Double standards are bad business. And ladies, Dr. Paul takes a very dim view of the practice. As always, I am here to help you overcome such social maladies and move on to a more functional life.
When it comes to functionality, I’m your huckleberry.
Nowhere is the double standard more obvious than the age old idea that goes something like the following:
When a man is angry or “in control,” he is powerful and assertive. When a woman is angry or “in control,” she is just being a bitch.
This one, ladies, really chaps my ass, so to speak. First, as I said, I hate double standards. God knows I live with enough of them. But there is something about this one that really chaffs my cheeks more than any of the others.
It is not just the unfairness or the antiquated thinking. This one gets my dander up because it is, well, because it is true.
You see, if you are like most women in this culture, the real problem is that you don’t know the difference between being strong and being a bitch. You never have.
Do I need to say that again?
Your ignorance of the facts about strength and leadership likely has you trapped in bitch mode when what you are probably seeking is respect and a sense of authority; two things that are much easier to come by when you understand what they mean.
Don’t worry; Dr. Paul is here to help those that can be helped. We have to start with some real basics for a lot of you, so we better not waste any time.
First, getting people to do what you want isn’t necessarily power or strength or respect or true authority. Getting them to want to do things, however, is all those things and more.
When people follow your lead and give you their time and energy because they respect you, now, that is strength. When people do what you want because you complain till the sound of your voice is like fingernails on a chalk board? Well, that’s what we call just being a bitch.
Let’s look at this from another angle. How many times have you heard a woman say, “People tune out my ideas or don’t listen just because I am a woman?”
Now, how many of the women making this complaint were respected leaders?
How about none?
Strength is about standing on your ideas without the need for approval, not whining till people validate them.
Not everyone is going to listen or even give a damn. Get over it; it’s called life, and no, it isn’t fair. Or as my father used to say, “Fair is what you pay on the bus.”
And how about this newsflash, cupcake? Leaders command attention, but not by acting like they are desperate for it. There are women like Dr. T, and the women who write for this site. You think no one here is listening to them?
But I must admit that women like Palmatier and Izzey and Typhonblue have a sneaky little trick up their sleeve.
They actually have something to say worth listening to.
Imagine that. For some reason these women think that what they have to say is supposed to have inherent worth. They don’t just assume that because they are talking that it makes them worth listening to.
And they bring something else to the table that seems to do wonders for their credibility.
Competence. Things like writing skill; knowledge on particular subjects; and a self-assurance that does not hinge on forcing others to agree with them or offer feigned respect.
Are we learning anything here?
Once again, conviction, respect, and competence; strength.
Whining, petulance, and manipulation; bitch.
Now write that down 100 times on the chalk board.
The same goes for demanding respect when you have not earned it.
I have some news for you on that one. You can pass 10,000 pro-female laws and SlutWalk to the moon and back, and respect will still be earned. It’s not a prize that comes in every box of Gender War Cracker Jacks; it’s a result that good character and competence draws like a powerful magnet.
It is equally repelled by whining and manipulation. And it is, despite what anyone tells you, one of the few things the pussy pass cannot be cashed in for.
You should always keep that last part in mind, because much of this stuff is rooted in the manipulation; in pussy power, which is very, very different than real power.
Your pussy is great for getting compliance. It works with blue pill men like dead shrimp in front of a hungry catfish (though if you are really attractive it makes a lot of blue pill women hate your guts). But where men are concerned it is also why they invariably lose respect for you, or never develop it in the first place. And trust me, no matter what they say, they don’t respect you.
You have known that one for a long time. In fact, that is exactly why we are having this little chat isn’t it? Your not feeling respected, that is.
And how else could it be? If you don’t respect yourself enough not depend on your pussy to control people, and then whine about fake double standards, why is anyone supposed to respect you at all?
And that is what all of this whining about assertive vs. bitchy boils down to. It is just another load of hokum designed to help you demand that which you have not earned from people with enough common sense not to give it to you in the first place.
That is why with your method of approach, it is a battle you are still fighting and losing. And why you always will.
Women, by and large in this culture, are not respected by men because they have not been able to grasp the idea that they must earn it the same way men do.
There is much more to say to this, but I don’t want to overload you this early in the maturity game.
What I will do is leave you with a couple of suggestions; food for thought, as it were, for women who don’t feel respected and listened to; who, in keeping with the point of this talk, feel like they are regarded as bitches instead of the bastions of female power they know themselves to be.
One, eliminate the words “As a woman,” from all dialog you have with the world at large. Dr. Paul gets nauseous when he hears this one. When you have a chance to get people to listen to your opinion, prefacing everything you say with “As a woman,” is like shouting out “For God’s sake don’t listen to a word I say! I’m a fucking moron!”
And no, being a woman does not make you a moron, but thinking that proclaiming the obviously irrelevant, as though it lends more credibility or gravitas to your argument, certainly does.
And two, shut up about your feelings. Feelings, in case Oprah forgot to tell you, are not points of fact. They are, in all reality, an indication that facts may be the last thing on your mind. They are an instant cue for men to stop listening for one simple reason. There is nothing to be gained from listening to anyone who wants to discuss facts and figures but lends their feelings as the guideline.
Needless to say, “As a woman, I feel…” is the double whammy of death. Every utterance of this monstrous killer of respect and power should come with its own handgun and target to stick to your foot.
If you want to be listened to, have something to say, and say it letting the ideas and facts speak for themselves. And then grow up enough to get used to the fact that not everyone will listen to you.
Like I said, imagine that.