Shame22

The Catalog of Anti-Male Shaming Tactics

Also known as The Anti-Male Shaming Tactics Catalogue

“Shaming tactics.” This phrase is familiar to many Men’s Rights Activists. It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic. Yet women are not the only ones guilty of using shaming tactics against men. Male gynocentrists use them, too. Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks.

Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men’s issues, romance, etc. The following list contains descriptions of shaming tactics, some examples of quotes employing the tactics, and even colourcoded aliases for mnemonic purposes. Enjoy.

Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)

Discussion: The target is accused of having anger management issues. Whatever negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable. Examples:

• “You’re bitter!”
• “You need to get over your anger at women.”
• “You are so negative!”

Response: Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice. It is important to remember that passive acceptance of evil is not a virtue.

Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)

Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with women. Examples:

• “You need to get over your fear.”
• “Step up and take a chance like a man!”
• “You’re afraid of a strong woman!”

Response: It is important to remember that there is a difference between bravery and stupidity. The only risks that reasonable people dare to take are calculated risks. One weighs the likely costs and benefits of said risks. As it is, some men are finding out that many women fail a cost-benefit analysis.

Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) – The Crybaby Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of men (i.e., he is accused of playing “Chicken Little”). Examples:

• “Stop whining!”
• “Get over it!”
• “Suck it up like a man!”
• “You guys don’t have it as nearly as bad as us women!”
• “You’re just afraid of losing your male privileges.”
• “Your fragile male ego …”
• “Wow! You guys need to get a grip!”

Response: One who uses the Code Blue shaming tactic reveals a callous indifference to the humanity of men. It may be constructive to confront such an accuser and ask if a certain problem men face needs to be addressed or not (”yes” or “no”), however small it may be seem to be. If the accuser answers in the negative, it may constructive to ask why any man should care about the accuser’s welfare since the favour will obviously not be returned. If the accuser claims to be unable to do anything about the said problem, one can ask the accuser why an attack is necessary against those who are doing something about it.

Charge of Puerility (Code Green) – The Peter Pan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male. Examples:

• “Grow up!”
• “You are so immature!”
• “Do you live with your mother?”
• “I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
• “Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children.”

Response: It should be remembered that one’s sexual history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.

Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) – The Elevated Threat Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner. This charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target. Examples:

• “You guys are scary.”
• “You make me feel afraid.”

Response: It may be constructive to point out that only bigots and tyrants are afraid of having the truth expressed to them. One may also ask why some women think they can handle leadership roles if they are so threatened by a man’s legitimate freedom of expression.

Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) – The Sour Grapes Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems. Example:

• “You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”

Response: In this case, it must be asked if it really matters how one arrives at the truth. In other words, one may submit to the accuser, “What if the grapes really are sour?” At any rate, the Code Purple shaming tactic is an example of what is called “circumstantial ad hominem.”

Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) – The Brown Shirts Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint. Examples:

• “You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”
• “You’re an extremist”
• “You sound like the KKK.”
• “… more anti-feminist zaniness”

Response: One should remember that the truth is not decided by the number of people subscribing to it. Whether or not certain ideas are “out of the mainstream” is besides the point. A correct conclusion is also not necessarily reached by embracing some middle ground between two opposing viewpoints (i.e., the logical fallacy of “False Compromise”).

Charge of In-virility (Code Lavender)

Discussion: The target’s sexual orientation or masculinity is called into question. Examples:

• “Are you gay?”
• “I need a real man, not a sissy.”
• “You’re such a wimp.”

Response: Unless one is working for religious conservatives, it is usually of little consequence if a straight man leaves his accusers guessing about his sexual orientation.

Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)

Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting unwarranted stereotypes about women. Examples:

• “I’m not like that!”
• “Stop generalizing!”
• “That’s a sexist stereotype!”

Response: One may point out that feminists and many other women make generalizations about men. Quotations from feminists, for example, can be easily obtained to prove this point. Also, one should note that pointing to a trend is not the same as overgeneralizing. Although not all women may have a certain characteristic, a significant amount of them might.

Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)
Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general. Examples:

• “You misogynist creep!”
• “Why do you hate women?”
• “Do you love your mother?”
• “You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
• “You are mean-spirited.”
• “You view women as doormats.”
• “You want to roll back the rights of women!!”
• “You are going to make me cry.”

