If You See Jezebel in the Road, Run the Bitch Down

Pubisher’s note: This article, originally published on October 22, 2010, is a satirical response to a piece that appeared on the feminist site Jezebel (“Have you Ever Beat Up a Boyfriend? Because, Uh, We Have“) and to common media “jokes” about women physically assaulting men and boys. It has been brought back to the front page with a tip of the hat to Ally Fogg, probably one of the most disingenuous hacks on the planet. Fogg’s been discussing the “vile,” violent Men’s Human Rights Movement and he and his commenters are on a tear again, seeking attention through attacking AVFM in the comments to a recent article on the Justice 4 Men and Boys party (not affiliated with AVfM, although we are on friendly terms with founder Mike Buchanan) with selective out-of-context quotes, apparently in the hopes others are too stupid to know satire when they see it, even when it’s painstakingly pointed out to them. The article is reposted as is, the only changes will be “Fogg Alerts” which we use to help Ally’s numerous intellectually slow followers to know satire as it appears in front of their eyes. Those items which are not satire, but might be confused as such by the intellectually impaired, will also be identified in brackets. 

For their advance edification, we provide this link to the following wiki page, which provides definitions of Horatian and Juvenalian satire. We do with the instruction this article is an example of  satire of the Juvenalian variety. For those of Fogg’s inclinations that don’t know what a hyperlink is, I provide the following definition, with the caution that this is all the help I can offer. PE

Juvenalian satire, named after the Roman satirist Juvenal (late 1st century – early 2nd century CE), is more contemptuous and abrasive than the Horatian. Juvenalian satire addresses social evil through scorn, outrage, and savage ridicule. This form is often pessimistic, characterized by irony, sarcasm, moral indignation and personal invective, with less emphasis on humor. Strongly polarized political satire is often Juvenalian. Also see: Satires of Juvenal.


It’s domestic violence awareness month, folks, and we are now in the latter half of another [not satire] month long national circle jerk, the entire domestic violence industry masturbating to a frenzy of trumped up stats and sadistically titillating lies.

We have flying spittle in the halls of congress, the antecedents of hysterical demands that we take on the worldwide cause of defending helpless women across the globe from their sorry lot in life as victims. We have grown men donning themselves in drag couture and walking a mile in “her shoes,” a sort of trendy, new age and humiliating self flagellation by men who want to atone for all bearers of the evil penis.

And we have a resurrected article from August of ’07, from the women at (tip of the hat to the illustrious Dr. Snark) demonstrating how unrepentantly violent they really are, and how much they seem to enjoy it.

Senior writer Tracie Egan Morrissey penned the article, which addresses research findings reported in Psychiatric News that, “In fact, when it comes to nonreciprocal violence between intimate partners, women are more often the perpetrators.”

Morrissey reacted to that oft ignored reality, after a query of her female readers for those who have beaten their boyfriends, with the following:

“…well, let’s just say it would be wise never to fuck with us.”

And of course the comment section that follows the article backs up her pro abuse attitude toward men. It is replete with women regaling us with stories of how they [not satire] kicked, hit, smashed and bloodied their boyfriends for doing the sometimes annoying things that men do. One women reported that she punched her ex in the face for having the audacity to get another girlfriend after they broke up.

[Fogg Alert! Satire!] That’s it. In the name of equality and fairness, I am proclaiming October to be Bash a Violent Bitch Month.

I’d like to make it the objective for the remainder of this month, and all the Octobers that follow, for men who are being attacked and physically abused by women – to beat the living shit out of them. I don’t mean subdue them, or deliver an open handed pop on the face to get them to settle down. I mean literally to grab them by the hair and smack their face against the wall till the smugness of beating on someone because you know they won’t fight back drains from their nose with a few million red corpuscles.

And then make them clean up the mess.[/Fogg Alert]

[not satire] You know, we used to have a name for people who only hit those that they knew wouldn’t fight back.


And we all know that bullies are cowards. Put a hurting on one and they go find someone else to pick on every time. It’s what cowards do.

[Stupid alert. For those too challenged to recognize satire, I spell it out for them]

Now, am I serious about this?

No.[/stupid alert] Not because it’s wrong. It’s not wrong. Every one should have the right to defend themselves. Hell, women are often excused from killing someone whom they allege has abused them. They can shoot them in their sleep and walk. Happens all the time. It’ll even get you a spot on Oprah, and cuntists across the cunt-o-sphere will be lionizing you.

