About 2 weeks ago, I made the decision to end my own life.
I have been living with severe depression, with varying degrees of success, for 27 years. As is common in those with depression, I didn’t recognize the signs at first, and men present depression differently from women. Oddly enough, men tend to present as angry, when really they are depressed.
Of course, this is all old hat for me, and had nothing to do with recent events. Since its all over the net anyway, I might as well tell you all what happened so it may serve to help others understand they are not alone.
In addition to the usual MRM related shit and abuse, I’ve been carrying around some baggage in real life. And it’s sorta relevant, so I’ll bring it up.
I’ve been through abusive relationships, lost my children to poverty, lost a house and new car, been cheated on, used, and belittled. Like nearly everyone else. I’ve also been chronically underemployed, again like most people.
Pretty regular stuff really. But add in the depression and you have serious problems. And while in hospital, nearly everyone else in there was also there for depression. So again, I’m not exactly a special case. And in a perfectly regular way, I planned my own execution.
After I finished work, I was going to take the hose (exhaust hose, about 4 inches around) that I had bought, drive out to a secluded spot (not hard to find in SK) and gas myself. I sent out an email to those who would need to know what happened, thinking it was by then too late to stop me. Paul proved me wrong on that score, by the way. Oddly enough, it really pissed me off that I couldn’t finish my work properly while I sat in the back of the cop car.
I’ve recently become rather disgusted with, and mistrustful of, police….but in this case, they made the right call. They ‘arrested’ me and took me to hospital, where I would spend the next week. And it was a good call, and I thank Paul for doing that. That might be because I have a supportive employer. It’s probably because I’m still alive to say it.
In addition, the doctors were well aware of the predominance of male depression, as well as the stats on male suicide. Encouragingly, at least around these parts, they are very much interested in promoting the issues surrounding men and depression. A few nurses had even heard of the MRM, and one of them slipped and called me ‘Factory’ once. So I took heart in that a little, and I hope you do too.
I’ve regained my balance, by the way, so I think you may find me a little less angry these days. Still disjointed, but calmer. I have read many of the comments you have left, by the way, and as I said to Paul I’m flabbergasted, since I didn’t really think anyone would care.
Apparently, depression fucks with a guys perspective.
Anyway, I hope this is enough for now. There may be something else coming out of this experience, and if so I’ll let you all know. In the meantime, thanks again for your concern and support.
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Iron John:
August Løvenskiolds:
Rick Westlake:
strix:
animatefire:
Welcome back, brother.
I’m glad to hear that you’re still with us.
Depression can be a bitch. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to reach out to me.
I know it’s hard for some people to talk about this kinda thing so thanks for having the courage to do so.
I’m glad you got through this episode Dan. I don’t have past marriage or loss of children to deal with but; I’ve experienced the loss of perspective caused by depression many times and had a father and step-mother who were all too willing to encourage my feelings of worthlessness when I was growing up, (especially the step-mother). So I understand what depression does to a guy.
That’s why I believe in being extremely careful about who, I let get close to me. The last thing you need is someone with B.P.D. or narcissistic personality disorder,(known a few of those personally, they’re vile people), getting close to you if you have depression, for example. Any associate or friend who ridicules me or engages in socially destabilizing behaviors around me is usually promptly dismissed as a friend or even associate.
Life is too short to let antagonists toy with us. Dismiss the fools, watch your ego and be careful, in what you permit to influence you. Cultivate clarity in your own understanding of your mind and of existence constantly; that would be my advice, I guess. Be well brother.
Factory… We’ve dealt with similar. Please contact me on AM asap. No, I’m not going to moan at you – but I’d like your help in a small project. Please get in touch.
Thank you for coming back!
Dan, I’ve been “close to there” myself. I will acknowledge this, I’ve been nowhere as “close” as you. I have been relatively unscathed by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – and certainly not as ill-treated as your admissions relate of you.
Can I do anything to help you?
Great to have you back Dan.
We love you and missed you terribly.
Yep, depression is a bitch that’s for sure.
However, I hope you’ll take heart in knowing some great men battled with it and went on to achieve mighty deeds (something you’ve already done BTW with your extraordinary MRA videos on Youtube).
One of the guys that comes to mind is Sir Winston Churchill.
Glad you’re still here.
It’s good to hear that you’re alright, Dan. I know all to well how depression can mess with one’s perspective, as can a rotten legal or financial situation, and you’re not the only one who has come close to suicide.
Hang in there, bud. Your best days are still ahead.
Hey Dan, Welcome back my friend.
It takes a man of huge proportions to front up to his failures. And Dan, you are a giant among men!
Many of us here will look up to you for a very long time and wish we had your courage and strength.
This world would have suffered at your loss. Glad you’re still with us.
