Dr. Helen Smth

8 reasons straight men don’t want to get married

It seems that fewer and fewer people in general are getting married these days, and even fewer men seem interested. Men no longer see marriage as being as important as they did even 15 years ago. “According to Pew Research Center, the share of women ages eighteen to thirty-four that say having a successful marriage is one of the most important things in their lives rose nine percentage points since 1997–from 28 percent to 37%. For men, the opposite occurred. The share voicing this opinion dropped, from 35 percent to 29 percent.” Why?

In the course of researching my new book, Men On Strike: Why Men Are Boycotting Marriage, Fatherhood, and the American Dream – And Why It Matters, I talked with men all over America about why they’re avoiding marriage. It turns out that the problem isn’t that men are immature, or lazy. Instead, they’re responding rationally to the incentives in today’s society. Here are some of the answers I found.

1. You’ll lose respect. A couple of generations ago, a man wasn’t considered fully adult until he was married with kids. But today, fathers are figures of fun more than figures of respect: The schlubby guy with the flowered diaper bag at the mall, or one of the endless array of buffoonish TV dads in sitcoms and commercials. In today’s culture, father never knows best. It’s no better in the news media. As communications professor James Macnamara reports, “by volume, 69 percent of mass media reporting and commentary on men was unfavorable, compared with just 12 percent favorable and 19 percent neutral or balanced.”

2. You’ll lose out on sex. Married men have more sex than single men, on average – but much less than men who are cohabiting with their partners outside of marriage, especially as time goes on. Research even suggests that married women are more likely to gain weight than women who are cohabiting without marriage. Men’s Health article mentioned one study that followed 2,737 people for six years and found that cohabiters said they were happier and more confident than married couples and singles.

3. You’ll lose friends. “Those wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine.” That’s an old song, but it’s true. When married, men’s ties with friends from school and work tend to fade. Although both men and women lose friends after marriage, it tends to affect men’s self-esteem more, perhaps because men tend to be less social in general.

4. You’ll lose space. We hear a lot about men retreating to their “man caves,” but why do they retreat? Because they’ve lost the battle for the rest of the house. The Art of Manliness blog mourns “The Decline of Male Space,” and notes that the development of suburban lifestyles, intended to bring the family together, resulted in the elimination of male spaces in the main part of the house, and the exile of men to attics, garages, basements – the least desirable part of the home. As a commenter to the post observes: “There was no sadder scene to a movie than in ‘Juno’ when married guy Jason Bateman realized that in his entire huge, house, he had only a large closet to keep all the stuff he loved in. That hit me like a punch in the face.”

5. You could lose your kids, and your money. And they may not even be your kids. Lots of men I spoke with were keenly aware of the dangers of divorce, and worried that if they were married and it went sour, the woman might take everything, including the kids. Other men were concerned that they might wind up paying child support for kids who aren’t even theirs – a very real possibility in many states. On my blog, I polled over 3200 men to ask how they would react to finding out that a child wasn’t theirs after all. 32 percent said they would feel “anger and fury at the mother,” 6 percent said they would feel “depression,” 18 percent said “anger and depression,” 2 percent said “none of the above,” 32 percent said “angry at the system that forced them to pay,” and only 2 percent “didn’t care.” One man commented that his ex-wife had taunted him with the knowledge that his 11-year old son wasn’t actually his: “I was angry at the mother…I severed all ties to the boy. Some may see this as a failing. I see it as self-preservation, and to those that ask the question of whether or not the courts will make a non-biological parent pay child support, pay attention: YES THEY WILL! They see you as nothing more than a source of cash for the child. It seems that a person in these situations should be able to sue the real father for child support.”

6. You’ll lose in court. Men often complain that the family court legal system is stacked against them, and in fact it seems to be. Women gain custody and child support the majority of the time, as pointed out in this ABC News article: “Despite the increases in men seeking and receiving alimony, advocates warn against linking the trend to equality in the courtroom. Family court judges still tend to favor women, said Ned Holstein, the founder of Fathers & Families, a group advocating family court reform. “‘Family court still gives custody overwhelmingly to mothers, child support overwhelmingly to mothers, and courts still give almony overwhelmingly to mothers and women,’ he said. ‘The family courts came into existence years ago in order to give things to mothers that mothers needed,” he said. ‘The times have changed and the courts have not.’”

7. You’ll lose your freedom. At least, if you’re charged with child support that you can’t pay, you can be put in jail – and if you can’t afford a lawyer, you don’t have the right to have one appointed because, according to the Supreme Court, it’s technically a civil matter, never mind the jail time. Fathers and Families found that it’s the men who are jailed rather than women: “A new report concludes that between 95% and 98.5% of all incarcerations in Massachusetts sentenced from the Massachusetts Probate and Family Courts from 2001 through 2011 have been men. Moreover, this percentage may be increasing, with an average of 94.5% from 2001 to 2008, and 96.2% from 2009 through 2011. It is likely that most of these incarcerations are for incomplete payment of child support. Further analysis suggests that women who fail to pay all of their child support are incarcerated only one-eighth as often as men with similar violations.”

8. Single life is better than ever. While the value of marriage to men has declined, the quality of single life has improved. Single men were once looked on with suspicion, passed over for promotion for important jobs, which usually valued “stable family men,” and often subjected to social opprobrium. It was hard to have a love life that wasn’t aimed at marriage, and premarital sex was risky and frowned upon. Now, no one looks askance at the single lifestyle, dating is easy, and employers probably prefer employees with no conflicting family responsibilities. Plus, video games, cable TV, and the Internet provide entertainment that didn’t used to be available. Is this good for society? Probably not, as falling birth rates and increasing single-motherhood demonstrate. But people respond to incentives. If you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.

Note: This piece is also available in Spanish.
This article was originally posted at the Huffington Post, and was re-posted here with permission from Dr. Helen Smith


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About Dr. Helen Smith

Dr. Helen Smith is a forensic psychologist in Knoxville, Tennessee who enjoys commenting on popular culture, politics and psychological issues. Her other interests include men's issues, teens and kids who are violent, podcasting, filmmaking and writing. She is the author of "Men On Strike: Why Men Are Bocotting Marriage and Fatherhood -- and Why It Matters"

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  • Keano Reeves

    Dr Helen,

    There is an additional aspect that is emerging. When a guy sees the problems of marriage, he is scared and avoids it. However, what if a man has determined that HE WILL NEVER EVER GET MARRIED? (This is different from those who don’t marry becuase of fear). These guys have seen the situation and are opting out.

    If a guy is never going to marry, why run around to create a surplus? A man can easily live on a small part of his earnings. The rest is turned over to women and kids in exchange for sex and procreation. As more and more men prefer to enjoy rather than labor, we are going to see an economic downward spiral. Tax collections will come down drastically. Transfer payments will sharply reduced. Come,welcome the corrosion!!!

  • Iron John

    Hello Dr. Helen Smith. Welcome to AVfM!

    P.S. I got your new book this week! It looks great!

    • http://www.drhelenblog.com Helen Smith

      Hi Iron John,
      Thank you and I hope you find the book worth your time!

  • Mark Trueblood

    Dr. Helen is kicking butt and taking names. She’s bringing the message to the Daily Caller, Lou Dobbs, Huff Post, PJ Media, along with a wide variety of other popular Right-leaning blogs and podcasts. Last but not least Tom Leykis!

    Very good to see. She gets it and explains it well.

  • GQuan

    The problem, of course, is that no matter how obvious these points are, and no matter how clearly traditionalist/feminist assumptions don’t cut it in describing mens’ reality, so many people will continue to scratch their heads and wonder “why aren’t men marrying?” All they (women and powerful men) had to do to keep marriage palatable and acceptable to the majority of lower status men was curb their unthinking urge to hypergamy and entitlement, to reject the ideologies that tore down the balancing beams and load-bearing pillars our forebears carefully constructed around society. All they had to do was shift a bit to the left to accomodate changing reality (as men were willing to do when the first womens’ movements arose), but instead they insisted on barrelling to the right and demanding everyone indulge them more than ever. And they refuse to accept that this is why men are walking away and their system’s collapsing.

    • Nightwing1029

      I disagree that men walking away is why the system is collapsing.
      I would have to say it’s more of a really bad system to begin with.
      I am not saying traditionalism is much better. But it is better in the sense of 0 being better than -1.
      There is a much better way of doing things, but you will never get feminists or traditionalists to believe it.

      • feeriker

        I disagree that men walking away is why the system is collapsing.

        I disagree as well and think that this statement has cause and effect exactly backwards: men are walking away because the system is collapsing – and they know that they are going to bear the brunt of the collapse if they remain engaged in society as it’s now constituted.

  • ali

    To those men thinking of getting married:
    NAWALT? Not all snakes are poisonous? Not all loaded guns are going to fire? Marriage points a loaded gun at you. Family courts provide ammunition for it. Not only that, but also every time your beloved wife turns on the TV or reads some newspaper, magazine or even a book, feminists are motivating her to fire the gun because you are guilty.
    What is the worst that can happen if you get married?
    Men: you will live in a box if you can steal one before your ass is kicked to the curb.
    Women: You will be paid for the rest of your life.
    So to sum up: thinking of getting married? Think again.

    • aimeemcgee

      Ali, the implication of your post is that women are not capable of making rational choices and decide to not weaponise the relationship.
      Some of us are, some of us have already undergone divorces and have not taken more than our share of matrimonial property.
      NAWALT is a cliche but in some cases it is true

      • http://www.genderratic.com Typhonblue (Asha James)

        Women should not have the ability to “weaponize a relationship”. Until this is corrected, those of us who wouldn’t bear the cross of being judged identical to those who would.

        After all, it’s not women who pay the ultimate penalty of their ability to weaponize a relationship.

        • feeriker

          Women should not have the ability to “weaponize a relationship”.

          As should neither sex, but, yes, your point is well taken. Unfortunately, women will continue to be enabled by TPTB with the ability to “weaponize” relationships because, as I’ve said before, it suits TPTB’s purposes (i.e., destruction of interpersonal relationships between the sexes, which are the foundation of the nuclear family, an organsm TPTB wants to eradicate).

      • ali

        Thanks aimeemcgree for your input however the implication of my post is nothing like that. It simply means you should not put so much power in the hands of somebody hoping they wouldn’t abuse it. Doesn’t imply all women will.
        As you are reading this, your house door is shut. It doesn’t imply you think that all people lack the judgment that they shouldn’t invade your home, rather it means you are sensible enough not to put yourself in a situation where you have to thank people every time they do not abuse that power which you enabled.

        • JinnBottle

          Well said, old man!

      • http://gravatar.com/gigs1777 Razor

        NAWALT may be true but no sane man will take the chance that cupcake won’t cash in when the divorce comes. My ex wife didn’t cash in on me. But she still seemed like the perfect companion and a future great mother who suddenly “got bored” and started sleeping with a married man. Many women change once the ring goes on.

    • brian

      Ali, you are so right, the media turns our wives against us.
      I can’t tell you how many times my wife watched a movie on LMN and got angry at me.

      My God, then her friends who were angry at their husbands would make my wife mad at me. I couldn’t win.

  • Bombay

    There is another reason that is not listed – although it is related to the first sentence in #1, “A couple of generations ago, a man wasn’t considered fully adult until he was married with kids. ”

    Reason 9. Young men are being advised not to marry rather than being pressured into marriage.

    When my 18 year old son visited me on Father’s day, we discussed how it was not wise for him to live with a woman or get married. He already appreciated that and we were in complete agreement. Prior to this a father may have given the advice to find a good woman, settle down and get married. Not any more.

    • Sting Chameleon

      My old man used to tell me the whole “find a nice lady and settle down when you’re old enough for it” canard, until his second wife left him on the streets. Now he tells me “son, you’ve gotta fuck ‘em, then forget’em!”

    • Mike Michael

      I wish you were my father. Mine would really want me to get married even though I am not for it. I am never getting married. I am just bracing myself for the pressure of relatives breathing down my neck to get married. I am Kenyan and this feminist disease has caught on our women. Worse still, we get blamed for their misgivings. E.g when your wife cheats you get blamed for not satisfying her. If she chooses to divorce you then it’s like she is taking you to the cleaners, you are sure to end up dead broke while she flaunts your wealth with the latest catch. What is the purpose of getting married. Should I sacrifice everything I have worked so hard to get to a woman who only cares about herself. Marriage is for women and aliens.

  • Luke

    But children needs families, and feminists want to destroy families

    • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suzanne McCarley

      And families need men, so the family structure had better become a little more welcoming to men, don’t you think?