[not satire]In that light, every one of those women at Jezebel and millions of others across the western world are as deserving of a righteous ass kicking as any human being can be. But it isn’t worth the time behind bars or the abuse of anger management training that men must endure if they are uppity enough to defend themselves from female attackers.

The better option is to kick her to the curb, figuratively speaking, and hopefully move on to some better choices. Besides, violence in self defense should be in some way commensurate with the violence of the attack.

I will say this, though. To all the men out there that decided to say “Damn the consequences,” and fight back, you are heroes to the cause of equality; true feminists. And you are the honorary Kings of Bash a Violent Bitch Month. You are living proof of just how hollow “don’t fuck with us,” rings from the mouths of bullies and hypocrites.

In the spirit of feminists everywhere, you GO, boy!


Note: once again, for those who missed it, this article is a satirical response to this piece on Jezebel (“Have you Ever Beat Up a Boyfriend? Because, Uh, We Have“) and to common media “jokes” about women physically assaulting men and boys. –Eds.

  • Mick Price

    So just to confirm, the original article had the “This is satire” bits in already right? It wasn’t added in later for the thickos who wanted to quote it out of context.

    • Astrokid

      No. Who writes jokes/satire with explicit markers?

  • Kilganon

    I am going to have to agree with Matt Binder on one point he made about this article in the debate you had with him … you do suck at satire. If you are a leader in the MRM stop writing stupid things. In this case, there is a such thing as bad press. You do not have to write stupid things (even though you clearly spelled out it was satire in the article) to get bad press. Just being an MRA will get you that in spades. It behooves you and all legitimate MRAs to stop being so stupid in your responses to obviously stupid articles written.

    If you want to be taken seriously in the mainstream, then rise above the stupidity. If you do NOT care if you are taken seriously then give leadership of the movement to someone else. I hold you to a higher standard because you HAVE TO BE HELD TO A HIGHER STANDARD because you KNOW that feminists and mainstream media WILL misconstrue or outright lie about what you say. STOP IT!!! I and many men like me out there depend on you to bring the real issues faced by men into the light and hopefully make a difference for everyone in the world.

    You took on the role so now you have the responsibility. This movement is in its infancy and it is too important to have this kind of writing associated with it. Please think about the legitimacy of this movement BEFORE you write another article. There is nothing I hate more than seeing the MRM associated with hate on youtube channels and in the media. Stop giving them more ammunition to use against the MRM!!!

    • Astrokid

      Nothing like a newbie coming and calling experienced MRAs stupid, and telling others who have done the hard yards how to do it better. You depend on MRM to bring the real issues faced by men to mainstream consciousness? In which case, have you contributed any $$$ to the cause at least? Or like the countless men out there, you want somebody else to do the work for you?
      And the MRM is NOT in its infancy.. It has a long history.. First and second wave of the men’s rights movement. And its been stuck in non-progress mode for a long long time, coz nobody gives a shit for men.. especially the mainstream that you care so much for. And until Elam and a few others went on the offensive, nobody gave a shit.
      Have you listened to President of NCFM (est 1976) Harry Crouch.. who does not write any of the “stupid satire” articles.. explain why both political parties dont give a shit for men?

      They could use some new members and $$$, but how many preaching-newbies like you join them?
      I have been rather polite in this response to you, asshole. Your next comment better be respectful and knowledgeable, else I will take my gloves off completely.

      • Masculist Man

        The kid has a point on easing up on the satire. You guys do suck at it. We have to be more serious and more activist. To give some examples: what happened to the activism? What is the situation with Mary Kellett? We need to make some noise. The problem is that personalities have overtaken principles and we have been sidetracked. Don’t say anything misogynistic it may upset the honeybadgers. I look at it this way: they joined our movement we didn’t join theirs.

        • driversuz

          “We need to make some noise.”
          Are you fucking serious? Where have you been this past week? Glad we finally banned your clueless ass.

    • driversuz

      I just love it when people come here and tell the man who brought them MRM to the attention of the mainstream media, that he’s HURTING the movement. Do you also complain that coal miners have dirt under their fingernails, while you sit in a warm, electrified home? Your concern would be understandable in a society not dominated by fascist feminist censors, but you are taking for granted the effects of Paul’s inflammatory writings, while bitching about those writings. If Paul hadn’t spent the past several years saying “stupid” things that piss people off, how many people do you suppose would know who Erin Pizzey and Warren Farrell are? Those two, and many like them, “rose above the stupidity” for decades. They didn’t get bad press. They and their peers got NO press. None.

