Stripper sitting on stage in stripclub

The Invisible Suffering of the Codependent Man

Prostitution is legal when it is called “adult entertainment,” “escort services” or “marriage.”

Brutally honest prostitution was exiled by vainglorious social justice warriors with suspiciously clean white armor. But it was honesty that was exiled, not prostitution.

Prostitution 2.0 (“P2″ for brevity) uses lies and addiction to increase profits from private webcam shows, pornography, diamonds and Valentine’s Day merchandise. Sex sales have been liquidated and reinvested in selling prospects of affection.  You don’t have to sell sex when you could sell a lap dance or three hours where you pretend to be a girlfriend. There is no better indication of how lonely we must be than the profit margins for suppliers of prepackaged love. That is a clear indication that affection is in demand, but there is a shortage.

P2 vendors would not be sitting on a pile of cash if men felt loved.

If a man could buy sex or feel respected by women, he would feel no inclination to fall into the sophisticated machinery ready to consume him.

The pus-lubed web of lies woven by P2 make life worse by performing two functions:

  • To facilitate courtship between codependents and narcissists.
  • To encourage male codependency and female narcissism.

Although the above functions are unintentional, they are observable characteristics that emerged from private sector operations.

For the unaware, codependency is a psychological condition characterized by an obsessive preoccupation with others, often to the expense of one’s own self. Narcissism is an obsessive preoccupation with one’s own self, often to the expense of others. Codependents and narcissists are naturally attracted to one another, and have a relationship comparable to a tick and a lemming.

Yes, there are cases in which a narcissistic man harms a codependent woman, and these cases are exactly as sad. However, these cases are not developed by gynocentric mainstream marketing influences that actively encourage a specific codependent-narcissist configuration.

Marketing is not geared toward what she can do for him, but rather what he can do for her. Remember, every kiss begins with Kay and you should say that with flowers. She won’t love you unless you have Axe body spray (yuck), dandruff shampoo, flowers, candy, cards, jewelry and the head of a dragon you’ve slain.

Even feminists belching about socialization must admit that men are told to buy affection.

When an emotionally healthy woman is perpetually given gifts and unwarranted affection as the primary consumer, she will learn to expect the Disney princess life. When an emotionally healthy man is competing in a buyer’s market for cock, he learns to treat himself like a product first and a human being second. PUAs profit from the insecurities that understandably incubate in these men, which means even confidence is a commodity as opposed to something you develop with experience.

Both men and women learn to be manipulative to get a slice of their respective pies, and the manipulation tactics are comparable to those of codependents and narcissists. Codependents appear altruistic, loving and kind, but are often simply buying friendship in a desperate attempt to avoid facing the curdled puddle of piss that is their self-esteem. Narcissists (who are self-loathing in a different way) act as enticing Venus flytraps, so codependents only realize how royally fucked they are once they see escape is not simply a matter of buzzing off.

Since buying sex is illegal in most jurisdictions and asking for sex may prompt a witch hunt, a man’s basic emotional and physical needs are turned into addictive commodities that provide the illusion of sexual contact and social acceptance during masturbation.

Cough syrup for an eternal cold.

Is it any wonder why the stereotype of the horny heterosexual man developed? A man’s natural libido has been amplified by a view that sex is the ultimate form of approval, and approval is the Holy Grail for codependents. While feminists screech about acceptance and inclusion,  they ignore the men who are desperate for both.

Because we live in a culture of “yes might maybe mean no but perhaps not,” actually having sex has become the primary and least ambiguous means to feel accepted. However, the process leading up to sex is a dangerous, maddening journey fraught with peril, confusion and possibly court summons. Any insecure man preoccupied with sex is not interested in merely sex, he is desperate to break out of a downward spiral of crippling loneliness beaten into his skull.

Sex emotionally completes the codependent Western male. Sadly, his passivity prohibits him from articulating his multifaceted torment brought on by a judgmental consumer culture. This is especially so in the face of an angry woman with an audience. Any reactionary fearful blubbering on the part of a man cast into the spotlight (especially on TV) is cast as stupidity and misogyny. Other men who as desperate as he is will join in on heckling him, all in the name of seeking acceptance and perhaps sex from their chosen goddess. Men will actually assist narcissistic women in stripping a dazed and confused man of his identity and dignity, probably before he had a chance to even develop either in a hostile environment that stunts said development.

Men, as the cult-urally designated codependent, deserve sympathy, but also criticism for funding their own turmoil. Men cast their own cocks as worthless, and narcissists-in-training happily agree while sucking the raspberry center out from a heart-shaped chocolate.

Breaking codependent habits is a slow, difficult process that involves unraveling a complex neural network that literally programs a man to be self-destructive in the name of “love.” This cannot change quickly, but it can change. 

Women have every choice to use prospects of sex to introduce ambiguity and emotional hazards for their own benefit, and may even cast innocent flirting as rape, criticism as verbal abuse, and compliments as insults. If more women made the choice to treat men like human beings (even in rejection), fewer men would sink deeper into their internal void.

What can be done to create a society of healthy reciprocal relationships between mutually compassionate partners?

Unfortunately, we cannot directly control a psychologically unprepared culture. There are too many interrelated factors at work. The only reliable escape is the realization that the game is rigged.

This is why MGTOWs will change the world without casting a single vote in a ballot or spending any money.

The system cannot handle a man who says “no.”

About Victor Zen (Sage Gerard)

Sage Gerard (Victor Zen) is the Collegiate Activism Director of AVFM and a highly active MHRA. Sage is the founder of KSU Men, the first men's rights student organization sponsored by the AVFM community, and has been interviewed by USA Today, Mother Jones, The League of Ordinary Gentlemen, The Los Angeles Times, New Republic, KSU Student Media and other publications.

Main Website
View All Posts
  • AVFM seeks app writer volunteer

    Are you an MHRA? Can you write apps for iPhone and Android? Are you willing to do that for AVFM on a special project? Please contact us.

    A Voice for Men seeks a volunteer with solid app writing experience to help us develop an app that will be linked to the AVFM brand. If you have the qualifications and are serious about following through, we would love to hear from you. Your efforts could be of great assistance to this website and to our cause. Please contact Paul Elam at paul@avoiceformen.com for more details...

  • Wikimasters, Editors, Translators, and Writers Wanted *Apply Now*

    Fight Wikipedia censorship! A Voice for Men and WikiMANNia are working to increase knowledge of men's issues through two wikis: the AVfM Reference Wiki for scholarly references, and WikiMANNia for general-interest men's issues. Volunteers needed for writing, proofreading, and organizing. Some knowledge of the German language will be helpful but *not* required.

    Please write to editorial_team@wikimannia.org...

  • plasmacutter

    They’re selling the heads of dragons?

    I’d buy one of those, but not for a girlfriend. That’s going on my wall.

    • Matthew Lane

      I could tell stories about the time I slew a dragon…. It’d look awesome in my games new room. In the houses of pussy whipped men this would be called a man cave, but since this is my home, my man cave is a man house.

      • Magnus

        I throw my hobby all around my livingroom. I once got a question “What do you do when you bring a girl home to that”
        My reply was “Well if she don’t accept that I have my hobby on display, then what good is she?”
        My home is MINE, and I do with it as I decide. :D

    • Jesse James

      Personally, I’d rather hunt a worthy dragon’s head; and leave the inconvenient geckos of the feminist narrative to continue to “torment” the poor wittle dears.

      I’m not the devil, but I won’t be your hero……. so to speak.

      This is the best article on why the PUA culture operates how it does that I have read here. It amazes me that so many here don’t see it. PUA culture, if it could be called that, is merely a backlash to feminism. MGTOW on the other hand is merely the equal, but opposite, reaction. It takes more time though.

      I have already seen that in the past few months, numerous “Princeton moms” have been coming out of the wood work trying to get men back in our cages. Perhaps they think that keep things the way it is, but promising a reach around before they violate us will get through to the heart strings?

      Too bad I no longer have one to pull.

      • ihateyourguts 25

        If i were a knight who would have to save a princess from a dragon, i’d save the dragon from the princess instead, and burn that kingdom of white knights to the ground with the said dragon.

  • Bewildered

    This is why MGTOWs will change the world without casting a single vote in a ballot or spending any money.

    The system cannot handle a man who says “no.”

    ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY BRILLIANT

    • brmerrick

      Yes, it is, and you and DukeLax beat me to it.

  • feeriker

    If more women made the choice to treat men like human beings (even in
    rejection), fewer men would sink deeper into their internal void.

    On what basis the assumption that most women are even remotely concerned with a man’s emotional well-being?

  • DukeLax

    Sage……This is why MGTOWs will change the world without casting a single vote in a ballot or spending any money.

    The system cannot handle a man who says “no.”

    I say……… 1000 upvotes for that wordsmithing!!!!

  • Dagda Mór

    Yes, this is one of those weird areas where the MHRM and feminism are more or less playing similar tunes. Breaking the destructive gender roles forced upon people by society? We’re kind of on the same page, just we’re not gynocentric.

