The gun in the room

Ladies, what are you doing about the gun in the room?

I have recently been party to a series of discussions of the social landscape in which violence occurs. In particular, violence against men, committed by women. Earlier in 2012, a number of politicians and celebrities clotted together to admonish all men that no matter what, the subset of humanity shaped by their Y chromosome, should under no circumstances raise a hand in their own defense against female initiated violence.

That is not the phrasing which was used, of course. Rather, the standard “never hit a woman” line was trotted repeatedly out, along with boringly predictable imputations of failed manhood should any mere male ever dare to imagine self defense was his right.

Or maybe, in the fantasy world of celebrity public service announcements, women are never violent, and physical aggression is a reserve of that most evil aspect of human identity, masculinity.

Despite its nearly constant reinforcement by our media, the fantasy of violence having a sex is one which falls apart at the first touch of examination, or comparison to decades of collected statistics on domestic violence. But simple fact-checking against reality isn’t even where the most egregious problem in this perpetuated myth lies.

The myth that violence has a sex is worse than simple hatred cultivated based on an aspect of biological identity of individuals. It is the maintenance and reinforcement of the falsehood of women as not real human beings. The common phrase “male violence” aside from falsely attaching a sex to something people of any sex do is the much more sinister conception of female identity as uniquely angelic, perfect, and pure.

For those new to this planet , divine creatures of pure grace do not exist. Women, contrary to so much flattering commercial messaging, are simply human beings. They fart, they pick their noses, they deal poorly with conflict, just like everybody else on the planet Earth. Food goes in one end, shit comes out the other. Women are humans, and human beings are twitchy, irascible, emotionally reactive, semi-intelligent animals.

The game of pretend, that they are somehow more innocent, pure, and special is a grotesque farce which excuses and perpetuates ongoing human carnage in the real world. That carnage, by the way, impacts women as well as men. This game of pretend, which among it’s tenants includes one truly depraved idea usually left unstated. This being the idea that woman lack agency or volition.

The idea of feminine innate innocence, goodness, and lovely specialness is just one side of a coin, the other face of which is that women are not fully realized human beings. This is the myth of woman as dolls, as inanimate objects. And sickeningly, because of the way our society socialized little girls, there’s an already huge and growing segment of the female population entirely willing to indulge and maintain this fiction; so called adults who have no apparent agency. They do, of course, but their agency is expressed through another never-to-be mentioned, although screamingly obvious reality that everybody knows anyway. Hypo-agency, or feminine agency by proxy.

Our culture regularly denies the relationship between cultivated perception of hypo-agency, and the proxy initiation of violence on behalf of those we perceive as absent of agency. In every simple interaction between a man and a woman in this culture, that brings us to the question of the gun in the room.

What gun is that?

It is the gun that in western cultures every woman brings to the conversation. It is the gun that if you are a man speaking to a woman — is pointed at you.

Now, in explaining up to this point, I am already familiar from previous conversations with some standard objections. The first being some variation of I don’t know what you’re talking about, or, you are being ridiculous and hysterical.

The fact is that a woman can, by speaking a few words, summon violence in the form of police or other chivalry-practicing men. The simplest is an accusation of rape, or sexual assault, or downgrading the scale of possible response, sexual harassment, and so on. In our culture, this is a reliable method to summon and point the gun which every woman brings to every conversation with a man. There are some consequences to frivolous use of the gun, but compared to the consequences to the man, the fallout for a woman is minor.

Steven Berkimer and Pierce Harlan maintain a website which aggregates mainstream reporting on exactly this phenomenon, and there are thousands of events reported in mainstream media of the invocation of the gun in the form of false accusations. Mr. Berkimer and Mr. Harlan add new stories, culled from mainstream reporting every week, and do so barely skimming the surface of reporting of women’s false accusations and men destroyed.

Yes, there is a gun in the room. To deny it is to admit either stupidity, or dishonesty.

The next most common objection is that most women would never do such a thing. In this, I will point again at the mainstream reporting aggregated on the website of Berkimer and Harlan. Judging from the accumulated stories, numbering in the thousands – all copied from mainstream media – and demonstrating that average women all over the world have been, and continue to be willing to invoke the gun in the room which they own by virtue of their sex, it seems obvious that many woman have no reservations about fielding false accusations. Reading through some of the stories aggregated, she was bored is a pretty popular motif.

So, to anyone suggesting – most women would never do such a thing, in that statement is an embedded admission that the gun is in the room. So I will suggest such individuals kindly shut the fuck up.

The next objection, usually from a woman to whom this is explained is : Oh my god, I would never do such a thing!

Oh, really? If that is the case, why do you have the gun? Why are you silent as the gun is placed in your grasp, loaded, and pointed at every man you may have occasion to speak to?

When public service announcements appear on television, pretending to seek a reduction in the problem of domestic violence – but portraying a false narrative that such violence is the simplistic black and white conception of evil, angry, violent and predatory men, victimizing innocent, doe-eyed and decorative feminine victims, we’re loading and pointing the gun. Were reminding everyone from cops to children and putting men on notice that the gun is pointed at them.

When we talk about rape culture – as if it is a real thing – we’re making sure the gun is pointed at men. So that any woman anywhere, just making a claim that she’s threatened, a claim that she’s frightened, a claim that she’s sexually victimized, men with uniforms and badges and guns will spring into action – informed and confident that their guns are pointed at the bad man, which is, of course, whichever man she is pointing at.

The ongoing, monotonous and repetitive narrative of female victimization and male predation – that is the aiming of the gun, and it’s in the room, in every room, in which a man and a woman may speak, or even look at each other.

And for a female, and an adult in this culture, and who has not acted against this narrative, through action or speech or advocacy – then such individuals are content for the gun to remain, and happy to own the control of that gun, and to have it pointed squarely at every man she deigns to speak to, or look at.

So the question might be asked : Do I want some kind of balancing power? Do I want, metaphorically speaking – my own gun?

No. I’ve said before, and I will no doubt have to say again, I am repulsed by violence – and have no patience for it. I don’t want to pretend to pursue a friendship, or a romance, or a conversation under the pretense that the relationship is based on affection, or love, or respect, while all the time, that pretense is belied by the fact that there is a gun in the room.

The gun in the room is why, among other things I avoid, I don’t date in any conventional sense. The pretend incomprehension, the denial, and the feigned mistake of metaphor for an actual pistol gripped by french tipped, manicured fingers – what? I don’t have a gun.

That is a killer aiming down the barrel with their finger on the trigger who, just before they shoot, whispers sweetly and softly, trust me.

So the question becomes, to every woman with the sense to understand this discussion. What are you doing to take that gun off the table, and put it away.

And the only answer that wont be a surprise is continued silence.

Traducerea și adaptarea: Lucian Vâlsan
Translation to Romanian (with very special thanks from AVfM) by Lucian Vâlsan.

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  • Jay

    Please edit your article to include a link to COTWA.

    (Yes, I know there is a link at the bottom of this page.)

    • Paul Elam

      Will do.

  • Aimee McGee

    Of course I’m sweet and innocent…you should have heard me curse the other (female) driver who cut me up today.

    Seriously though, short of WGTOW, how can a woman unload the gun, put it down and hold out a hand to her mate?

    • MrScruffles

      I’m not entirely certain it would be accurate to quantify the as “every woman holds the gun”; it would be better to qualify it as “Schrodinger’s False Accuser”.

      • Greyfeld

        I agree.

        Stating that every woman willingly and happily holds the gun unless they actively join the cause and “fight the oppressors” (or what have you) is unfair and accusatory in the extreme.

        Despite the very real problems that men face in this country, and the intelligent and productive discourse that takes place on this site and many sites like it (and not-so-intelligent discourse that takes place on a few others), I would argue that the wide majority of people (not just women, but people in general) aren’t even aware that there is a problem. Not only that, but claiming that “thousands of accounts” of false accusations (in a world of over 7 billion people, 250+ million just in the US) means that “all” women are doing it (or even “most,” for that matter) is no better than the feminists pointing at the entire male gender and naming them all Schrodinger’s Rapist.

        These false accusation cases need to be pushed into the public awareness, but attacking all women, everywhere, for the problem is only going to make enemies of those we should be bringing onto our side.