      Thanks to Paul’s “stupidity,” millions of people have been exposed to the works of a number of earnest, measured, circumspect scholars. Thanks to Paul’s “stupidity,” millions of people have also been exposed to the criminality and utter hypocrisy of feminist governance and gynocentric culture. We at AVfM, Paul included, look forward to the day when we can tone down the rhetoric, er, “rise above the stupidity” as you so eloquently put it, and still hold the attention of the mainstream media, but today is not that day.

      If you care about men’s human rights you will continue to advocate for them, just as we do and we will. Thanks to Paul Elam, maybe someday someone will listen to you.

    • Kilganon

      To begin my response I would like to start by apologizing to Mr. Elam if he read my previous post and felt that I was calling him stupid. I was referring to the act of writing a satirical piece and his inability (in my opinion) to do so effectively. I would like to address some of the points that Driversuz and Astrokid made in their response to my initial post. First of all, thank you for responding. I appreciate the dialogue.

      First I would like to address your assumptions about me. Driversuz, I want to thank you for reducing me to the ranks of the privileged without knowing a single thing about me: “Do you also
      complain that coal miners have dirt under their fingernails, while you sit in a warm, electrified home?” Here you make the same mistake many MRAs point out feminists make in their attacks on MRAs as “white men in positions of power”.

      In response to this I can only say, I grew up the son of a miner who was laid off for much of my dependent years. When I was ten, my father had to make the choice to spend his last $2,000 on a truck so we could trudge to the bush and cut firewood to make ends meet. I say “we” because from the age of ten I was in the bush alongside him and my older and younger brother getting dirt under my fingernails so people could heat their homes. By the time I was eleven, I was swinging an 8lb axe 8 hours a day in -30 and -35C temperatures. My “privilege” was to learn that to make it in the world you must be willing to work. Because of my father’s unstable employment, before we began cutting firewood, my mother was forced to say that my father abandoned us so that my
      mother could get financial benefits from the government so she could buy food for us.

      By the time I was fifteen, my father’s work situation stabilized, but we continued to work in the forest. But not enough so that he could afford a home. The only way my family was able to purchase a home was when my older brother passed away due to the negligence of another and subsequently suing the person responsible. My “privilege” then extended into my post-secondary years. I could not afford to go to university, so I went to community college instead, all the while working to pay for it and paying room and board. When I graduated I thought my financial hardships were over, I was wrong. After working for seven years and not being able to get ahead (probably due to my own choices more than anything). I finally made the decision to go back to school and pursue a university degree. This was at twenty-eight. I continued to work 60 hours a week while doing my schooling full-time and being on-call. I then finally went to Teacher’s college at thirty-three. If this sounds like privilege to you, then please let me know. I am not blaming anyone for my situation, nor my past just educating you that before you presuppose a label for someone, know a little more facts.

      Now I would like to address your real concerns about my post. Driversuz said “people come here and tell the man who brought them MRM to the attention of the mainstream media, that he’s
      HURTING the movement.” Well, yes that is my opinion, but let me clarify. It is not him per se that I have a problem with. I agree with you, and I should have clarified my position better, so please let me try to do so here. I do not think that anyone using this type of satire does the cause of the MRM any good any longer. Mainstream media will only vilify them and lend credence to the idea that all MRAs are women-hating misogynists. They cherry-pick quotes as Mr. Elam well
      knows. As I see by my own post, the way something written and interpreted does not always fit intention of the writer and something taken out of context can lend an entirely different tone to a
      piece. A valuable lesson: thank you.

      I am further happy that you: “love when people come here and tell the man who brought the MRM to that attention of the mainstream media, that he’s HURTING the movement.”, because it implies that if someone dissents with an opinion expressed they have the right to say so without feeling as though they are being attacked, and allows for the free-flow of ideas and discourse that can only help the movement. So for that I appreciate your “permission” to express my ideas. (Yes I know that your writing was in sarcasm I can read the subtext).

