Components of bullying

Psychologists analyze the minds of individuals. Sociologists study people’s relationships. This leaves a middle area not well developed, that of the social expression of individual personality and personality pathology. This paper is part of this latter area, and is specifically about individuals who apply social intelligence to the task of being aggressive, and how this aggression is expressed.

Most aggression is social as typically more than one person is involved. The term social aggression used in this paper is not used in this sense, but rather indicates aggression through the manipulation of relationships. Aggression usually exists in scenarios known in the colloquial as fights. This report does not discuss fighting scenarios, but is limited to the single acts where a person hurts another, whether that act is in defense or not. I call the person who does the hurting the aggressor and the person who is hurt the victim. This is not intended to imply that the victim will not also be an aggressor within some wider scenario. Nor does it not imply legal or moral guilt on the part of either party.

Social aggression as a term in the context of this report is not a moniker for the aggression that may be perpetrated by gangs or other authority hierarchies. Rather this report discusses how an individual can express non-physical aggression through relationships – whether the individual is part of a gang is irrelevant.

Aggression is often a normal part of resolving human conflict. We, as citizens of society, desire to evolve refined methods of resolving conflict, such as open debate and voting. We see that primitive forms of aggression often do not lead to resolution but propagate a pathological scenario. However, in this study we explore the expression of the psychopathic personality which is aggressive through social relationships for personal satisfaction, not out of any desire to improve society or even to improve the local situation. Avoiding the physical fight is not altruistic but rather camouflage for the social attack. The psychopath is simply not able to be physically aggressive or does not want to be caught. We co-opt an older term that has fallen to disuse to describe this personality that turns to social aggression; sociopath.


Seminal work on social aggression was done by Rachel Simmons and is summarized in her book, Odd Girl Out. In this book Ms. Simmons follows a group of girls as they mature. She shows how the girls hone their skills of social manipulation into socially aggressive acts, and she describes a flocking phenomenon. Among the descriptive examples given in the book was that of a young girl who waited years to ‘get even’ then did so by stealing another girl’s boyfriend even though she didn’t like the boy. The aggressor took pleasure from the aggression by telling the other girl what she had done.

Simmons’ thesis appears to be that girls are just as aggressive as boys, though the girls tend to be socially aggressive while the boys tend to be physically aggressive. Accordingly, an angry boy hits his target immediately, while an angry girl designs situations where her target is denied emotional support, denied opportunities, or becomes disliked or even physically assaulted by others after a period of time. Simmons points out that the most socially aggressive girls are typically well liked by teachers. This attribute of being liked by those who have the authority to put a stop to aggression facilitates attacks.

Awareness of Simmons work has made it into counseling programs in lower schools around the U.S. It is largely being called bullying, but that is a mischaracterization. Firstly it is not about a group beating up an individual. If anything it would be social bullying. However Simmons also describes a number of scenarios that are not even social bullying, such as the case of the girl who stole a boyfriend, ‘to get even’.

Carol Gilligan in the book “In a Different Voice” made the argument that women are more aware of relationships than men, and as a result have a different set of ethics. She wrote this thesis to explain why women as a population group scored lower on Kohlberg’s morality test. Her explanation is that the test was gender biased for not taking into account solutions to moral problems that involve knowledge of the thoughts and feelings of the individuals involved in the scenarios presented.

For children and in domestic relationships this concept of gender bias may fit the data at this time, but Pierre Bourdieu points out that in a wider context social aggression exists for both genders. There are many examples of social engineering of aggression by people in general including in office politics, state politics, diplomacy, business, in vying for grants, and in the practice of law. Also, culture is changing and as physical aggression is being suppressed both due to it not being accepted and due to the virtualization of relationships, aggressive personalities are finding other means for winning in competitions of will. The social aggression is now more readily accessible, and typically not even illegal.

As another example, passive aggression is already recognized as aggression that is non-physical. Passive aggression manifests in relationships. It is reasonable to suppose there are additional non-physical methods of aggression.

I am often surprised to find out how familiar non-professionals are with the subject of social aggression. Many people refer to sociopaths in the colloquial as “manipulators” or “witches”.

The Nature of Social Aggression

In physical aggression the aggressor attacks the victim’s body. In the extreme, and the psychopath is likely to go for the extreme, the victim’s body is so badly damaged the victim dies. In intermediate forms the psychopath may enslave the victim and allow the victim to heal between attacks, and thus take repeated enjoyment out of hurting the victim over a period of time. In order to succeed the aggressor must cut off all accesses of escape for the victim.

In social aggression the aggressor attacks the victim’s ego. In the extreme, and the sociopath is likely to go for the extreme, the victim’s ego is so badly damaged that the victim suicides. In intermediate forms the sociopath may enslave the victim and allow the victim to recover some sense of worth between attacks, and thus take repeated enjoyment out of hurting the victim over a period of time. In order to succeed the aggressor must prevent the victim from finding support from others.