        Afterall, how we deliver our message is just as important as the content of the message.

        • Theseus

          I understand your concerns, but I don’t think it’s an issue of whether or not most women will use the gun; no, It is an issue of women having the power to use it, regardless of whether they want to or not. In other words: It is a power that they shouldn’t have in the first place.

          For example: I trust my sister implicitly and I have said before that she “is one of the coolest chicks on the planet”. I don’t believe she would ever use the gun, but she could if she wanted to…. and have a bunch of white knight doofuses tripping over themselves to come to her supposed aid.

        • Ex Machina

          The “thousands of accounts” line is an understatement. For one thing, Pierce and Steven only document the cases that make it through the “lace curtain”-the media blackout. Like cockroaches,if you see one (in the media) you can be sure there are thousands you don’t see. Besides that,I’m willing to bet they have more than a few thousand examples on that site.

          • Carlos

            Lace curtain indeed. The vast majority of stories with female perps and male victims are never aired by the media and, even when they are aired, they are often grotesquely twisted such that the roles of victim and perpetrator are either blurred or totally reversed to conform to the editorial bias which is almost universally present in the misandrous zeitgeist we live in.

    • Paul Elam

      Personally, I think you unload that gun and take it off the table every time you talk about female agency and zeta femininity. And in essence, that IS holding out your hand to all of us, not just your mate.

      Not much else you can, or should, do.

    • John A

      It’s a bit like ‘men shouldn’t hit women’. A lot of men could beat women in their lives into a pulp if they chose, but they wouldn’t even consider doing that. Men don’t need to apologise for being stronger than women, women don’t need to apologise for having sexual power over men. Abuse of power is the problem and the problem with female false accusers is they are rarely held to account.

    • Skeptic

      Every woman who announces with concern and alarm, rather than smugly that women are collectively holding a gun to mens’ head is unloading it and holding out a hand to men.
      Every woman who knowingly remains silent about this is complicit in terrorizing men with the gun.
      Another way of saying it is she is a sexual terrorist.

      • Kimski

        And a very well payed one, too.
        Not that it seems to matter.
        It just appears to be icing on the cake.

    • Theseus

      Aimee, the fact that you have the empathy and sensitivity to ask that question in the first place, tells me that you are already unloading the gun.

  • Bev

    the subset of humanity shaped by their Y chromosome, should under no circumstances raise a hand in their own defense against female initiated violence.

    I have for a long period of time tracked the changes in Domestic Violence legislation in Australia. Each iteration has tightned the screws and the penalties imposed on men and the widening of the definition of what constitutes DV. While in most instances the police are enthusiastic supporters of the drive against men I have met police who have severe misgivings about the protocols imposed on them. I will carry to my grave a statement by one officer. If a man should attempt to protect himself from a woman with a knife and leaves a bruise on her this will be interpreted as self defence by her. He should pray that she does not hit a vital organ or sever a major artery as any other action will brand him as the aggressor.

    • John A

      Women can use the defence of ‘pre-emptive retaliation’.

  • faroefaxi

    man this is a sick world we live in Feminism has spread like cancer, and the only way we can save the host aka the world is by cutting it out.

    i’m not a doctor tho so don’t know how to cut it out :_P
    and sorry for the bad spelling heavily dyslexic

  • Skeptic

    The money quote – [ So, to anyone suggesting – most women would never do such a thing, in that statement is an embedded admission that the gun is in the room. So I will suggest such individuals kindly shut the fuck up.
    The next objection, usually from a woman to whom this is explained is : "Oh my god, I would never do such a thing!" Oh, really? If that is the case, why do you have the gun? Why are you silent as the gun is placed in your grasp, loaded, and pointed at every man you may have occasion to speak to? ]

    Superb marksmanship there JtO.
    Bullseye Brother.

  • Suz

    Why is her finger on the trigger?!

    BRB, I’m actually going to read the text now.

    • Patrice Stanton

      Because she’s a dumb model and knows nothing about proper firearms’ handling. Bet she’s an Anti-gunner but agreed to “touch the evil thing” cuz she got paid.

