want it banned. The (mainly lesbian) feminists that held fierce demonstrations against Miss World went and had their own pageant as soon as they had put their placards away and not one of them seemed to appreciate the irony or acknowledge their hypocrisy.
    Be nice, respect your partner and yourself.
    That’s it – my excuse for not reading the article I just don’t care about this stuff as to me it all just seems so trivial compared to the meatier issues that face us and I for one don’t want to offer feminists traction to waste time arguing the toss over relative trivialities.

  • Kasey

    This is a good point, but I don’t think that, even after going through all that, you should loose hope. Women are not mostly bad. The loud, annoying women are, but as a gender they’re not. I like being treated with respect and I attempt to do the same to others as much as I possibly can. Women do have a greater penchant for empathy, but because of it they can also be the nastiest creatures on the planet. Emotions do go both ways.

    • Kimski

      Not many men feel encouraged to play russian roulette with their lives, in hopes of finding one that isn’t, Kasey.

      Btw. I hope you realize that you have just proven Kelly right in everything she stated in her article, and you managed to do it in just these 3 comments to me..

      I’m done.

    • Stephen O’Brian

      Delusion check – “Women do have a greater penchant for empathy”.

      You do realize that’s bigoted and not supported by evidence?
      No apparently not. Too busy flashing your cleavage then declaring it’s no big deal.
      Oh dear.

      • captive

        I believe that is completely contravened by all evolutionary psychology…

  • Kasey

    Radical feminism is based on hypocrisy and lies, yes. Just enjoying being a female and thinking that both males and females are in a sense discriminated against is not. I would advise not responding so hatefully, by the way. It’s just the Internet. 😛

    • Kimski

      That was snarky sarcasm, not hate.
      Clearly hate from me would blow you completely off the site, never to return.

      Hmmm….Food for thoughts.

      • Kasey

        Sorry for the misinterpretation. Still, I do think responding respectfully is generally the way to go. I don’t always do so myself because I can get fed up and the fact that I have manic depression increases that, so sorry if I’ve sounded disrespectful at all.

        • TigerMan

          Many moons ago I once worked in a psychiatric hospital and manic depression was one of the more worrying conditions to deal with due to the often swift changes from one mood to another extreme. It was often heavily medicated for and use of ECT was a common treatment option but this was back in mid to late 70’s and I have little idea how it’s treated these days except that I think it is now usually labelled a bi-polar disorder.
          I sincerely hope there have been some good advances in treatment since my days in the field.

          • TigerMan

            Well if you can function without it and clearly you can from what you say I also agree you are more likely staying off such drugs. Privately the heavier anti-psychotics and tranquillisers we used to call “chemical handcuffs” because they were there at least as much to make the patients more “manageable” as they were for the actual patients benefit! Of course with conditions like paranoid schizophrenia where the psychosis can be very strong drug treatment was more or less essential as such extreme psychosis can make such individuals very dangerous both to themselves and anyone they come into contact with.
            I*f you have managed four years without those drugs then good for you. I’m hoping that with all the detailed knowledge we are gathering about the sophisticated working of this biological wonder machine that soon we will have cures that are far more wholesome than the blunt “chemical handcuffs” we have been using thus far.

          • TigerMan

            At least one of your responses to me has disappeared or did you remove it during the period allowed to edit posts?
            Just curious is all :)

    • Morpheus

      @Kasey I have been reading through your comments, and they bother me to be honest. Your playing darts in the dark. Throw enough you may eventually hit a bulls eye but you haven’t done so yet. I don’t want to get into a thread fight and derail this any further than you have already so I will leave it at this.

      Troll Harder ಠ_ಠ

      Either way, I can’t for some reason stop thinking about Rebecca Watson. It is annoying I am seconds away from finding a brick to knock myself out.

      Don’t sexualize me, but buy my nude pinup calendar.