Factory,
I am glad you are still with us brother. You have no idea what the timing of this message from you has done for me. I just emailed Paul tonight after receiving some diturbing information of my own. I have lived with depression for years as well and prior to finding you guys I often exerted more mental energy getting out the bed in the morning than most do in a week on their jobs. Im not a man of many words but I will say I have got a lot of love for you Factory and the rest here at avfm.
Very glad to hear you’re doing better Dan. I know it sucks sometimes man, but we can’t give up. Giving in & offing ourselves is precisely what they want us to do. You’re much too strong for that.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0z29W1IYNus
I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not living your life, but somehow bro, I hope you can find a way to “zeta up” & keep moving foreword. We need you in this fight bro. Plus, you know, we care about ya’. I’m one province away if I can ever help you with anything.
Heh. “zeta up”? That’s an amusing phrase, although I’m not _entirely_ sure how well it meshes with the actual concept of zeta masculinity.
I’m pleasantly surprised at how many MRAs there are here in Canada.
In my opinion, to “zeta up” doesn’t just include saying “fuck it” to the whole established system with its male only expectations, & subduing innate urges to compete &/or “one up” other men.
The Zeta male in my definition is totally indestructible & incorruptible. He has inflexible, intractable adamantine resolve to his convictions. You cannot break a Zeta male. You can insult him & take from him EVERYTHING as punishment for him going his own way, & he will simply return a haughty, cocky smile & say:
“…is that all you got? Is THAT all you got!?! I’m still here! I’M STILL STANDING!”
Imagine the FTSU factor of an army of men like this…
Thanks, Dan…
Great to know you’re on the mend and just as well that Paul got to you in time on that day, so many thanks to him.
I think many of us can appreciate what you’ve been through and how it brings you down when everything is stripped away from you…it’s all so one sided as we males know only too well. But take heed my friend, as you’re amongst friends.
Good to hear from you!
Dan, I am very happy to hear you are doing a bit better. I value your insight and your honesty, especially coming forward with the information on your near demise. Perhaps others can learn a lesson from your experience and reach out when it all get to be too much to handle.
A lot of us have been through the wringer in life. The good news is we have each other to lean on when it all goes to hell.
Welcome back.
Factory, glad to see you’re alright,bro. This shit can fuck with you I know it has with me. Glad to see you’re still around.
I’m glad to hear that you are still with us.You gave us quite a scare,man.
Your work has been such an influence on the MRM,and has done god knows how much for others.If you had succeeded in ending your life, you would have been sorely missed by all of us.
I would like to encourage you to keep up your previous work, but I can’t.It would feel selfish and insensitive to me. My friend, your health and happiness are what is most important at this point. Your activism,a shining example for many of us, can be postponed until you are physically and mentally ready-IF you are able to continue.
We love you,brother,and we want you to remain with us,to celebrate our successes and to commiserate with us in our hard times.The table would feel that much emptier without you sitting at it.If you are unable to walk, then we will carry you,but please don’t leave us.You are a friend,a fellow soldier in this war, and an inspiration to so many people.No matter what you decide to do from this point on, we will never forget how much you have helped this movement.Your name will never be forgotten by those who care about helping men and children.
It’s really nice to hear from you again Factory. Sorry, even though your RL name is out there, I still know you as Factory, so I hope you won’t mind that I still use it, respectfully of course. You are a man I respect for helping me to not only open my eyes to the MRM, but who also unknowingly helped me come back from my own very dark place. I was lost, lonely, depressed, and very, very angry when I first stumbled upon the MRM years ago and one of the very first voices I heard was yours Factory. I have followed your work ever since under various handles.
I hope you got a chance to see all the posts from your subscribers and friends. Well, I better stop before I write something soppy and embarrass myself – I’ve already had to edit this three times because it sounded too… you know.
Suffice to say, welcome back brother. I hope everything gets better for you and I hope to hear from you for years to come.
Don’t do it again brother. I think I know where you were, but there aren’t any real solved problems down that path.
And we need you here.
I remember very depressing times in my life where I thought seriously about ending it. I often used to ponder the meaning of life, what’s the point, why stay alive, your going to die one day anyway, and the longer you avoid it, the more suffering and misery along the way, until you’re just an old geriatric in a nursing home, on a zillion drugs and life support to keep you alive, struggling for every breath, raked in pain, arthritis, heart disease, cancer, shitting and pissing into bags attached by tubes through your guts, deaf, blind, etc.
Yep, I thought, might as well just get out now and avoid all that crap, things are bad, and the next 20 years will be worse than the last 20.
