Sammich

25 ways to make a shame sandwich

I haven’t visited the pages of the Good Men Project in quite a while. After all, why should I? I can go a lot of places and order a male-shame sandwich. And unlike GMP, there are a lot of places that will tell me that is what they are serving without trying to disguise it as something else.

But, this morning, I got one of their site emails, and then I made two mistakes. First, I read it. Second, I clicked on a link that was inside. Note to self: Drink both cups of java before dealing with emails in the morning, Paul.

BOTH.  OF. THEM.

Perhaps if I had done that, I would not have stupidly clicked on a link and started reading the article 25 Ways to Redefine the Phrase ‘Man Up,’ by Carlos Andrés Gómez. Perhaps I would not be sitting here with firsthand knowledge of 25 ways to pull your fucking hair out by the roots.

Yes, it is that bad. And gentlemen, consider this a trigger warning. If you already have a receding hairline, don’t go to GMP and read that article unless you want to expedite the inevitable.

To begin with, Gómez can’t make it through the first paragraph of his preamble without stepping on his dick(eww, how sexist!). In his introduction to how he wants to reclaim and redefine the term ‘man up,’ he says:

 

Almost uniformly, the phrase’s meaning has remained the same—a guy isn’t “acting like a man” or “man enough” so he is belittled and shamed.

Then he sets about giving you 25 ways you are supposed to behave, or you are not a man.

You just gotta love GMP, don’tcha?

As we sometimes do here at A Voice for Men, conspicuously not named The Voice for Men, it is time to provide yet another public service. Following are the 25 ways that Carlos Andrés Gómez wants to tell you to be a man. We post them here under fair use guidelines. Note, the print in standard font is taken directly from Gómez’ article. What you see in italics is the red pill translation of what it actually means, courtesy of this writer.

Be a Peacemaker: Whether it’s out at the club on a Saturday night, an afternoon on the block, or at your family reunion, diffuse conflict and be an advocate for the bigger picture. Because what you are as a man, without intervention, is a troublemaker. That is why all you see among non Gómez’d men is conflict and strife. Why, a fella can’t even go to church or the grocery store without a brawl ensuing. Just last week I was standing in line for a movie ticket. There was a man next to me. I punched him, cause that is what we do.

Leave the Tears on your Face: Have the courage to express your emotions publicly and unapologetically; it lets younger guys know it’s okay to have emotions and be sensitive. After all, look at how emotionless and cold non Gómez’d men are. Think Keating, Steinbeck, Henley, B.B. King, Gandhi, Gibran, Rumi, Whitman, Yeats, Elliot, Kristofferson, Tennyson, Schweitzer and countless others. We will worry later about a world blind to the millions of tear-stained faces of men and boys that are out on display right now for men like Gómez to smugly ignore while he lectures us on matters of the heart and manhood.

Communicate: Openly, humbly, vulnerably, and constructively. Even when you’re scared. Even when it’s really hard.  It’s always better than the alternative. See the list on the last item. Read it a few more times if you have to. And then inform the men in the men’s movement how people will listen, when they express their pain, and their indignation, when they actually dare to speak on their own behalf. And go to the GMP and read through the countless examples of how that publication humiliates them for it.

Get an Environmentally-Friendly Car (or Bike!): Break a heavy-handed male stereotype, respect planet Earth, and save money on gas. And vote for Obama, and donate to NOW and recycle your trash. Break the heavy-handed male stereotype and buy a Prius! God knows there are no women driving SUV’s to the fucking mall.

Be a Great Parent: Try your best, actively listen, teach them all you know, read to them, hug them, tell your kids how much they mean to you. Because we all know that the male standard is to be a shitty father. As a non Gómez’d man, you know it’s true. You don’t hug your kids, or tell them they are important any more than you break your fucking back to provide for them. Yes, read to them, and not from your porn collection you fucking disgusting pervert!

Forgive: Whether it’s the jerk on the L train or your father, make peace and let go. Now there is a piece of sex specific advice! Be a man and forgive, because non Gómez’d men are full of resentment. You can learn how from women, and male feminists. They never hold grudges, not even for shit that happened (or supposedly happened) two thousand years ago.

Seek Help: Same rule applies to directions, carrying a massive oak table, and emotional baggage—it’s okay to not do it alone. In fact, we’re all better off when we don’t. Oh, no sexist stereotypes here, right?

Cook: Embrace the joy and fulfillment of watching a plate of food you made light up a person’s face. Yes, of course. Quit yammering for your woman to make you a sammich and get your ass in the kitchen! After all, men don’t know how to cook, right? We all have women making all our meals, right? Right?

Embrace Fear: Many of the most profound breakthroughs can happen when we face fear head-on and stop running. That’s right, you scaredy cats, man up and face your fears! You guys in the coal mines, quit being such pussies and face your fears! You, too, cops and soldiers and crab fishermen and truck drivers and firemen and high rise window washers. Stop running and man up! That goes double for you MRAs! Quit pussying out and face your fears of a society that rejects you for daring to stand up for yourself. Oh wait, a bunch of you are already doing that. Never mind.

Spend Quality Time with your Family: Put down the paper, turn off the smart phone and go play in the backyard. And quit watching sports and having your own friends. Lay off the personal interests that make any small part of your life your own and that take your attentions away from those that need you to be mindlessly selfless. Just work and spend every other waking moment on anyone but you. Then apologize for working so much, and then go back to work and then spend some more quality time taking care of everyone, then apologize for not doing that well enough. Now that is manhood — Gómez style!

Change a Diaper: Embrace the gift of being able to change a diaper for your child or baby sibling. It’s a memory you will always have. Shitty diapers fall under the quality time section above.

