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Dr. Paul on the “Bossy” Double Standard

In honor of the current feminist insanity to remove another word from the human vocabulary (if it is applied to women) Dr. Paul has decide to offer up an old writing, incorporating the new twist. PE

Double standards are bad business.  And ladies, Dr. Paul takes a very dim view of the practice.  As always, I am here to help you overcome such social maladies and move on to a more functional life.

When it comes to functionality, I’m your huckleberry.

Nowhere is the double standard more obvious than the age old idea that goes something like the following:

When a man is angry or “in control,” he is powerful and assertive. When a woman is angry or “in control,” she is just being bossy.

This one, ladies, really chaps my ass, so to speak.  First, as I said, I hate double standards. God knows I live with enough of them.  But there is something about this one that really chaffs my cheeks more than any of the others.

It is not just the unfairness or the antiquated thinking.  This one gets my dander up because it is, well, because it is true.

You see, many, many women in this culture, and more than a fair share of men, don’t know the difference between being strong and being rude and overbearing. And the difference is obvious to everyone except those who are bossy.

Do I need to say that again?

If you are ignorant of the nature of strength and leadership, it likely has you trapped in bossy mode when what you are probably seeking is respect and a sense of authority; two things that are much easier to come by when you understand what they mean.

Don’t worry. Dr. Paul is here to help those that can be helped. We have to start with some real basics for a lot of you, so we better not waste any time.

First, getting people to do what you want isn’t necessarily power or strength or respect or true authority. Getting them to want to do things, however, is all those things and more.

When people follow your lead and give you their time and energy because they respect you (not just because they are paid), now, that is strength. When people do what you want because you complain till the sound of your voice is like fingernails on a chalk board or because they fear you? Well, that’s what we call just being bossy, a bitch, a jerk, an asshole, prick, dick or any other number of names that human beings regularly use for tyrants who don’t know the difference between leadership and bullying.

Sure, some of those word imply sex – both of them. And all of them convey the same idea. People don’t like, petty, power hungry people of either sex.

Deal with it, bossy.

Let’s look at this from another angle.  How many times have you heard a woman say, “People tune out my ideas or don’t listen just because I am a woman?”

Now, how many of the women making this complaint were respected leaders?

How about none?

Strength is about standing on your ideas without the need for approval, not whining till people validate them and pat you on the head for being so brilliant.

Not everyone is going to listen to you or even give a damn. Get over it; it’s called life, and no, it isn’t fair. Or as my father used to say, “Fair is what you pay on the bus.”

If someone calls you bossy, even better, if several people call you bossy, the best thing you can do is get a mirror and self assess; determine whether they have a point, and if applicable, put the brakes on your bossiness and start figuring out how to lead.

And how about this for a newsflash? Leaders command attention, but not by acting like they are desperate for it.  There are women like the many women who write for this site. You think no one here is listening to them? They are strong, independent women. Do you hear anyone around here at “misogyny central” calling them bossy?

But I must admit that women like these have a sneaky little trick up their sleeve.

They actually have something to say worth listening to. They pull people in. They don’t drag them or bully them. So they get respect and are considered leaders in their respective areas.

Imagine that. For some reason these women think that what they have to say is supposed to have inherent worth. They don’t just assume that because they are talking that it makes them worth listening to.

And they bring something else to the table that seems to do wonders for their credibility.

Competence. Things like writing skill; knowledge on particular subjects; and a self-assurance that does not hinge on forcing others to agree with them, offer feigned respect or avoid words they don’t like.

Are we learning anything here?

Once again, conviction, respect, and competence; strength.

Whining, petulance, and manipulation; take your pick of pejorative, including bossy.

Now write that down 100 times on the chalk board.

The same goes for demanding respect when you have not earned it.

I have some news for you on that one.  You can hashtag this #sillybullshit to the moon and back, and respect will still be earned.  It’s not a prize that comes in every box of Gender War Cracker Jacks; it’s the natural consequence of good character, competence and actual, not manufactured, personal strength.

It is equally repelled by whining and manipulation. And it is, despite what anyone tells you, one of the few things your sex cannot be cashed in for in any meaningful way.

You should always keep that last part in mind, because much of this stuff is rooted in the manipulation; in the power of social coercion, which is very, very different than real power.

Your sex card is great for getting compliance. It works with the average guy like dead shrimp in front of a hungry catfish (though if you are really attractive it makes a lot of average women hate your guts). But where men are concerned it is also why they invariably lose respect for you, or never develop it in the first place. And trust me, no matter what they say, they don’t respect you when you play that card. And they shouldn’t.

How else could it be? If you don’t respect yourself enough not depend on your sex and social politics to control other people, then don’t whine about double standards, even the ones that actually exist.

And that is what all of this powerless wailing about leadership vs. bossy boils down to.  It is just another load of hokum designed to help you demand that which you have not earned from people with enough common sense not to give it to you in the first place.

I will leave you with a couple of suggestions; food for thought, as it were, for women who get called bossy; who, in keeping with the point of this talk, feel like they are regarded as officious harridans instead of the powerful leaders they imagine themselves to be.

One, eliminate the words “As a woman,” from all dialog you have with the world at large.  Dr. Paul gets nauseous when he hears this one.  When you have a chance to get people to listen to your opinion, prefacing everything you say with “As a woman,” is like shouting out “My opinion has more weight because I have a vagina!” It is literally begging people to ignore you.

And two, dump all the focus on how you feel about words.  People in leadership positions, if they have the guts to be surrounded by anything but a bunch of “yes men,” excuse me, “yes persons,” are going to get called lots of things by lots of people. No one cares. It is part of being in charge. It is part of being on top, or even in the middle, to know that plenty of people would like to knock you down. The least of your worries is their vocabulary for your shortcomings.

Needless to say, “As a woman, I feel…” is the double whammy of death. Every utterance of this monstrous and quite deserved killer of respect and power should come with its own handgun and target to stick to your foot.

If you want shape people’s perception of you as a human being instead of a set of genitals, or a bossy woman, let your ideas and facts speak for themselves. And learn how to lead people toward sharing your vision.

If you can’t do that, you’re no leader, and you are not strong, whether you are male or female.

About Dr. Paul

Dr. Paul is just like Dr. Phil, except that he is not a big fat lying windbag that will say and do anything to cater to a deluded female audience. Oh yes, he is not a real doctor, but he plays one on the internet.