As an example of a social aggression killing consider the Megan Meier story. Megan was a sensitive teenage girl. A middle aged neighbor woman who ‘wanted to get’ Megan created a MySpace account as a young boy. After gaining Megan’s trust and becoming her ‘boyfriend’, the neighbor garnered the help of others and they started attacking Megan’s self-identity. Megan committed suicide.

The only reason we know what really happened is the MySpace records. Though the internet facilitated the violence against Megan, there are plenty of other cases of socially aggressive people using the technique of ‘false friendship’ to cast a victim into an emotional tailspin where the internet played no role whatsoever. The Internet did not invent social aggression; rather it is playing the role of documenting it.

The news media often calls this a case of ‘cyber bullying’ – but the primary means, false friendship, is not a type of bullying. In this case the role of the others included was probably in preventing Megan from finding an escape.

It is important to note that the aggressor was not successfully prosecuted because the judge ruled that social aggression is not illegal.

It is not uncommon for social aggression to lead to suicide. Many such cases are documented as a result of social aggression in the context of family law, see http://www.fallenones.org.

Techniques of Social Aggression

Of primary importance to the sociopath is to not get caught. Hence a number of these techniques are mix between aggression and obfuscation.

Denying the Victim an Ego

The sociopath removes all support for the victim’s ego. If the victim does well at a task, the sociopath belittles it or diffuses the subject. As examples, saying that he or she should have been doing something else, or pointing out something the victim “needs to work on”. If the victim likes something, then that something is made out to be unimportant or undesirable. Flaws the victim has are dwelled upon. As examples, if the victim has acne, is overweight, clumsy, then that is tied into the root cause why he or she can’t do other things or is not liked by others.

Making Public Embarrassing Personal Information, ‘Talking behind Ones Back’, Vicious Rumors

The sociopath learns about his or her victim, what the victim’s sensitivities are and then says something or provides something that embarrasses the victim among the victim’s peers. The victim may use a ‘rumor’ so that the source of the information will not be clear. It is all the more effective if it appears to the victim to come from ‘everywhere’. It is not necessary that the rumor be true, and often times as the aggression become more intense, the rumors become exaggerated or outright false. This heightens the effect as the victim comes to feel powerless. The sociopath will typically want to be present when the rumor is first told to the victim so as to enjoy the victim’s pain. The next best to being there is to receive a detailed account from someone who was there.

Leveraging False Friendship

An example from the Megan Meier story was given in the prior section. In this case the aggressor pretends to be a friend. This facilitates the aggressor in learning intimate information that can be fed into the rumor mill. The false friend will out themselves in a coup de grâce,  yanking the victim’s support network at a crucial moment in order to intensify the effect of one of other methods.


Recruiting Others to the Cause

The sociopath weaves a tale to others to get them to also avoid the victim or even strike out against the victim. The sociopath may even make it fun or a game. Often the people recruited are from the victim’s peer group, all the more effective if it is the complete peer group leading to ostracism of the victim. This is where the title of Rachel Simmon’s book came from, “Odd Girl Out”. In the extreme the sociopath will be able to identify sycophants who are willing to carry out the smallest of commands for the sociopath.


Sociopaths are astute to relationships, and they recognize each other easily and can naturally work together. Most all the techniques above work out better when done by a group.

Covering Achievement, Plagiarism, Rigging Competition

The sociopath will not want the victim to get credit for an achievement, and will if possible arrange for others to receive credit for work done by the victim or actively recruit others to the team, company or school who further excel at the same activity. For example, if the sociopath is a teacher, the teacher may arrange for an award to be given to another student who did lesser work on the same subject. The actual victim may be a loved one of the student, or another teacher who has the student in his or her class. The sociopath lacks empathy and will use other people to achieve their goals independent of the effect on those used.

Attacking the Victims Support

This includes taking the victim’s money, attacking his or her job, or position, as well as preventing the victim from having or making friends. The sociopath does not want to see the victim have the love of parents or rewards for his or her accomplishments.


Taking Friends and Loved Ones Away

Rachel Simmons reported on the case of the high school girl who stole another girl’s boyfriend just to get the other girl. In the Megan Meier story, Megan lost a boyfriend in conjunction with other things. In what is being called parental alienation syndrome, PAS, the sociopath denies children access to their other parent in order to punish their ex-spouse. The sociopath may find a number of ways to drive a wedge into a relationship. If the victim is becoming close to someone as a friend, then the sociopath attempts to drive in a wedge, to take over, or to alienate the pair.

Invoking Safeguards

The aggressor may report to an interested party a love affair, report a crime to an enforcement agency, or blame the person for something gone wrong to others. The sociopath may enjoy this all the more if the report is false. If the sociopath knows that the victim will find out he or she may set up others to make the report, or beg for physical protection.

Piled High and Deep

This technique is often seen in political campaigns. In order to avoid a false rumor or accusation from being discovered, the aggressor makes a new false rumor or accusation. The rumors or accusations end up stacking up so deep that the victim cannot say enough to reply to all of them. This is facilitated by the fact that nasty rumors and accusations are more entertaining to the general public than mundane explanations.


