My road: from blue pill to red

I was raised by a feminist, single mother.  When I was very young, my father grew tired of hassling with her and drifted away. I grew up feeling that my father didn’t love me.  I didn’t know what parental alienation was but I knew what it felt like. The only thing I was told about him was he was a “deadbeat dad,” that didn’t pay his child support.

When I was a teenager, my mother and I ran into him by chance while out on an errand. He looked at me and asked, “Do you know who I am?”  I hadn’t a clue and said, “No.”  I could tell by the pain on his face that I had stabbed him in the heart. As we said our goodbyes, he gave me his pocket knife. I never saw him again.  I still have that pocket knife today to remind me of him.

My first taste of the red pill was in college, when there were no clothesline projects or white ribbon weeks, for which I’m grateful.  I do remember the sense of unfairness with scholarships and finical aid. No one would help me because of my skin color and gender.  Eventually, I “manned up” and earned my way through school.

Consumed with school, work, and girlfriends, my first taste of the bitter red pill was forgotten and I slipped back into my blue pill coma. I had met the love of my life and eventually we were married.

Nothing you could have told me back then would have changed my mind. We were best friends and perfect for each other. I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes my mother and father made. I was going to always be there for my wife and children, no matter what. I made an oath before God and witnessnes to honor and protect her, till death do us part.  I meant it and I lived it.

15 years later, I had a good job, a house, great kids, and I was still in love.  I was truly happy.  Blue cool-aid is yummy!  What happened next would shake me to my core and force me to choke down the red pill; whole this time.

I discovered my wife was having an affair. When I confronted her about it she called the cops on me because she was “afraid.” Afraid!  Afraid of what?  I was her white knight. I never laid a finger on her or the kids, ever. In a wash of horror, I got it.  She wasn’t afraid at all. It was over, and she just played her trump card.

I met the cop in the driveway and calmly told him what happened. He gave me a choice. I could leave and never come back or he could take me to jail. I’m grateful this happened before VAWA.

For the next year I lived in an unfurnished apartment, sleeping on the floor. Between my attorney fees and paying both the house mortgage and apartment rent, I was dead broke. There were days I would go without food because I didn’t have any money.

I would “man-up” at work, then I would come home and sob. I had lost everything that was important to me. Friends and family turned on me. In some twisted way they blamed me for the divorce. I tried two different counselors who wanted to sell me their version of “women good, men bad.”  There was nowhere to turn but within.

In my darkest hours, I considered taking my life. Blue pill withdrawal is a bitch. My children kept me going. I didn’t want to leave them with a whole in their hearts, like the one I felt as a child.  During this time, I developed a deeper understanding and compassion for my father and his loss.

As time went by, I would just sit and think for hours. I would sit and wonder how did I get here?  This was her wrong not mine. She had an affair, yet she gets the house, the car, and the kids.  I get attorney fees, alimony, and child support.  What kind of fucked up world is this?  There is no justice!

Once the divorce was over, I got my life back together. I wandered for a couple years thinking the world was crazy. No one could see what I could see or at least wouldn’t admit to it. I was living outside the matrix.  I was MGTOW but I didn’t know the term then.

Then one day on YouTube, I came across one of Factory’s videos, and then JTO’s, then The Happy Misogynist.  I realized I wasn’t alone.  In fact, there were men much farther down the road than I was.  That day an MRA was born.

About Patrick Henry

Patrick Henry is a long time AVfM reader who was inspired to tell his story on this pages, describing the road he walked to become an MRA

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  • Auntie Pheminizm

    qdpsteve: “… I got the California State sexual harassment feminazi on my case.”

    Cite her name! We can do research, dig up dirt.

  • squire

    I am glad to see I am not alone. I don’t have the same background as you since my mother was very old fashioned and just put up with my Dad quietly, and as a result had and still does have a very nice life. But my marriage was almost exactly as you describe it. I had everything I had ever wanted in my life: wife, house, kids, dog, etc. Then my wife ran off and had an affair. I was actually willing to forgive, but she refused to let me. Some how it was all my fault that the other guy had dumped her (I guess I was baggage at that point getting in the way). It seemed to me at the time like someone had dropped a bomb on me. As I look back I realize it had been in the works for years. My ex-wife was longing for some sort of fulfillment, and it was my fault she wasn’t getting it. I suppose if she had her way it still would be my fault (maybe in her mind it is?), but I have happily moved on. I am much happier now by myself. I suppose I do live for my kids, but how I miss all the things I have lost. I just cannot look back.