      It is for the very reason that the mainstream media is dominated by fascist feminist censors that I
      suggest that he leaves behind this form of writing. It is clear this type of satire is vilified in the media as they cherry-pick his writing and either misconstrue or outright lie about his agenda and the agenda of the MRM because of it. While it may have served a purpose in the past, I think that time is over. As the mainstream media continues to ascribe negative attributes to the MRM, it is important to fight that by being above reproach in writing and fighting this negative stereotype grounded in fallacy and misinformation.

      You hold the attention of the mainstream media as the case of Elliot Rodger clearly points
      out. Now that you are there use that spotlight to remove this false ideology that the people involved in the MRM are a bunch of women-hating rapists. Satire is not an effective way of doing so. Mr. Elam, Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert you are not!!! The difference is self-evident in my opinion but I will spell it out anyway. These two men are noted satirists; they make social and political commentary and are recognized for doing so. Mr. Elam is not. They may not even be able to get away with writing such a piece, and if two of the most noted satirists cannot, you can be sure that Mr. Elam cannot either. Well I may agree that these methods were useful in the past as you point out Driversuz to bring attention to “earnest measured, circumspect scholars” that time has passed. (and yes that is my opinion)

      Not to leave Astrokid out, I did not set out to call “experienced MRAs stupid,”. Well, saying “stop writing stupid things” does not call Mr. Elam stupid, so I must assume it is when I said, “It behooves you and all legitimate MRAs to stop being so stupid in your responses to obviously stupid articles written.” I did not say:“Paul Elam you are stupid.” Stupid in the context in which I had written it clearly refers to the act of writing ill-advised responses to stupid articles. Perhaps it was worded poorly, that I may give you, but I did not call Mr. Elam “stupid”. Again, Mr. Elam if
      you read my post and felt that I had called you stupid, I apologize I was merely referring to the act of responding in kind to such stupidity.

      I hope this in some ways clarifies my position. Thank you again for the discourse!

      • Astrokid

        A long comment, but I dont see you addressing anything of substance.

        ok.. you have your argument that he’s not as good a satirist as Colbert. We know that.
        We are a bunch of pedestrian people who are putting in our hard-earned money and time into this, doing it the best way we know. The MRM will never have high-status, charismatic, highly-talented males like Colbert contributing to it. Many of them get shafted by the system.. Alec Baldwin comes to mind.. lost his daughter to parental alienation, hooked up with Fathers Rights for a short while, then went away, married a young woman and started a new family. Thats the power of pussy.

        ok.. You have your argument that MSM is dominated by fascist feminist thugs who will cherry-pick and show us in bad light. We know that. We have reasons for doing things the way we do.. and you are yet to demonstrate the pre-requisite knowledge of the history of MRM for me to explain it to you.

        But you dont answer the key questions I posed.
        1) Why should Paul deliver you an MRM org in a way that is acceptable to you when you contribute zilch to it? We are not doing this for the men and women out there.. we are doing this for ourselves, the men and boys in our families. It so happens that all men are covered, coz they all have common rights. So.. we dont owe shit to some random man who comes by and asks us why we are not doing things the way he likes.

        As I pointed out, the MRM has a long history, much of it failed due to feminist hegemony, and there are MANY orgs out there that work in a way you prefer, specifically (and Fathers and Families a.k.a,, CAFE). Why are you not working with them? What entitles you to come and confront us?

        2) Re: If you do NOT care if you are taken seriously then give leadership of the movement to someone else
        Do you realize how stupid this is? Who has given Elam leadership of the movement? Has anyone superior to him appointed him? He started this website after toiling many years in the rank-and-file, and then a bunch of us came together and supported him with his operations. We pooled money quarter after quarter. And time. He is just the head of his org, just as the rest of the orgs I mentioned above have their heads. You want him to step down because you dont like some stuff?
        What exactly do you do for mens rights?

        Yes.. you have started the conversation, but I expect answers to these questions.
        Just so you know, I am a Moderator here. We get a lot of men here who just crap on the hardworking voluntary Staff here. The only reason I am entering into a respectful discussion with you is to understand the motivations behind your incredible expectations of us, fully knowing that we are ordinary folks doing our best.

        • Kilganon

          First of all, Astrokid, let me quote something that used to adorn the walls of my high school. “Profanity is the effort of a feeble mind to express itself forcibly.” I would never use the terms you used to call me in any open forum, and you as a venerated “moderator” do??? The media picks up on this language and use it against MRM again, and again. Kind of gives some credence to my position that the MRM should watch its’ Ps and Qs.