Plain ole blackmail. The sociopath denies the child or other family member of something he or she needs or wants, such as parental love, in exchange for the family member doing something. The threat of distributing embarrassing material, etc. can also be used.

Disrupting the Party

Literally and figuratively, the sociopath cannot let his or her victim to have a party or analogous event such as a holiday with the child of a marriage. The sociopath may schedule another event to coincide or fall shortly before the victim’s event and compete for attendees. The sociopath may arrange to ruin the party by taking over on a key guest, spoiling reservations, or may co-opt the event to expose embarrassing information.

Conspiracy as a Weapon used against a Victim

Sociopaths tend to recruit others and to flock. Hence the victim may attempt to garner help while saying that a number of people are out to get him or her. Those involved will point out that the victim is ‘imagining a conspiracy’ or even has paranoid tendencies, is paranoid, or even psychotic. The sociopath(s) will appeal to Occam’s Razor principal and ask the question such as “Which is more likely, that everyone in the school doesn’t like Ann, or that Ann has low self-esteem and is imaging things?” Unfortunately it is often a rule of thumb for judges in a court room that truth is determined by majority opinion, and this works in the sociopaths favor.

Stopping the Victim Short

When the victim attempts a defense, the aggressor picks on small points quickly and makes a big deal out of them so that the general discussion is lost. Any sort of physical evidence will be quickly brushed aside.

Pushing a Rope, Held at a Distance, The Interpreter in the Middle

In pushing the rope, the aggressor promises something the victim wants or needs, and then draws it out as long as possible while always being positive and promising lots of action. It is a common technique used by passive aggressive attorneys and can be part of a larger social aggression. In related techniques the sociopath sets the victim up to require contact with someone whom the victim can never reach, or the aggressor plays interpreter for information from a person the victim cannot talk to directly. The unreachable person may not exist or may not be at all what the sociopath says he or she is.

Recycling Victims

When the weapons of the sociopath are known to work on a person, then that person is a marked target for other sociopaths. Sociopaths, like all predators, prefer easy targets as they are less risky. Some victims will come to see the sociopath as a familiar role in their lives and may tolerate them or may even seek them out. The person may not realize that a sociopath in the past was actually a false friend rather than a real friend, and misunderstand the cues the sociopath presents, especially if the victim was manipulated in such a manner by the sociopath that the sociopath was an only friend. Perhaps the most extreme case is that of the child of a sociopathic parent who cues on the sociopath to provide motherly love or fatherly guidance that was perhaps never provided before.

Characteristics of the Sociopath

A sociopath will be socially intelligent and astute to other’s internal emotional constructs and motivations, yet lack empathy and thus be willing to use his or her gifts for personal gain at other people’s expense.

In this mode a sociopath designs his or her communications for effect rather than to convey information. When analyzing such communication one must often look for the intended end affects rather the logic or factual content. If one analyzes the logic or content one may find it to be ‘piled high and deep’ and boring rather than dangerous.

Simmons noted that socially aggressive girls were almost always well-liked by their teachers. Sociopaths use their social intelligence and ability to quickly pick up on the emotional constructs of others to raise their social standings. They are almost always well-liked by people in positions of authority.

For the same reasons sociopaths are often the alpha player in a group hierarchy. They naturally fall into positions of authority that can be gotten through social manipulation. Unfortunately, this means they are over represented in such population groups as attorneys, politicians, psychologists, social workers and academics.

Sociopaths flock. They quickly recognize each other, and if their interests are in alignment or they are part of a network of trading favors. They will work together.

A sociopath’s circle of close friends will often include sycophants or people who are dense and ‘believe in’ him or her. The reason for this is that those who do not like to be manipulated create more distance from the center. They prefer to be observers, possibly for the entertainment sake.

The sociopathy underscoring socially aggressive behavior can also lead to directly aggressive behavior when the socially aggressive person perceives he or she can get away with it. A component of the pathology is that the aggressor enjoys the fact that others who could help the victim think the aggressor is a nice person. Hence, such a person is careful not to be found out. When being directly aggressive the sociopath uses less obvious means that are likely to go undetected.

Sociopathy and Divorce

Apart from sycophants, those who are easily manipulated, and convenient arrangements, sociopaths make for bad spouses. Sociopaths are accustomed to getting what they want and punish those who cross them, so it follows that they are over represented in the population of spouses involved in contentious divorce.

Our current family law system hands socially aggressive people a number of weapons while offering them sanctuary. A divorcing spouse or family practice specialist may effectively use the child or children, may make false allegations, invoke protection orders to falsely create the appearance of danger, and/or garner like minds, naive ideologues and sycophants to the task of attacking the target. All the while making friends and gathering allies who are profiting.

Family laws and attitudes are designed to protect against physical aggression, but ignore the existence of socially aggressive people, so such people are left free to pervert the system to their own ends. When one person is physically violent against another via force the police are often engaged immediately and investigation ensues. In contrast no one will be taken seriously if calling the police department to report being a victim of ‘social aggression’. Such a victim will find no support.

