MRA London

More rights than a rat (but less than a dog)

I’ve known Richard for around six months or so and recall that he’d mentioned that his ex-partner had been abusive, but otherwise he hadn’t spoken about it to any great extent. So I was aware, somewhat vaguely, that there had been some unhappiness in his life but nothing had prepared me for what I was about to hear at an MRA London meeting in the Southbank Centre on a winter’s day in 2013. James Williams was there to discuss his Men’s Matters radio show with us and, having brought a digital recorder, asked if anyone had anything to say that he could use in his show. It was clear the moment Richard began speaking that this was going to be something very special, and it quickly turned into an impromptu interview.

What follows are the highlights of that interview which are also intended for broadcast on Express FM Radio. In all likelihood, however, some comments may be cut from the broadcast version for being too graphic. So what you have here is the original uncensored version.

Around the same time as Richard’s interview, I coincidentally received an email from Erin Pizzey with an attached scan of an article that had appeared in the Metro newspaper and featured the official government statistic that some 1.2 million women and 0.8 million men experience domestic violence each year. The article concluded with a canned Home Office response to this news, that: “Violence against women and girls is an abhorrent crime and the government is committed to ending it.”

In her email, Erin exclaimed unhappily…

What happens to abused men seems to be of no importance. I can weep—it is as if men don’t bleed or suffer.

Metro Newspaper (08 February 2013)

Metro Newspaper
08 February 2013

She is right of course. No one seems to care about adult men.

Much of the literature produced in the field of domestic abuse quote female victim statistics only, while completely omitting figures for males, thus perpetrating the myth that the problem only applies to women and that only men are perpetrators. For example, the Women’s Aid UK website repeatedly states that the majority of abusers are men while providing no figures pertaining to mail victims[1]. This crude negative stereotyping of men as aggressors and women as victims has no doubt obscured men’s suffering from society’s view.

My own digging into official domestic violence statistics had previously led me to the British Crime Survey (BCS) for 2011 which had found that 5% of men and 7% of women had experienced domestic abuse in the year prior to the survey[2]. It also found that 3% of men and 4% of women reported that they had experienced stalking in the previous year[3]. However, men are much less likely than women to tell others about what they have suffered—not surprising when men attempting to report violent assaults against them can expect to face disbelief, ridicule and counter allegations. Only 10% of men would actually tell the police in the UK, three times less than women[3].

While the well founded fear and stigma that prevents men from coming forward to report their suffering remains, the true picture of domestic violence will always be incomplete.

Dr Tara J. Palmatier of Shrink4Men.com has this to say on the double standards that not only pervade our government departments and NGOs, but our wider cultural values also…

Abusive men are publicly humiliated, vilified and often imprisoned for their violent behavior. When a woman is abusive, we advise her male target that she’s just emotional, she was abused as child, so he needs to be patient and sensitive to her feelings and stick with her no matter the personal cost.

When the scales of cultural bullshit first dropped from my own eyes, I found just how blind I had been quite disturbing to me. And the world could never be the same again.

Here’s an example.

The following short video is of ITN News coverage of how Claire Holley, on learning that her boyfriend was leaving her, stole his car and, after drinking a bottle of whiskey, drove it at high speed through a plate glass window into the foyer of the bowling alley where he worked.

VIDEO: ITN News – Claire Holley Smashes Car into Bowling Alley

There was a time, not too long ago, that I would have been oblivious to the deplorable prejudice on display in the this shoddy piece of journalism. Rather than seeing this woman as a disgustingly violent and dangerous attacker, like most people, I imagine that I may have been hoodwinked by the reporter’s narrative that here was a poor “heartbroken” woman—a “woman scorned” (the implication being that her boyfriend probably deserved it). It’s also a narrative that the justice system also appears to have swallowed along with the sink from her kitchen—she wasn’t convicted of car theft, drinking driving or attempted murder, but only of dangerous driving for which she received a suspended sentence. (If the foyer of the bowling alley had been packed with families and children, there would have been carnage.)