          The reason I bring up language has to do with the way that the MRM is perceived in the media and by the world at large. Language has consequence, as I have learned by these posts. Again apologies to Mr. Elam.

          I also guess I should apologize I did not realize a doctorate in the MRM was required to discuss the approaches taken by MRM organizations. Please let me know where I can obtain such a degree and how long I have to study so my opinion can be given any weight by such an educated person as yourself. I did not realize that such an education was required. Incidently, I have lived in Korea for the past 4 years, so actual boots-on-the ground work isn’t possible at the time. (I have not apologized so much to a place that is supposed to be a safe place for men to discuss men’s issues that I feel like I am in the University system again when I disagreed with the feminist ideologies and was kicked out of a class for my disagreement.)

          Now to the issues that you have asked me to address:

          “Why should Paul deliver you an MRM org in a way that is acceptable to you when you contribute zilch to it?” – I am sure my picture has shown that I am, in fact a man. I am not asking him to run the MRM org that he is the leader of in a way acceptable to me. I am asking him to consider the point that I made about satire and how it is seen in the MSM. To my point about being a man. I have had it thrown in my face time and time again in debates that I must be a MRA, and a member of AVFM by feminists regarding the Ms. Watson address to the UN. Again, merely because I am a man and disagree with a feminist. So, what does this have to do with me having a say in how MRMs are run? Well, again, nothing much I agree with you. But your literature, and your positions get attributed to me as a man in any debate or discussion I have in the wide world BECAUSE of AVFM’s place in the MRM.

          Again, I should have worded it better in my initial post. I hate to see an organizations good work get thrown out the window because of cherry picking by the MSM and feminists. My position is that the movement is perhaps not in its’ infancy any longer as you pointed out in your first response, then perhaps we can call it a toddler-hood if that makes you feel better. Where it is however, does not reflect the length of time that it has been in existence. It is its developmental stages. As you so adroitly pointed out, you are all volunteers, thank you for your work.

          “If you do NOT care if you are taken seriously then give leadership of the movement to someone else” Do you realize how stupid this is? … Yes … but I was merely using an exaggeration to bring light to my point. It clearly got your attention, so I succeeded. Any press is good press after all? Isn’t that your position? My inflammatory statement was to get attention, and it succeeded in that. I am just using an MRM tactic to bring my issue to light. Are you suggesting as feminists do that what is good for the goose is not good for the gander?

          What exactly do you do for mens rights?

          Since I am new as you pointed out, that in itself is my answer. But your warm embrace and the poetic description of me in your first response has made me feel welcome though. I so enjoy your spirited language and encouragement. Again, what do YOU want me to do? How much work must I do to create enough currency in the movement to have an opinion? You sir, are a great mentor and I can see under people like you how the movement will grow and flourish. I know I feel welcome. I just hope the other @$$40L3$ out there do not make the mistake of suggesting a venerated leader take a different approach in his addresses to the media. I will therefore cede that I know nothing, and have nothing to contribute to the discussion any longer.

          • Jonas Downer

            I love how this movement chases out intelligent moderates that come here with the honest intent to contribute fresh, good ideas. MRM = Feminism 2.0.

            From a PR perspective that was a stupid article to write and this movement is still suffering the repercussions. Just because your demagogue has done some good things that you like doesn’t mean he is beyond reproach.

            Seriously, do ya’ll not see the parallels between yourselves and feminazis? This whole movement reads like a satire.

            You people really are a bunch of fucking pussies.

          • Grumpy Old Man

            You have been banned because of a serious and direct violation of Comment Policy (general attack and general insult (particularly with respect to staff and authors)). [Ref: 4890]

          • Bryan Scandrett

            You have been banned because of a serious and direct violation of Comment Policy (bigotry, general attack, general insult (particularly with respect to staff and authors), derailing, trolling and general contempt for the work AVfM does). [Ref: 4891]

    • Masculist Man

      Check out my blog for activism:

  • Masculist Man

    I will say this, though. To all the men out there that decided to say “Damn the consequences,” and fight back, you are heroes to the cause of equality; true feminists

    Feminists? No,Masculists.

    If anyone wants to split hairs on these definitions I’ve already defined it:

    Plus we all know what feminism is about: