A message from Dan Moore (Factory)

About 2 weeks ago, I made the decision to end my own life.

I have been living with severe depression, with varying degrees of success, for 27 years.  As is common in those with depression, I didn’t recognize the signs at first, and men present depression differently from women.  Oddly enough, men tend to present as angry, when really they are depressed.

Of course, this is all old hat for me, and had nothing to do with recent events.  Since its all over the net anyway, I might as well tell you all what happened so it may serve to help others understand they are not alone.

In addition to the usual MRM related shit and abuse, I’ve been carrying around some baggage in real life.  And it’s sorta relevant, so I’ll bring it up.

I’ve been through abusive relationships, lost my children to poverty, lost a house and new car, been cheated on, used, and belittled.  Like nearly everyone else.  I’ve also been chronically underemployed, again like most people.

Pretty regular stuff really.  But add in the depression and you have serious problems.  And while in hospital, nearly everyone else in there was also there for depression.  So again, I’m not exactly a special case.  And in a perfectly regular way, I planned my own execution.

After I finished work, I was going to take the hose (exhaust hose, about 4 inches around) that I had bought, drive out to a secluded spot (not hard to find in SK) and gas myself.  I sent out an email to those who would need to know what happened, thinking it was by then too late to stop me.  Paul proved me wrong on that score, by the way.  Oddly enough, it really pissed me off that I couldn’t finish my work properly while I sat in the back of the cop car.

I’ve recently become rather disgusted with, and mistrustful of, police….but in this case, they made the right call.  They ‘arrested’ me and took me to hospital, where I would spend the next week.  And it was a good call, and I thank Paul for doing that.  That might be because I have a supportive employer.  It’s probably because I’m still alive to say it.

In addition, the doctors were well aware of the predominance of male depression, as well as the stats on male suicide.  Encouragingly, at least around these parts, they are very much interested in promoting the issues surrounding men and depression.  A few nurses had even heard of the MRM, and one of them slipped and called me ‘Factory’ once.  So I took heart in that a little, and I hope you do too.

I’ve regained my balance, by the way, so I think you may find me a little less angry these days.  Still disjointed, but calmer.  I have read many of the comments you have left, by the way, and as I said to Paul I’m flabbergasted, since I didn’t really think anyone would care.

Apparently, depression fucks with a guys perspective.

Anyway, I hope this is enough for now.  There may be something else coming out of this experience, and if so I’ll let you all know.  In the meantime, thanks again for your concern and support.

  • Paul Elam

    Welcome back, brother. :)

  • Demonspawn

    I’m glad to hear that you’re still with us.

    Depression can be a bitch. If you ever want to talk about it, feel free to reach out to me.

  • ghebert

    I know it’s hard for some people to talk about this kinda thing so thanks for having the courage to do so.

  • Introspectre

    I’m glad you got through this episode Dan. I don’t have past marriage or loss of children to deal with but; I’ve experienced the loss of perspective caused by depression many times and had a father and step-mother who were all too willing to encourage my feelings of worthlessness when I was growing up, (especially the step-mother). So I understand what depression does to a guy.

    That’s why I believe in being extremely careful about who, I let get close to me. The last thing you need is someone with B.P.D. or narcissistic personality disorder,(known a few of those personally, they’re vile people), getting close to you if you have depression, for example. Any associate or friend who ridicules me or engages in socially destabilizing behaviors around me is usually promptly dismissed as a friend or even associate.

    Life is too short to let antagonists toy with us. Dismiss the fools, watch your ego and be careful, in what you permit to influence you. Cultivate clarity in your own understanding of your mind and of existence constantly; that would be my advice, I guess. Be well brother.

  • Marx

    Factory… We’ve dealt with similar. Please contact me on AM asap. No, I’m not going to moan at you – but I’d like your help in a small project. Please get in touch.

  • BeijaFlor

    Thank you for coming back!

    Dan, I’ve been “close to there” myself. I will acknowledge this, I’ve been nowhere as “close” as you. I have been relatively unscathed by the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune” – and certainly not as ill-treated as your admissions relate of you.

    Can I do anything to help you?