Response: One may ask the accuser how does a pro-male agenda become inherently anti-female (especially since feminists often claim that gains for men and women are “not a zero-sum game”). One may also ask the accuser how do they account for women who agree with the target’s viewpoints. The Code Black shaming tactic often integrates the logical fallacies of “argumentum ad misericordiam” (viz., argumentation based on pity for women) and/or “argumentum in terrorem” (viz., arousing fear about what the target wants to do to women).

Charge of Instability (Code White) – The White Padded Room Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of being emotionally or mentally unstable. Examples:

• “You’re unstable.”
• “You have issues.”
• “You need therapy.”
• “Weirdo!”

Response: In response to this attack, one may point to peer-reviewed literature and then ask the accuser if the target’s mental and/or emotional condition can explain the existence of valid research on
the matter.

Charge of Selfishness (Code Silver)

Discussion: This attack is self-explanatory. It is a common charge hurled at men who do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits. Examples:

• “You are so materialistic.”
• “You are so greedy.”

Response: It may be beneficial to turn the accusation back on the one pressing the charge. For instance, one may retort, “So you are saying I shouldn’t spend my money on myself, but should instead spend it on a woman like you —and you accuse me of being selfish?? Just what were you planning to do for me anyway?”

Charge of Superficiality (Code Gold) – The All-That-Glitters Charge

Discussion: The charge of superficiality is usually hurled at men with regard to their mating preferences. Examples:

• “If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
• “How can you be so shallow and turn down a single mother?”

Response: Average-looking women can be just as problematic in their behaviour as beautiful, “highmaintenance” women. Regarding the shallowness of women, popular media furnishes plenty of examples where petty demands are made of men by females (viz., those notorious laundry lists of things a man should/should not do for his girlfriend or wife).

Charge of Unattractiveness (Code Tan) – The Ugly Tan Charge

Discussion: The target is accused of having no romantic potential as far as women are concerned. Examples:

• “I bet you are fat and ugly.”
• “You can’t get laid!”
• “Creep!”
• “Loser!”
• “Have you thought about the problem being you?”

Response: This is another example of “circumstantial ad hominem.” The target’s romantic potential ultimately does not reflect on the merit of his arguments.

Charge of Defeatism (Code Maroon)

Discussion: This shaming tactic is akin to the Charge of Irascibility and the Charge of Cowardice in that the accuser attacks the target’s negative or guarded attitude about a situation. However, the focus is not so much on the target’s anger or fear, but on the target’s supposed attitude of resignation. Examples:

• “Stop being so negative.”
• “You are so cynical.”
• “If you refuse to have relationships with women, then you are admitting defeat.”
• “C’mon! Men are doers, not quitters.”

Response: The charge of defeatism can be diffused by explaining that one is merely being realistic about a situation. Also, one can point out that asking men to just accept their mistreatment at the hands of women and society is the real attitude that is defeatist. Many men have not lost their resolve; many have lost their patience.

Threat of Withheld Affection (Code Pink) – The Pink Whip

Discussion: The target is admonished that his viewpoints or behaviour will cause women to reject him as a mate. Examples:

• “No woman will marry you with that attitude.”
• “Creeps like you will never get laid!”

Response: This is an example of the logical fallacy “argumentum ad baculum” (the “appeal to force”). The accuser attempts to negate the validity of a position by pointing to some undesirable circumstance that will befall anyone who takes said position. Really, the only way to deal with the “Pink Whip” is to realize that a man’s happiness and worth is not based on his romantic conquests (including marriage).

———–

The above is one of the great classics of Men’s Rights literature, and anyone who advocates on behalf of men and boys should expect to hear all of these hurled at them. We have carried it here on A Voice for Men for years in PDF form, but with so many new people joining the movement every day, it was time to add it as an article and discussion in its own right. This document’s original author is not known with 100% certainty but reliable sources tell us it was “JadedGuy,” an alumnus of the Nice Guy MGTOW forum. In any case, it’s something that every Men’s Human Rights Advocate should familiarize himself with. Be prepared, you’re going to hear every one of these if you try talking to people about any of these issues. If you don’t learn how to respond appropriately (or just let it roll off you like water from a duck’s back) you’ll make yourself crazy. These are some of the most common ways they use to try to shut us up or make us lose our temper. Don’t let it happen to you.–DE

(“Shame” image taken from Wikimedia Commons and was created by “PinkMoose.”)