In the context of family law socially aggressive people might be found among divorcing spouses, attorneys, social workers, psychologists, and those not directly in the system who take advantage of the divorcing spouses lack of attention to other matters. It is the nature of the pathology that socially aggressive people flock, as a result it is not uncommon that a vulnerable child or adult becomes the center of a shark feed. An example of this phenomena is well documented in the book “ITIO a Child”.


Our laws are written almost exclusively to punish pathological physical aggressors. In contrast sociopaths are not punished. For example, in the Megan Meier story the judge explicitly said what was done was not illegal.

The system can even facilitate sociopaths. This is because our laws are written from the same point of view and philosophy as Kohlberg’s morality test. Gilligan is correct, this bias needs to be removed; removed not only from ethics tests, but from our laws as well. This ‘stuff’ needs to be illegal.

Laws in general, and especially divorce needs to be designed to work even in the presence sociopaths both as parties and in the system. It is a common error on the part of legislators to believe that the laws they pass will be prosecuted by angels.

There can be no perfect solution for divorce, but social weapons can be placed further out of reach of those who would use them to do harm. Divorce is a civil matter for canceling a marriage license. The whole ‘scene’ could be avoided by extending no-fault property divorce to no-fault custody (shared parenting on calendar rotations) and getting divorce proceedings over with quickly. There are already criminal laws in place for those who commit fraud or who hurt children. We do not need redundant divorce courts for this.

At least part of the population of people who deny children access to the other parent are socially aggressive sociopaths. The base syndrome is psychopathy in the presence of a gift for being socially astute. One should expect that when one parent denies the child access to the other parent that other sociopaths in the system will be involved or even dominant players in accomplishing this (flocking).

Despite representations and appearances sociopaths are not concerned for the children, but rather they see personal satisfaction in participating. Personal satisfaction may be in ‘getting the victim’ as a surrogate, as a trade of favors, for entertainment, or for profit. Divorce laws need to recognize and take into account the social aspect of sociopathy.

About Tom Lynch

I used to be a dad with a career solving technical problems that made U.S. industry competitive, but family professionals in Round Rock, Texas decided it was more important I spend my life trying to stop the exploitation of my son.

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  • Rper1959

    Thank you Thomas , very enlightening expose of the many and diverse aggressive behaviours of which sociopaths are capable. I agree marriage should be an enforceable contract under the law, with the default position in the case of marital breakdown, equal shared parenting and equal split of shared wealth. Perhaps there will come a time when couples marrying will sign a legally binding contract rather then just a register, and when ITIO the Child, are actually ITIO the child rather then ITIO the sociopathic parent.

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Yeah, and child support is evidence of an unequal agreement. After all if he is such a burden she should let him spend some more time with his father.

  • http://www.avoiceformen.com Dr. F

    Mr Lynch this article is wonderfully packed with so much making so many of us here say, “Yes. I have seen this before. Exactly.”

    Hervey Milton Cleckley was an American psychiatrist and a pioneer in the field of psychopathy. He wrote a book called, “The Mask of Sanity” in the nineteen forties and it was a work in progress until the time he died.

    This book detailed the profile of the psychopath and all it’s dimensions. It detailed case after case and a chapter dealt with each one.

    I was the victim of a psychopath who lived with me and this bloke had me seeing a shrink as I thought I was going a bit mad. He ripped me off thirteen thousand dollars in a money making scheme and had me so ‘spun out’ I didn’t know my bum from my knees.

    He wasn’t violent by the legal definition, but boy o boy could he smack me in the head so hard I found myself apologising to him time and time again.

    I even escaped to Sydney in another state so I could see right again, and it was then that I was told about this damned book.

    It was hard to find as it had been out of print for years, but I located it after a few days in the state library where there were two existing copies.

    I read that book like there was going to be an asteroid impact at any day, and when I finished it I read the bloody thing one more time.

    I just could not believe that page after page was this guy’s thumbprint all over it. An amazing experience I tell you.

    Knowing the true colours of the scales of this fish will tell you the prick of it’s toxin. I urge all of my brothers and sisters here from the deepest of my soul to look into this concept of psychopathy. Know it’s face and know how it moves and know it well.

    If you are thinking that there just might be something wrong with you, if you think that no matter what you do is somehow not enough then maybe it’s not you after all.

    I have no doubt, sadly, that there are people who read this article that feel the ache only awareness does as it tells them that they are a victim. Maybe it’s in your house right now ?

    Read this article, hell print out the bastard. It’s right here. It’s a gift.

    Mr Lynch you touched a nerve mate. Thank you for this.

    Aware and recovered.

    • white demon

      I quote: I was the victim of a psychopath who lived with me and this bloke had me seeing a shrink as I thought I was going a bit mad. He ripped me off thirteen thousand dollars in a money making scheme and had me so ‘spun out’ I didn’t know my bum from my knees.