And of course, there is no meaning. Your just a temp fixture in the universe, no more significant than an ant. No point in going on. But……then I realised….just as there is no point to living…..there is also no point to dying. I suppose if we were all 100% rational beings with not a trace of emotion in us, we would all just kill ourselves……but maybe not. You get born……you don’t get a choice in that…..you are brought into existence whether you want or not…….whether you think there is a point or not. You have to be here for some time……you didn’t get say in it…….even if it’s just one second……you’re here. What’s the point of being here………but……..what’s the point of not being here……..since you are here……you might as well hang around and see what happens.
And who knows, maybe if you hang around long enough, you get to see your enemies wish that they were never born……that can be your meaning of life.
Hate and vengeance can be your reason to go on. LOL
Oh well, it works for me.
Oh, and next time things feel that bad, put a word in with someone here and some help can be arranged.
Not to sound overly Calvinistic about it, but the bible is divided into two parts. The Old Testament promotes material gain as reward for allegiance with God. The New Testament promotes suffering as reward for allegiance with God. At this point in time in our lives, we are suffering because we did the right thing. It means that we do not need material gain as reward for doing the right thing. We’ve advanced beyond that. Some people will never advance beyond that. Embrace your suffering as evidence of your grace with God.
Thanks goodness you are ok. Wishing you health, wealth and peace.
Welcome back mate.
We’ve all been waiting for your return with something like this, and it’s a read of relief for us all.
We are MRA’s and we give a damn. No need to be flabbergasted at our concern, it’s just the way we are and it’s this very thing that has drawn us together from the get-go.
Take care for yourself brother just as we all do for you.
Welcome back, Dan. Your work has been instrumental in my own recovery from depression. I’ve read thousands of articles, posts and comments about the plight of men in our society and I can honestly say very few, if any, have been as sensitive, insightful and respectful of a man’s tender heart than yours.
Your work is often very thoughtful and well-written too. Remember the one called Got Dick? Wave it in their faces? That was a keeper for me. Pure gold, it was.
Your sensitivity and wisdom is a treasure, brother, and there is still important work to be done that only you can do just by your presence amongst us. Please take care of yourself.
Great to see you made your way through it Dan. You are right about the need for more assistance for men and all it needs is for men to demand it to be the case. All the best.
Wow-I was unaware of your delema untill i just learned off the phone with a new mra friend who is a regular here.
I hope things go better for you in the future.
Depression sucks,I can personally vouch for that.
Glad your still here.
Good to have you back, Dan/Factory.
I guess a great many of us have been down that road, and as others has stated, there’s nothing to be found down there. I recognize the constant anger, and the being pissed off at the cops from not succeeding, from my own experience with depression and the consequences it can have. Take the time you need to get back on your feet, and you’ll find out something truly amazing: It has made you a lot stronger and tougher than you were before.
It took courage to write this message of yours, and you have my thumbs up for doing so, because you had a lot of us worried here. For future references don’t turn that anger on yourself, ’cause there’s so many people out there that rightfully deserves that anger a whole lot more than yourself, and has played a far greater role in things turning out bad for us men in general, than anything any one of us ever did or did not do. As Stu mentioned, the dark side can be a powerful ally when it is used for good, and giving up means that those people will get away with their shit.
-And that is quite simply not an option open for any one of us.
Much of this I wholeheartedly agree with. But (and isn’t there always a ‘but’) for one thing.
You say:
I guess a great many of us have been down that road, and as others has stated, there’s nothing to be found down there.
From my experience, and I want to make it clear that I do not pretend to speak for any other, that wasn’t the way I looked at that cliff edge when I stood at it not long ago. Taking the leap would, I imagined, at least stop the pain. I can’t speak for Dan/ Factory or anyone else since everyone who goes through this has a different ride, but for me in the frame of mind I was in at the time, the simple absence of the constant internal pain and turmoil that topping myself represented was almost enough to stop me stopping myself from pushing the knife in all the way.
I know you meant no disrespect when you wrote what you wrote, and I take no offence at all. I just wanted to point out to you that the thought of no more pain is what some of us find at the end of that road, and that is far too often enough of a reason to follow it right to the end.
Welcome back Dan. We need you Brother.
I hope you’ll never get to the idea to kill yourself again. It’s meaningless. And BTW, we need you.
So, some of the nurses knew you were ‘Factory’. That sure tells you a lot, doesn’t it?
Welcome back. A small point. I noticed that you made a few comments which minimised your pain (the old I’m no worse off than the next guy). I do that too. Men have to stop this. Take care and best wishes to you.
Factory – What AndyBob says here about the nurse calling you “Factory” is worth noting: The cops brought you to the perfect place when you were right up against it. Following up on any thread your intuition tells you to pickup on, I think, is key here, and a message from Providence (and I don’t mean Rhode Island, tho they’re welcome to welcome you back, too!).
Do what the doctors (you feel you can trust) at that excellent hospital tell you, be it medz, lifestyle advice, or whatever.