  • Skeptic

    Great to have you back Dan.
    We love you and missed you terribly.
    Yep, depression is a bitch that’s for sure.
    However, I hope you’ll take heart in knowing some great men battled with it and went on to achieve mighty deeds (something you’ve already done BTW with your extraordinary MRA videos on Youtube).
    One of the guys that comes to mind is Sir Winston Churchill.

  • 4thtroika

    Glad you’re still here.

  • Coldfire

    It’s good to hear that you’re alright, Dan. I know all to well how depression can mess with one’s perspective, as can a rotten legal or financial situation, and you’re not the only one who has come close to suicide.

    Hang in there, bud. Your best days are still ahead.

  • Shrek6

    Hey Dan, Welcome back my friend.

    It takes a man of huge proportions to front up to his failures. And Dan, you are a giant among men!

    Many of us here will look up to you for a very long time and wish we had your courage and strength.

    This world would have suffered at your loss. Glad you’re still with us.

  • lcpcIII


    I am glad you are still with us brother. You have no idea what the timing of this message from you has done for me. I just emailed Paul tonight after receiving some diturbing information of my own. I have lived with depression for years as well and prior to finding you guys I often exerted more mental energy getting out the bed in the morning than most do in a week on their jobs. Im not a man of many words but I will say I have got a lot of love for you Factory and the rest here at avfm.

  • Raz

    Very glad to hear you’re doing better Dan. I know it sucks sometimes man, but we can’t give up. Giving in & offing ourselves is precisely what they want us to do. You’re much too strong for that.
    I know it’s easy for me to say because I’m not living your life, but somehow bro, I hope you can find a way to “zeta up” & keep moving foreword. We need you in this fight bro. Plus, you know, we care about ya’. I’m one province away if I can ever help you with anything.

    • Cacography

      Heh. “zeta up”? That’s an amusing phrase, although I’m not _entirely_ sure how well it meshes with the actual concept of zeta masculinity.

      I’m pleasantly surprised at how many MRAs there are here in Canada.

      • Raz

        In my opinion, to “zeta up” doesn’t just include saying “fuck it” to the whole established system with its male only expectations, & subduing innate urges to compete &/or “one up” other men.
        The Zeta male in my definition is totally indestructible & incorruptible. He has inflexible, intractable adamantine resolve to his convictions. You cannot break a Zeta male. You can insult him & take from him EVERYTHING as punishment for him going his own way, & he will simply return a haughty, cocky smile & say:
        “…is that all you got? Is THAT all you got!?! I’m still here! I’M STILL STANDING!”
        Imagine the FTSU factor of an army of men like this…

  • Merlin

    Thanks, Dan…

    Great to know you’re on the mend and just as well that Paul got to you in time on that day, so many thanks to him.

    I think many of us can appreciate what you’ve been through and how it brings you down when everything is stripped away from you…it’s all so one sided as we males know only too well. But take heed my friend, as you’re amongst friends.

    Good to hear from you!

  • TPH

    Dan, I am very happy to hear you are doing a bit better. I value your insight and your honesty, especially coming forward with the information on your near demise. Perhaps others can learn a lesson from your experience and reach out when it all get to be too much to handle.

    A lot of us have been through the wringer in life. The good news is we have each other to lean on when it all goes to hell.

    Welcome back.

  • Masculist Man

    Factory, glad to see you’re alright,bro. This shit can fuck with you I know it has with me. Glad to see you’re still around.

  • ThoughtCriminal

    I’m glad to hear that you are still with us.You gave us quite a scare,man.

    Your work has been such an influence on the MRM,and has done god knows how much for others.If you had succeeded in ending your life, you would have been sorely missed by all of us.

    I would like to encourage you to keep up your previous work, but I can’t.It would feel selfish and insensitive to me. My friend, your health and happiness are what is most important at this point. Your activism,a shining example for many of us, can be postponed until you are physically and mentally ready-IF you are able to continue.

    We love you,brother,and we want you to remain with us,to celebrate our successes and to commiserate with us in our hard times.The table would feel that much emptier without you sitting at it.If you are unable to walk, then we will carry you,but please don’t leave us.You are a friend,a fellow soldier in this war, and an inspiration to so many people.No matter what you decide to do from this point on, we will never forget how much you have helped this movement.Your name will never be forgotten by those who care about helping men and children.

  • All2Keen

    It’s really nice to hear from you again Factory. Sorry, even though your RL name is out there, I still know you as Factory, so I hope you won’t mind that I still use it, respectfully of course. You are a man I respect for helping me to not only open my eyes to the MRM, but who also unknowingly helped me come back from my own very dark place. I was lost, lonely, depressed, and very, very angry when I first stumbled upon the MRM years ago and one of the very first voices I heard was yours Factory. I have followed your work ever since under various handles.

    I hope you got a chance to see all the posts from your subscribers and friends. Well, I better stop before I write something soppy and embarrass myself – I’ve already had to edit this three times because it sounded too… you know.

    Suffice to say, welcome back brother. I hope everything gets better for you and I hope to hear from you for years to come.

  • Roland3337

    Don’t do it again brother. I think I know where you were, but there aren’t any real solved problems down that path.

    And we need you here.

  • Stu

    I remember very depressing times in my life where I thought seriously about ending it. I often used to ponder the meaning of life, what’s the point, why stay alive, your going to die one day anyway, and the longer you avoid it, the more suffering and misery along the way, until you’re just an old geriatric in a nursing home, on a zillion drugs and life support to keep you alive, struggling for every breath, raked in pain, arthritis, heart disease, cancer, shitting and pissing into bags attached by tubes through your guts, deaf, blind, etc.

    Yep, I thought, might as well just get out now and avoid all that crap, things are bad, and the next 20 years will be worse than the last 20.

    And of course, there is no meaning. Your just a temp fixture in the universe, no more significant than an ant. No point in going on. But……then I realised….just as there is no point to living…..there is also no point to dying. I suppose if we were all 100% rational beings with not a trace of emotion in us, we would all just kill ourselves……but maybe not. You get born……you don’t get a choice in that… are brought into existence whether you want or not…….whether you think there is a point or not. You have to be here for some time……you didn’t get say in it…….even if it’s just one second……you’re here. What’s the point of being here………but……..what’s the point of not being here……..since you are here……you might as well hang around and see what happens.

    And who knows, maybe if you hang around long enough, you get to see your enemies wish that they were never born……that can be your meaning of life.

    Hate and vengeance can be your reason to go on. LOL

    Oh well, it works for me.

    Oh, and next time things feel that bad, put a word in with someone here and some help can be arranged.

    • Darryl X

      Not to sound overly Calvinistic about it, but the bible is divided into two parts. The Old Testament promotes material gain as reward for allegiance with God. The New Testament promotes suffering as reward for allegiance with God. At this point in time in our lives, we are suffering because we did the right thing. It means that we do not need material gain as reward for doing the right thing. We’ve advanced beyond that. Some people will never advance beyond that. Embrace your suffering as evidence of your grace with God.

  • pinetree

    Thanks goodness you are ok. Wishing you health, wealth and peace.

  • Dr. F

    Welcome back mate.

    We’ve all been waiting for your return with something like this, and it’s a read of relief for us all.

    We are MRA’s and we give a damn. No need to be flabbergasted at our concern, it’s just the way we are and it’s this very thing that has drawn us together from the get-go.

    Take care for yourself brother just as we all do for you.

  • Alphabeta Supe

    Welcome back, Dan. Your work has been instrumental in my own recovery from depression. I’ve read thousands of articles, posts and comments about the plight of men in our society and I can honestly say very few, if any, have been as sensitive, insightful and respectful of a man’s tender heart than yours.

    Your work is often very thoughtful and well-written too. Remember the one called Got Dick? Wave it in their faces? That was a keeper for me. Pure gold, it was.

    Your sensitivity and wisdom is a treasure, brother, and there is still important work to be done that only you can do just by your presence amongst us. Please take care of yourself.

  • Christianj

    Great to see you made your way through it Dan. You are right about the need for more assistance for men and all it needs is for men to demand it to be the case. All the best.

  • outdoors

    Wow-I was unaware of your delema untill i just learned off the phone with a new mra friend who is a regular here.

    I hope things go better for you in the future.

    Depression sucks,I can personally vouch for that.

    Glad your still here.

  • Kimski

    Good to have you back, Dan/Factory.
    I guess a great many of us have been down that road, and as others has stated, there’s nothing to be found down there. I recognize the constant anger, and the being pissed off at the cops from not succeeding, from my own experience with depression and the consequences it can have. Take the time you need to get back on your feet, and you’ll find out something truly amazing: It has made you a lot stronger and tougher than you were before.