Be Flexible: Men are endlessly stereotyped as not being able to adapt—channel your inner Lao Tzu and accept what you can’t control, while joyously swimming in whatever current has swept you up. But don’t be flexible enough to challenge this bullshit, or to notice that Gómez is stereotyping you as inflexible even as he is calling the inflexibility a stereotype. Just be flexible enough to come home and change diapers after 10 hours on a road crew.

Be Responsible: Whether it’s volunteering to be the designated driver, babysitting your little cousin or managing your money, recognize that your precious gift of a life comes with necessary responsibility. Do more! Do more! Do more! Now sit up! Roll over! Beg! Gooooood boy! Sorry, I meant Gooood man!

Lead with Your Heart: Have the courage to show how much you care—about your family and friends but also whatever you’re passionate about. Just make fucking well sure that whatever you are passionate about involves changing diapers, giving up your interests and acting like a trained seal clapping for a piece of fresh mackerel. Then don’t bitch when you don’t get it.

Advocate for Women: Standing up for your mama, sister, and niece, that’s the easy part. But what about that stranger your friend is ogling right now? That’s right, fuck your father, your brother and nephew. Most of all fuck you. Now go shame that stranger for looking at a woman and having sexual thoughts.

Support the LGBT Community: We’re so much better than belittling others for who they love or how they identify their gender. Be sure you do this between changing diapers and cooking for someone else. But remember, only support gay men as long as they follow the feminist dictum to hate men like you and reject everything you stand for. Those that don’t are just limp wristed faggots and you can rag on them all you want.

Be Gentle: Sometimes the greatest power exists in a warm hug or soft whisper… other times, simply in a smile. Yes, be gentle, with everyone but yourself. Treat others with tenderness, even as they shame you into compliance with their perceived needs and whims. Be nice to the gender ideologue that sees you as an appliance, and accessory in the lives of others. Blow them kisses and think only warm and fuzzy thoughts. If you must vomit, do so with care and tenderness.

Mentor a Child: Organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters are always looking for more male mentors, especially men of color. Giving up a couple afternoons a month could literally change a kid’s a life for the better. Give, give, give! More, more, more! Teach young boys, by your life’s example, to be just as disposable and utilitarian as you are. That is what real men do. And while you mentor young girls, first take care not to sexually molest them. Then give them an example of just how useful you and all men should be for the duration of their lives.

Be Humble: Be brave enough to follow someone else’s lead. Recognize that you’re part of a much bigger purpose than just you. After all, isn’t everything in the world bigger than just you? You will find that groveling and humility go hand in hand. Or was that humiliation? Whatever.

Be Healthy: Exercise, eat healthy, get good sleep, lower your stress, and prioritize happiness. How you do this in a life you don’t own is your problem to fix. But fix it you must. To serve others in the Gómez way,  you must be healthy enough to carry their weight, your own, and the weight of anyone else in your vicinity, especially those with a vagina.  Remember, “prioritize happiness” is not referring to yours. Don’t be so fucking selfish!

Hold Yourself Accountable: Don’t be too proud to say when you’re wrong or take responsibility when you make a mistake. And remember, you are always the one that is wrong. Insinuating that someone else is wrong is a form of abuse. There is an easier way to break this down. You don’t have to take responsibility when you make a mistake if you get it right from the beginning that you are a mistake.

Value your Partner’s Sexual Needs: Make it a priority to respect and honor your partner’s sexual boundaries and celebrate satisfying his or her sexual needs. If you have made it this far down this list and you still have to have this explained to you, then you are really fucking stupid. Remember, as a mere man, your sexual needs and satisfaction mean nothing. Take care of her. Just like in everything else you do in life. Just pretend you’re a kitty cat and you have swallowed a her ball. You don’t have a purpose, you have a herpose. It’s not service, it’s hervice. Are you getting Gómez’d yet?

Play, Everyday: I’m not talking about Playstation or X Box here, I mean play. Indulge your imagination and your curious heart. Playing keeps us alive, creative, present, and youthful. And, in the right hands, obedient and controlled. We must be careful to clarify. It is not what you think is play. You must indulge your imagination and curious heart to think of ways to play that are not what you would choose if you just wanted to have some fun.

Say “I Love You”: Say it to your male friends, female buddies, family, or whoever is most special to you in your life. Let them know how much they mean to you.  You never know when it might be your last chance to do so. Just don’t say it to yourself.

Recognize that You Are Enough: This world tries to fool us into believing that we were all born inadequate. Love what you got. Celebrate and cherish it. Know that you are beautiful, important, irreplaceable, and powerful. Just as long as your entire life has nothing to do with your wants, needs, ambitions, aspirations, interests or happiness. Recognize that you are enough as long as you are enough to satisfy someone else’s wishes. In one of the greatest ironies of life, a strange truth appears. You are enough, as long as you are nothing to yourself.

Twenty-five ways to rephrase ‘man up’; to redefine it? How about 25 ways to put a feminist spin on the same, tired old message, pouring salt in every wound created by every bullshit stereotype ever imagined about men and masculinity? How about 25 newfangled ways to control through shame and belittlement?

And how about one ‘fuck you’ in response.

Never trust anyone who tells you how to be a man. Ever. For any reason. Never even trust anyone who puts an adjective in front of the word. It is all about control and it always was, whether it comes from the mouth of some alpha wannabe that needs to instruct others on how to self destruct, or from a sensitive new age sycophant that is looking to get approval and admiration from women at the expense of his fellow man.

If you are male, you’re a man. Anyone else who tries to tell you otherwise is deluded. We may strive to be better human beings, but it has nothing to do with manhood. Neither does this list of 25 sales pitches. Carlos Andrés Gómez isn’t even talking to you. He is talking to the women that read GMP. And he is talking shit.

 

About Paul Elam

Paul Elam is the founder and publisher of A Voice for Men, the founder of A Voice for Men Radio, and appears weekly on AVFM Intelligence Report, Going Mental with Dr. Tara Palmatier and monthly on MANstream Media with Warren Farrell and Tom Golden.