About Dean Esmay

AVfM Managing Editor Dean Esmay co-hosts AVfM Radio's Revelations with Erin Pizzey and Tales from the Infrared. He also writes about numerous topics on Dean's World and The Moderate Voice. He encourages people to look at issues through the lens of compassion for men who deserve it, and respect for women who deserve it. He is the author of the critically-acclaimed novel Methuselah's Daughter.

Main Website
View All Posts
  • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

    To this I think I would add “Charge of Pernicious Association” – The other people like you are bad people charge

    Not sure how I’d color it, but it merely requires that you quote some other person purporting to stick up for men and boys and then also saying hateful or batshit crazy things. This person or quotation may or may not even be real. It’s just another variation on Guilt By Association.

    There also ought to be one for quote-mining. Put that in and this list looks pretty damned complete to me.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      In thinking about it I may just go ahead and add those to the article unless someone objects. I can see from tracing it that others have added to it over the years… other suggestions would be cool.

      • http://manamongoaks.com/index.html Ray

        We had 1800 marines on the helicopter carrier I was on, when I was in the Navy off the coast of Vietnam. On more than one occasion I heard marines telling other marines, “Get tough of die.” They did plenty of both. “Get tough or die” is just an extreme variation of “suck it up,” and “take it like a man.”

        Shaming and conditioning males into disposability roles is a big problem, in my opinion. And of course, if you agree with that, you’re a prime candidate to be called: a wimp, a pussy, a cry baby, a coward, dickless, nutless, Momma’s boy, worthless, etc., etc.., etc.

        Ironically, I’ve known many brave men who simply value human life and don’t fit any of those epithets.

        For those who may not be aware, many Marines hated Sailors, primarily because the Navy spent a lot of their mission in transporting Marines to combat zones, then off loading them, parting company. I can understand that perception as this photo I took in Okinawa kind of underscores it. http://tinyurl.com/4fkht3 Here we’re offloading Marines for jungle training in Okinawa in 1969 and I just pointed the camera down into the “Mike boat” and snapped the shudder. After the jungle training we took them to Vietnam and offloaded them.

        On the other hand, I also remember the night in 1968 the ship got the call to go to flank speed (wide open) and get to Phu Bai (sp?) a town and a base about 9 miles out of the old provincial capitol of Hue – up near the DMZ. The base was being mortared. The officer who ordered me to light off an electrical generator to get more power to be able to make room for helo’s told me, “Birds are in the air, and they have no place to land.” Nobody got a good sleep that night. You could hear the choppers coming in and landing much of the night.

        In the morning, the first thing I did after getting dressed was to go to the hanger deck and look up. Copter blades were extending over the flight deck on the starboard side from the fore to aft of that big ship, and the hanger deck was tightly packed with more copters.
        http://tinyurl.com/3rlvrs

        Yep, Marines would still be out there in the ocean off Nam, IMO, if the Navy hadn’t been there, but most Marines get really pissed when I tell them that.

        Do the powers that be condition men to be disposable and shame other men to be disposable? Youbetcha! And if your one of those guys whose been on the end of the shaming by those elites who’re most conditioned for dispisability, “thank you for your service,” or “wadda you want, a frickin medal?”

        Given the way males are role conditioned in society, it’s no wonder so many males must struggle mightily just to have a quality life.

        LPH-8 in Hong Kong in 1969. http://tinyurl.com/3wwv7x

    • http://manamongoaks.com/index.html Ray

      That’s an outstanding article. Thanks for posting it. I first learned of shaming issues from a classic of MRA literature that I’m happy to see is also still available online.

      http://tinyurl.com/afvy477
      Breaking the Shackles

      • Near Earth Object

        Great link, Ray.
        Thanks for posting it.

        I don’t know what’s crazier …
        feminists, or the things they think, and then talk about.
        N.E.O.

  • herman melville

    It’s a good list, but one should always remember that all these shaming tactics are really just one thing – a diversion. My response is always some version of “Given the opportunity to address the merits of my argument, I notice that you elected not to.” Or simply, “Fine, would you like to address the merits of what I said?”

    It makes the point that the person is avoiding coming to grips with what matters.

    • John A

      Shaming is derailing.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/DannyboyCdnMRA Dan Perrins

    This list is a necessity Dean, thanks for posting it.

    You’re absolutely right about the need for this tool to have more publicity, IMHO a U of F.T.S.U. course if you will.

    “The civil way of shutting Acme Fem & co’s B.S. down.”

    Hats off to the original writer, my thanks.