    It took courage to write this message of yours, and you have my thumbs up for doing so, because you had a lot of us worried here. For future references don’t turn that anger on yourself, ’cause there’s so many people out there that rightfully deserves that anger a whole lot more than yourself, and has played a far greater role in things turning out bad for us men in general, than anything any one of us ever did or did not do. As Stu mentioned, the dark side can be a powerful ally when it is used for good, and giving up means that those people will get away with their shit.
    -And that is quite simply not an option open for any one of us.

    • Him There

      Much of this I wholeheartedly agree with. But (and isn’t there always a ‘but’) for one thing.

      You say:
      I guess a great many of us have been down that road, and as others has stated, there’s nothing to be found down there.

      From my experience, and I want to make it clear that I do not pretend to speak for any other, that wasn’t the way I looked at that cliff edge when I stood at it not long ago. Taking the leap would, I imagined, at least stop the pain. I can’t speak for Dan/ Factory or anyone else since everyone who goes through this has a different ride, but for me in the frame of mind I was in at the time, the simple absence of the constant internal pain and turmoil that topping myself represented was almost enough to stop me stopping myself from pushing the knife in all the way.

      I know you meant no disrespect when you wrote what you wrote, and I take no offence at all. I just wanted to point out to you that the thought of no more pain is what some of us find at the end of that road, and that is far too often enough of a reason to follow it right to the end.

  • .ProleScum.

    Welcome back Dan. We need you Brother.

  • the hermit

    I hope you’ll never get to the idea to kill yourself again. It’s meaningless. And BTW, we need you.

  • andybob

    So, some of the nurses knew you were ‘Factory’. That sure tells you a lot, doesn’t it?

    Welcome back. A small point. I noticed that you made a few comments which minimised your pain (the old I’m no worse off than the next guy). I do that too. Men have to stop this. Take care and best wishes to you.

    • JinnBottle

      Factory – What AndyBob says here about the nurse calling you “Factory” is worth noting: The cops brought you to the perfect place when you were right up against it. Following up on any thread your intuition tells you to pickup on, I think, is key here, and a message from Providence (and I don’t mean Rhode Island, tho they’re welcome to welcome you back, too!).

      Do what the doctors (you feel you can trust) at that excellent hospital tell you, be it medz, lifestyle advice, or whatever.

      Activate or reactivate personal contact with men who have reached out. Maybe you can even establish a weekly telefonic or even flesh-&-blood meeting with (truly) good men; I’d recommend it, when you’re feeling a little stronger.

      Lastly, DO stay with us. You’re valued by us. Take our cue and VALUE yourself.

      Welcome back, bro.

  • cdub

    Glad you are still with us Factory. You were one of the first people in the MRM to really get thru to me and ‘wake me up’ with your vids. Thank you!

    I’ve dealt with depression for years. Came pretty close a few times to going down that road. Life has it’s peaks and valleys, and it’s hard to navigate thru those low lows…but when I get there I try to look at the little things in life that make it worth living, I don’t know that seems to help me at times. Also I’m thankful for finding the MRM I think if I hadn’t, I would have off’ed myself years ago. Now I know that there are others like me, and we are not wierd, but actually pretty normal, we’re just trying to navigate a truelly backasswards world.


  • Perseus

    We rejoice at your return Dr. Dan.

  • Rper1959

    I have massive respect for Dan, for coming back from the brink, and his mates on the scene in the US who stepped in to help a friend in distress. This is the sort of brotherhood we need to be prepared to offer each other in a variety of circumstances in the MRM to grow our power.

    Well done everyone.

  • Cooter Bee

    We were rooting for you, Factory. What a relief to hear from you. Thank goodness.


    Welcome back brother. Glad things are – at the very least – leveling a bit for you.

    I would love to put to words some sort of awesome wisdom here for you Dan, but alas, I have none. I can say though, that I am glad you are on the mend and that I – and as many above have stated – am glad you are still with us. Your work is important and needed.