    Slut shaming? A bad thing, women should be able to have sex where and when they like within reason, the main area of disagreement is in questioning the degree of legal and societal power women have in pursuing their libidos.

    • plasmacutter

      There’s a difference between looking and acting.
      Being a slut (male or female) is associated with high incidence of “cluster b” personality disorders.

      Promiscuity correlates heavily with diminished capacity to generate intimate bonds with romantic partners and coincides with higher incidence of narcissism, sociopathy, etc (it’s actually a mentioned behavior in about a dozen major psychological disorders).

      In short, people shouldn’t be shamed for their fashion, but people who actually “slut” deserve to be treated as potentially hazardous, and we should be discouraging this behavior in society. Sex is supposed to be an intimate act.

      • http://akseiya.deviantart.com Michał Lech

        Not all sex has to be “intimate”.
        I bet that if people didn’t get ostracised for engaging in casual sex, their capability to form actual partnerships that include sexual bond would be much greater.

        • Matthew Lane

          No, because if they had a stronger ability to create sexual bonds they wouldn’t have so many casual partners… That’s what generating strong sexual bonds is.

          • brmerrick

            The less shame that is introduced in early sexual exploration, discussion, and expression, the less need I think an individual will feel later on to have sex with multiple partners. This means not shaming sluts; but simply explaining, based on observation and personal experience, why you feel differently. However, if “we should be discouraging this behavior in society” is where you begin, how do you avoid placing outside expectations into an impressionable mind?

            I believe that humanity is self-regulating. Leave the sluts alone to deal with the consequences. Every slut has a brain.

          • Matthew Lane

            “The less shame that is introduced in early sexual exploration, discussion, and expression, the less need I think an individual will feel later on to have sex with multiple partners.”

            Then I’m sorry to have to break your cute little cognitive bubble but no: There is no causative link between more shame, more partners…. Heck there isn’t even a correlative link: its just your personal supposition.

            “I believe that humanity is self-regulating”

            Its not…. At least not without self correcting mechanisms such as society calling out what it considers negative behaviour.

  • Chad_Nine

    Excellent article. I’d really like you to bring it up again in a video or one of the hangouts. I think it’s that important.

  • http://www.stgeorgewest.blogspot.co.uk/ Angelo

    “Stop touching my monkey!”
    Flight Of The Conchords Confirm Their MGTOW Status
    ‘They’re talking about the issues but they’re keeping it funky.’

    MGTOW Bret’s wife is unable to have children because she is not a real woman, …she’s imaginary. The kids take after her.

  • Magnus

    I became mgtow (I think) when I realized that I have a huge tendency towards codependency, but I don’t like being “used”.
    So I stopped caring/looking for that “someone” because it’s clear that, for me, that person is so hard to find. And I have better things to do than to pander to a system I don’t like.

    • Matthew Lane

      “I became mgtow (I think) when I realized that I have a huge tendency towards codependency, but I don’t like being “used”.”

      An I became a zeta male (sorry but I hate the mgtow tag) when I realised I had no interest in co-dependency…. That I lacked the interest in slaving my desires to those of someone else.

      • Magnus

        “sorry but I hate the mgtow tag”^
        Funny, because I dislike the term Zeta male, I think mainly because I assosiate that with Alpha and Beta male terms… which I think are silly and derogatory.
        But no matter what you call it it’s a middle finger to society.

        • Matthew Lane

          LOL, which is funny because I associate it with the zeta Beams of DC comic character Adam Strange. Isn’t it funny how the human brain works.

          • Magnus

            True.
            But since I never got into DC comics I would never have thought that :P
            Now a Gamma Male, I would associate with a Hulk :P

  • PaulMurrayCbr

    I don’t much care for the implication that what is here called ‘P2′ is anything like the ancient and honourable work of a prostitute. It’s the opposite of prostitution, which is about making sex available even to the lower 80% of men on a simple, uncomplicated, hassle-free basis.

  • mike gibbs

    And unfortunately, you forgot to mention that women like sex every bit as much as men, possibly more. As a collective, we have excepted their lie that “sex is only for men” and as such, we’re getting fucked! Because of that lie, everything can be manipulated to their advantage and we men allow it. The problem is simple really, use their same tactic back at them whenever they capriciously decide to: cut-them-off!
    NO MORE SEX FOR YOU LADY!
    A feminist cannot handle a man who says no…

  • Darth Sin

    Yeap. Men who are going their own ways, going Galt, Ghosting…we are evolving…

    Men today are evolving to exist and to live without the need to female approval and without the sex from the female.

    Eventually, men will end up evolving to the point of not needing women for anything except coworkers.