Main Website
View All Posts
  • MrScruffles

    Is this fool telling US to be humble?

  • http://www.johntheother.com John the Other

    Man up : “we recognize your pain, but we dismiss it. Whatever your injury, or grief – tough shit, suck it up and get back onto the treadmill of protect, provide, serve and sacrifice. When you’re used up and broken, if you did a good enough job, we might reward you with the appellation of hero. Mostly tho, you’ll be discarded and dismissed. So, man up”

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      When I first ran across The Good Men Project I thought “well maybe this is progress, maybe there’ll be some real discussion here.” But pretty soon it became obvious it was not about how men are good, but rather, stereotyping them and shaming them into being “good” the way these gender ideologues want them to be.

      The final straw was when they rejected this article AVfM eventually published:

      http://www.avoiceformen.com/misandry/two-recent-and-related-internet-bullying-incidents/

      They didn’t give a reason, just, “Unfortunately, this piece is not for us.”

      The reason is obvious. It’s not the quality of the material, although I’m sure someone will try to claim that. (Yeah bullshit.) No, the reason is almost certainly that, even though it attacked no one, and even though it even took some men to task for being excessive in their criticism of one particular feminist, it was unapologetic in its advocacy for a man who’d been victimized and showed that there were critical people, male and female alike, who had taken rational, reasonable exception to that particular feminist’s work.

      The Good Men Project is about shaming men into compliance. As Paul put it so well, “…same, tired old message, pouring salt in every wound created by every bullshit stereotype ever imagined about men and masculinity.”

      By the way Gomez, I changed my son’s first diaper. And fed him his first bottle. And I do most of the cooking in my house, and I generally already am a peacemaker by nature. It takes a lot to get me riled up into fight mode–although as the saying goes, you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry, you will have a hard time making me angry.

      You can make me sick though. I even hate the word “mangina,” for several reasons (not least of which is that vaginas are very nice things), but seriously: why don’t you write us a nice essay on how hispanic men need to learn their proper boundaries around white women and other white people and not walk behind them on the street or steal their hubcaps and oh, by the way, when doing white people’s yard work please say “yes sir” and “no ma’am” with a smile on their face?

      El burro sabe mas que tu, Gómez.

      By the way, off-topic, but for weeks now I have not been able to get my Gravatar to work here. It’s only on this account and only on this site, anyone got any ideas on that? It just stopped the day after we deactivated the malfunctioning social networking stuff and I’ve never been able to get it back. If anyone can help me with that I’d appreciate it.

  • Aimee McGee

    He’s trying to get laid by the feminist sub-editor in the next cubicle…trust me, I’ve seen this all before.

    Maybe I’m wierd, I like my men to be men and do things in masculine ways. I’m not expecting them to be pseudo female. Most of his manning up examples are acting from a female schema. Men can do all those things. Many man do all those things – but do them in male ways and most women and maginas don’t see this because they don’t want to or can’t see it!

    • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

      I like my men to be who they want to be. ;)

      • ManUpManDown.

        Bingo. THAT is the point. Or as Paul put it, “We may strive to be better human beings, but it has nothing to do with manhood.”

      • Aimee McGee

        Better put than my burble! Exactly my point…argh, that kind of article is so fecking shaming.

        Sorry guys re post above…I was actually cross after reading and inelegant in response

  • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

    “God knows there are no women driving SUV’s to the fucking mall.”

    Most humvees are purchased by suburban mothers.

    The biggest problem with these ‘how to be a man’ lists is not only are they vapid and shallow, but they also are assuming that men have to be told to be these things.

    Men will naturally be these things (at least the ones related to basic human decency and not the ones related to asymmetric sacrifice) as long as abusive social norms (and plain abuse) don’t get in the way.

    ‘Toxic masculinity’ has nothing to do with masculinity and everything to do with how society treats men and boys.

  • scatmaster

    What a fuckwad.

    And quit watching sports and having your own friends. Lay off the personal interests that make any small part of your life your own and that take your attentions away from those that need you to be mindlessly selfless

    Some MRA’s are guilty of this shaming tactic.

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      I understand what you are saying, and there may be times when I have been guilty of it, even though I enjoy a good football game myself.

      I find it really hard at times, though, to respect a man who will watch his team playing in pink shoes and gloves, while men die of prostate cancer, without uttering a word about it.

      • Mr. J

        Not only that, but it becomes a problem when it takes the place of paying attention to anything else…..This is a sickening epidemic with American men….They know nothing about how their rights are being taken away nor, amazingly, do they seem to care, but can
        tell you everything about “their team” the “players”, “scores”.

      • Greyfeld

        While it may be frustrating that others don’t share the passion for (or at least the desire to stay abreast of) certain issues, it doesn’t really do any good to get riled up about it.

        Sure, there are problems that need to be addressed in the world, but most people are only going to care about the things that directly affect them. This is just how many people operate, and railing at them isn’t going to make them suddenly care.

        It should also be noted that entertainment is a way to escape from one’s problems, if only for a little while. It should be embraced, not vilified. Like anything else, too much of something (to the exclusion of more important matters) can be bad for you. That also means too much time spent on AVfM. Afterall, backing up and getting some perspective every once in a while helps keep us objective.

        • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suz

          Good heavens! Really? It directly affects 50% of the population. Ask any fifty women you know, how important “women’s issues” are, and forty-nine of them will wear out your ears telling you how much this stuff “directly affects” them.
          You are in total denial.

        • Bombay

          “Sure, there are problems that need to be addressed in the world, but most people are only going to care about the things that directly affect them.”

          Everyone is directly affected by feminists. They may just not know it – yet.