      The double take on “Don’t sexualisze my breasts, but the second someone says I can’t be topless in public, I have a right to be sexualized” is slightly moronic. I think these morons just need something the complain about.

  • donzaloog

    It’s simple. Breasts are in mode A when a man is enjoying them, and that pisses feminists right the fuck off. How dare men enjoy something that belongs to a woman? That line of thinking falls in line with religious people’s claims that sex is only for reproduction.

    Breasts are in mode B when they are being used for some kind of political statement.

  • Gruelien

    My girlfriend loves to have her girls on display and does not mind me looking at them or anyone Else’s. We talk about them and other women’s. We went to see a burlesque show at a strip club and had a really good time. She is happy to have them since breast cancer runs in her family so she is going to enjoy them as much as possible. Its been a bit odd for me since I’m so use to the other mode where they are on display but I’m not suppose to look.

  • rhyder

    I’m reading the comments with interest, guys. This is a great community to be involved in. Here’s my own jokey take on the issue:

    Michael Reed

  • Near Earth Object

    Back to the R.F.I.C….
    I used to work with a female. She was in her early twenties at the time. One day—for no apparent reason, which I could discern—she uttered, ‘if I wake up and feel that I might be needing some extra attention that day, I will leave the house wearing less clothes’. (This would be the same R.F.I.C. where one of my male colleagues was quietly and informally busted for gazing at the gluteus maximus of one of our other and younger colleagues.)
    Generally, feminists are a mass of conflicting impulses and are near-stranger to the notion of personal-integrity.

    And then there is The Case of Kasey …

  • Phantom

    You should read ‘The Naked Ape’ (and so should all feminists).

    If human breasts were just for feeding babies they would look like chimpanzee breasts.

    They don’t because they have a dual role, with breast feeding the less important role because they are actually worse for breast feeding that chimpanzee breasts.

  • Correctrix

    Too much talk of boobies in this article. I’m off to look at some now instead.

  • Muk

    The human female is one of, if not the only species whose breasts are always puffed out (ugh, couldn’t think of a better word) what reason other than to attract a mate would that be?

  • bubbajoebob

    Sheez, go away for a month while moving from one continent to the other–or at least, a tiny island (England) to a continent (North America), and look what you miss.

    How do you make five pounds of fat attractive?

    Stick a nipple on it.

  • acatiaacer

    So, I would tentatively say, as the owner of a pair of breasts and one who considers herself a feminist, that you can ask to look at them, but you can’t expect me to show them. It is, ultimately, my choice as an individual and this is what feminism is about: the ability to choose how to expose/not expose your body without it being dictated to you by anyone else, male/female/other.

    So, there, I don’t feel that my breasts are explicitly sexual, they’re not even particularly impressive, but if I want to show them, I will, and if I don’t, I won’t. If you want to ask to look at them, you can, if you don’t, you won’t. Simple as.

  • http://FacebookDadsAgainstDivorceDiscrimination-DADD Paul Clements

    The author could, at least, have provided some photos to illustrate the subject of the article.

  • Your mom

    Pff, what the fuck? Mode a and b? Lol whut?
    Breasts are only there to feed a child, otherwise, a men would have the same breasts as a women. Since you guys like science so damn much, i suppose you would know that.
    You are all agaist breastfeeding in public, women going topless, BUT at the same time you want to see a boob whenever you got the chance, right, lol. You are all just lil’ biches who are hurt by a women (lol) and are now hatin’ on them because you can’t get layed. hahaha.

    Y’all are wasting your time.
    And for the female bitches commenting and agreeing to this funny shit just got to be kidding me. You are probably sucking dick right now because -it’s empowering- hahahha.

    • Suzanne McCarley

      Drunk Troll Alert!

    • captive

      Men are attracted to breasts… sorry to break it to you. You can’t control what they think or find attractive. That’s an incredibly violating and self-righteous insinuation. Our bodies and our eyes are ours to do with as we please and not for you to dictate what we do with them.