Activate or reactivate personal contact with men who have reached out. Maybe you can even establish a weekly telefonic or even flesh-&-blood meeting with (truly) good men; I’d recommend it, when you’re feeling a little stronger.
Lastly, DO stay with us. You’re valued by us. Take our cue and VALUE yourself.
Welcome back, bro.
Glad you are still with us Factory. You were one of the first people in the MRM to really get thru to me and ‘wake me up’ with your vids. Thank you!
I’ve dealt with depression for years. Came pretty close a few times to going down that road. Life has it’s peaks and valleys, and it’s hard to navigate thru those low lows…but when I get there I try to look at the little things in life that make it worth living, I don’t know that seems to help me at times. Also I’m thankful for finding the MRM I think if I hadn’t, I would have off’ed myself years ago. Now I know that there are others like me, and we are not wierd, but actually pretty normal, we’re just trying to navigate a truelly backasswards world.
-Cdub
We rejoice at your return Dr. Dan.
I have massive respect for Dan, for coming back from the brink, and his mates on the scene in the US who stepped in to help a friend in distress. This is the sort of brotherhood we need to be prepared to offer each other in a variety of circumstances in the MRM to grow our power.
Well done everyone.
We were rooting for you, Factory. What a relief to hear from you. Thank goodness.
Welcome back brother. Glad things are – at the very least – leveling a bit for you.
I would love to put to words some sort of awesome wisdom here for you Dan, but alas, I have none. I can say though, that I am glad you are on the mend and that I – and as many above have stated – am glad you are still with us. Your work is important and needed.
TMOTS
You are far too important for us all to lose Dan. The MRM is often the only social support that men receive and I am pleased to learn it has been successful in this case, because, as we know, in most other cases nobody cares about men and boys. It is this that leads to indignant and justified anger, a sense of worthlessness and being unwanted.
You note that one of the nurses called you “Factory”. The MRM is growing, and we probably don’t know it because we have to hide away from the gynocratic system. One day our time will come, and there will be lots of excitement along the way. You are part of that Dan, please do not leave this mortal coil without seeing it all through. I am more and more confident that time will prove us right in the end, and we will be rewarded with true justice, understanding, and being accepted as human beings.
Dan. You have value and you make a difference. Remember the Spartans … we stand together shoulder to shoulder.
I totally agree. When feminists force us into Spartan conditions by taking away all our rights, our family and our dignity, they can’t break our spirits and they will make Spartans of us all.
I’m glad to hear you’re on the slow road away from that dark place to recovery. Thank you for sharing this.
When I saw Paul’s AVfM-radio-canceled-tonight-due-to-actual-life-and-death-situation post on the 12th, my thought process was approximately “Oh, no. Oh crap. Please no.” shortly followed by “…What? Really? He lives in town? Here?”
It’s really encouraging to hear that a few of the nurses knew of the MRM, and even more so that one of them recognized you as Factory. Was that in ward 1-D? I spent a couple 2-week stints in there dealing with my depression and OCD a few years ago.
Dan, I only know you from the great comments you made on the “game” podcast. You were someone I was proud to be familiar with. I would have hated to lose you for no good reason. Stay with us.
Welcome bacK Dan, I don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said better, earlier in this thread, but a lot of people care about you mate. We’re all much relieved to hear from you.
Today is a brighter day because you are with us.
What an honest and amazing article. Depression is literally a killer.I’m very glad that you are still around.
You are a good man Dan. Welcome back, we missed you.
Welcome back from the edge Dan.
If you ever start getting like that again, say so OUTLOUD right here…don’t hesitate to reach out.
As much as 1′s and 0′s transversing the internet can show it, you’re loved as a brother among us. You’re not alone out there. Don’t ever forget that.
Kick some butt.
Welcome back, Dan!
You were my introduction to the MRM. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t understand any of this stuff and I wouldn’t be speaking out against the injustices faced by men.
Thank you for being there for all of us – and thank you for not killing yourself. You are way too important.
Dan, it would appear that you are not alone, based on many of the comments. Keep this in mind; life is the most valuable possession you have, for without it nothing else matters. The things that make you depressed (work, relationships, money, health) pale in comparison to your life. Hang on to your life at all cost, never surrender; fight to stay alive to the very end. I have a few suggestions in dealing with your depression. Get a dog, cat or some pet for companionship, and take long walks, or just make sure you get enough exercise each day. Be weary of these psychologists and their medications. Try to find at least one true friend that you can count on when things seem bleak, but always remember that it only seems to be bleak, as long as you have your life things can’t be that bad. Take time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, a fine cigar, good move, long walk, or a drive in the country, or whatever suits your tastes. Of course, these are just suggestion I hope they help, take care and God Bless.