          And I agree, entertainment should not be vilified. What other activities are going to be vilified? I vote stay on target and go for equality, not shaming men who have an interest in sports. Will the next shaming be for boys/men who play video games?

          • Booyah

            it probably will be because they are becoming increasingly popular as an escape for boys and or men that really dont want to participate in a world that has become a very ugly place for them. in many cases they just havent consciously realised why they prefer this virtual world they have SOME control over. If it becomes enough of a problem it will be a new shaming mechanism no doubt. In fact to some degree I think thats already in effect.

      • TigerMan

        Alpha women tend to support the interests of women and ignore those of men.
        Alpha men tend to support the interests of women and ignore those of men.
        That in a nutshell is where we badly need some positive social evolution to occur – in my opinion of course.

    • Robert St. Estephe

      I am one of the “guilty.”

      But I have no interest in the emotive game of shaming. When I get nauseated over sitting with men who know nothing but sports, entertainment and whatever the MSM feeds them about current events, I want to say STOP WITH THE SPORTS for a specific reason. SPECTATOR sports is a sublimation of battle, excellence, success, striving, and doing. It is pretend war, that is only watched and talked about. We are, however in the midst of a deadly worsening REAL culture war.

      John the Other, Dean Esmay, Paul Elam, Typhon Blue, Girl Writes What are fighting the real war, taking risks, expending tremendous energy, investing a huge amount of time — in fighting a WAR.

      I don’t want people to feel bad from my message. I just want them to support the warriors in real life. So I do indeed want to see the guys to shut the hell up about sports and get with the real, ACTIVE not passive, program.

      • Mr. J

        Those are my thoughts exactly, Robert, I just couldn’t get it into words like you did.

  • harrywoodape

    I also respond to the 25 ways to amputate your own balls with ” Fuck you”. Great article there.
    Fuck I love this site. :)

  • Transhuman

    I have manned up, I do not seek the approval of women.

  • Tawil

    @Carlos Andrés Gómez: “Communicate: Openly, humbly, vulnerably, and constructively. Even when you’re scared. Even when it’s really hard. It’s always better than the alternative.”

    What alternative?

    This ubiquitous recommendation for men is always codespeak meaning to communicate more with talkative women – women who are happy to talk about their feelings for hours on end – ie. most women. The talking is mostly for women’s benefit.

    Nevermind the fact that men regulate their emotions very effectively by engaging in intelligent actions, by doing, and therefore has less need for women's method of processing emotions. Men go to the gym, make something, go for a walk, go to the movies, take a holiday, sit in silence, go fishing, buy flowers for her, buy something for himself, shake someone’s hand, etc etc. They simply don't need to "talk more" if they are already skilled in the male method of regulating emotions.

    You know you are listening to a ‘gynocentrist’ when they ignore the basic male skillset and recommend women’s basic skillset in it’s place.

    • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

      I disagree, Tawil.

      One aspect of women’s stronger identity is their ability to recognize and validate their emotions _on their own._

      That doesn’t mean men have to follow a woman’s lead when she uses emotional gatling guns to lay suppressive fire over the environment in order to achieve her offensive objectives… but adopting certain aspects of this–or understanding it at least–might prove useful to men in the long run.

      • Tawil

        Typhon,

        I have published papers on precisely this subject in respected journals. What I can tell you from the research is that males and females are equally proficient at identifying emotions, are equally “aware” of emotions, and I can back that up with as many studies as you like.

        Where males are not as proficient as females is in talking about what they have successfully identified- males prefer to act rather than to talk in order to complete the expressive part of emotional processing.

        Its basically a false and denigrating stereotype that suggests women are better at recognising and validating emotions. PS. here is an interesting rebuttal of the “women are better at emotions” stereotype: http://nmalex.blogspot.com.au/

        Its also false to say that men do things (ie. process emotions) on their own. They “do” things with other people just as much as with themselves, things like i mentioned above- going on holidays with the family, hugging a son or daughter, going fishing with a buddy, going for a walk with a friend, cooking a meal together, sex, making something with a team of workmates, going to the movies with a friend.

        Lets get past this “men are lousy at emotions” stereotype once and for all, especially here at AVfM.

        • Kukla

          I agree. Validating emotions isn’t too difficult. It seems men and women differ in how they *express* emotions and how much.

          • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

            @ Kimski

            “Women can’t make decisions without involving everybody in the process. It’s also known as inherited insecurity.”

            It’s tactical. If a woman appears to be asserting too much agency, she loses victim cred and lowers herself in the femarchy.

            So she will affect a disguise of indecision then do whatever she wants anyway. Ironically a show of weakness is the most aggressive response since it maintains her domination over others through hypo agency.

          • Kimski

            @Typhonblue:

            I decided to delete the comment, because I reached the same conclusion. I also recognised the fact that if really seriously in doubt, she will try to get others to make the decision for her, which will set her free from responsibility of the outcome, and maintain her victim status.

            ‘Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive’.

        • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

          Here’s the question. If men are as good at recognizing and validating emotions, why are they constantly falling into women’s emotional traps?

          Women use their emotions offensively. That is, they use them as a weapon to develop control over others. How they do this needs to be examined and hand waving it away by saying, ‘no, women aren’t better then men at this’ just serves to hide the process behind a smokescreen of false pride.

          • Tawil

            Typhon I gotta go to work so will answer later. Short answer is that you need to differentiate between manipulation, scheming etc and recognising discreet emotions. Two different things.

            Later.

          • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

            @ Tawil

            I look forward to your response. Until that point I’ll explain further where I’m coming from.

            Every one of the emotional traps that women lay for men has the goal of ‘you will replace your emotional centre with mine.’

            How can men be so vulnerable to this if they are equally capable of recognizing and validating their own emotions? I’m not saying that the way men experience emotions is wrong, but if they were policing their emotional boundaries effectively they would recognize when women attempt to do this shit.