  • Keith

    When I originally read this years ago I thought it was brilliant. But I have since discovered a very serious flaw in every single cataloged item.

    Why would any man dignify this shit with a response?
    You are arguing a false claim and teaching them how to make and apply false claims.

    Once identified as a shaming tactic the next logical step is to remove that person from your life. They are not your friend. Get to a safe place.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      I dunno, in the early days, stuff like this really stung and shut me down. Now I don’t let it. “What does that have to do with what I’ve said here? Can you respond to that or can’t you?”

      Of course there’s the perennial “if you just said it nicer you’d convince more people.” Feh. Yes, sometimes true, sometimes, demonstrably untrue. Address the subject, always make them go back to the subject and ignore them if they won’t.

      • Keith

        I think its just an attempt to shame you back to the narrative. I see the value of exchange but not with people that have no desire for critical thinking or even critical listening.

        I have been known to resort to counter-shaming

        1. I’m sure you’ll make someone a great ex-wife
        2. Didn’t I see you on one of those internet porn sites?
        3. Stop rubbing up against me I’m not a lottery ticket.
        4. Sure I’ll buy you a drink will you take it from a hose?
        5. I didn’t ask you to dance I said you look fat in those pants.
        6. That’s an attractive outfit do the flies stick?

        At least I’m willing to give reasons for shaming me.

        • scatmaster

          I am so stealing some of these.
          Cue the concern trolls.

        • Kimski

          Exactly!
          Ridicule is always the best response to children who can’t handle adult issues.

          7. ‘Wouldn’t your mom be washing your mouth in soap right now, if she heard you say that kind of shit?’
          8. ‘Wow! That’s really awesome. You should write that down and try it on someone who cares.’
          9. ‘If you start walking now, when will you be back home in the trailer park?’
          10. ‘Why does this remind me of that scene in Matrix where Neo can’t speak?’
          11. ‘I’ll bet you had to think of that reply for a loong time.’
          12. ‘Do your dad know you’re really a slut?’

          • feeriker

            7. ‘Wouldn’t your mom be washing your mouth in soap right now, if she heard you say that kind of shit?’

            Her mom probably taught her to say that kind of shit.

            8. ‘Wow! That’s really awesome. You should write that down and try it on someone who cares.’

            She’s probably doesn’t have the memory or writing skills to do so.

            9. ‘If you start walking now, when will you be back home in the trailer park?’

            Not till after she accepts a ride from a horny White Knight fool whom she can file a false rape charge against afterward.

            10. ‘Why does this remind me of that scene in Matrix where Neo can’t speak?’

            “What’s the Matrix?”

            11. ‘I’ll bet you had to think of that reply for a loong time.’

            It’s not hers. She’s not creative enough to think of something like that on her own.

            12. ‘Do your dad know you’re really a slut?’

            “What’s a dad?”

          • Kimski

            @Feeriker:

            ROFL. Awesome!
            Now, THAT’s when it’s a good idea to leave, ’cause you’ve made it absolutely clear to any bystanders or readers who you’re dealing with.
            ;)

        • feeriker

          Damn, Keith, those six sharp darts are priceless! Are they copyrighted? If not, can I borrow them?

          • Keith

            They are “male” property! If your a male they’re yours.
            a couple more……

            do you come with ice cube trays or just the dispenser.

            I’m pro choice and your not it.

    • Near Earth Object

      In the spirit of forewarned is forearmed … A BIG Thank You to all involved in getting this information to the light of day: “JadedGuy”, “Nice Guy MGTOW forum”, Dean Esmay, A Voice for Men …

      I find that this information is like a ‘tool’—better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it. I also find that the value and utility of this information is limited and driven by the context of the individual’s current situation.

      If one is a captive target, as I was at the R.F.I.C., this information would have helped me to better understand the tactics being employed against me, by many of my then-colleagues. However, employing the prescribed responses in a captive target scenario, would likely and only have served to inflame the situation—their desired outcome.
      If one is NOT in a captive target state of affairs, then Keith’s reply makes perfect sense to me—logical, rational, safe, and conserves one’s precious energy.

      I take issue with the two individuals who “Anonymously Disagreed” with his comment—did not have the courage to put their thoughts and words up to the scrutiny of their fellows.

      Dean Esmay writes, “(t)hese are some of the most common ways they use to try to…make us lose our temper.”
      True, in my experience. Once you lose your temper—emote, your capacity for rational, critical and logic thought has likely been compromised.

      I don’t know what’s crazier …
      feminists, or the things they think, and then talk about.
      N.E.O.

      • Keith

        I think this catalog is a great eye opener and a great conditioning tool against being shamed. Its a must read for new guys. Personally I don’t have much tolerance for putting up with being shamed. Unless there is a strategic benefit to such a conversation, but more often there isn’t.

  • http://forums.avoiceformen.com/showthread.php?tid=451 dhanu

    I first saw the list here, lots of comments over there :)

  • andybob

    Thank you for highlighting this MHRM classic, Mr Esmay. I hope AVfM newcomers find it as valuable as I always have. It is astounding how much our adversaries love to shame.

    Shaming tactics are as integral to the feminist arsenal as their lies. When a feminist fires one off at you, identify the code and explain it to her – and any interested onlookers.

    They usually compound their embarrassment by using even more shaming tactics, which only makes them look childish and pathetic. This catalogue is the gift that keeps on giving.

  • Winstone

    When somebody uses stereotypes as a weapon, there is little point in answering with logic. Just shift the focus with a more powerful stereotype that will dequalify her attack: “it’s a pity that you feminists attack men… I have nothing against lesbianism”. Giving for granted that feminism is gender hate somehow connected with lesbianism will leave her arguing that she is not a feminist (a term which is not an insult but acquired a negative connotation) and/or not lesbian

  • scatmaster

    I use this all the time (every day) on comment threads of various media outlets, etc. There is always some femmeroid who uses shaming language. They are so predictable. I have the link in my bookmarks I go to pick out which “Code” they have used and assign it the color and a post to the link. Interestingly enough for the most part I never get any rebuttal.

  • Kimski

    Here’s the short version:

    Just. Don’t. Give. A. Shit.

    Being aware that they WILL dish out that kind of crap no matter what, ’cause that’s the only thing they CAN do, goes a very long way.

    So does responses like:
    ‘I’m not even going to dignify that with a response. That’s the kind of shit I’d expect coming from a 13 year old. Deal with the subject at hand, or get the fuck out of my way, child!’

    Shaming tactics are ‘automaticons’. Learned and dished out because they once stung the person using them. Turn them around and throw them right back in their faces. They usually care the most about something like this, and you shouldn’t.

    They serve only one purpose:
    To shut you up, when you get too close to the truth.
    Always remember that..

  • Phil in Utah

    This has long been a classic of MHRM literature, which makes me wonder: why has there never been a feminist response to this? I mean, even an angry, poorly-thought out one full of fallacies?

    Maybe even feminists have the lucidity to realize that their usual arguments would only prove them guilty of one of the tactics on the list.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      In their defense, they do often complain that they get attacked on their personal appearance, their weight, their sexual desirability, etc. They *do* get some of these same tactics thrown at them at times. Which is why I’ll almost never resort to that sort of thing. I stick with facts and logic. If they can’t handle facts and logic, I point out that they can’t and move on.

      • Kimski

        “In their defense, they do often complain that they get attacked on their personal appearance, their weight, their sexual desirability, etc.”

        With all due respect, Dean, they get the majority of that kind of attacks from their own gender, from what I’ve seen.

        If they choose to go down that road with me, all bets are off. If they can’t handle it themselves, which is very often the case, they shouldn’t even attempt to go there, ’cause I’ll verbally destroy them without a second thought.

        • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

          No big argument here, although I occasionally see some twit doing battle with femmies who go straight to that stuff. Although frankly, half the time it’s probably trolls and sock puppets.

  • Kimski

    No argument, my friend. :)
    If you go straight to that stuff without even engaging in the discussion, you’re no more mature than the ‘shamers’.

    The discussion takes priority over the name calling and shaming at any time. All else is counterproductive and a waste of time.

    Just pointing out, that if someone gets the ball rolling with shaming tactics, I’ll be more than happy to play. :D

  • Kukla

    “No woman will marry you with that attitude.”

    I must figure out this attitude and use it at once!

    • feeriker

      “No woman will marry you with that attitude.”

      “Do you know where I can get that in writing, as a legally binding guarantee?”

  • feeriker

    Nicely done, Dean, and comprehensively categorized. While your proposed responses probably won’t have any impact on the thought processes (such as they are) or behavior of the other person, they at least serve notice that the shaming is ineffective.

    Good color coding too!

  • Robert St. Estephe

    Masterpiece!

    Menckenesque.

    Belongs in the A Voice for Men anthology — when it comes out.

    • Phil in Utah

      A bit OT, Robert, but I remember you once cited a book written during the suffragette years that decried the tactics of feminists. What was the title?

      • http://manamongoaks.com/index.html Ray

        Is it this book, which was originally published in the early 1900’s and is still available?

        http://tinyurl.com/bx3plhu
        The Fraud of Feminism
        by: Ernest Belfort Bax

        • Phil in Utah

          Yes! That’s it, thanks.

  • Steveyp333

    “you seriously need to get laid man” coming from other men. Normally raised when you are talking about spending any significant amount of time in your own home indulging your hobbies.

    To some, apparently the only respectable thing to do on a weekend is to go and get shit-faced drunk and spend far too much of your money trying to give your dick away.

  • MGTOW-man

    • “You are going to make me cry.”

    Sooner or later, we ARE going to have to make most all of the women in our lives cry. There is no avoiding it…that is, if we want to be successful MRA’s. But beholding the truth is not to be filled with hatred or meanness. What it is, is responsibility.

    • feeriker

      “You are going to make me cry.”

      And you think that will DISCOURAGE me? You’re in for a big surprise, sweetheart.

      • MGTOW-man

        What you said makes no sense. I could understand you saying it however, if you are a feminist. Would you please elaborate. And if you are feminist, you especially make no sense, sweetheart!

  • andybob

    Tonal mastery.

    That is what Mr Fidelbogen refers to in another classic of MHRM literature, “The Practice of Rhetorical Discipline” – if you haven’t read it yet, please do so, because it is the ultimate must-read for MHRAs.

    http://thedamnedoldeman.com/?page_id=5338

    Maintaining tonal mastery enables you to remain on moral high ground – above the fray, as it were. Counter-shaming sounds like fun, but it is like jumping off the high ground into the grubby arena of schoolyard mud-slinging. Once there, they’ll brand you a bully and call in the white knights.

    Shaming tactics are employed by feminists to either silence dissent, or reduce opponents to their level. These dumb, lazy bigots do not expect you to calmly disseminate their methods so thoroughly that you have actually colour-coded them. This can leave them speechless, which is good, or enraged, which is better.

    Mr Fidelbogen emphasizes the importance of never giving your opponents any grappling points to use against you. He writes:

    “You might say that a grappling point gives your enemy a handhold so he can swing you around, or a foothold so he can climb over you. This sets you in a position of weakness or passivity, and negates you as an obstacle, so that your enemy advances in a tactical or strategic way.”

    Rhetorical discipline enables MHRAs to demonstrate to onlookers that feminists can be taken down simply by using their own dishonesty against them – without losing a shred of your own dignity. I’ve done this many times in a variety of settings – both formal and informal, including my work place.

    AVfM has collected a wealth of wisdom from talents like Mr Fidelbogen and Mr Esmay. We must share the best of that wisdom and use it in whatever ways work for us as individuals, as well as a movement. I appreciate them all.

    • Andres

      Absolutely agreed.

      I have come across most of the tactics when I argued for Men’s Rights, and I usually respond along these lines:
      “You had two ways of responding to me: Either trying to refute my arguments by counter-arguments or trying to shame me into submission with personal insults.
      You did the latter, which suggests you do not have any arguments. If you DO have arguments, I will be happy to debate them. If you do not, please do not even bother to reply because I don’t make a habit of wiping up other people’s rhetorical poo from the debating floor.”

      edit: A variation is to ask them to point out exactly what made them think of you as [insert ad hominem used against you]. It’s often great fun if you can show how they are the ones projecting their own bias onto others.

      2nd edit: We should also always be aware WHY we debate. In my opinion it is not to ‘silence’ the immediate opponent in an argument. It is to present your side of the argument to the audience, to convince them, or at least plant some seeds in their minds that might sprout months or years later.
      If all you do is ‘counter shame’, you run the risk that your audience will walk away with the thoughts: “Well, they were both morons”, and no seeds are planted at all.

    • http://counterfem.blogspot.com Fidelbogen

      You know, there has always been something about the phrase “shaming language” that bugged me. And I have finally figured it out.

      Shaming language is meant to inflict shame. Correct? So, if it does not actually inflict shame, then it is not “shaming”. . . is it?

      So, the way to handle “shaming language” is to not experience shame when it is directed at you. If you do not feel ashamed, that means it has failed to shame you. And so, ipso facto, it cannot be “shaming language” at all, can it?

      So why not nip it in the bud by calling it something different? How about simply calling it. . . ridicule?

  • All Contraire

    Some of my own favorite comic comebacks:

    • “You are so negative!”
    Comeback: “I’m positive you’re wrong.”

    • “You’re afraid of a strong woman!”
    Comeback: “Gurl, nobody likes a bully.”

    • “You guys don’t have it as nearly as bad as us women!”
    Comeback: “True. I admire how well you all fall on the thorns of life and bleed…”

    • “I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
    Comeback: “Yes, but alas neither are interested in you.”

    • “You make me feel afraid.”
    Comeback: “You make me feel…tired.”

    • “You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”
    Comeback: “No. I just got laid and you are keeping awake…Yawn…”

    • “You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”
    Comeback: “Actually, I whack to the left.”

    • “I’m not like that!”
    Comeback: “Keep trying; you’re getting there.”

    • “Why do you hate women?”
    Comeback: “Hmm … Maybe I’m over-compensating because you have so much love for yourselves…?”

    • “You have issues.”
    Comeback: “Actually, I’ve got this sticky mess and need tissues.”

    • “You are so greedy.”
    Comeback: “And you’re so needy.”

    • “If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
    Comeback: “Actually, you’re not my type.”

    • “Have you thought about the problem being you?”
    Comeback: “Yeah…It’s the present company I’m keeping…”

    • “C’mon! Men are doers, not quitters.”
    Comeback: “You’re right. Bye…”

    • “Creeps like you will never get laid!”
    Comeback: “Not if the only available choices are chicks like you.”

    And the universal comeback good for all occasions:
    “You must have me confused with someone who gives a @#$%!”

    For real LOLROF humor consider these classic one-liners from sex goddess Mae West:

    “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.”…
    “When I’m good, I’m very good. But when I’m bad I’m better.”…
    “All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.”…
    “When women go wrong, men go right after them.”…
    “A hard man is good to find.”…
    “His mother should have thrown him out and kept the stork.”…
    “To ere is human, but it feels divine.”…
    “A man has one hundred dollars and you leave him with two dollars, that’s subtraction.”…
    “I only have ‘yes’ men around me. Who needs ‘no’ men?”…
    “Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.”…
    “I’ve been in more laps than a napkin.”…
    “Don’t keep a man guessing too long – he’s sure to find the answer somewhere else.”…
    “Every man I meet wants to protect me. I can’t figure out what from.”…
    “She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.”…
    “I only like two kinds of men, domestic and imported.”…
    “I see you’re a man of ideals. I better be going while you’ve still got them.”…

    And many more at:
    http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mae_west.html

    • feeriker

      “Why do you hate women?”
      Comeback: “I don’t hate women, but what does that have to do with YOU?”

      “You have issues.”
      Comeback: “I sure do. I have one right now with an annoying, self-centered little bitch who looks and sounds just like you.”

      “If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
      Comeback: “Then I’d never give you the time of day.”

      “Have you thought about the problem being you?”
      Comeback: “Yeah, for a minute I did, but it turned out to have been the person I’m talking to right now.”

    • feeriker

      “Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.”

      Give a man a free hand and you’ll be out of a job.

  • Robert St. Estephe

    RE: “This document’s original author is not known with 100% certainty but reliable sources tell us it was “JadedGuy,” an alumnus of the Nice Guy MGTOW forum.”

    Would it be possible to add the approximate date of first appearance? This will be useful to some of the writers and researchers who are tracing the development of the Great Awakening.

    • Type 5

      It would have been in 2005 or 2006. JadedGuy first published it in a blog he had then and it was quickly mirrored in other places. He shut that blog down, so there’s no way to get the exact date.

  • rake

    Absolutely classic, and still just as relevant as ever. Great decision to feature the list here too, for the benefit of old and new alike; I no longer remember how or where I first found it, but reading it provoked a major lightbulb moment and gave me one of my first serious doses of red pill.

    Afterwards, I was forever inoculated against fembot manipulation, so I owe the author – and all those who’ve subsequently reposted it – a tremendous debt of gratitude. These days I like to play ‘Shaming Tactics Bingo’ when browsing comments and the like. Great fun spotting and ticking off the various predictable attacks – and they are predictable – sure as night follows day.