“Get a dog”
Finally someone said it. I didn’t want to be the first one, but it actually works surprisingly well to have someone who is always ecstatic to see you when you come home, and the exercise from walking it comes as an added bonus on the side.
But get a german shepard, a golden retriever, or any other kind of ‘family friendly’ dog. Do not get a pitbull or something like that. The reason being, that a friendly dog makes complete strangers stop and talk to you on the streets, and that takes care of some of the isolation we sometimes struggle with.
Also, you might consider going back in your life and find something that you really enjoyed doing as a kid or a teen. Fishing have become my number one passtime again, and I know of a number of other MRA’s that enjoy this very much too.
Great advice guys. My grandfather called it, “having another heartbeat in the house”. A friend of mine recently got 2 rescue cats who jump all over him when he comes home. They like to play football with plastc spoons. He even takes them for walks. He told me that all of the pressures of the day are easier to leave at the door because his pets have no connection to them.
You might find this an interesting read then:
http://stress.about.com/od/lowstresslifestyle/a/petsandstress.htm
http://www.petplace.com/cats/cats-a-calming-influence-on-people-with-high-blood-pressure/page1.aspx
So, to recapitulate:
Pets Can Improve Your Mood.
Pets Control Blood Pressure Better Than Drugs.
Pets Encourage You To Get Out And Exercise.
Pets Can Help With Social Support.
Pets Stave Off Loneliness and Provide Unconditional Love.
Pets Can Reduce Stress—Sometimes More Than People.
It looks like, besides being hilariously entertaining with their crazy antics, they also provide you with a longer and healthier life. After I found out about this, I stopped wishing for feminists to become old and bitter with their cats and dildo’s.
-Just let them keep their dildo’s, with no batteries included.
I’ve been there too Dan, & just want to send you some well wishes & thanks: your thoughts & efforts have made a difference in the world, to me at any rate.
Welcome back, good man.
Thanks, Dan, for all you’ve done. Never give up. It’s the only way to lose.
It’s important as men to distinguish between “depression” and “sadness”. In our wonderful post-feminist dystopian fascist police state hell, professionals in the psychiatric community have a financial incentive to substitute “depression” for “sadness”, “mania” for “a good sense of humor”, and “anger management problem” for “anger”.
Today, many men are “sad” and not “depressed”. “Depression” implies an inherent, genetic and/or physiological problem that will not correct itself in a reasonable amount of time. It’s chronic usually because there is no real external stimulus causing it. Of course, the threshold for stimulus causing sadness is important. Some people (women particularly) are vulnerable to sadness with the slightest external stimulus or adversity. That’s not sadness or depression but manipulating others with the public spectacle of their chronic victimhood. They are too irresponsible and lazy to deal with even minor adversity.
But men today are faced with such extreme adversity that causes legitimate sadness and they are precluded by the government and society and the law from dealing with that adversity. They are being enslaved and driven to suicide.That causes profound and protracted sadness. Not depression. Because the stimulus is extreme and external and there is no way to deal with it responsibly. It’s sadness. And many men have good reason to be profoundly sad. It’s usually not depression. There’s nothing particularly wrong with these men. There’s something wrong with the communities in which they exist.
For most men, their educations, employment, fatherhood, manhood, responsible behavior, investment in the future, etc… have been criminalized by the communities in which they live. Few can or know how to deal with these developments because there really is no way to deal with them effectively. That’s what malignant narcissists do to people. Including our own psychiatric community which refuses to acknowledge the real problem. Instead it points a finger of blame at men, accusing them of abuse because they don’t want to be enslaved, instead of acknowledging the real practical problems imposed upon these men by the communities themselves. It tries to portray the real and practical problems it has imposed irrationally upon men without sense or reason as an emotional problem of men. It is anything but.
That’s what malignant narcissists and psychopaths do. They portray their own irresponsibility and its practical consequences for everyone else as an emotional problem of everyone else. That’s what solipsism is. An important symptom of malignant narcissism and psychopathy. Here’s a great article about the ascedance of sociopaths (malignant narcissists) in governance. It can be applied to any element of society though.
http://www.caseyresearch.com/articles/ascendence-sociopaths-us-governance?ppref=DLC420ED0312B
The world we live in as men is truly fucked up. Any man who has not suffered protracted durations of sadness or anger or even mania has no conscience. That you feel anything in response to our dilemma is not evidence that anything is wrong with you but that you’re alright. Something’s wrong with everyone else.
It is soooo good to see you again Dan, as someone who also has suffered from Cronic depression now for 7 years (and someone who lost a grandfather to suicide) I know where you are comeing from and sometimes I think the medication just makes things worse. But I have to say at the risk of sounding sentmental I filled up a little when I seen the name that penned this aritcal. It is indeed good to see you here. Please know that you are a man or worth and matter to many more then you can even imagin. It is throug your youtube videos that I came to the MRM. You gave me hope when I thought there was none. Praying for you Brother.