    I honestly think women have no idea what they have done. Historically, this is the most colossal and dramatic example of shooting yourself in your own foot that I have ever seen.

    Women are getting the gist though..slowly…But that is like a teaser..A teaser trailer to a blockbuster of Galts.

    • ihateyourguts 25

      Feminists have a saying “a woman needs a man like a fish needs an bicycle”.

      Well, it just so happens that a man needs a woman like a frog needs an haircomb.

  • josephrobertson

    Man I hate to admit it but I am definitely among those creatures here labeled “codependent”.

    While I essentially live the MGTOW life (even before I knew people were calling it MGTOW), I can’t lie to myself and pretend that the last time I got sexual attention it didn’t completely change my mindset for at least a month.

    It was like a drug. I was so high. The next day and for days after, I felt like a different person…more confident, more motivated, more open.

    And it’s not about fucking and getting my rocks off…no, as this article points out, it’s about ACCEPTANCE.

    Even though I try to accept myself for what I am, have confidence in myself, love myself, etc., nothing I’ve done for myself ever compared to how good it felt to be accepted and desired physically by a woman. It’s not just her acceptance that matters, but it’s like she represents all society and/or the world in general, and she’s approving you, so you finally feel like you belong in the world–like you finally did something right for a change.

    And that can be dangerous! Just as taking heroin may feel amazing but can ruin your life. I still struggle with it, I know I can’t chase after it, yet I feel sort of empty without that feeling of acceptance–even though I know it doesn’t last; even though I know I’d put myself in a position where a woman could absolutely destroy me.

    So I realize that I have to learn how to validate myself and not rely on the acceptance and validation granted by women’s affections. I realize that it’s a result of my relationship with my mother while growing up (and my non-relationship with my father–he was there, just always busy working or watching Star Trek). I realize that I’ve got to work on myself. And that’s why I’m glad websites like this exist to show me there are people who understand…because I guarantee you that no therapist I ever went to in my teens and early twenties was ever wise or brave enough to look at the problem from this perspective.

    But as an aside: this is one reason I can’t believe how hateful feminists can be towards men, how hateful the friend-zone criticism of “You can’t just put friend coins in and expect me to give you sex!” is: these notions are predicated on assuming all men get out of sex is the pleasure of fucking and ejaculating, like we’re just sex-crazed animals. But that really is so far from the truth that to stereotype us with it is willfully ignorant and hateful.

    • Bewildered

      .. these notions are predicated on assuming all men get out of sex is the
      pleasure of fucking and ejaculating, like we’re just sex-crazed animals.
      But that really is so far from the truth that to stereotype us with it
      is willfully ignorant and hateful
      .

      Very poignant ! Tragic but true. ‘Modern’ women © can’t see this truth because they have been brainwashed into believing the opposite is true.
      I have heard amazing stories about guys paying expensive escorts just to talk with them personally like you would with your buddy !
      This is the extent of the alienation between the sexes and feminism riding atop solipsism,narcissism and uber materialism has played a major role in creating it.
      People need to learn to ‘hook in’ not ‘hook up’ if they want real relationships.

    • Joe Joeseph

      You comment clarifies what my own reality has been quite a bit for me. The good news is I have found I have benefited by many years of a single life which gives me the opportunity to learn (often by trial and error) things I have power to do for myself which generate well-being and contentment, etc. But even now that syndrome you mention can come roaring back at the drop of a hat.

  • Masculist Man

    I know the MGTOW’s are doing their thing but let’s not discount MRA’s either. We are the ones that write the letters and petitions to elected officials to get men’s issues on the forefront. Not only that but we are the ones that write comments on news sites challenging misandry in western culture.

    Overall it is a very good article.

  • Rich Vaz

    Not all codependency is affection and sexual. Some are ‘followers’ that need to feel accepted even amongst platonic relationships. Which was what I was researching before I landed here but I am glad I did.
    Anyways, I can see how men/women(mostly men) who are unconfident and unaccepted can easily fall prey to a men/women(mostly women) who are socially condition to receive gratification for a sense of affection (which is abused by the fact that the emotions are falsely portrayed and are not real). Now with sex involved as an addictive stimulant I can assume how a mans psychology can be taken advantaged off.
    Nicely written article! It touches on great points. I feel like this topic is part of something far greater and that is the herding of humans.

  • JewelD

    Wow – that is some twisted trash right there. Talk about distorted reality. Good luck with those rationalizations, bro.

    • driversuz

      You have been banned because of a serious and direct violation of Comment Policy (trolling). [Ref: 2284]

      Additional remarks:

      seagull

  • JewelD

    Well I whole heartedly support your taking yourself out of the marriage pool.