      He wasn’t violent by the legal definition, but boy o boy could he smack me in the head so hard I found myself apologizing to him time and time again.

      I know the feeling, they make you so believe that YOU are the problem! Also like in Mr.Thomas’s piece, they sometimes pile up accusations, comments etc etc against you, you are at a lost for words, and that’s it for You!

  • BeijaFlor

    Yes … I’ve been through this mill myself.

    My first love was just such a psychopath. I’ve told one defining incident of the story in “The One Who Got Away” on my website.

    I think an afternoon in the pillory, on a warm summer’s day, out in front of the local Wal-Mart, with a handy bushel of rotten tomatoes for the convenience of the indignant, would be an appropriate shaming for the social bully. Of course, social shaming is useless in a society that has no shame.

  • http://mrathunderinthehammer.blogspot.com/ Dannyboy

    Powerful article Thomas.
    The section about liars erm I mean lawyers seems so damn spot on. Especially in regards to divorce and or IPV situations.
    They care little about the outcome for their client as long as the money flows.
    One could postulate that n.o.w. and s.o.w. are organizations full of sociopaths for they care little about half the population and employ Occam’s Razor in regards to IPV laws.
    “The man is bigger and therefore must be the aggressor, Men are always evil and women are always good, etc”
    I am left shaking my head with a sense of nausea but gratefully acknowledge your efforts in bringing this evil to light.
    Many Thanks

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Sociopath “flocks” are are especially damaging in family practice. You might like my “team domestic” and “team system” description, http://www.itio-a-child.org/book_pdf/0%20iii%20preface.pdf . Sociopath’s are attracted to positions of power, and that includes feminists groups but is not limited to that. I do believe that feminism today suffers from the effect described by the political scientist Paulo Freire – that as for many movements the people who had the energy to lead the movement do not know when to stop, if even equality was really ever their goal, and are taking the movement into a supremacist movement. Freire points out that only enlightened leaders know where to draw the line. Unfortunately the feminist movement never had its Martin Luther King.

  • white demon

    I quote: Unfortunately, this means they are over represented in such population groups as attorneys, politicians, psychologists, social workers and academics.

    Man I couldn’t agree more!

    I have experienced these kind of persons in my school days and after. I had the experience of one dude actually coming and telling me while giggling away of what he has done to piss me off! He always did shit, but had many a friends who seemed to think he is the greatest guy in the world. Mind you, I knew this man for longer than they did! Unfortunately, he was not the only one I did come across, as I did see other people fall victim to other bullies/sociopaths whatever you call them! And me again to two or three later in life!

    I’ve come across several of this type, both men and women who seem to always be an asshole, but some how had a socially very high standing/place among many others. And a many of these others seemed to do there bidding for them.

    I really love this piece by Mr.Thomas W. Lynch. I fully agree with everything in it as it sheds a light onto a little discussed and often unpunished case(s) of Social Aggression.

    Thank You Mr.Thomas!

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Don’t thank me, I am just writing about what my ex wife and her flock did to me and my son. People should know about such animals.

  • Codebuster

    What is being discussed here comes under the rubric of relational aggression. Some other references on the topic, that I’ve used in my own scribblings:

    [1] Lagerspetz, K. M., K. Bjorqvist and T. Peltonen. “Is Indirect Aggression More Typical of Females? Gender Differences in Aggressiveness in 11 and 12-Year Old Children.” Aggressive Behavior 14 (1988): 403-414.
    [2] Crick, N. R. and J. K. Grotpeter. “Relational Aggression, Gender, and Social-Psychological Adjustment.” Child Development 66 (1995): 710-722.
    [3] Ibid.
    [4] Lagerspetz, K. M., K. Bjorqvist and T. Peltonen. “Is Indirect Aggression More Typical of Females?”.
    [5] Bjorqvist, K. “Sex Differences in Physical, Verbal and Indirect Aggression: A Review of Recent Research.” Sex Roles: A Journal of Research 30 (1994): 177-188.
    [6] Crick, N. R. “Relational Aggression: The Role of Intent Attributions, Feelings of Distress, and Provocation Type.” Development and Psychopathology 7 (1995): 313-322.
    [7] Wiseman, Rosalind. Queen Bees and Wannabes. Judy Piatkus (Publishers) Limited, London, 2002: 38.
    … and of course:
    [8] Simmons, Rachel. Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls. Harcourt, Inc., 2002.

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Great references. Thank you.

  • Codebuster

    The sociopaths that you describe are not “socially intelligent” or astute, intelligent folk. They are gutless vermin. They need the social networks as much as they manipulate them… not only for the sake of achieving their agenda, but also more directly because their very identities feed off this toxin. They themselves thrive on social approval… they need it more than their victims do. I know that it may not seem that way to many of us, and it won’t until you actually take them on. But if you should ever take them on, you’ll acquire and arrogant swagger that makes them hate you a thousand times more. And you’ll revel in the attention. And that will make them hate you a thousand times more on top that. They can be a lot of fun. The pleasure can be intoxicating. I can see where the likes of Stalin and Hitler might first have received their inspiration… people this stoopid…

    As Bernard Chapin once said, if he walked into a room full of this sort and he was criticized by them, it would make him feel ten feet tall. Chapin gets it.