Welcome back Dan. Very, very good news that you are getting your balance back. I would suggest to you that whenever you are feeling a bit low, come back to this article and read all the comments again. You are much loved and respected around here.
And well done to all those that helped Dan.
Hey Manboobz, just in case you’re reading this:
If you dare to make fun of this article on your website, there will be hell to pay. Do you understand?
And that goes DOUBLE for the rest of the feminist SCUMbags out there as well.
“A few nurses had even heard of the MRM, and one of them slipped and called me ‘Factory’ once. So I took heart in that a little, and I hope you do too.”
I don’t know if it’s from the book or if it was a deleted scene in the movie but isn’t there a bit from Fight Club where the narrater is in the hospital after shooting himself and the nurses call him Tyler Durden?
Hi Factory. Thanks for taking the time to fill us in on what happened to you. I think I can speak for all of Mancoat when I
say that we are relieved.
Best,
IJ
Welcome back, Factory. Thank Cthulu you’re okay.
Dan,
I’m relieved to hear you’re ok. I wish you the best and a rapid recovery.
I’m am extremely grateful to hear that you’re okay, Factory. It’s great to have you back! Though I’ve had it much easier than you in life, I can relate to your struggle with depression. I’ve personally been struggling with it for half of my life now, since I was 13 years old.
I tried to take my life once, and was one throw of the toaster away from doing it. But then, I thought of how much pain and sadness I would cause the ones I love. This verse from the Bible also came to mind, “any man having set hand to the plow and looking back is unfit for the kingdom of God.”
I guess in the last moment of hesitance I realized that my belief that I don’t matter to anybody isn’t true. Please remember how much you matter to all of us, Factory. If we ever lost you, we’d be crushed. You’re much much more than just an MRA to us; you’re a brother and a friend! Even as I write this, I have tears in my eyes.
A million thanks to you for writing this article, and to Paul and everyone else who intervened to stop this tragedy. I pray that joy will return to your life, and that I can look forward to many many years of reading your excellent articles and watching your kickass movies on youtube.
God Bless You, Brother!
Rarely say this about anything but…Thank God that nightmare’s over. And welcome back Dan.
Great to have you back Dan.
Hope you’re doing ok brother. Take it easy, remember how much love and respect you have here. The world and MRM needs Factory.
I’m glad to hear you’re back with us, Dan. I’m grateful for all the work you’ve put into the movement and all you’ve done for your brothers out there. Much love and respect, for all you’ve done, and for who you are.
Glad you’re with us.
Your presence makes this world a better place. Thanks.
Really REALLY glad you’re back Dan.
You are seriously one of the coolest guys anywhere.
Some say depression is anger stood on its head. There’s a lot of truth in that. So I hope you don’t look at anger as something “sick.”
When fembots call a man “angry” they use it as a shaming tactic to silence him and his righteous anger. They never ask WHY a male might be angry. Because that would open the floodgates and demolish the myth that men have no claim to grievances since they have “all the power.”
On the other hand, wimmin make hay with “anger.” They are PROUD to “rage” because they think only their gender has issues…ones they blame entirely on men.
Bitterly funny, no? Feminist say they are responsible for nothing, yet whine when they are not automatically handed positions of… responsibility.
Much male “mental illness,” I suspect, stems from cultures that view men as lesser beings with no feelings. They take kids from men and expect fathers to soldier on, paying for the abuse heaped on them by courts that view dads solely as ATM automatons.
And just look at how they treat male vets who return from war and need help healing from the contortions they were subjected to in order to protect other, including excluded-from-combat (because too “valuable”) females.
So hang in there… for yourself and us. We’ve been collectively demonized and now we’re fighting back. We need you and others to complete our mission. It can feel very good to stand up for yourself…and have an army of brothers backing you!
Be well.
And heed “Steely Dan,” steely Dan:
“I never seen you looking so bad my funky one.
You tell me that your superfine mind has come undone.
Any major dude with half a heart surely will tell you my friend…any minor world that breaks apart falls together again. When the demon is at your door, in the morning it won’t be there no more.”
Well, since we try to be honest here.,,,
One night, years ago, I woke up in the middle of the night to find my mind racing. It was scary. I was afraid. It was dark, with no one around. I thought it too late to call local friends.
I tried to “think” my way to calmness (I’ve since found that writing things down helps…maybe the physical act itself or the combination of movement with writing to the Soul).
Anyway, a bit frantic, I called the Samaritans. Maybe because I’d heard an ad from them earlier in the day on the radio.
I dialed…and was PUT ON HOLD!
WTF?
The female operator was apparently the lone help that evening and was frantically juggling several calls. She apologized and asked if I minded.