None of this is intended to paint a picture—much like the one often painted of men but the other way round—that women in general are violent and abusive. Rather its about the honest realisation that women, like men, are unique individuals who display a spectrum of human qualities and flaws, from good to bad. Crudely stereotyping half the human race as abusers according to an ideology born out of prejudice and hate will not lead to a better world, but simply denies decent people like Richard assistance, compassion and justice. It also puts us all on a dangerous precipice; we like to think that we have consigned ideological dogma to the past. We haven’t. Wake up!

Everything I’ve learned about Richard makes me respect and admire him, and it’s a privilege to know him. In fact, I’ve come to develop a very special degree of friendship and trust for my friends within MRA London and the wider Men’s Human Rights Movement. There is a time in everyone’s life when it becomes important to stand up for what we really believe—not for money, approval, prestige or ego, but for what really matters. For me, that time is here and now.

News update. MRA London are working with James Williams to develop Men’s Matters radio and to bring the programme to a world-wide audience by putting it fully online. We are also working to establish a male support meeting also to be known as “Men’s Matters” and associated with the radio programme. More on this soon.

References
1. Women’s Aid website. Topic: Domestic violence (general). Link: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic_violence_topic.asp?section=0001000100220041
2. ManKind Initiative, 21 key facts about male victims. Link: http://www.mankind.org.uk/pdfs/21%20Key%20Facts_Feb%202012.pdf
3. Homicides, Firearm Offences and Intimate Violence. Supplementary Volume 2 to Crime in England and Wales 2010/11. Page 88. Link: http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/publications/science-research-statistics/research-statistics/crime-research/hosb0212/hosb0212?view=Binary
4. Homicides, Firearm Offences and Intimate Violence. Supplementary Volume 2 to Crime in England and Wales 2010/11. Page 96. Link: http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/publications/science-research-statistics/research-statistics/crime-research/hosb0212/hosb0212?view=Binary

About Andy Thomas (aka "Andy Man")

Andy is an outspoken advocate for men's human rights and a campaigner against family abuse. He writes about the harm and prejudice that men and boys routinely experience, but which society refuses to acknowledge.

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  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

    Very glad to get this update from your continued efforts at MRA London, and especially glad to see James Williams name in the mix.

    I had the pleasure of meeting James and his wife in Ireland last year. Very good man, James, and I don’t mean that in a Good Men Project kind of way.

  • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

    Thanks Andy Man, a great piece, and I wish MRA London well. I see the author of the Metro piece is a young male journalist, Hayden Smith. I can’t find an email address for him, but it’s possible that a feminist editor changed what he’d written (a common occurence). I plan to email the paper’s Letters mail@uk.metro.co.uk and copy the email to the Complaints department (or the unfortunate individualm who handles complaints aha) at correct@ukmetro.co.uk. I’ll copy the AVfM URL and invite the paper to contact Erin Pizzey if they’re intersted to learn (and disseminate) the TRUTH about domestic abuse / violence.

    Mike Buchanan

    JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
    (and the women who love them)

    http://j4mb.wordpress.com

  • http://www.hermitparkclinic.com.au Greg Canning

    Brilliant Andy Man , thanks for researching and presenting this and thanks to Richard for sharing.

    Thanks Mike for acting on the Metro article. If there is one thing MRA’s through out the world can do, it is challenge the BS and misinformation that is presented by the media, via letters and complaints, let’s flood them every time crap like this is printed in the MSM .

    We have a voice and AVFM is not the only place we should be using it!

    • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

      Thanks Greg. On reflection, I had a ‘senior moment’ when I penned my comment – I’d intended to invite the estimable commenters on AVfM to also send an email to the two ‘Metro’ email addresses. So let me rectify that mistake now haha.

  • malcolm

    Thanks Andyman, another well written piece about the terrible injustice of society’s double standards.
    Once we dislodge these ideologues from their positions of control perhaps a more balanced narrative will occur. Until then, keep plugging away.

  • Robert Sides

    >”None of this is intended to paint a picture—much like the one often painted of men but the other way round—that women in general are violent and abusive.”

    Oy! I always wince when I read such disclaimers. It feels like a punch being pulled.

    Why even say it?

    It implies that men are innate misogynists…MRAs the exception. Like we’ve bought into the feminist stereotype that “fedora fascists” blame women en masse. That AWALT.