      Are you implying that it is the duty of primarily (big/strong/real/good…) men to do the work required to restore the family structure? The same men who have lost damn near everything in their thus far futile attempts to preserve it?

      No more “man up!” If women want children and their children need families (both of which are true) it’s time to say, “Woman up!” Let the women make a few sacrifices. It’s for the children, after all.

      • Rukumouru

        Ms. McCarley,

        I just wanted to say that the existence of women such as you (and Ms. Smith), who are able to declare “Woman up!” without fear and prejudice gives me hope for the future. Perhaps it is true that it is always darkest before dawn, after all.

        That is all, have a great day.

    • James Huff

      The point is not to make those children in the first place. Don’t marry, don’t have kids, don’t feed the system. Enjoy life as the master of your own ship.

      No kids? Then those non-existent children hardly have a need for a family.

      • http://www.youtube.com/user/MRAGreatestHits MRA Greatest Hits

        If you want a child, surrogacy is around half the cost of your average custody legal fees.

      • Anti Idiocy
      • feeriker

        No kids? Then those non-existent children hardly have a need for a family.

        Yep. It’s pretty sad when I find myself telling people that it’s the height of irresponsibility and cruelty to bring kids into a world where their parents and other adults would have them suffer for selfish ideological reasons.

  • Redfield

    Bombay if my sons asked I would give them the same advice or at least think about it once/twice/thrice … then walk away, nothing to see here:)
    Reason 10. Women have no respect for men anymore … why would you want to live in close proximity to near hate?
    Reason 11. What has the average Joe got in common with the average Josephine these days? Men and women are poles apart, both genders seem to misunderstand each other and it appears there is a growing indifference!!
    Reason 12. Have you spoken to the average women lately? Tell me if you think she could honestly “share” her life with anyone let alone a husband (but perhaps thats a two sided argument, refer to reason 11)

  • Bolo

    Even if every marriage law changed tomorrow I’m still not going back. I will still refuse marriage, the trust has been forever broken, the bridges have been burned.

  • Bolo

    Even if every marriage law changed tomorrow, I still would refuse. Trust has been forever broken, pandora’s box didn’t just open, it got ripped apart. I don’t see how men can trust women anytime soon after what has transpired over the past 60 years.

  • Keith

    I wonder if there is eight reasons to get married?


    • Niku

      I’m struggling with one. :P

      • Fredrik

        I’ve heard that you still can’t advance much as an unmarried officer in the military. So, you could get married in order to command the disposability of a larger number of men! Is that not awesome? ;)

        • http://www.beatstockpromoters.com/ beatstockpromotersdotcom

          who wants to join the military anyway?

    • Pamela N Red
  • AltoidMuncher

    One item that I didn’t see is the issue of economics. I don’t know if it is a function of differences in attitudes regarding debt but I do know that among several of my younger co-workers, if they are male, then paying off student loan debt is an absolute priority and usually men will restrain consumption to eliminate debt as quickly as possible. (I know I did.) If they are female, paying off debt is usually not the first priority they have with their early career paychecks. Vacations, a new car, and new clothes tend to rank far higher in their purchases than eliminating student loan debt. Even at my age, I have run into single women on the dating scene that are still paying off six digit student loans. If I was just getting out of undergrad, had a job, and an okay income, I don’t care if Venus herself came down from Mt. Olympus and insisted that I marry her, I would have to turn and run if she expected me to pay off her debt.

    One of my former tenants got married right out of undergrad. He had about 30k of debt and his wife had 90k. She sued for divorce 4 years later and he got stuck with half of the total debt. So basically his debt went from 30k to 60k for doing nothing more than getting married. No thank you.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/MRAGreatestHits MRA Greatest Hits

    Hi Dr. Helen

    I bought ‘Men On Strike’ on Kindle just today after seing you on the Steve Malzberg show. Haven’t been able to put it down!

    It’s just great you’re writing here!!!

    • http://www.drhelenblog.com Helen Smith

      Thank you; I really enjoyed Mr. Malzberg’s show.

  • The WolfMan

    I can’t wait to read this. I’ve been reading all the reviews and interviews, just haven’t sat down to order it. One more thing to do today.

  • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

    I was fortunate enough to read Dr. Helen’s book pre-publication and I have been intending a review for some time, and hope to get it out this week. I will just say it is a glowing book, not because I like her but because in reading it from cover to cover I could not find anything to take issue with anywhere in it and furthermore when it comes to the issues, she’s nailed it on damn near every subject you could think of, and does it in a tight, condensed, but easily understood fashion. I have not seen a better book on what the men’s movement objects to and wants to change, from ANYONE. That it’s been published by a major mainstream publisher that’s putting her on tour on all the major media is a big deal.

    Oh, and Erin and I interviewed her this morning. Look for that to appear some time soon as well. :-)

  • http://gravatar.com/benrobinson8 Ben

    This is so depressing that it makes me sick. And, it is the precise truth. I know that I am mostly speaking for myself and no one else here, but I haven’t even had any sort of a date or even a phone number in almost 7 years. Women do not even SEE men that they perceive as “low status.” So, a lot of men are not getting married for that reason, also. I never even got a second glance during my four years of college. Now, even with an engineering degree, I can only find a $7.25-per-hour job and have nearly given up hope for professional employment. I am thinking about moving to New Orleans and starting a cover band and just saying FU to the professional world and the possibility of marriage. Maybe this passes for reason number nine: The high number of unemployed men have begun to see how invisible they are to women at the instant that they do not have money and status and are no longer interested in committing to them as a result.

    • ali

      Hypergamy is a bitch, Ben and it should be the reason number one. Don’t worry though. The moment you earn some money they (not all women) will line up and tell you how much of a pig you are for not staying committed to one. How can you do this to them? All the while you are thinking if you want the kind of romance when you had to pay for it with years of sweat and frustration while she can waltz into your success saying how special and different you are. Apparently you belong in the category of “men are all the same” before you buy that nice car. Good luck Ben and don’t forget that when you earn your money.

      • feeriker

        All the while you are thinking if you want the kind of romance when you had to pay for it with years of sweat and frustration while she can waltz into your success saying how special and different you are.

        Oh, and should you be so foolish as to allow one of these hypergamous remora-ettes to latch onto you at this point, steel yourself for the future when she starts taking credit for YOUR successes that she had nothing the fuck whatsoever to do with (“you wouldn’t be where you are today without ME to be at your side along the way!”)

      • Ben

        Good point. I won’t forget.

    • Bamph

      Ben. Have you considered moving out to North Dakota? The oil and gas industry needs engineers desperately.
      I live in Florida but I spen 5 weeks at a time in North Dakota working in the oil fields.
      I went from making 50k a year to well over 100k.
      Check it out brother. It could change your life as it has mine.

      • Ben

        Yes, I have sent my cover letter and CV to North Dakota. No replies as of yet. I just found out that I can obtain direct commission in the Navy as Ensign (O-1) in the Civil Engineer Corps due to my prior service. I will definitely do that if North Dakota doesn’t work out.

        • JinnBottle

          Ben – Bamph with North Dakota, and you with the Navy, probably have the most stable suggestions: But if even *they* for some reason don’t work out, don’t forget it’s peacock walkin’ that attracts the chicks as much as money: Start your band (with no thought but to make music that’s great by *your* standards); and when the women arrive, just be careful.

    • http://gravatar.com/johntate1 MGTOW-man

      “I am thinking about moving to New Orleans and starting a cover band and just saying FU to the professional world and the possibility of marriage. ”
      —This may not post until tomorrow, thanks to moderating—even moderating us regulars who have never said a violent thing on here. So, Ben, if it is not too old then, a reply would be nice. (So much for trying to get a conversation started, or join the current one…too slow…).

      Ben, I just want to say that your contemplation to never marry is a smart one indeed. With the way things are now, being gynocentric and misandric, it is not wise to marry, have kids, and risk ending up a miserable, had-sucker who knew better but did it anyway. If you really wanted children, consider this: At the end of the day, they are really hers, not yours. So, not having to pay for them helps, if divorced, because not being able to pass on your values and teachings as an equal parent is horrible.

      • Ben

        Right on. What you just said reminded me of something that happened this week: My divorced friend’s 9 year old son called him a “deadbeat” to his face during his weekend visitation. Also, the other week, this same 9 year old said the Blessing before we all ate supper. At the end he said, “Help my daddy to quit being so mean to my mama, Amen.” His dad was sitting right there. I am not religious but I have no choice but to bow my head, close my eyes, and go along. Any society touched by dogma, be it Feminism or Religion (when it is used to replace critical thought and shame people into conformity) is dysfunctional as hell.