            And yet they don’t. Over and over again they don’t.

          • Kimski

            I can only speak for myself, but I simply turn on auto-pilot in those situations. In many ways it’s the same with unreasonable children, but with women there’s the added factor involved, that there will be hell to pay if you don’t play along.
            And they NEVER forget it if you won’t..!

            With children you have the age-difference and experience to shut down arguments or emotional blackmail, but who wants to listen to 3-4-5 days of bitching, and the very real possibility of sleeping on the couch, if you do that with supposedly grown up women?

            I’m pretty sure that a lot of men has this tiny voice going on in their head:
            “Ahh, fer crissake, let her have her way, ’cause the bitch is fucking crazy. -At least there will be peace and quiet until the next thing comes up.”

          • http://www.genderratic.com typhonblue

            @ Kimski

            Again I think that saying ‘I just let her have her way’ is creating a smoke screen to avoid looking at the vulnerability of men in this situation.

            After all these guys must have realized by now that one concession multiplies into many over time. So why not head it off at the pass?

          • Kimski

            I agree, Typhon.

            It should be mandatory in the education of boys to learn to recognise and deal with shit tests. A lot of unnecessary problems later in life could be avoided that way for both parties, and think about the money society in general would be able to save.
            Unfortunately that would mean that those same societies would have to realize and accept that there is a problem in the first place, and that goes against the ‘women as victims’-scenario we see played out every day.

          • Bombay

            Many times a man has to yield to the emotional blackmail of females because there is no societal support to be able to tell her to shove it. For example, if a woman does her emotional manipulation at work, it is usually involves many coworkers (or could be escalated to do so) and if I do not play along – I lose my job. If society did not “blame men”, then many men would not be held emotional hostage.

          • http://pinterest.com/zetapersei/male-privilege/ Perseus

            xoxoxoxoxo …………………

          • Turbo

            I agree with Tawil here, I think we are talking about two different things.

            The first is regarding men being able to process their emotions. We are constantly told that men cannot do this as well as women, Tawil is calling bullshit on that and I completely agree. I am really sick of hearing it.

            TB, you are saying that women set emotional traps and men fall into them. Yes that happens of course, but there is usually more to it than that, ie: physicality, sexuality. The older men get the less they seem to fall into these traps.

            There is a big difference between processing ones own emotions and failing to recognize deviousness in another.

            Seems to me that you are saying that women are better at using emotions as weapons, and that men need to be more aware of that. With that I certainly agree.

          • Tawil

            @Typhon: “Here’s the question. If men are as good at recognizing and validating emotions, why are they constantly falling into women’s emotional traps?”

            You are confusing two different things here- 1. recognising individual emotions, and 2. recognising emotional traps and emotional manipulation.

            @Typhon: “How can men be so vulnerable to this if they are equally capable of recognizing and validating their own emotions?”

            Again you are conflating the identification of discreet emotions with the identification of emotional traps/manipulation. We need to separate these and talk about them individually. I already mentioned that males and females are equally proficient at identifying emotions in themselves and in others. In fact some studies show that men are a tiny bit better at this, perhaps by 2%. To offer a research example which looked at differences in emotional intuition between genders, more than 15,000 people were assessed in an online experiment at the Edinburgh International Science Festival, led by Professor Richard Wiseman, of Hertfordshire University. Before undertaking the test each participant was asked to rate his or her intuitive prowess in reading feelings, with 77 per cent of women versus 58 per cent of men claiming they were ‘highly’ intuitive. Participants were then asked to observe a series of paired photographs, with each pair containing one genuine, and one fake smile. The results showed that male and female intuition was approximately equal, with men spotting 72 per cent of the genuine smiles and women detecting 71 per cent. What was more intriguing was that when it came to judging genuine and false expressions of happiness in the opposite sex, men were correct in 76 per cent of cases compared with only 67 per cent for women, a finding raising questions about the presumption of female emotional intuition. Responding to these findings, psychologist Gladeana McMahon suggested that the reason women are labelled more intuitive is because they tend to talk more about their feelings, whereas men more often keep their intuitions to themselves (Fleming 2005).

            That was a popular experiment, but there are literally thousands of clinical studies confirming the same; males are equally proficient at identifying emotions in self and other.

            With that hopefully established we can now get to your very different second question about emotional manipulation and the entrapment of men. You are right in saying that males are not smart in this area, but it has nothing to do with men’s ability/inability to recognise emotions, and everything to do with thier inability to recognise scheming manipulation (as i mentioned- two different things).

            Girls are taught from childhood how to manipulate, especially using the bait of sexual enticement…. among other things such as shaming and praising. The education of girls into this manipulation skillset is something boys are simply not taught to identify and decode – decode as in the way we are doing here at AVfM. I taught my son how to decode this shit, but almost nobody educates thier sons about girls default manipulative tricks…. they are left completely in the dark. Thats one reason I was thrilled when Paul and Tara touched on this ‘education of boys’ in a few of thier radio programs…. and there needs to be a lot more of same, especially by fathers.

            Emotional trapping and manipulation is easy. Men and women can both be duped with a good act, and we should admit too that there are many consumate male manipulators of women and women’s emotions. However women dwarf men in the level of socialisation they receive in these dark arts.

            @Typhon: “..but if they [men] were policing their emotional boundaries effectively they would recognize when women attempt to do this shit.”

            Totally agree with you here that men are not policing thier emotional boundaries. Again this is where we need to educate our sons as much as we educate our daughters into policing emotional boundaries, especially in interactions with the opposite sex.

          • John A

            Boys are socialized from a young age to submit to female manipulation. They are told how bad men can be and that they should never be like those guys. Male feminists usually suffer greatly from this type of abuse and perpetrate it to others.