The absurdity struck me as funny and I suddenly started laughing. I felt like I was in a Woody Allen movie. Almost instantly I felt better, humor bringing much-needed perspective. I realized in that instant that I just felt…lonely. And all I really needed was someone to show they understood and cared.
I talked for about 10 minutes to the woman and felt much better. Since I was drinking a bit too much at the time, she suggested I go to an AA meeting. The next day I called AA and found a nearby meeting.
I went, and although everyone talked, I didn’t get that all attendees were… DEAF. They signed during the break. I must have laughed for 10 minutes. Afterwards, several folks said I might feel more comfortable at a “hearing” group since their meetings were usually silent. They’d “gotten” when I first came in (pre-meeting) that I probably couldn’t sign. It was such a caring thing for them to do. It just added to my comfort, experiencing more love from complete strangers (like the Samaritaness).
I went to other AA meetings, but ultimately felt it wasn’t for me. My drinking was mostly sporadic, based on feeling lonely. Plus I found AA to have its own issues, including the infamous “13th Step” (members having sex with each other, having found kindred souls). And the thinking that excess coffee-drinking, over-eating sweets, and smoking was kosher so long as one didn’t “drink.” Further, a lot of rituals seemed stuck in time, based on Bill W’s era, not evolving as I felt he would have had he lived longer.
In any case, I was grateful for what AA offered, took it, and moved on.
Point being, I suppose, that help of all sorts is out here. The challenge is to find what works for us individually.
I think the MRM can help a lot of men (and the women who love them), too, in the way other groups help. Most faiths, in essence, stress the importance of love…. and the many ways it’s manifested.
Leo Bascalgia said one time that he’d never experienced “existential angst” about the meaning of life. He said he’d been too busy as a child being hugged and kissed by his many relatives. So I suspect when we ask “What’s it all mean?” the answer is getting more love in our lives. Just like it’s said that jealously/envy is just a sign that we need to find more love and happiness in our own lives… and not get distracted by others who seem to have found what we need.
MRA’s understand male pain better than any therapist. I can’t put it into words, but we just get it.
You’re not an MRA if you haven’t hit some dark spots down the rabbit hole.
All a man needs to do is ASK an MRA.
Problem is they don’t ask.
Dan,
I am glad you were not successful in your plans.
We don’t need anymore casualties, what we do need is writers and videographers like you.
Onward and upward Dan
Welcome back
If nothing else this movement should be about helping men like you hang in there. Thankfully this has proved to be the case in this instance.
I’m so glad you are still here with us, and hope that, when you are ready, you will channel your angst into a productive sword of MRA fury!
Today you have survived the battle, but we still need you for the war.
All the best.
Hey Factory,
Your avatar is a little blue man trying to hack off a big ball and chain. Keep hacking.
For MORE, bigger, better, and stronger ‘manufacturin’ OR for whatever else is pressing but no de-pressing to you, please consider the heretical concepts that William Glasser MD developed on depression: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pGOg5uqrlXY
Hey Factory,
I have been there myself.
I heard an interesting phrase once asked:
“Is there anything in life worth dying for?”
I find it an compelling paradoxical almost zen like koan.
Hard to remember that in the moments of apocalypse.
Depression some say is related to anger.
Unexpressed anger can become depression.
It’s very cathartic however to be able to express it.
Even if refuted.
The MRM can be good place to express, but MRAs must push the front line and express it abroad.
That is where that energy really belongs.
It is our rebellion against the Evil Matriarchy.
I think it’s good to contemplate life and death and be willing to stake your life on following your will. In fact doing that is a sign of our situation:
http://theabysmal.wordpress.com/2006/10/24/i-ching-hexagram-47/
If you read that page you will notice that that particular book of wisdom suggest this ability to risk one’s life, to take one’s life into one’s own hands, is GOOD, and in fact a requirement for escaping oppression.
Depression can defiantly distort reality. But you can turn it around, look at Jesus on the Cross:
http://treypunk.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/crucifix.jpg
I think it’s a perfect symbol of the fate of man, and speaks on so many levels to the MRM.
We will prevail, in death we are remade stronger. Men as a whole are experiencing this death, ego death spiritual death whatever it is. The dark night of the soul.
Through the death we actually destroy what is killing us, and are reborn stronger. This is a law of nature, reflected in the four seasons and every detail of reality if you look closely enough.
The ego death actually is the downfall of the evil spirits which feed off the psyche as malevolent parasites.
So by you coming through this you have not only been reborn yourself but have reborn the MRM as well, and defeated many evil spirits on other planes which are the minions of the Matriarchy.
This I believe is a rite of passage for man, and man alone, womankind I do not think experience this archetype. From the days of nomadism to the present, this journey of death and resurrection, men have been in awe of this most intense drama of all duality of light and darkness.