    • Tom Trucker

      If you have an engineering degree and can only find min wage, you aren’t trying hard enough or you’re looking in the wrong places.

  • DavidM

    You left out psiibly the most important reason for men not wanting to marry and that is that there a few marriage-worthy women out there. Most of the women I know are very promiscuous, heavy drinkers, tattooed, entitled, shallow, and aggressive. Is hard enough to bear their nonsense for a few hours, let alone a lifetime. Of the men who are determined to marry, an increasing number are seeking foreign wives.
    Personally I see marriage as enslavement to a woman and to the state.

    • http://www.facebook.com/alexander.hunt.10 Alexander Hunt

      Well that isn’t a hell of a lot of bullshit traditionalism mixed up with some decent mens rights points…

  • JFinn

    This is probably unfair generalizing, but here goes. The final straw for me, when I decided I’ll never get married, happened when I ‘stalked’ female-only conversations one night. It was fascinating and expanded into a couple weeks.. It was a pretty large sample spanning all over the web and social media. I later asked a few female co-workers and family members about some of the conversational memes I came across and it rung familiar to them..

    It shocked me to see how frequently and blatantly many women advise each other on how to squeeze the most out of a divorce(for instance by seeing a therapist for weeks before approaching an attorney.) It’s almost like many of them were compiling documents throughout the marriage. What also shocked me was the amount of manipulative “husband training” tricks. A lot of moves to shame the guy from not having her values, therefore she won’t have to compromise anything in exchange – they should be his values. Lots of shaming of the husband’s hobbies. Lots of the cliche’d anger at the overworked husband for not being involved enough. Lots of gleefully withholding sex as a motivator. And, of course, lots and lots and lots of male bashing and mocking.

    I realized that regardless of whether I find a woman who “isn’t like that,” she would likely always live in a poisoned atmosphere. Indeed I came across quite a few women who were very positive about their husbands. But none of them were outraged at the rampant bigotry of their girlfriends. Years later, I discovered the exotic phenomenon of female MHRAs, confirming just how radically “unlike that” women can potentially be.

    • Bombay

      “Indeed I came across quite a few women who were very positive about their husbands. But none of them were outraged at the rampant bigotry of their girlfriends.”

      Yes. Just as in penis cutting, there is a total lack of seeing men as human beings.

  • GQuan

    ^ See, perhaps, my thoughts on that in the comments for the “Love and MGTOW” article a few days back.

  • re-construct

    American lawyers have been feeding heavily off the divorce / domestic violence / industry. American law enforcement have been feeding heavily off the pork bloating dollars they get from their Alliances with gender-feminist organisations. Gender-feminist hysteria organisations are feeding heavily off all these Alliances.
    There comes a point where all these parasites that are feeding off the innocent, will lose their host.

  • feeriker

    1. You’ll lose respect.

    Although Dr. Helen didn’t address this aspect of that statement, you’ll lose HER respect once you get married – because she knows she doesn’t have to respect you anymore. She’s got you trapped and knows that no matter how much she decides to disrespect you, you’ll shut up and put up with it – unless you want her to take you to court and hand it all over to her, on a judge’s orders (see reasons 5 and 6).

    • Jon


      My wife didn’t want to go back to work after having our kid. She told me if you don’t like it leave and I’ll take the kid. Absolute power corrupts absolutely!!!!!

  • http://gravatar.com/johntate1 MGTOW-man

    “If you want more men to marry, it needs to be a more attractive proposition.”
    —Very well said. …and just plain ole commonsense.

    Another outcome of not marrying is now a reduced “gay” stigma/baseless, assumptive accusation for single men who never marry. Not to my face, of course, but behind my back, with slashing eyes, and other means of communication, particularly from other men but not necessarily so, but in yesteryear more so, a man was “definitely” gay (or clergy…or both) if he didn’t want to marry. Now, often, except for closed-minded rednecks and foolish myth-clingers, not wanting to marry is seen as a smart move since the times have changed and marriage isn’t for men anymore. I am told that I have been so smart for my choice to never marry and have kids, primarily by older women, but also by a growing number of men—especially younger ones. It is encouraging.