  • nigeles175d

    You are far too important for us all to lose Dan. The MRM is often the only social support that men receive and I am pleased to learn it has been successful in this case, because, as we know, in most other cases nobody cares about men and boys. It is this that leads to indignant and justified anger, a sense of worthlessness and being unwanted.

    You note that one of the nurses called you “Factory”. The MRM is growing, and we probably don’t know it because we have to hide away from the gynocratic system. One day our time will come, and there will be lots of excitement along the way. You are part of that Dan, please do not leave this mortal coil without seeing it all through. I am more and more confident that time will prove us right in the end, and we will be rewarded with true justice, understanding, and being accepted as human beings.

  • Tim Legere

    Dan. You have value and you make a difference. Remember the Spartans … we stand together shoulder to shoulder.

    • Grey Knight

      I totally agree. When feminists force us into Spartan conditions by taking away all our rights, our family and our dignity, they can’t break our spirits and they will make Spartans of us all.

  • Cacography

    I’m glad to hear you’re on the slow road away from that dark place to recovery. Thank you for sharing this.

    When I saw Paul’s AVfM-radio-canceled-tonight-due-to-actual-life-and-death-situation post on the 12th, my thought process was approximately “Oh, no. Oh crap. Please no.” shortly followed by “…What? Really? He lives in town? Here?”

    It’s really encouraging to hear that a few of the nurses knew of the MRM, and even more so that one of them recognized you as Factory. Was that in ward 1-D? I spent a couple 2-week stints in there dealing with my depression and OCD a few years ago.

  • bubbajoebob

    Dan, I only know you from the great comments you made on the “game” podcast. You were someone I was proud to be familiar with. I would have hated to lose you for no good reason. Stay with us.

  • John the Other

    Welcome bacK Dan, I don’t know what to say that hasn’t been said better, earlier in this thread, but a lot of people care about you mate. We’re all much relieved to hear from you.

  • Otter

    Today is a brighter day because you are with us.

  • manwomanmyth

    What an honest and amazing article. Depression is literally a killer.I’m very glad that you are still around.

  • Bombay

    You are a good man Dan. Welcome back, we missed you.

  • keyster

    Welcome back from the edge Dan.
    If you ever start getting like that again, say so OUTLOUD right here…don’t hesitate to reach out.

    As much as 1’s and 0’s transversing the internet can show it, you’re loved as a brother among us. You’re not alone out there. Don’t ever forget that.

  • Jeremiah

    Kick some butt.

  • ycombinator

    Welcome back, Dan!

    You were my introduction to the MRM. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t understand any of this stuff and I wouldn’t be speaking out against the injustices faced by men.

    Thank you for being there for all of us – and thank you for not killing yourself. You are way too important.

  • Terramercenary

    Dan, it would appear that you are not alone, based on many of the comments. Keep this in mind; life is the most valuable possession you have, for without it nothing else matters. The things that make you depressed (work, relationships, money, health) pale in comparison to your life. Hang on to your life at all cost, never surrender; fight to stay alive to the very end. I have a few suggestions in dealing with your depression. Get a dog, cat or some pet for companionship, and take long walks, or just make sure you get enough exercise each day. Be weary of these psychologists and their medications. Try to find at least one true friend that you can count on when things seem bleak, but always remember that it only seems to be bleak, as long as you have your life things can’t be that bad. Take time to enjoy the simple pleasures in life, a fine cigar, good move, long walk, or a drive in the country, or whatever suits your tastes. Of course, these are just suggestion I hope they help, take care and God Bless.

    • Kimski

      “Get a dog”
      Finally someone said it. I didn’t want to be the first one, but it actually works surprisingly well to have someone who is always ecstatic to see you when you come home, and the exercise from walking it comes as an added bonus on the side.
      But get a german shepard, a golden retriever, or any other kind of ‘family friendly’ dog. Do not get a pitbull or something like that. The reason being, that a friendly dog makes complete strangers stop and talk to you on the streets, and that takes care of some of the isolation we sometimes struggle with.

      Also, you might consider going back in your life and find something that you really enjoyed doing as a kid or a teen. Fishing have become my number one passtime again, and I know of a number of other MRA’s that enjoy this very much too.

      • andybob

        Great advice guys. My grandfather called it, “having another heartbeat in the house”. A friend of mine recently got 2 rescue cats who jump all over him when he comes home. They like to play football with plastc spoons. He even takes them for walks. He told me that all of the pressures of the day are easier to leave at the door because his pets have no connection to them.