            When boys are taught how to deal with women, rather than how not to deal with women, gender tensions will reduce. Many of the problems that feminists complain about are created by bringing up boys who are clueless about how to deal with abusive women.

            I listen to hours and hours of my wife’s emotional outpouring, but won’t respond with mine as it will be taken down and used in evidence against me. And yes, she can sulk for days while I have to do trivial things like run the family business. Interestingly, since I stopped giving a shit about her crap she has cut it back a lot. Hurting yourself to hurt someone else is an inefficient and unproductive way of gaining power.

        • Turbo

          I could not agree more Tawil, 1000 upvotes

        • Aimee McGee

          I would agree 1000000%.
          Men do spot the emotions, and often I’ve found are better at not projecting their own feelings onto what they see. The response is the difference.

      • Greyfeld

        I must be talking to the wrong women. In my (admittedly limited) experience, many women are rarely introspective enough to understand their own emotions. They FEEL emotions, and REACT to emotions, but they don’t actually UNDERSTAND their emotions. They couldn’t say why they feel the way they do, or what caused them to feel that way.

        Then again, I find that a lot of people in general aren’t very introspective, so my view on this subject could be a bit biased lol.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      Moreover, please never make note of the fact that many women will treat you like dirt and call you a whiner or a loser if you DO behave this way.

      Oh but never, ever, ever attempt to hold women accountable for double-standards or demanding something and then getting angry when you do it.

      Gah. Men aren’t human to these people, just barbarians that need to be civilized.

  • Kukla

    The “Men are endlessly stereotyped as not being able to adapt” made me laugh. I’ve never heard this stereotype in my life. Men can adapt just fine from what I see, they have to in this society.

    • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suz

      That one got me too.
      (warning, me-centric statement ahead.) When people accuse me of “thinking like a man,” it’s always for one of two things – reining in my emotions, and adapting without a fuss. ALWAYS.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      Conservative columnist David Brooks, on the declining state of American males, recently published a lengthy column in the New York Times about how men are falling behind in this society because men are inflexible and can’t adapt.

      Anyone who thinks conservative traditionalists don’t stereotype or demean men is fooling themselves. If anything, they take great pride in advocating male dispoability. It’s annoying as fuck.

  • Kimski

    He conveniently left out the last item on his list:

    26. (Note to self:)
    Stop smoking so much pot before sitting down to write any article, ’cause it makes you come across as a moronic and stoned hippie from the 60′s.

    Follow those 25 advises of his, and see if you can get a date.
    I double dare you.

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      Yep, never write after attacking the purple kush.

      • Kimski

        Well, hopefully it gave him a well deserved pat on the head, from his female feminist overlords on GMP.

        Good dog!
        Now go fetch.

  • Kazzi

    Thanks for the article Paul, but what a load of hogwash that crap is. Talk about telling men how to be a friggen mangina in 25 ways or less.

    Why cant men just be men, the way it was intended, but that seems to difficult in this politely correct world that we now live in.
    I don’t need a man to bring me flowers (and Stu doesnt – he told me right from the first time we met that he doesn’t so I don’t expect them ~if I want flowers I buy them myself its that simple).
    I don’t need a man to humble.
    Yes Stuart cooks (its called takeaway maybe on a Sunday night), but that is what I am in the relationship.
    I am his partner. I dont want a mangina and when the world wakes up and realises that what the fems have done to the REAL MEN and for the men to take back their rights as a REAL person, then this world will be a better place.
    I am not one to use emotional blackmail. Yes I cry at a sad movie, or when I speak to my eldest kids who live in another state (or occassionally another country) or when I think about my mum who has passed, but I dont even cry when I am in pain (and that will hopefully soon be gone when I have massive shoulder surgery next week).
    So to Carlos Andrés Gómez, what a total wanker you are.
    We need the men of this world to teach their sons to be men and not to be pussies.

  • Skeptic

    I took one look at Gomez’s shopping list and I manned out.

  • Dazza

    Haha, I love the red pill translation in italics.

    One thing I can’t stand is when people give advice on how to live, but yet you can clearly see the person giving the advice has a completely selfish agenda. Gomez is trying to please someone. He doesn’t really care about men at all in this article. He wants men to ‘behave themselves’ and to focus on pleasing the women in their lives and to sacrifice their own lives in the process.

    The bottom line is that Gomez is a misandrist so any advice he gives to men is tainted with the fact that his real intent for the advice is to impress women.

  • Turbo

    “Be a Great Parent:”

    Gee Carlos, great advice.

    I would love to hug my child every day, but my arms are not 400km long.

    • Booyah

      lol the idea is to con you into having a kid and think you are safe to do so. I have much the same problem but my arms arent 2000km long and i did the majority of the care pre 4 years of age. kids a bit easier now so bye bye daddy

  • AjaxMurgatroyd

    Every one of those sounded like a hippie girl’s Facebook status update.

  • O’Sullivan

    Why are you reading the Good Mangina Project, Paul?

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      Because I wanted to. :) It’s a zeta thing.

      • TigerMan

        Let’s start a new meme – zeta is the new alpha! ;-)

    • scatmaster

      Please forgive Paul once in awhile he goes off his meds.

  • Bombay

    I wish he would have told my stay-at-home wife (now x) to change the diapers. Every day when I got home from work, I immediately changed diapers that were dragging on the floor from being so full. I really felt bad for my kids having to carry that load all day.

  • ManUpManDown.

    “Never trust anyone who tells you how to be a man. Ever. . . . We may strive to be better human beings, but it has nothing to do with manhood.”

    Golden.

  • http://pinterest.com/zetapersei/male-privilege/ Perseus

    I love you Paul. Like love love.

    25 ways not to be a cunt.
    1-25) If you’re going to dress to fuck, then fuck. Good women don’t tease.

    • ManUpManDown.

      What?

      • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suz

        I think Perseus just founded the “Good Women Project.”