    Ann Coulter is alluding to precisely the toxic nature of this groupthink in her book, Demonic.

    The original US Constitution, in the spirit of the founding fathers, encouraged the individualism and the idea that you should stand up for what you believe in, as an antidote to this bovine groupthink. As a political system focusing on principles, the US Constitution encouraged an INTERNAL locus of control, as opposed to the EXTERNAL locus of control and the slavish, mind-numbing conformity that is the epitome of liberal groupthink.

    You don’t want to grant these pieces of garbage more power by making more laws. Let them choke on their own toxin. The way you do this is to come to the defense of those that they target. Always, always come to the defense of the innnocent. If you step back for fear of becoming a target yourself, you legitimize their reality, and give them their power. It’s old stuff really, written about in religious texts, such as the bible. No, you definitely don’t want more laws – indeed, you want fewer laws. You want to take away their power. You want to be able to laugh at their antics, not be threatened by them.

    No wonder women are throwing themselves at bad-boys… given the gutless garbage that has come to represent our leadership, our “successes” and our decision-makers.

    • Sheldon Walker

      Sociopaths are easy to deal with because they are predictable, transparent, and extremely easy to manipulate.

      The only people who fall under their low level spell are lost broken souls who need something to believe in.

      People with a strong sense of self see straight through them and laugh.

      When dealing with a sociopath it’s always good to remember this little motto.

      “Sometimes it is good to let the passenger believe they are in the drivers seat.”

      The easiest and most efficient way to bring down a sociopath is to dismantle their false image and have it slowly unveiled to their support network and watch it crumble from the ground up.

      Nobody, even sociopaths, likes feeling that they were duped and lied to, that’s what sociopaths specialize in.

      They are dangerous, sure, but not invulnerable. Instead of singing a song of defeat, defend yourself, because every battle is winnable.

      Sociopaths aren’t the run of the mill vermin you encounter everyday but can be handled like any other type of mild irritant. It just requires a different course of action.

      “A house built on sand cannot stand.”

  • Kimski

    I don’t think I have ever met a woman or girl, who didn’t use one or more of the techniques exposed in the article, from time to time. Come to think of it, I am absolutely certain I haven’t. And that goes all the way back to grammar school, where you first get acquainted with this exact kind of behavior on a larger scale.

    Brilliant piece, Mr.Lynch, and thank you.
    Rest assured it has found a nice place on my wall, as a constant reminder of why I choose to GMOW, should I ever forget.

    • http://www.avoiceformen.com/activism-page/karma/ KARMA MRA MGTOW

      Australia if full of women like this. – NAWALT

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Thanks Kimski. I think the paper over emphasises the extreme cases. There is a spectrum and it is not all pathological, rather it is the human condition. What concerns me the most now is that we have created a system that promotes and profits from social aggression. I mean, really, isn’t that the ultimate business? To make money from men and women fighting? There is an unlimited supply. (Those clever attorneys.)

  • http://thedamnedoldeman.com TDOM

    Excellent post. The only significant objection I have is your refusal to call this “bullying.” It may not be physical, but it is bullying nonetheless.

    My best friend from 8th grade through high scool was one of your “sociopaths.” His modus operandi was embarrassment and humiliation. I didn’t really like him very much, but he latched onto me immediately after my family moved into the neighborhood. He became my friend over the summer before 8th grade started and before I knew what he was really like. Once school started and everyone found out I was his friend, no one wanted to be my friend.

    Despite our friendship, I was also his number one target. He quickly learned every little secret I had and had no qualms at all about exposing them in the most humiliating and embarassing ways. The only way to stop him was to deflect his attention onto someone else. So I became a bully too. I hated him for what he’d forced me to become and I hated myself.

    Eventually our paths took us in different directions and I made some other friends. I even became known as a bit of a protector for some of his (and others) favorite targets. As a result evry nerd, geek, dweeb, dork, and outcast in school became my friend and those were the people I ended up hanging around with througout high school. But I was never quite able to escape him.

    I had other friends at school because he was never in any of my classes. At home, however, he was the only kid in the neighborhood who would have anything to do with me. It wasn’t all bad. When he wanted to be, he could be a very good friend. But I never knew when he was going to turn on me so I was never entirely comfortable around him.

    He used many of the tactics you describe to manipulate me and others. Good job.


    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Thanks. I was considering the meaning of ‘bullying’ as involving more than on person, i.e. where one person, really a coward, recruits others to target a victim repeatedly. I wanted to distinguish this from just plain meanness that might not be repeated and may not involve others. But yes, these are really components of a broader concept of bullying, as the title suggests.