    On the gay note: A common thing said in the media and in movies, etc, is “getting married proves you are not gay.” But the truth is: getting married proves nothing. It is likely that we couldn’t even count the number of gay men who marry women. Too, from my experiences, it is married men who usually are the ones to make passes at me (when they find out I am “chronically” single and loving it, asking me to “not tell anyone”). I always refuse of course, because I do not swing that way, but it is interesting to note that marriage really doesn’t prove a darned thing. It is a “safe” place for closeted gay men and women to hide, however.

    If the trend of women wanting to marry and men not wanting to continues, it may be that we MHRA’s will see a shift in the power dynamics between men and women. A society of spinsters will be our best offense against feminism’s destruction. However, when men live with women, it basically is the same thing legally, unless he is smart enough to insist on a prenupt-like, written agreement. (If she asks why and gets mad, RUN!!!…as fast as you can. Do you really want a woman who is already trying to punish and control you, to manipulate you? Really? You have a right to ensure that 50/50 in all things prevails if indeed your marriage goes south. If she has a problem, don’t trust HER at all because in this world, men have a sound basis for not trusting women like they used to be able to do…and it is not “hatred” to distrust people who have a history as a group of exploiting.

    As for the sex, not so fast on saying unmarried men get less. From many of my married friends, the sex diminishes “as soon as the babies are born and she is ‘tired’ all the time”. And some of those mean women actually expect the men they supposedly love to go the rest of their lives without another orgasm !@#$%^&*!!–not even with his hand. If THAT isn’t selfishness, then there is no such thing.

    It isn’t emotional immaturity, but sound intelligent behavior… that drives some women batty when they find out you aren’t prone to being manipulated. Make no mistake, but despite the “marriage oppresses women” fuss from feminists, them encountering a proud, single man who doesn’t defer to women/kids to determine his worth, is a nightmare, because such feminists find themselves powerless!

    I love my freedom, my ability to do as I please, when I want to, and all the good stuff that comes with it. Nothing to tie me down or make me worry.

    I am so glad I do not have to fool with someone who thinks I need a new mother. Getting married and having kids is the best thing I never did. I have never regretted it. …and things are looking up, even!

    Message to older men: since you can see that women have changed for the worst mostly, why not take your boys aside, and give them a talking to, about how to correctly go about chasing women, if at all, and to leave the feminist types alone. If you really love them let them live their own lives, not make them do things they might not want to do anymore. Encourage them to use their wit, not their penises to navigate through life. In the end, they just might be a whole lot happier. Isn’t that love too?

    • Tom Trucker

      I think that we will see more laws like the ACA which penalize men for being men and then again for being single. These penalties will then be redistributed to women in the form of subsidies. So if men refuse to marry, the federal government will just tax them as though they were. Currently, single men pay the most taxes by far and this goes to subsidize those single mothers and their federal ‘maintenance.’

      I don’t think there is anyway to win in this situation.

  • Jon

    See the above eight reasons why so many married/divorced men commit suicide. Seriously, one of my daughter’s favorite teachers committed suicide a few weeks ago. Another father with marital problems blows himself away. If I hear one more fucking person wonder out loud to me what could have possibly happened to make him blah, blah, blah…

    Are people really this stupid? Do they just not want to know what’s going on?

    • feeriker

      f I hear one more fucking person wonder out loud to me what could have possibly happened to make him blah, blah, blah…

      Exactly once did I respond to a person who actually asked such a botanically stupid rhetorical question out loud, in exactly such a situation, by saying “Well, let’s see now. His wife left him after filing a false assault charge against him, then got him arrested and locked up on those charges, where he stayed in jail for two weeks because no one could bail him out. That cost him his job, which resulted also in his kids being taken away from him. Oh, and did I mention that six months later his house was foreclosed upon because he couldn’t make his mortgage payments after his conniving bitch-slut wife emptied his bank account? Meanwhile, because of his ongoing criminal case (the one that resulted from the bitch-slut’s false charges against him), no one would hire him and he wound up essentially living on handouts from relatives (the bitch-slut made sure to drain his savings account too), homeless, and living on friend’s couches and in their basements. And to top it all off, courts granted the bitch-slut not only the divorce she wanted, but sole custody of the kids, whom she immediately moved out of state to make sure wouldn’t see them again. So, yeah, gee, I wonder why he chose to push his brains out of his eardrum with a high-velocity metal slug. I’m really fucking stumped by that one. How about you? You got any clues?”