    Back in the day, men’s rights “leaders” used to balk at getting involved in the “battle of the sexes” because they worried people might think men would start actually shooting females. As if the “battle” were real and not metaphorical.

    Unbelievable.

    I mean, if some nutter DID start firing rounds he’d be, by definition, crazy. And the insane tend to make their own rules, not heed leaders’ advice one way or the other. So why keep an entire army immobile and in camp because one guy “somewhere” MIGHT do a Colonel Kurtz?

    To not act out of fear that some guy would “Mansonize” was, itself, insane. Because males were ALREADY under attack by feminists. It was not figurative. There was ALREADY a war being waged on manhood. To remain passive under such cultural bombardments because one feared someone taking the word “battle” or “war” literally was like Twain refusing to create a character named “Nigger Jim” because he feared somewhere in the galaxy someone might deem him racist.

    Men’s groups’ diffidence did not come off as “reasonable.” It came across as cowardice… and guilt. The world thought men who refused to speak clearly and convincingly when charged must be… criminals.

    So I don’t get why men, who start making a strong point, take it away by hedging. Like saying, “Men need shelters when they’re battered,” then immediately adding, “…but, of course, we must make sure women have them, too.”

    Keerist! Women ALREADY have them!

    By mentioning women “equally” in an era that already overwhelmingly focuses on them, MRAs divert public attention back to feminist goals.

    We need to FTSU more, not ask politely for another bowl of gruel.

    The default world-view today is that only women bleed, and only men make them. There’s no need to say, “Hey, we don’t blame ALL women.” That should be implicit.

    Men already watch themselves and their words too much. They’ve bought into the idea that absent eternal vigilance, the Beast will erupt from their innards.

    Trying to persuade those who think testicles are terrible won’t work. Misandrists will never believe men are not evil, never believe we have equally valid concerns. Ergo, no need to act like yeshiva students trying to change Adolf’s mind.

    • MGTOW-man

      I get much of what you are saying and likely many others do as well… on at least some of it. But they might not upvote you.

      However, I think the reason such disclaimers are often included in text is to make sure outside readers who aren’t already in the know similarly, who might just be lurking on the fringes, who are ignorant of things we MRA’s take for granted, don’t immediately dismiss us as haters and uncaring, which we are not.

      I agree, we are many times, too nice, but if our goal is to bring more people into our arena of REAL truth, then we have to be careful not to scare them away prematurely.

      Remember, the feminists have had a blissful-but- oblivious hegemony of all things equality, abusive, unfair, and so forth—as if they own it and are the only ones to know best for everyone. New readers are coming to us here with the only stuff thus far they know. If they can’t orient even a bit, they’ll resign us to hatred—a flat out lie and manipulative propaganda.

      Also keep in mind that many more and more new cyber users are tuning in to this site and similar others—many for the very first time. Teetering on the brink of going either way, it is imperative that we stay focused on winning them over, not because we are to brainwash them but because we hold the truth—which is the feminists’ number one enemy!

      When we keep it perspective, this way, we accomplish our mission to get our messages out there while not also scaring away unprepared onlookers.

      It is not our responsibility, but then again, through a different lens, it is. That is, if we really want to win this thing.

      • http://www.mralondon.org Andy Thomas (aka “Andy Man”)

        Indeed. I could haven’t made the point any better.

  • DeclanLyons

    Richard is a tougher man than I am. I would have walked out of that house and left the crazy bitch to it.

  • donzaloog

    That crazy woman who drove her car into the bowling alley, that sentence was bullshit. I’d love to able to do something so despicable and got off on the “my girlfriend broke up with me” excuse.

  • MGTOW-man

    Well said, brother.

    1) Taxes, a necessary thing, gets unfortunately used disproportionately to fund, directly or indirectly, feminists’ male-hatred-laced initiatives.
    2) Sperm: one of the most hated substances on earth, yet curiously one of the most valuable.
    3)$ to women; one of the biggest mistakes a man can make.

    Another big mistake: get married and have kids. It sounds romantic, positive, and “manly” etc, but it might just very well be the biggest mistake of your life. Don’t do it…no matter what they say, who says it, whatever. Stay in control of yourself—completely.