        • Kimski

          You might find this an interesting read then:

          So, to recapitulate:
          Pets Can Improve Your Mood.
          Pets Control Blood Pressure Better Than Drugs.
          Pets Encourage You To Get Out And Exercise.
          Pets Can Help With Social Support.
          Pets Stave Off Loneliness and Provide Unconditional Love.
          Pets Can Reduce Stress—Sometimes More Than People.

          It looks like, besides being hilariously entertaining with their crazy antics, they also provide you with a longer and healthier life. After I found out about this, I stopped wishing for feminists to become old and bitter with their cats and dildo’s.
          -Just let them keep their dildo’s, with no batteries included.

  • L. Byron

    I’ve been there too Dan, & just want to send you some well wishes & thanks: your thoughts & efforts have made a difference in the world, to me at any rate.

  • Anti Idiocy

    Welcome back, good man.

  • Darryl X

    Thanks, Dan, for all you’ve done. Never give up. It’s the only way to lose.

    It’s important as men to distinguish between “depression” and “sadness”. In our wonderful post-feminist dystopian fascist police state hell, professionals in the psychiatric community have a financial incentive to substitute “depression” for “sadness”, “mania” for “a good sense of humor”, and “anger management problem” for “anger”.

    Today, many men are “sad” and not “depressed”. “Depression” implies an inherent, genetic and/or physiological problem that will not correct itself in a reasonable amount of time. It’s chronic usually because there is no real external stimulus causing it. Of course, the threshold for stimulus causing sadness is important. Some people (women particularly) are vulnerable to sadness with the slightest external stimulus or adversity. That’s not sadness or depression but manipulating others with the public spectacle of their chronic victimhood. They are too irresponsible and lazy to deal with even minor adversity.

    But men today are faced with such extreme adversity that causes legitimate sadness and they are precluded by the government and society and the law from dealing with that adversity. They are being enslaved and driven to suicide.That causes profound and protracted sadness. Not depression. Because the stimulus is extreme and external and there is no way to deal with it responsibly. It’s sadness. And many men have good reason to be profoundly sad. It’s usually not depression. There’s nothing particularly wrong with these men. There’s something wrong with the communities in which they exist.

    For most men, their educations, employment, fatherhood, manhood, responsible behavior, investment in the future, etc… have been criminalized by the communities in which they live. Few can or know how to deal with these developments because there really is no way to deal with them effectively. That’s what malignant narcissists do to people. Including our own psychiatric community which refuses to acknowledge the real problem. Instead it points a finger of blame at men, accusing them of abuse because they don’t want to be enslaved, instead of acknowledging the real practical problems imposed upon these men by the communities themselves. It tries to portray the real and practical problems it has imposed irrationally upon men without sense or reason as an emotional problem of men. It is anything but.

    That’s what malignant narcissists and psychopaths do. They portray their own irresponsibility and its practical consequences for everyone else as an emotional problem of everyone else. That’s what solipsism is. An important symptom of malignant narcissism and psychopathy. Here’s a great article about the ascedance of sociopaths (malignant narcissists) in governance. It can be applied to any element of society though.

    The world we live in as men is truly fucked up. Any man who has not suffered protracted durations of sadness or anger or even mania has no conscience. That you feel anything in response to our dilemma is not evidence that anything is wrong with you but that you’re alright. Something’s wrong with everyone else.

  • Fr Bob

    It is soooo good to see you again Dan, as someone who also has suffered from Cronic depression now for 7 years (and someone who lost a grandfather to suicide) I know where you are comeing from and sometimes I think the medication just makes things worse. But I have to say at the risk of sounding sentmental I filled up a little when I seen the name that penned this aritcal. It is indeed good to see you here. Please know that you are a man or worth and matter to many more then you can even imagin. It is throug your youtube videos that I came to the MRM. You gave me hope when I thought there was none. Praying for you Brother.

  • Turbo

    Welcome back Dan. Very, very good news that you are getting your balance back. I would suggest to you that whenever you are feeling a bit low, come back to this article and read all the comments again. You are much loved and respected around here.
    And well done to all those that helped Dan.