  • Theseus

    Women fart?!!! Damn.

    • Aimee McGee

      Yep, just had all three cats look most worried where that noise had come from

  • Bombay

    “That is a killer aiming down the barrel with their finger on the trigger who, just before they shoot, whispers sweetly and softly, trust me.”

    This is literally what was said to me by my X before we got married when I expressed my concerns. “Trust me”. And 7 years later she would call me a fool for doing so while simultaneously using the courts to take everything.

    Spot on JTO. Another great article. And yes, I currently avoid guns as well.

  • Torgo

    “Despite its nearly constant reinforcement by our media, the fantasy of violence having a sex is one which falls apart at the first touch of examination”

    Sadly, a man whom I used to respect has just come out in favor of lone men crossing the street instead of walking behind a lone woman, because that is the “empathetic” thing to do. Listen to 2:20 and following:

  • Codebuster

    Trigger warning: the view expressed in this comment is antithetical to genocentrism.

    This taboo that prohibits a man from ever hitting a woman, I believe, has its origins in the power that mothers have over their children, and how their children’s brains are wired. Mothers are bigger than the children under their care, and they bear matriarchal authority over their children. This authority persists into adulthood and manifests as this taboo – as well as the duty that men bear by way of proxy violence.

    This is a valuable insight because it puts into proper context the source of this dumb taboo especially with regards to one’s right to defend oneself. Of course if we believe that this taboo is somehow programmed into the genetic code, then we will lose the significance of this valuable insight.

  • dhanu

    OT: Schools to violate students’ privacy for $$, by making them wear mandatory tracking badges on the pretext of reducing truancy. Privacy groups worry about the behavioral changes that this sort of forced Big Brother-ism would bring about in the citizens of the future:


    Nice way to put it.

    Women are always dangerously armed. And the problem is there is no background check, no training, no prohibition for mentally unstable women.

    Worse, guns freely available to minors.

    No punishment for use of gun.

    A women cannot even voluntarily agree to not use gun, or surrender gun, because any of these is void: agree to allow to have sex at any time and never press rape charges in a relationship, agree to allow to get slapped, agree to allow to be impregnated and not demand child support. All invalid before the law. Even agreeing to sex is void, because agreement can be taken back at any time. Google five second rape ……

    And women probably have less evolutionary inborn self restraint with power and weapons like men.

  • JinnBottle

    Re the video above: Fuck this guy and his whole southern-belle-in-danger-of-Black-men trip. Can’t place the accent. South African? Kiwi? Wherever it is, that place is in the “social suggestion” stage of (1) White Knight makes “pro-social suggestion” with intention of contracting, confining, and controlling (other) men; (2) said suggestion becomes “part of the social conversation”; (3) said controlling intention gets instituted (sometimes quietly, sometimes noisily) into law, and now enforced at the point of the proxy gun JtO talks about here: the process of the erosion of civil and human rights.

  • chris3337

    Greyfeld said “I would argue that the wide majority of people (not just women, but people in general) aren’t even aware that there is a problem.”

    This is by far the most important problem facing MRA’s and any one who calls himself or herself an Equal Rights Activist. This ignorance is not gender specific. Most people unless, they have actually lived through these inequalities or known someone who has, just
    do n’t see it. It is so ubiquitous that it’s invisible. As JTO stated it’s the elephant in the room, unseen and never spoken of. And not just the gun, but all of it, subtle, invisible and accepted.
    The problem is how do we get a critical mass of people to get it and thereby ultimately sway public policy. The gun is one metaphorical example but there are plenty more. There will never be equality so long as one holds the gun and does not offer to place it on the table. Unfortunately many don’t even see the gun.

    • dhanu

      Most women know about the gun problem/privilege (else how could they use it so frequently?). They choose to remain silent, some go out of their way so as to keep it from being known to the ordinary men. Because it favors them (it’s a problem for the men; for the women it’s a privilege). Simple.

  • Eye in the Sky

    To continue the metaphor, women have used the gun repeatedly on innocent men and the barrel became dangerously hot from constant firing. They have continuously upgraded their sidearms until what they are currently armed with is the social, political, and legal equivalent of a tactical nuclear weapon.