I’m glad you’ve been able to hold to the light.
You’ve earned it.
Stay alive…
Dan/ Factory
Up until about a month ago I’d never heard of you, let alone your work, much less what you were going through. There is almost no chance you’ve ever heard of me, and it’s unlikely we will ever meet.
Nonetheless, from what I’ve heard and especially what you’ve written above, I don’t need to know you at all well to understand some of the journey you’ve been through. I absolutely understand the feeling of being alone, the sense that whatever you do or say or are makes no difference, the unending minute-by-minute, day-by-day, week-by-week pointlessness of it all and the all-pervading sense of hopelessness that colours everything. And I especially get the growing, tantalising hope that ending your life will end the daily, incessant pain.
But for now – and I hope for some time – something, someone, some act, some thought stopped you, like it did me. When you next take a nosedive, try to remember that thing or act or thought or friend.
The only comment you make that I take issue with is this:
And while in hospital, nearly everyone else in there was also there for depression. So again, I’m not exactly a special case..
No. Sorry, no, that “not a special case” BS will not pass muster with me. So what you don’t know me and never will, I still object to that voice in your head that says shit like that. That attitude is one of the reasons you got into the state you did. You may not be able to stop that voice in your head, but I hope you at least now know not to trust it, as I don’t trust the one in mine.
I wish you the best of luck. Take heart from the many people here who say – quite rightly – that once you’ve been where you’ve been, much of the crap that daily life throws at you ceases to have much meaning or effect.
Gladly I say that what stands out to me in this whole saga is that the MRM has shown through the amount of supportive comments and urgent humanitarian action directed to Factory both here on this thread and elsewhere that WE STAND TOGETHER as a community which takes care of it’s own.
We hear MRA men’s pain as it is our own.
That surely must give feminists much pause for thought.
There’s another related phenomenon bearing in mind Paul taking some stress leave recently before bouncing back stronger than ever – As MRAs wisely step back from action for respite to recharge from time to time, others step forward into the breach so that our message continues to spread weakening the feminist cultural meme incrementally yet inexorably.
I say this noticing recent new voices at aVFM and elswhere who add their wisdom and hard won insight.
No wonder feminists and their enablers such as Futrelle and SPLC have recently tried to go on the offensive with their ridiculous lying bigoted misandry.
They have much to fear as the light of truth held by growing numbers of MRA hands – shines onto their corrupt darkness.
The rising Men’s Rights consciousness means it’s not a case of if it becomes mainstream, but only when it becomes so.
Feminists beware.
A Goliath is awakening.
Glad your back and doing better.
Happy you’re still with us, Dan.
Your videos, articles and voiced opinions always encouraged me. Know that you are making a difference even if it isn’t visible just yet. Keep fighting. Keep FTSU.
Wonderful to hear from you Dan!
To Dan, Paul, John, Dr. T, Rocking Mr. E, GWW, etc., those of you on the front lines, please take care of yourselves. You are very vulnerable, not just because of your own issues, but because of the responsibility you’re taking on. It’s OK to take a break every once in a while and put yourself first.
Regarding depression, of which I’ve been suffering for many years myself, we all need to be better about accepting this disease. I wish I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen someone making light of how many women are on anti-depressants. Not only is this assertion irrelevant to men’s rights, it sends the wrong message to those struggling with it.
Thanks Dan for all your work. Really, I can’t thank you enough. The future of the MRM is bright because of people like you. This whole movement gives me hope for my future.
I’m relieved you’re still with us! You’ve been an inspiration to many. I can still remember discovering your YouTube channel, and watching your videos in a marathon viewing session. Like a man dying of thirst reaching an oasis!
I’m late for the party here, but . . .
Welcome back from the brink, brother!
Welcome back Dan and well said.
Wishing you a complete recovery.
And I do believe “every setback is a setup for a comeback”
Dan there is an MRA meet up in Colorado in June or July and I’d like you to come. Talk to Paul. (I’m hoping it gets announced again and organized so we are all on the same page) Furthermore I live in Colorado. Paul knows my real identity. You are welcome in my home at any time.
I mean it sincerely when I tell you that you are not alone. There would be few things more meaningful to me now a days than to have the opportunity to offer a helping hand to you. If for any reason you want to do so simply tell paul to contact me and he will get us in touch. Perhaps we can head down to the MRA meet up together.
Welcome back Dan, im really glad you are ok. You are not alone here, the entire MRM is here for support.
Dan,
As I was losing my mind, having accidentally – like the involuntary protagonist of some H.P. Lovecraft novel – seen the world through angles not intended, TFL started to make sense and absolute misogyny seemed the proper reaction.
The monologues of you and Paul are what helped me regain focus and adjust the sails, so to speak.
Do not underestimate your value.