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      Social aggression, like physical aggression, is used to hurt people in many scenarios. Just as we do not say that all physical aggression is ‘bullying’ we also not say tht all social aggression is ‘bullying’. It certainly is a common weapon for bullies, but it is also a weapon used in office politics, by some people in revenge, and by professionals who just want to make a profit.

  • http://masculism.ca/blog Jack Day

    Hey Tom, loved this article as much as all of your other work! Great to see you posting some of it here! BTW, it’s your turn to buy the beer.. 😉 Let’s do lunch!

  • .ProleScum.

    Brilliant, brilliant piece Thomas. Bombshells of recognition going off as I was reading through. Thank you.

  • Poester99

    After reading this article, *this* guy either is one or fantasizes about it:

  • C.A. George

    Conspiracy as a Weapon used against a Victim = The Patriarchy perhaps?

    Excellent piece, thanks for sharing this.

  • lionstorm

    A while ago there was an article asking a question on what it means to be a man. You sir, are a man.

    I’m not sure what your beliefs are but I hope it doesn’t offend you if I say God bless you and watch over you and your son.

    I am very grateful to you for having read the book. The evil of the police department, the evil of the judges, the evil of the attorneys has opened my eyes. The feminists are cruel and vicious, but for the most part they are also dupes of a lie. These officials all clearly know better and they just don’t give a damn, it’s also clear a lot of them get quite a kick out of abusing and tormenting those unfortunate enough to be in their hands.

    I used to be an advocate of the death penalty. After I realized the corruption of prosecutors I realized it was impossible to give the corrupt government that sort of power. Your description of that execrable piece of shit Wisser only confirms this. The man is simply hungry for murder as we see from the pleasure he gets in tormenting an innocent 9 year old boy, and his dramatics in the courtroom (he thinks he is an angel of death? God will kill this man for his arrogance).

    You have shown in meticulous detail how rigged this system is. It is designed to break and destroy men, financially, emotionally, spiritually and socially. As long as feminism is not checked the United States is becoming a nightmare for men

    • http://www.avoiceformen.com/activism-page/karma/ KARMA MRA MGTOW

      Many men and women are rigged to break and destroy men, financially, emotionally, spiritually and socially, it does not make it right, but I think some people are to a large extent programmed that way.

      I see alot of hope in the young 15 – 25 though, they just seem to get it more than the older guys, not sure why, more opened minded I think, maybe they have not taken the blue pill yet.Maybe the blue pill is slow acting.

      We must get to the young men before the blue pill takes hold

      .AvFM labs need to create a blue pill inoculation shot.

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      The book can now be found online at the site http://www.itio-a-child.org/

  • Primal Oath

    My father is a psychopath, as were probably my two bullying PhD supervisors at my former workplace. I’m very grateful to see people in the MRM tie the movement’s causes with those of the overarching fight against evil.

    There are three ways, as far as I can see, to mitigate the effects of psychopaths in our society. The first is to implement laws against psychological violence, and to allow people to legally record everything in their presence. This would even be useful in the event of physical violence / rape that results in damage to the spy camera if the victim can stream the video live.

    The second is to create ways to circumvent the current legal process: legalize violence in retaliation to overt insults, and perhaps institute non-consensual duelling with firearms (including with one’s immediate managers) as a means to end disputes. This may sound harsh, and would obviously require limitations, but I think it would fix a lot of problems in the world.

    The third way is to use neuroimaging techniques that will likely be made available in the coming decades to reliably screen for psychopathy, and either kill or imprison those diagnosed with psychopathy before they commit any (more) crimes, or label them as such and treat psychopathy as an aggravating factor in all crimes, ensuring that the scum are put in solitary for most of their lives for committing petty crimes.

    I realize these possible solutions may sound excessive to some, particularly #2 and #3. I am personally most in favour of #3 combined with #1: neuroimaging to diagnose psychopathy and label the potential offenders, and laws that protect people from these offenders.

  • Booyah

    An excellent and informative article thank you for publishing it. Between Dr. T’s excellent site which ive read so much on and here I’ve been enlightened so much to these sorts of people and i now spot them everywhere. Even in a text only form they are so easy to spot at times.

    The scary part of that is the bewildering percentage of female ones that I encounter and how people percieve these people as “normal” or even form packs to support them (as stated in article)

    Today I’ve just been reading the most hideous stuff but no-one bats an eyelid because the target is male not female. In these situations I just turn the gender around and imagine the reaction it would get. A public outcry and lynch mob is pretty well the imagined result.

  • http://www.avoiceformen.com/activism-page/karma/ KARMA MRA MGTOW

    I have worked with a few of these, male and female.

  • blueface

    Thanks Tom.

    I spent my whole time reading this article with my head nodding. “Yes, did that”, “Saw that”, etc. etc.

    I am convinced that a large part of what is called feminism and Marxism is in fact psychopathy. I believe that these sociopaths use appeals to equality and fairness to hide their own manipulations to control others.