        Perhaps we could help him flesh out his list…You know, like maybe, “If you’re going to demand that your husband pay too much for your dream home, you’d better be willing to clean it.”

        Oooh. Blog fodder, hmm. But the dishes await. *sigh*

        • Xevaster

          How about,
          Do it yourself: If you insist that you are a strong, powerful and independent woman, don’t get upset if a man doesn’t offer to (insert specific task) for you.

          Be a grown up: Remember, you are a grown woman and that means if you don’t get your way you deal with your disappointment in a mature and reasonable manner. No temper tantrums, screaming, throwing things, false assault allegations and no turning your children against their father.

          Be grateful: Say thank you to all those people(men and women) that make your life easier, safer and more enjoyable.

          Advocate for Men: Standing up for your Daddy, brother, and nephew, that’s the easy part. But what about that stranger your friend is lying to the police about right now?

          Reject Baseless Fear: One of the most profound breakthroughs can happen when you let go of all the useless fears that are keeping you afraid. Remember, men are kind, caring and gentle.

          • Sasha

            Great…also what about…

            Earn your keep: Today it usually takes TWO incomes to support a household. Understand this.

            Think of Others: Pause when your friends tell you to ‘follow your feelings’ and consider the impact of your behaviour on the feelings of others, especially those of your partner and children.

            Soap operas are fiction: The endless drama, infidelities, criminal behaviour and nastiness you see in ‘Dallas’ is there to provide entertainment. It’s not so entertaining in real-life. Don’t use it as a model. Same goes for ‘Eat, Pray, Love’.

        • Kimski

          I would very much like to read such a list, based on a realistic understanding of women.

          Very, very much.
          /Hint.

  • tallwheel

    How the fuck does this list ‘redefine’ anything? Looks like the same old shaming definition of ‘man up’ to me. He thinks he’s being all progressive by telling men to be more feminine. That’s not new! It’s been done. Gómez may believe every male stereotype out there and think men need to be more feminine, but personally I don’t give a shit whether a man is called “feminine” or “masculine”, “gay” or whatever. I’m just restating what Paul said so eloquently, but a man is however the fuck he wants himself to be. The last thing he needs is a stupid list to tell him how to act.

  • http://none universe

    The main issue with the Gomez list is that men have and already are living all of the bolded guidelines or admonishments. They’ve been there, done that. Even long before and in ways including Paul’s brief, specific and pointed rejoinders. But done without Gomez, or those similar, being aware of this. Done in a non-Gomez styled manner.

    This is a to do list for those in a needless hand-wringing state seeking navigation into the feminist led social narrative. C’mon guys. Break the spell already.

  • Zarathos022

    Well, shit. And I just had dinner….

  • JinnBottle

    Something that begs to be appended to every one of these how-to-grow-pussies-all-over-you-like-a-pox pieces of sh– I mean, advice:

    *How you do dat?* *Give me an example.*

    About the only concrete (beside the material his brain is made of, I mean) Gomez offers is to try and shame your buddy from ogling that poor woman over there in the prime of life and the painted-on Calvin Kleins.

    And if I tried to do that to my friend, I wouldn’t stay his friend long unless I was forthcoming with a damn good explanation as to what compelled me to do an impersonation of his wife just then.

    Of my friends, I would expect nothing less.

  • JinnBottle

    Males actually trying to apply this dreck wouldn’t last half an hour in the real world.

    Tell me Gomez actually tries to live like this, and I’ll show you a bird made out of lead, a vegan wolf, and a Jewish Nazi.

    • tallwheel

      I have no doubt he actually ‘tries’ to live like this. What’s so hard to believe about that? Now where is this Jewish Nazi? I’d like to find out about his/her beliefs. At least they’re probably more interesting than Gomez’s.

  • Europa Phoenix

    The expression “man up” has no equivalent in my language.
    Is it ok to say that “man up!” and “be a man!” are synonymous?

    • BlueBlood

      Europa, Yes, they would be synonyms. “Man up” would probably have derived as a bastard form of “Step up (to the plate)” coming from American baseball parlance. The inference being, of course, “do what you are supposed to do.”

      • Europa Phoenix

        Thank you for the explanation.

      • Kimski

        Yeah, you can’t even buy shaving appliances, without being presented with that shit:

        ‘A man’s gotta do, what a man’s gotta do’.

        *barfs*

  • Xevaster

    I must say that it feels good to find out that I’m a big old feminized softy. Thank the stars that Gomez pointed out all these things. If it wasn’t for this list I might have thought that I was a failure as a man. Let’s see how I have been doing with his list.
    The Good Man personal check list.
    For years I have been telling my wife and my children, multiple times a day, that I love them.
    I cook supper for my family when I’m home from work before my wife.
    I apologize to people if I have made a mistake.
    I ask for directions.
    I have, quite literally, been up to my elbows in baby shit.
    Hmmm. Now where have I been failing.
    The Bad Man personal check list.
    I guess I don’t support the LGBT community. I mean why should I be allowed to have an opinion that disagrees with their opinion. I guess my view of, “Do what you want but don’t tell me that I have to agree and support you and that if I disagree with you I’m a hateful bigot.” is just not open minded enough. I guess I’ll have to work on that.
    I also guess by “not” telling my friends to “not” ogle the woman walking past in her “fuck me” boots, with a skin tight low cut V-neck see through shirt with a push up bra and low rider jeans that show her red silk thong. I am a non woman advocating misogynist.
    Please tell what the hell is wrong with playing video games?

    • Turbo

      Ok Xevaster, there is just so much wrong with what you just said that I can barely breathe, I am choking on your misogyny.

      Now, your post would take too long to decipher, and I do not have the energy for that. I think that perhaps Andy Vanders may respond to your terribly sexist post.