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  • Primal
    • Paul Elam

      Oh, gee, another false allegation? Who woulda thunk?

    • AntZ

      Add the false-rape liar to the list. This is what “” is for. It is 100% certain that she will not be prosecuted. The only justice that remains is “”.

  • Eff’d Off

    I tell you Paul, this intimate writing style suits well as it begs admittance from the guilty, and it reminds the rest of us that we are not insane as those that have suffered in isolation without a focus or a voice.

  • Phil

    Paul, you said everything I’ve been saying to IRL feminists for years, but you said it much better.

  • universe

    Dr. Paul at work performing surgical implants.
    And these are the real McCoy.

  • Hayden

    Damn fine article. Thank you.

  • thehermit

    When someone accuses me with misoginy i always tell him/her that i love women.
    That’s why i’m -sometimes brutally- honest with them.
    That’s the only way to show some REAL respect.

    • MasculistMan

      When someone accuses me with misoginy i always tell him/her that i love women. That’s why i’m -sometimes brutally- honest with them.
      That’s the only way to show some REAL respect.

      I tell them I’m proud to be a misogynist and here’s why:

  • Simon

    This is one of those blog posts…

    I read it and think to myself “I wish I had thought of saying that.”

    If only I could articulate arguments as well as you do Paul.

  • jmnzz

    I feel anyone who complains about not receiving respect haven’t done anything worth respecting.

  • Eincrou

    Expecting women to jettison their inherent, effortless and potent “pussy power” so they’ll instead seek to acquire respect and power in the same manner as men do is a hopeful, but difficult sell. Plus, women can’t stop it. “Pussy power” isn’t actually a property located or contained within women, it is created by male psychology, and men alone.

    Men are designed to be very responsive to females, granting them a unique social power that is based on the fact that they exist, rather than achievement or merit. In a sense, desiring to eliminate pussy power is seeking to attack a fundamental aspect of what it means to be a human male.

    Men’s mindless giving in to their programming with regards to women has caused us so much damage and must be described and attacked. Talking to women about it is unlikely to stop it, because a woman doesn’t have to actually do anything for pussy power to come into play. She can choose to accept it or not, but her role is a passive one. The “power” exists without her intent or desire.

    I think the fundamental dynamic between women and men is that the vast majority of women will take whatever boons men decide to give them. I don’t think it’s likely to expect most men to see women as they see other men, and view females’ value only on the basis of their merits. It’s too contrary to our psychologies.

    The West’s egalitarian experiment has been run with horrible management, and I understand that many MRAs want to take charge of it to do it better. I think the only reason so many men and women got on board with the experiment was because they figured it meant only that conditions would improve for women. This was fully compatible with men’s instincts to create pussy power.

    An MRA egalitarian agenda means pretty much the exact opposite for women. It would call for a reduction in women’s power and privileges, which is an idea incompatible with the way men think about treating women.

    In my view, the best we can hope for is to get men to read articles like this one. Despite being ostensibly written for women, this is a clever way to explain the issue to men in a way that won’t automatically activate their defense mechanisms.

    I believe the only way women will lose power and influence over the lives of men is with societal/governmental collapse, but every man that refuses to create pussy power for the women he encounters can not only help hasten the collapse, but he will be in a strong position to survive it with his freedom and wealth intact.

    • Paul Elam

      My (almost secret) personal catch phrase about Dr. Paul: Addressed to women; written for men.

    • thehermit


      Thought-provoking post, thank you.

    • MasculistMan

      In my view, the best we can hope for is to get men to read articles like this one. Despite being ostensibly written for women, this is a clever way to explain the issue to men in a way that won’t automatically activate their defense mechanisms.

      I believe you are letting women off the hook and heaping the blame on men. What this is a learned behavior rather than instinct. Possibly put in the young man’s head and has stayed with him into manhood is how women exert their power.

      • Eincrou


        My post had nothing to do with fault or blame. I was discussing how “pussy power” operates. Any dispute you want to have with what I said will have to be on the mechanics of pussy power.

        Whether men’s psychology in this is instinct or learned, it makes zero difference to what I described in my post. Men – because they inherently value women for properties that emerge from their mere existence as human females – create the opportunity for women to parkate of “pussy power.”

        That is the important point, and I invite you to make your case if you disagree with it.

        • J.G. te Molder

          Ah, but valuing pussy, and Pussy Power are rather two different things.

          There are men that don’t give a shit, treat women like shit, and they get all the pussy.

          Then there are men who bend over backwards, hand women their livelihood, filet their own soul and hand it to women, just to make sure a woman doesn’t have to get the underside of her shoes wet crossing a puddle of water.

          There are also men who value pussy and act like the first group, or at least with some basic dignity and value of self.

          The self-destructive behaviors that prop up Pussy Power has nothing to do with valuing pussy, they are the behaviors taught to them through the systematic culture and brainwashing to LACK value in ONESELF, along with the falsehoods perpetrated through same about what to do to make women like you.

          Give men self-worth, a sense of god-damned pride, and teach them the truth that women don’t want sycophantic little shits, and watch Pussy Power erode very quickly; and yet men will still be valuing pussy.

          • J.G. te Molder

            We really need a “both agree and disagree”-vote option. I agree with Eincrou a lot, I also disagree with him since he misses a key part.

          • Eincrou

            You want to break off sex and sexual power as a separate value, which is fine. But, my post was not limited to that.

            It’s certainly related, but going into that much detail was unnecessary to the point I was making – so it’s no wonder you thought I was missing something.

            We’re talking about this by using the term “pussy,” but the way Paul and I use it describes a general “woman power,” not just sexual power.

            Alphas and MRAs may have the ability to value sex as a separate entity from female approval, but most men desperately need their approval, or at least to avoid their shaming. This usually not in a sexual context.

            As for your solution, it’s exactly the same thing I said in my last paragraphs. Whether you’re right or I’m right in the fine details, the way to make things better is the same.

            Reach out to all men, and the ones who can survive outside the social system women create and maintain will join us. The ones who can’t will double down on their pedestalization, and eventually break under the weight.

  • rebtus

    “But I must admit that women like Palmatier and Izzey and Typhonblue have a sneaky little trick up their sleeve.”
    I didn’t realize Typhonblue was a woman. Perhaps I was not paying enogh attention since there are so many coments.