    • Patrick Henry

      I hear you brother.

  • quolls

    MRA’s are calling these insurgent fundamental bigoted feminists
    My ex sent me broke, then left, I had legal aid that stopped, I am reapplying and may get legal aid on the grounds the respondent is seeking new orders at trial 27 28 Feb, for passport, citizenship, full responsibility over our 2yo son and to take him to Thailand on the pretence of a 1 month visit. In reality she has no intention of returning him to Australia.
    She admits to Child Safety no DV, claimed public housing on false premise. She is attempting to run out with our son.
    The video shows he won’t go to her at change over, he is scared of her, cries and runs away, supported by my Mum’s affidavit, my affidavit and the respondent’s admitions in her affidavit.
    He has a bad ICL that isn’t telling the truth, I caught her out right lying in the letter of appointment to the report writer, she wrote the mother supports shared care but the father doesn’t, the complete opposite to the truth, she failed to provide the report writer the video evidence, that I handed up to the magistrate with my affidavit at the second mention.
    The ICL is acting out of bias, discrimination and possibly bigotry, she is fully aware his primary attachment “PA” is with me, but bias and corrupted reports say PA is with the respondent, I mentioned the PA is in dispute to the report writer offered him video as evidence. His report he claimed he couldn’t play the video, and at the end of the report he claimed he has completed and investigated this matter fully..
    I am looking for urgent legal advice.

  • Not buying it

    I have been through the same story , very few differences indeed to that and on i lighter note to my fellow MRA’S but still passing the message , a word to the wise, take a look at this link.

  • ShriekoftheVulture

    take a look at this article

    be warned, you might hurl after reading

  • Patrick Henry

    Working on my YouTube skills:

  • Bombay

    Nice video.

  • Lee

    I admit I used to say ‘not all women are like that’ and I genuinely meant it..and I was genuinely misguided. Upon reflection, I should have realized that as a women with no female friends, I did not know so much about it. I suspect I was projecting my own characteristics on other women. Truth is that the ‘not all’ refers to such a small minority that it bears no relevance in the big picture. Thank you to Patrick and all the commentators who drove that point home for me.


    My jaw dropped in near disbelief as I read your story. Thank you for sharing it. I hope that you can reconnect with your kids in the future if you have not already and I hope that she was not able to poison their minds with her sick and twisted ways of thinking. I wish you the best with your MGTOW path.

  • Patrick Henry


    I’m glad to see women, as well as men, are walking up to the injustices caused by feminism. It took men’s help to put these unjust laws in place; it will take the help of women to take them down. I’m pleased my article helped you see red pill reality.

    I see my kids but I’m always on the razors edge of her whims. They are pawns in a twisted game of extortion.

    Let me be the first to say, “Welcome to the men’s rights movement.”


    • Lee

      I infer she has you on the child support leash. What a scam that is.. Thank you for the welcome.

  • fieldguy7

    This story is my story. The only difference is she didn’t cheat, at least I don’t think so because she hated men and would vocalize that.

    My career, the til death do us part vow and believing it, children, the police with no physical harm, the horror, told to leave, the realization of the setup, the apartment, the manning up for work, the taking of all assets are exactly the same.

    That was 24 years ago. I have been single ever since.

    She retired from the IRS with 6 figures.

    Go Figure.

    • Patrick Henry

      I feel your pain brother.

  • Cultural_Expat

    Man…sounds like my situation in 1995. VAWA was in swing then so my removal from the house after the RO, after an argument regarding my wifes affairs at the home while I was at work. Same ‘ol, Same ‘ol. At the time I know exactly how you felt….”how can they do this…” after 15 or so years I know understand the profit motive and the make-work programs for the fembots. I don’t even like to go into detail anymore when asked why on certain issues regarding my life and the way I live it. Basically, in 15 years I’ve boiled it down to, as I a said at a school meeting last week regarding why I don’t have custody of my son and why I have little influence over his behaviour as he is raised by an alienating single feral “mom,” “The family court is an corrupt anti-male, government profit center and I don’t have the money to waste there anymore.” Thanks for the article…I understand!