      But your last point is disgraceful. You are suggesting that because a woman wears more revealing clothing that men should be able to look at her. That is just fucking MYSOGYNIST.

      Do you not understand that the more revealing the clothes that a woman wears, the more that men should not look at her body. This makes absolute sense, because if a man looks at a woman that she does not think is a cute guy, then this is creepy.

      You know the T-Shirts that “My face is up here” which is printed just under the nipple level of the low cut T-Shirt.
      This means that I want everyone to know that I have fantastic tits, especially other women that do not have tits as good as mine. And also I want all men that I think are great, to look at
      my tits. But if I do not think I like you, and you have no way of knowing this until I complain about you, then you are creepy. Remember, my face is up here.

      So mate, what part of this do you not understand.
      Seriously mate, it is not rocket surgery, or brain science. Simple, if you look at her tits and she doesn’t want you too, jail.
      If you don’t look art her tits and she wants you too, jail.

      MGTOW, only way mate.

    • Theseus

      Good show Xevaster. Not trying to be a wet blanket, but your comment on the so-called LGBT community seems a little off point. If you support the right of another human being to make their own personal choices as you say that you do; then that is supporting them. Sure, I know that there is a very vocal segment of gays that fit in to the stereotype that you describe ( particularly lesbian feminists), but I think you will find that we have a lot of allies among our gay brothers and sisters. And remember, a helluva lot of our gay brothers can’t stand feminists.

  • Agapao

    Your last two paragraphs Paul were just brilliant. (I guess this makes me a sycophant)

  • TigerMan

    Human beings I believe are inherently good – men are human beings. The Good Men Project suggests that this is not true ie that we are inherently bad. My problem with TGMP starts even with it’s title!

  • Gamerp4

    Hear Hear.

    “We may strive to be better human beings, but it has nothing to do with manhood”

    Never in my life i have seen such a profound and intelligent quote, Never, Why nobody strives for 25 ways to be a better human but sure people like to write articles about how to be a man in 25 steps :D. My response to that Gomez guy FUCK YOU.

  • keyster

    Now imagine “25 Ways to be a Better Woman” in Salon or the HuffPo…and the shit storm that would ensue. It’s always open season on men at the GMP. Scolding us like little boys, shaming us into submission to the idealized “devine feminine”.

    If only we can convince men to behave more like women, egalitarian utopia will manifest and women will like and respect men again. Really?

    • Theseus

      Keyster, don’t you get it by now? We are broken and we need fixing man, fixing!!!

      To suggest that any woman could become a better person is absurd. They are goddesses, and we are fortunate just to be in their presence, you silly man you.

  • Robert St. Estephe

    There is no such thing as a “service economy,” or a “knowledge economy,” or an “information economy.” What the “manning up” promoters are dealing with is a MANIPULATION economy. And they are mightily annoyed that men are not fetching and rolling over in response to their “scientifically” engineered (Wundt/Pavlov behaviorism) manipulation tactics.

    The Good Dog Project vomits and then the well-trained canine reader eats up the vomit.

    (Disclosure: I published an article for the Project, on Sigurd Hoeberth, a man who would not fetch and roll over, but the piece didn’t seem to be of much interest to Project readers.)

    The Good Dog Project is dedicated to dog training. And this is a prescription for social decline.

  • AntZ

    “Mentor a Child: Organizations like Big Brothers Big Sisters …”

    This is the feminist organization that empowers single mothers who kick fathers out of the children’s lives. They recruit volunteer manginas to serve as “male role models”.

  • http://www.iamthewill.wordpress.com Will of The People

    How to be a man:

    1.) Be human
    2.) Have testicles

    Anything else should be equally applicable to either sex

  • MarkofWisdom

    Excellent article Paul, you ripped the simpering sycophant to shreds

  • Jay

    Absolutely brilliant. I was in fits of laughter reading this – the truth and peoples ignorance of it is incredible. Very witty Paul, and so very true.

  • bowspearer

    Reading the article, I’m inclined to be somewhat charitable and grant them points for trying to go against living by rigid Alpha traits or as I like to refer to it “how to be half of your true self.” However the promise the article initially shows very quickly degenerates into a complete reverse pendulum swing which demands the complete abandonment of alpha traits which I also class as “how to be half of your true self.” In short; epic cluster fail!

  • Kris W

    The number one thing I worry about when articles from hate websites and publications are commented on, is that it might give free advertising to said hate website.

    Everything in this world requires money, and feminism is a very expensive beast as in the professional sense it is a kind of nepotism for inept, but well connected people.

    As such, I would imagine their operating costs are fairly high. That money has to come from somewhere.

    If you look at Slate and Jezebel, I wouldn’t be surprised if a large chunk of their viewers happen to be anti-feminist or MRM leaning who go because of how outraged they are at the comments. Heck, how many of us would even know those hate publications existed if it wasn’t for the MRM pointing them out?

    Seriously, look at how filled their comments get when they don’t engage in misandry compared to when they do.

    We need to find out how the GIMP project(and we should create slang references to other hate publications so as to deny them negative advertising) is financed and attack those avenues.

    Link the company that finances such articles with some of the worst articles they have and use that as a lever against said company. Even if it is just the GIMP projects internet provider or domain host provider(or the companies that service their servers, heck throw in their electric provider too).

    I wouldn’t be surprised if they hold editorial discussion about how to rile us up without going too far(kind of like a passive aggressive bully).

    You have to realize that they derive strength and ability to exist by engaging us in such meaningless bs, while for the MRM it is just a pointless distraction that has a diminishing effect.

  • Booyah

    To be able to read a MRM article and have a good chuckle at the same time is no easy task for a writer to accomplish. Yet this was so entertaining and even now that ive stopped laughing im still smiling. Great work Paul. That website is such a disgrace. I almost prefer the valerie solanas approach. Least it was honest as revolting and disturbing as it was.