    • AntZ

      Typhonblue wrote “The One Good Man.” This brilliant article combined poetry, politics, and healing in a masterful way that I never observed before or since. Typhone is a natural leader.

      If you read nothing else this year, read “The ONe Good Man”:

      A voice for men is in the business of exposing the dark evil of bigotry to the light, but Typhon’s piece does this is a uniquely hopeful and positive way.

      • DukeLax

        I believe typhons magnum opus is “The princess and the plowhorse”, if you have not seen it, search on you tube for it.

        • Paul Johnson

          Personally, I got the most benefit (partly because it was early in my red pill trail) from her first posts as TyphonBlue:

          And the one about the farmer and the draft horse, though she has unlisted these and I seem to have lost that link.

          I hope I’m not doing her a disservice by linking up the former, though I do think it’s to everyone’s benefit to see it.

    • AntZ

      Sorry for a double post.

      I just re-read “The One Good Man”, thinking of the judge that destroyed Thomas Ball. Typhon’s words cradle a father’s pain in a way that might have helped Mr. Ball. I felt this about my own life when I first read her words. The accurate recognition of pain, and the simple truth that describes how that pain came to be, has the power to heal. I only wish it could have helped Mr. Ball, as it helped me.

      The agony of men is magnified by its invisibility. Words such as Typhon’s can both expose the hatred and heal the hurt. Bless you Typhon.

    • mideonphish

      Actually I didn’t realise that Typonblue was female either, probably because her posts show a level of sense, maturity of thought and insight that you don’t often see from a woman.

  • Mr. XY

    Dr. Paul, I’m sure you are very busy, but this needs to be made in to TheHappyMisogynist video.

    • Nergal

      I agree.

      It was almost too good. Just in case, Paul, you should scrub your personal information from the internet.

      Pay if necessary.


  • G-O

    I agree with you Eincrou that the pussy power is bestowed upon women by men; but do not think that it is wielded passively by women. It is when a woman choose to use this power to influence a man that I lose respect for her, especially when what she is influencing a man to do is outside the context of a romantic relationship.

    Women are not the only ones who have a power unique to their sex. We have our physical strength. We are aware that we have this power, that if we truly wished to we could beat women into submission and get our way. But they would not respect us, nor would we be able to respect ourselves.

    When it comes to respect and cooperation it is up to the party that has an advantage to give up said advantage to create a neutral playing field. I believe men have done this exceedingly well, especially in this era. It is time for women to do the same.

  • andybob

    In the past few months, I have found myself publicly arguing for men’s rights with increasing confidence and force. There is such a relentless barage of misandry hurled at us from every direction that letting it slide has become very difficult for me. When confronting it head-on, I have become aware that reading the variety of articulate and insightful articles at AVFM has prepared me very well.

    Articles like these are gold, enabling me to anticipate feminist lies, myths and arguments. They also help me know how to respond. Some MRA’s disparage sites like AVFM as ineffectual echo chambers. They ignore the valuable education they provide to men like me. Feminist ideologies have become very deeply ingrained in people’s psyches. You’re either wrangling with virulent feminists who knowingly spew BS, or introducing men’s issues to bluepillers who talk like brainwashed zombies. Dealing with either group used to be a nightmare for me. Not anymore.

    In this article, Mr Elam introduces a few tactical habits so beloved of women along with some choice ideas on how to respond to them. He and his team are arming us well – with Mr Eff’f Off throwing in some laughs into the bargain (feminists hate laughs). Much appreciated all.

    • Eff’d Off

      It’s grands as a spanner hearing good news that reminds us why we are here.
      All kudos to you Mr Andybob for your work within work. We need more Andybobs.
      If we can bring down their mood by annoyance frustration and anger, and then make them see a funny (secretly they want to laugh but they are a wee bit scared to) then won’t know what’s up or down.

      It’s great here – downloading great ideas and sometimes uploading a hoot for troops.

      P.S. Crap place to meet chicks though.

    • Bev

      The Priceline Pharmacy chain has a new program called the Sisterhood.
      The idea being that on certain products $1 or $2 will be donated to charities/research which benefit and support mostly women health. They have large posters in store advertising this program and listing where the money goes. Top of the list is cancer support. At the checkout I quietly told the girl that I considered the program sexist. Pointing out that more men die of cancer in Australia than women and that prostrate cancer alone kills more men than all women specific cancers (breast, cervix, utererine).
      She went red and said she was unaware of that fact as did other women in the queue who heard me. I don’t blame her she only works there.
      So if you live in Australia and shop at a Priceline Pharmacy you may wish to do as I did. Don’t yell just a quiet word telling her the fact and that you consider their program sexist. Every little bit helps.

  • !!SPARTA!!

    Yeah…I’m having this problem right now
    We just got a new manager where I work
    and she’s a total bitch
    (I actually suspect she’s a feminist, but she’s still new so I’m not sure)
    She’s unstable
    doesn’t allow people to joke around
    throws around possibility of firing people like it’s supposed to make us respect her.
    Soon as I can, I’m outta there
    before I end up getting fired for making a joke.

    She’s planning on putting in a emergency pussy pak for the three females that work there (out of maybe 20 employees)
    she signs on her bulletin board “Miss Manager”
    Her BF is a total wuss…she made him sit and wait in the car for 5+ hours while she re-arranged the working environment.

    Having a feminist boss over a sarcastic asshole MRA in a “Right-to-Work” state probably wouldn’t bode well…

    • !!SPARTA!!

      Walking on Eggshells…
      Oh Yeah~

      I wonder if anyone has any insight on dealing with a Feminist boss…

      • James Cook

        Since you’re probably in a hopeless situation anyway, why not give her a gift-wrapped chocolate dildo?

      • mideonphish

        They way you’ll want to deal with it will be decided by how much you want to keep the job. I’m in a similar predicament myself actually, in my case though I’m on reasonably good terms with her immediate supervisor (who is male and a bit of a mangina incidentally enough) so I can usually bypass her completely when I need s**t done.

        I’m thinking it might not be that easy for you though.

    • Stu

      If you can get another job lined up “before” you leave…say nothing…..but try and push her buttons by doing perfectly reasonable things that you know will get her bitch mode fired up…….then let her have it….and bring her down in front of everyone. I done exactly that at a place I worked at for years before a feminist bitch relative of the owners got to walk in and get the run of the place just because she was a pushy bitchy female relative. I brought her down big time in front of everyone and then took away her illusion of power by telling her that she can stick the job up her fat feminist bitch arse.

      In with all the other things I said…..I let her know…..really loud…that everyone in the place hates her guts…and that when she had a car accident a few weeks earlier…that we were all talking about her in the lunch room…and every person agreed that it would have been good if she had of been killed LOL.

  • Promoman

    Another example of the wisdom of the Golden Rule. Manipulation and deceit breeds contempt, hatred, rage, and wrath.

  • mideonphish

    Excellent advice very well put, now if I could just get my bitch-ass boss to read this and heed it I’d be laughing all the way to actually getting some s**t done for a change.

    • aCastaway

      You can lead a horse to water…

      Seriously though, print this and sneak it onto her desk or somewhere she will see it.

      • mideonphish

        Actually not a bad idea friend! You know, I might just try that…

        • mideonphish

          LOL at all the down votes!
          Yep, looks like the Feminazi troll squad is out in force again, they are sitting up and taking notice of this site now all right.

  • Johnny

    Women’s narcissism is culturally promoted, via the chivalric codes, and there’s two things a malignant narcissist demands: (a) undeserved entitlement, and (b) status. That sums the core feminist project up, and is why women are not winning the respect.

    Here’s the DSM-IV definition of severe pathological narcissism:

    A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

    1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
    2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
    3. Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
    4. Requires excessive admiration
    5. Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations
    6. Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
    7. Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
    8. Is often envious of others or believes others are envious of him or her
    9. Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

    Women’s whining is to gain undeserved entitlements. When these women display other social terrorism or rage at others it’s because they have suffered a narcissistic injury (see here for an explanation of the later: )

    The thread article above is right-on in terms of it’s phenomenological description of he behaviour of many women. Narcissism is the motivating trait leading to that behaviour.

    • Johnny

      In other words, IMO, the entire problem we face can be narrowed down to a core of chivalry, and the narcissism it engenders in women. We might even reverse these two factors and say that the narcissistic urge prcedes the construction of chivalric codes. Its a bit of a chicken and egg, but in practice we can say that the two factors -cultural chivalry and psychological narcissism- work in tandem.

      Another thing can be explained via this theory: white knights and manginas. The later live thier own narcissistic urges via proxy- projected into the women they give special treatment. This is explained in psychology under the heading “inverted narcissism” (see here: )

      • DukeLax

        Im beginning to understand jonny, that by over coddling women and girls, we are actually in a way mildly retarding their full potential. For example some of the most potent men in the world come up the ranks from challenging childhoods, and learn to fight out of necessity.

        • Paul Johnson

          I don’t think the effect is mild at all. I think it’s crippling. Personally, I think women, as a group, have foregone at least 80% of their human potential by abdicating the need to cultivate said potential onto men and state.

          • DukeLax

            If i ever have girl children, i think i will do them a favor by not over coddling them.

  • Alphabeta Supe

    Dear Women,

    • Don’t be narcissistic. A woman should never think she’s more important than men or children. Marketing departments delight in exploiting a woman’s tendency to think they are. They promote ‘women’s only’ this and that, and many women buy into it. This appears sexist but it is really a marketing ploy that works because most women are narcissistic. Companies know they can charge more for goods and services by using the words ‘women only’. Narcissistic women are easily exploitable women. Be neither.

    • Don’t let others make choices for you. This should be self-evident but many women allow themselves to be told what to wear, what to buy, what to eat, how to dress, where to go, how to think – in clubs, gyms, magazines, websites, books, stores and by TV talk show hosts. They seem to need a step-by-step guide through life, which they follow like sheep as companies exploit this ‘need’. Don’t swallow the same poison. Don’t believe the same lies. Behave like a sheep if you must but obey the sheepdog, not the wolf. Better yet, be a woman who can think for herself.

    • Get rid of the self-induced schizophrenia. Don’t insist you’re strong, confident, capable and independent one minute, then weak, frightened and vulnerable the next, especially when you’ve been caught doing something wrong. Don’t chop and change your character whenever it suits you – choose one and stick with it. Admit when you’ve done something wrong. Don’t suddenly remember that you suffered abuse in the past or have some kind of mental illness or other instability, then use it to get yourself off. If you never sought help for these problems before you were caught, don’t use them as an excuse afterwards. Be a woman who accepts responsibility for her actions.

    • Don’t let the law take responsibility for crimes women commit. Speak out against women routinely receiving shorter sentences than men for the same crimes. If the law punishes women as it does children, treat them like children and encourage other women to do so too. Don’t call these women victims and say ‘they’ve suffered enough’ because they’re women. Believe in, and stand up for, equal justice on the basis of gender.

    • Don’t believe everything women and manginas in the media tell you. Many serve up slop by the bucket – celebrity gossip, slimming tips, sex tips, man-shaming tips, rape fantasy stories, etc. TV shows like Oprah and Dr Phil are filled with advice on how women can transform themselves into victims and blame everything on men, while constantly ridiculing them. Partake of more nutritious fare than this. Get your infotainment from equitable presenters. Always be aware of the cultural status quo from both perspectives.

    • Don’t fake solidarity with other women, especially in public. Don’t pretend that all women are your best friends when everyone knows nothing could be further from the truth. Openly acknowledge the reality that many women despise each other unless there’s personal advantage in not doing so. Game has taught post-feminist men how to see through attempts at deception, so a woman’s lies don’t travel far. Don’t be a liar, especially not an obvious one.

    • Speak out against misandry. The main reason for its proliferation is that good women have remained silent. Silence in the face of this injustice is cowardly. It allows loud, obnoxious women to preach hatred with impunity, which reflects badly on all women. When you speak out against the rubbish misandristic women throw at you about men, you do all women a favour. Don’t be a coward and don’t be silent.

    • MSFM

      Outstanding post.

      If a significant number of women followed these points the benefits to the MRM would be exponential.

      • John Narayan

        If the vast majority of women followed this there would be almost no need for the MRM, almost.

      • Ludovic Urbain

        Quit expecting a solution from women. Start convincing men instead. Feminism is nothing without men.

    • John Narayan

      Blog gold! +100

  • Jade Michael

    Great post! One of my favorites to date.

    I’d love to have my female boss read this article if A) I wouldn’t get fired and B) if she were capable of understanding it. She takes female passive-aggressive behavior to a crippling level and even some of her female subordinates see right through it.

    One thing I’ve noticed is that if a woman says she hates working for other women it is because she is just as passive aggressive and cannot get past her own feelings in order to deal with the similarities she shares with her boss. It has nothing to do with preferring to work for men, even when they say that is the case. The only reason women like that say they prefer to work for men is to use the pussy pass.

    • Camran Manikfan

      ‘even some of her female subordinates see right through it’ … hey, they’re of the same sex.

  • Stu

    Actually I’ve found that most of the competent women who are hard workers I’ve known prefer to work for men. Women who want a pussy pass probably do too. There was a bit on a mainstream radio show a little while ago about how female bosses are universally hated and despised by both sexes. All most the only people who prefer female bosses……are female bosses lol.

    Only thing worse then working for a female feminist boss… working for a mangina. But at least you argue with a mangina without getting accused of being a misogynist

    • Camran Manikfan

      ‘All most the only people who prefer female bosses……are female bosses lol.’

      I cracked up.

    • inquisitor

      The Ban Bossy campaign was started by the group.
      It is apparently leftist and includes a quote of the day by Hillary Clinton.
      It is apparent to me that this is a primer to begin conditioning minds for the potential candidacy of Hillary for president and has more to do with that than the assertiveness of young girls.

  • keyster

    It’s too bad it has to be a man that points this out.
    There are women who would have, but they’re too busy being members of the human race to bother complaining about being women.

    She gets so much more attention if she protests rather than does, because doing is competing directly with him. Whereas protesting she’ll simply get what she wants with less effort.

  • James Cook

    Dear Dr Paul,

    As a woman – and I think I can speak for all women who have ever lived – I am offended by this article. I am offended because as a woman, I understand what it means to be a woman.

    Here is what it means to be a woman, in my experience as a woman:

    Sincerely yours,
    Empress Messalina of Rome,
    in Hell because of patriarchy

    • Camran Manikfan

      In that case, great choice.

  • andybob

    Brilliant and insightful comment, Alphabeta Supe. I am committing your main points to memory so I can reel them off at a time when they will have maximum impact. The best part is that you have focussed on aspects of female tendencies that are self-evident – men and women know they’re true.

    Your final point about speaking out against misandry is so important. My recent ‘discussions’ with women have ended on this point. It is essential that women understand that their silence when confronting misandry is a kick in the guts to their sons, fathers, husbands, brothers and friends. This lack of concern is having dire consequences on their relationships. Oh, they know men have had enough and many are deeply shaken by its implications.

    A few women have asked snarkily, “What do you expect me to do about it?” We now have a 7-step programme we can offer to such women (bet they won’t expect that!). Perhaps Mr Supe can expand this to a 12-step programme – it would make a great post. Be sure to include the example offered by Bev. We need women to act like Bev (bravo by the way) and voice their protest against blatant misandry. Those red-faced women knew that campaign was sexist and were embarrassed to be called on it. Powerful stuff – you done good. Bev!

    • Alphabeta Supe

      Thanks for the encouragement. A 12-stepper is in the works.

    • Andybob

      Another andybob? Is AVfM big enough for both of us?
      Perhaps you should try a different handle.

      • Andybob

        It seems that I am both andybobs. I need to lie down.

        • Daniel Qian

          Well, I would like for you to merge your imported comments, if you use the same email on Disqus. So, we all want things. :p

  • chris

    How about when women online describe themselves “Im a strong independent woman”……whether it be in dating profiles or on discussion forums, what the hell is the point?
    First I tell them if they are over 18 and in the US, yep, they are independent (despite the fact that they are likely willfully dependent but angry about it), as to “strong”…well, what you said above….

    I got an email from some campaign where I live saying “elect so and so the first woman DA”

    I responded …..”why?”

    They answered with some dribble. Sadly if I was politically inclined to vote for her, ideologically etc….she just lost my vote from asserting that horse manure, elect the first woman my ass, and not a word about her qualifications.

    You earn exactly NOTHING because of your gender. They cannot grasp that men earned respect, well, most men, over a long period of time, cumulatively, and they see it as something they can just grab and have.

    Great points especially the last ones about what not to say.

  • DruidV

    I have had more than one occupation involving a female “superior” and let me tell you that those studies are absolutely correct when it comes to female bosses being universally despised by both sexes.
    At one particular job I had held for many years, which was heavy “blue collar” and certainly no place for a ‘lady’, as their inability and weakness make them a liability, I watched from the sidelines, kept my mouth shut and did my job to the best of my abilities when a new ‘diverse’ member of the work force ( read: A loud mouthed, know-it all feminazi-bitch!) arrived there having displaced one of the best foremen I had ever worked for. He was unceremoniously pink sliiped one day to make way for this hulking sasquatch of a bitter feminist throwback.
    I did my best to stay under her radar and I was generally okay with her. In other words, she went after ‘better’ targets and left me alone. Not all the other guys were as cool about our boss being replaced by this imbicile after all, and many voiced their disdain in a way that made me truly proud to be Male!
    Anyway, I took all of her joy away by not confronting her about her bitchy behavior and gross and dangerous stupidity. No ammo from me at all, I just watched her as she pretty much FUBARed everything she touched and then she bitched and raged at the others (men) for her own ineptitude, who either meekly agreed and complied with her idiotic ideas for ” increased performance/production” (LOL) or were ‘laid-off’ ‘ indefinitely’ for ‘harrassment’ (a loose term even them) for attempting to have her removed for her blatant incompetence.
    At first she was curious about my non-response to her idiocy, but she soon lost interest as I was too passive, I suppose. Some would say I should have spoken up and called her out but I didn’t then, nor do I now see the point. What good would it have done me anyway? She was, even at that time (mid 1980’s) by virtue of the vagina between her legs, untouchable. My tiny whisper-like voice of opposition would have been easily drown out by those of her ‘advocates’, and my livelihood and position would be gone at her whim. As young and dumb as I was I still knew not to shit where I ate.
    Times have changed and that job is ancient history, but my convictions about wymyn in charge remain unchanged. It wasn’t then, isn’t now, nor will it ever will be a good idea to AA wymyn into positions of any authority over men. Don’t take my word for it. Look around the workplace and see the results of 60 years worth of “diverse enrichment” for yourself. Hint: you must remove your head from the sand first…

  • dejour

    I realize that this will go over poorly here, but I like to be fair. Why not be fair, when the truth is on the side of the MRM?

    Anyways – there is some evidence that women, when giving a negative evaluation, will be judged more harshly than men.

    See Sinclair & Kunda (2000). When students got a good mark, they rated female professors slightly higher than male professors. But when students got a bad mark, the evaluation of the male professors stayed about the same and the evaluation of the female professors plummeted. Of course, there were some issues here (female profs tend to be younger on average, and it’s possible that female profs don’t help the “bad” students as much). Study 2 in the paper was a mock interview. Students answered interview questions over an intercom, and then were supposedly evaluated by either a young male or female manager. In reality they were randomly given positive or negative feedback. Students were asked to evaluate the manager’s skill in evaluating them. Again, after positive feedback, the female manager was evaluated slightly more positively. But after negative feedback, the female manager was evaluated much more negatively. The feedback was scripted, so both the male and female said the exact same vague things.

    Anyways – I don’t think it’s a total sob story for women. The fact is that they were rated higher than men in the positive feedback cases (discrimination against men!) But the results do suggest that people (both men and women) are more likely to denigrate a woman than a man when that person delivers bad news.

    • Aimee McGee

      Dejour, interesting study, but it doesn’t surprise me, because the way women relate is through hierarchy, so a criticism from a woman will result in the woman criticized trying to undermine the senior woman’s status. Most women don’t know that from the moment they toddle into the playground they are judged by other females in a complex hierarchy based on the ability to comply with normative behaviour.

  • BigR

    You have epic writing skills Dr. Paul. And I agreed with everything you said.
    Yes, respect must be earned

  • bitchAboutIt

    This is an interesting article, and I think it’s something we should be able to discuss. Ideally we would be playing on equal turf and respect would always be earned regardless of gender. I think it does gloss over a couple of other important factors. I think we all play the hands we are dealt for better or worse. Regarding the word bitch, I made a video demonstrating that it really isn’t even a bad word. find it here:

  • Jean Valjean

    The problem with many women who want to lead is that they think people should respect them because they are female. This is an inherently patriarchal viewpoint which is being misconstrued and misapplied by feminists who now feel entitled to rule over others.

    Women also have a problem with other women being their bosses as well which gives evidence that the “bitch” double standard is a viewpoint shared by both sexes.

    However, there is something else here that we haven’t discussed and which is rarely even articulated. It’s something that women don’t know and do not participate in but they intuit it in the men they encounter.

    That something is called male dominance hierarchy. Every insult, every playground fight or shoving match, ever touch down, every good grade, every friend a man makes helps place him higher (or lower) in the male hierarchy.

    From as young as 18 months males begin to compete against each other. By age 4 if you ask a male who is the toughest kid in the neighborhood he will have a pretty good idea who that is. And it will always be another male. This is not because of sexism but because males defer to females.

    So by the time a male reaches adulthood he should have a pretty good grasp on how to navigate the hierarchy, earn respect, work with others in a team environment, and if given authority over others, how to use that authority fairly and without being a tyrant. Those males who don’t often find themselves at the bottom of the hierarchy and far removed from leadership positions.

    Women, however, eschew the male hierarchy. They do not want to play the rough and tumble games with boys and boys do not want to play those games with girls. (boys are taught at a young age to defer to girls. ie. never hit a girl even if she hits you.

    And because females are not a part of this hierarchy they do not learn how to lead others. This is why a woman who has not earned her place in a hierarchy is viewed as a bitch when she lauds her power over others.

    Can women learn how to behave in a hierarchy? Yes. Will they any time soon? No. And the reason is because society will never view women as disposable. They will always tell men not to compete against girls and because society encourages girls to compete against boys who don’t fight back they will only learn how to be bitches.

    • Aimee McGee

      The hierarchy within groups of women is decided on through relational violence. You either comply with the group norm established by the alpha female (generally the most attractive or the most material asset rich), or you are “othered”. Women who are othered can either comply (including participating in relational violence against others) or choose to be excluded.
      I’ve been choosing exclusion most of my life. I don’t do relational violence

      • Ludovic Urbain

        So very true.

        I’m pretty sure boys and girls would grow up much better if they could simply hit each other with fists instead of the vicious perverted hateful you see girls deal.

      • Magnus

        Thing is that these hierarchies work in different ways, and “bossy” probably falls more natural in a female hierarchies. Ergo when a woman tries to enter a male space, and her tactics fail it is easy to blame the men for not taking to her “bossyness”
        The “Queen Bee” syndrome just doesn’t work with men, and not in a corporate setting.
        So “othered women” and men just don’t respect it.

      • plasmacutter

        3 cheers for zetas. Zetas are the pioneers of society. While alphas spread the tendrils of new cultural phenomena to the masses, zetas are the ones which produce those phenomena.

  • Jim Stacey

    Beyoncé wants bossy banned. Maybe she should stop calling women bitches and hoes too.

    • Paul Johnson

      And she wants us to do what she says? :)

    • Camran Manikfan

      Excluding herself?

    • Bewildered

      She should be asked to stick to singing !
      Perhaps,in an age where graduates of English Literature write books on psychology this is to be expected.

      • Jim Stacey

        disregard my comment. I just woke up and the coffee needs to kick in. sorry.

        • Bewildered

          Hehehehe! Good to know that you caught on to what I was really saying.

    • John Narayan

      As long as they not called bossy bitches and bossy hoes.

  • Bombay

    LOL. Interesting how the women as bossy meme continues. Nice article – says it all.

  • DukeLax

    Men understand the greatest leaders, have always led there warriors in battle, on the front lines themselves. Bossing from the sidelines is not a winning plan.

  • Sulla

    More female projection here!

    That about sums it up. Everything feminists whine about is just projection.

    People don’t take angry females seriously because being irrational and moody is not authoritative.

    • Aimee McGee

      Depends. Because I’m so rarely angry, if I use my anger in a controlled way and express my disapproval clearly and logically, I get results. But it requires restraint and many women are not taught how to channel feelings

      • Isaac T. Quill

        Conversely, where in the past boys were brought up to control emotions and channel them productively, they are now being feminised in classrooms with disastrous results.

        It’s time for the failed experimentation of Feminist Ideologues to be clearly investigated and where damage has been done and action taken. The feminisation of male children requires the use of Ritalin and Daily Drugging? If it was men doing it to female children it would be Patriarchal Oppression and abuse, but since it’s male children being targeted by grown women called mothers, teachers, principles it can’t even be abuse by any other name.

        • MGTOW-man

          I agree. Feminism and women are not exempt from scrutiny or from reevaluation. With time, all things need another looking into.
          But of course, I (and other honest men like me)”hate women” because we won’t let them have their way all the time, or lie for them/pretend we do not notice the fake equality they cling to that is stilted up by men’s foolishness. If women are so equal (as identical), all they have to do is prove it. Should be easy….if it is true. So why are they having such a hard time?

          • Isaac T. Quill

            Oh That’s Easy! The Schmacriarchy is supporting the Patriarchy, and as everyone knows Overwhelmingly and without any proof, other than grand pronouncements and restating of dubious stats without reference, when to archys support each other they are like power rangers and their power is multiplied exponentially and in ways that defy mathematics. You get over 9000.

  • Bewildered

    If you can’t do that, you’re no leader, and you are not strong, whether you are male or female.

    You are licensed to call yourself EMPOWERED though, under the new ‘no leader left behind policy’.

  • Scrufflecat

    How bossy of them.

    • Magnus

      Glad I am not the only one that find the irony in the fact that banning something is what a “boss” does, and not a leader.
      But who ever said Feminists understood irony?:P

  • Isaac T. Quill

    More BITE coercion from FPC (Feminist Psych Central). So it’s use the female child pressure tactic – Ban or Control “B”ehaviour (Especially Male behaviour) , misrepresent the “I”nformation, manipulate how people “T”hink about one word and control their “E”emotions because it’s about little girls. I mean, which daddy wouldn’t support his little princess in not being Branded Bossy? … and in future it will be find for ladies to use it but it;s made a banned word for men. Now There’s Bossy.

    It’s fascinating if you look at content elsewhere, such as The Guardian, where spurious claims to provide false evidence in support of the BanBossy meme. Google bossy and look at images on Google and count the number of men and women. Me thinks that some feminist writers have still to get to grips with targeting advertising and web searches that respond to their personal past activity – so they take their Google induced bias and peddle it as Universal. Talk about Privileged Micro Chip On Padded Shoulder.

    I also have to wonder at the timing of #BanBossy and it’s source, and just how it relates to Billary Clinton and the ongoing US presidential Election Campaign. Is Hillary that worried that David Cameron will call her Bossy at the future G8s?

  • Daniel

    how would a child taught it is unacceptable for her to be critisized, and is shielded from criticisizm act towards people if she indeed somehow manages to become a leader, as she lack on of the main skills of a leader i.e. being able to take crittisizm and recognize where it is constructive. How will she respond to a round table meeting where ideas are put forward and her’s is bad and this is said freely( as it should be)

    • plasmacutter

      The answer is obvious, shock troops would be sent out to quell any protests. Just look at Turkey and Edrogan if you want an example of what happens when people who can’t handle leadership get there.

  • Aimee McGee

    Attractive is a relative term, perhaps “charismatic” is better. As someone who was best described as homely until I finally grew into my features in my mid-20s being truly unattractive seems to be a reason for being marginalized by girls!

  • Aimee McGee

    Attractive is a relative term, perhaps “charismatic” is better. As someone who was best described as homely until I finally grew into my features in my mid-20s being truly unattractive seems to be a reason for being marginalized by girls!

  • Daniel

    as this doesn’t in any way help girls and women, in fact the strategy would make them less capable, we have to look at it from the other side.

    What do we also gave here? we have a suppressing of people standing up to bullies, voicing decent. Who does that benefit? Who benefits from a society where voicing decent is forbidden or will lead to a social negative reaction? A society where the people are afraid to critisize or stand up for themselves?

    Sony and bank are financing this.

    Feminism is not a grass roots organization, it doesn’t come from the people up, it comes from the top down.

    • Daniel

      if people blame society(patriarchy) for war, who get’s off the hook?… it’s not women. If people do this when there are people directly to blame….. how would they feel about this cultural blame? I’d say they would be ecstatic.

      They greatest trick the devil ever played was saying ” it’s them over there ….. you need look no further”!

  • DannyboyCdnMra

    “Needless to say, “As a woman, I feel…” is the double whammy of death. Every utterance of this monstrous and quite deserved killer of respect and power should come with its own handgun and target to stick to your foot.”

    Going to be a lot of feminists out there with self inflicted verbal gunshot wounds to the foot.

    This of course rates the damsel-ed purple heart of Dworkin medal in the feminist community. They have celebrations for the ‘wounded bossy’ while denouncing the ‘flying spaghetti monster payyyyyyytrearrrrchy fuckface’ , whilst blaming a man for their words.
    I shake my head in disbelief at the idiocy of feminism these days, as do many former feminists I’ve talked to.

  • Kevin Wayne

    I came up with #OwnDontBanIt as a response on Twitter (based on someone else’s statement, and I also put together a cute ‘lil spoof on a Calvin & Hobbes strip semi-related to the issue. Enjoy:

    • plasmacutter

      It looks like the blog has been removed. I suggest staying away from P.C. nightmare spaces like blogger or facebook.

  • The Jazz Coder

    Once again, Paul Elam hits the nail on the head and crafts an excellent masterpiece. I can’t remember how many times we’ve all had to hear this bullshit about women whining about how everyone perceives them as “bossy” or that “no one respects me because I’m a woman!” No bitch, no one respects you because you’re not a person worth respecting. How many times have we heard the bullshit you that we have to respect women? No motherfucker! Respect is EARNED! Not GIVEN! All these women have it backwards, they think just because they are women means that they are entitled to being respected and listened to when any man can tell you that when you’re not rich or in charge (in other words in the bottom 99%) that no one respects or listens to you, but since they’re used to hyperagency, as GWW points out that as soon as women enter the environment the human/male instinct is to roll out the red carpet and cater to their whims, they’ve become so used to it that when they get their “equality” and everyone treats them like they treat men and everyone else, like absolute shit, they think its disrespect because they’re women!

    Another thing Paul pointed out is that women haven’t learned the lesson number one of being in charge is that “Everything is your fault” They’ve become to conditioned to usual human behavior that rewards them just for showing up or getting an A+ for trying/effort that they’re more than happy to take the credit when praise comes but are unwilling to take any criticism when shit hits the fan, since this is usual mangina/white knight behavior when it comes to women’s criminal behavior such as cheating “Oh she must’ve been in a bad relationship and was seeking romance”, abuse “Well he must’ve done something to anger her” or murder “Oh she must’ve had a good reason for killing him, women just don’t do that!” Read every youtube comment page on when even women’s bad behavior is recorded such as Cathy Tretola false rape accusation/bad acting or James Mongiat’s girlfriends whining fit, or Caleb Leverett’s son is in tears of fear and refuses to go with his abusive mother and wants to stay with his biological father in the comments there are still the mangina’s saying “how dare the man record this video and show her in a bad light!” they’re more upset that they posted the video exposing the womans bad behavior than they are of the horrendous behavior of women! And yet in the mainstream zeitgeist/academia we still hear shit about “male privilege” and “patriarchy” when the only “male privilege” is the privilege to pay or go to jail when a woman points the finger at you and falsely accuses you of rape or commits paternity fraud and the only “patriarchy” is when our politicians such as Obama or Biden sign and support the VAWA laws which throws due process and “innocent until proven guilty” right out the fucking window

  • Bewildered

    The problem is some people are too human but claim/pretend to be paragons of perfection.

  • dtobias

    In the Harry Potter books, Hermione came off as bossy to Harry and Ron when they first met her, but ultimately she got their respect and friendship.

    • plasmacutter

      by lightening up and being more conciliatory and helpful rather than dictatorial and domineering.

  • MGTOW-man

    Mass censorship is coming. Mark that word!
    This is how they will censor us truth crusaders in the beginning. The feelings of women do and will trump men’s rights and the right to be honest. Word by word, they will make it prohibited to be honest about things may women would rather not hear or be bothered with…for truth is their number one enemy.
    How about we use the word “bossy” specifically in reference to women whom the shoe fits in every chance we get and all over the net? This should put a damper on the censorship by facebook. Mass-use this word.
    From this point on, I will make it an acute point to tell the truth about bossy women. I do not do facebook, but in every thing I do, if applicable, I will deliberately say BOSSY. They’ll not shut me up!

  • bartonim

    While you have a very valid point about double standards, from what I can gather over the general gist of your argument is a bit of an obsession with power. You appear to treat it as quite a virtue, when in fact anyone who does earn respect does it not with power, but other qualities that lead others to respect them. While I must be fair to you and acknowledge your listing some of these qualities, you appear to overrate power as the central characteristic that leads others to respect you.

    Sorry, but you’re not even half right. In fact, there are many people who feel quite elated when someoneーnaturally, someone they neither like nor respectーfalls fast and hard from their throne in that bubble reigned over.

    If you are suggesting whiny women, or men, simply resent others with power because they get their kicks, you are probably right. But less than half the time, and here I think I am being generous.

    Has it ever occurred to you that many people who have gained power, even through hard work and honest means, quickly turn into assholes? I have avoided whitewashing, because I have already anticipated your backlash.

    Anyway, as for yourself, you might aspire to respectーworthy power and respect by employing a better editor, and your dad’s wordplay on ‘fair/fare’ works a little better when it’s not written.

    Finally, I sense more than just a bit of bitterness on your part; otherwise I doubt you’d devote so much of your time on webpages like this. Bitterness is natural at times, but when the one thing you are attacking turns up in your argument as an actual tool, the irony is not just a little obvious; it’s the overflowing excess icing on the proverbial cake you reckon you’ve earned to stuff down your selfーrighteous gullet.

    • plasmacutter

      The campaign was insisting women shun power because they’re called “bossy”.

      Are you really suggesting the article talks too much about the dynamics of power when it’s addressing a campaign which is mis-representing those dynamics?

      You sound relatively rational, but It’s time to reconcile with the fact that the feminist paradigm is fundamentally flawed rather than make weak, rambling, and tangential complaints about the “tone” of the article.

  • Joe Wilson

    I’ve spent the last 25 years working for and working as – management. I’ve worked for large (multi-billion dollar organizations) and small “mom-pop” start ups. In my experience I’ve noticed two types of management styles: leaders and bosses. I’ve worked for both and what I found was that leaders work to instill a vision. Leaders also lead by example and provide worthy goals for their under links. They encourage and when you do fine they recognize that effort. When you fail, leaders don’t beat you into the ground but instead they work to lead you back in the right direction.

    I have also worked for bosses. Bosses don’t lead, they dictate. They define the thresholds of right and wrong and if you cross the boundary, they let you know it. The vision of the boss is his/her own vision for escalating the executive ladder of success (it seldom if ever includes you the employee); they don’t care about you. Bosses (at least the ones I worked with) pit employees against each other – usually out of fear they foster an environment of snitching.

    Guess which one I found best to work for? When my daughter (who is 7 now) shows leadership initiative I encourage it. One day (just before Christmas) she wanted to reorganize her “play room”. She asked me if I could help her move some of the shelves…I complied. She was showing leadership and understood her limitations as a child (couldn’t move the shelves). But she doesn’t always act like a leader. Sometimes “mommy” asks her to clean up her toys. When she looks at me and tells me to help her I simply say “no”.

    • Joe Wilson

      One last comment. I’m surprised this “ban bossy” campaign is happening at this point in time. I recently attended a seminar where the presenter indicated that we are raising a generation of children who are known as the “Blue Ribbon” generation. In contrast to what the “ban bossy” campaign asserts we are actually “giving in” to all our children’s wishes. We are effectively spoiling them rotten! Essentially we are raising a generation of kids that cannot think critically, write effectively, solve problems, understand complex issues, or meet employers’ expectations….because they are used to having everything presented to them on a silver platter.

    • Magnus

      I have worked for “bosses” before too, and I have to agree. The boss is the guy that makes your life miserable, and expects respect without showing any back. They also expect you to do the work, but you never see that they do any themselves.
      A leader inspires, leads from the front, works WITH you and tries to build you up.

      Glad I no longer work for a boss, but rather a leader.