    Take, for example, the convoluted logic around domestic violence. They want to be in every household, adjudicating on every argument.

    As for the flocking, this really put things into perspective for me. The only other expression I have is “witch hunt”, but this flocking is a better description.

    • http://www.itio-a-child.org Tom Lynch

      yep, for me Ayn Rand’s book “We the Living” made the communist tie in.

  • Auntie Pheminizm

    Jesus: another 3,734 word shpiel leading to what?

    How about making points in 500-800 word essays?

    Think any action follows from the bazillion academic tomes gathering dust in libraries around the globe?

    What concrete actions are men to follow? You know, things that might actually CHANGE misandric scenarios.

    Keerist! Guys will do anything but ACT.

    Think feminists don’t know men are passive? They keep punching us because we act like punching bags.

    “Don’t kick my ass, you dastardly feminists, or I’ll…I’ll… I’ll write a 5,000 word post saying how you upset me a tad.

    • Paul Elam

      And you are doing exactly what? I mean except needlessly demeaning the work of others?

      A hint for you Auntie. This is a blog. People write articles for blogs. Check it out, you will see it all over the internet. Some people find the articles useful, educational, even entertaining. Others don’t, in which case they likely don’t read them.

      But now we have you, apparently reading them, and then suggesting they should not be written, and worse, ridiculing the author for having written it.

      One thing taking a serious look at my health has already done for me is remind me that life is too fucking short for bullshit.

      If you have an issue with something written here and want to state a counter argument, then make you case, I will be damned if you will be allow to keep making comments like this on this website.

      Grow up or get the fuck out.

  • Auntie Pheminizm

    > “Mr Lynch this article is wonderfully packed with so much making so many of us here say, “Yes. I have seen this before. Exactly.”

    I’m sure such responses have fembots quaking in their combat boots.

  • Auntie Pheminizm

    >”Many men and women are rigged to break and destroy men, financially, emotionally, spiritually and socially, it does not make it right, but I think some people are to a large extent programmed that way.”

    Yes, yes. Martians came down and “programmed” society and there was nothing that could have, should have, be done about it.

    I mean it’s not as if feminists demonized half the world for 5 EFFING DECADES (!) and men did nothing to rebut them.

    • http://www.avoiceformen.com Dr. F

      Auntie Pheminizm love your moniker but not your posts of late.

      Whining about the “whiners” puts you in a casket of your own.

      You do not convince with your words as they sit like mud in drinking water.

      I mean more precisely when reading what you say sticks out like dingo nuts because at readings end there is no betterment for any of us when you’re in this mode.

      Don’t get me wrong here as I am not casting aspersions about your body of posts at all, I am simply drawing to your attention that when you “Wet Blanket” the efforts of well meaning and ‘imperfect’ others here you really do look the clown on heat.

      I’m not saying you are indeed the “clown in heat” generically or anything, but I am certainly wanting you to know you would suit better in your W.B. mode with your computer off and you sturdily ‘wanking out’ your frustrations of the stumblings of others here.

      Please, if you will as my humble request as one only, can you get back to the thrust of your more basic and slower thought out posts ?

      For example you once said:

      “…real names and handwriting have more impact. They show the sender was angry enough to take the time to buy and post a card, not just type at a keyboard.”
      Submitted on 2011/08/08 at 4:22 AM in response to http://www.avoiceformen.com/misandry/the-times-they-have-a-changed/


      “Similarly, the men’s movement needs firebrands like Rick Zubaty, activists like Fred Hayward, academics like Warren Farrell and Herb Goldberg, and others. There are many roles to play. Every man has a niche he can ably fill.”
      Submitted on 2011/08/08 at 5:48 AM in response to http://www.avoiceformen.com/miscellaneous/a-letter-to-traditional-women/

      Lastly you said:

      “We are capable of anger for a reason. The questions are…WHAT are we angry about? and What do we DO with our anger?”
      Submitted on 2011/08/17 at 12:44 AM in response to

      This is telling in that it proposes a question who’s answer suggests that many here are hungry for change. In this case you – at the very least.

      I submit you are over reaching with your level of patience and tolerance of the good will of those about you – your very brothers who do as they do in the way that they know.

      Essentially mate, pull your silly head in as I think you are not aware how you present as a jerk. (of late)

      Also, please note that I’m only saying this to you because I’ve read your posts, every word of them, and if I thought that there was no substance to them then do you really think I’d be taking all this time to write this post directed to you and you alone ?

  • jayn

    Well, Tom did act. He abducted is son in Dec 2008, taking him first to Costa Rica, then on to Europe from there. He refused to divulge their location during 6 months of the abduction. They were located in Geneva when Tom attempted to get financial aid, and they found his child in the international missing children database. Tom remains in Switzerland to avoid dealing with the Texas felony charge associated with the abduction.

    He directs you to a self published book where he attempts to demonize his ex-wife and her family, and a self-published website where he does the same. You’ll not find any similar social aggression by his ex-wife. They divorced over 10 years ago and she immediately got on with her life.