      Needless to say, all I got in response was a stupid look.

      Are people really this stupid? Do they just not want to know what’s going on?

      Both, in equal and nauseatingly powerful measure. You really can’t cure that kind of culturally-engineered clueless-stupid.

      • Redfield

        A lot of women may not choose to be feminists, but they choose to be complete assholes … perhaps when the wash of all this settles we all should keep in mind these women have made a conscious decision to choose to be inhumane fucktards, this in my meager opinion is more dangerous than a fully fueled femtard to our social order …. that is: A WOMAN CHOOSES TO DO WHAT SHE DOES TO HER HUSBAND DESPITE WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE THE PREVAILING FEMINIST IDEOLOGY AND THAT IS SOMETHING TO BE FEARFUL OF …

  • http://gravatar.com/johntate1 MGTOW-man

    Yet another reason to get more of our books out there! We should not miss out on this opportunity to dominate the market with a massive and long-lived, relentless manifestation of scholarly books written by our own AVfM writers!

  • JinnBottle

    Dr Helen – Ordered your book after reading this Post. It’s on its way now.

    Thank you for this. Am posting the link to this on FB.

    • http://www.drhelenblog.com Helen Smith


      Thanks and I hope you find it worth your time.

  • Seele

    Regarding Typhonblue’s point on the weaponization of relationships…

    From where I stand, the current social climate has given women the carte blanche to weaponize not only relationships, but every aspect of any type of inter-personal relationship, and even that between them and society itself.

    As they cry NAWALT, the only way to know the gun has no bullet is to hold it to your head and pull the trigger… “Man up” and get a chance to get shot; refusing to “man up” and get shamed, tarred and feathered.

    Men sure have an easy life, don’t they?

  • crydiego


    • Copyleft

      Short for “Not All Women Are Like That,” a common rejoinder that attempts to dismiss a general trend by focusing on a specific exception.

  • Master Beta

    I think “not marrying” isn’t going far enough.

    Personally, I reject the gender bias of the entire courting process.
    No I will not buy you a drink
    No I will not pay for your dinner

    It’s just the same shit. These problems with marriage are just an extension of the more general overarching problem – that is: The subjugation of men at the behest of women.
    In personal relationships, this takes the form of marriage.
    In sociology, it takes the form of feminism.
    In the work place, it takes the form of men dying a lot as we all know
    In codes of honour it takes the form of chivalry

    Marriage is not the problem, it is just a symptom. The problem is the initial premise that a man is a utility whose purpose is to be useful in some way or another to others, especially women. Unfortunately, we are not utilities, we are people.

    • The JMan

      “Master Beta”

    • Tom Trucker

      So true

  • Fred

    Have you’ve actually been out there looking at what types of women are single? All I come across are self entitled tattooed land whales… tell me where the real women are and maybe I’ll change my mind about marriage.

  • http://Yahoo lugger2010

    Just watched Dr. Helen on “Fox & Friends” (w/ Alyson Camaratta, Clayton Morris, &Tucker Carlson) Intresting thing was : Tucker, who I like, went all “White Knight”, and began challenging the Dr. on the “morals” of men not “Manning Up!”
    It was beautiful to see the Dr. COMPLETLY own him, Even better, was seeing Alyson agreeing w/ her (God, I love that woman), and Clayton was the true definition of “manning up”, as he told it like it really is! Carlson was left looking stupid and beaten.
    If I knew how to upload the video of the episode to share it ,I would. But it was on Sat, June 29, Fox & Friends Live, if that helps.



    matha matical breakdown of why its cheaper to use an escore then get married the numbers dont lie


  • TheHonestTruth

    it is not like us straight men don’t want to get married, but meeting a straight woman is the very hard part nowadays to get married too.

    • http://www.beatstockpromoters.com/ beatstockpromotersdotcom

      Most straight men do not want to get married. It’s very easy to meet a woman and get married if you aren’t broke, talkative, and aren’t fugly. But the truth is one woman for life is not the way the male species was meant to be. Men need sex and lots of it. Most woman lose their sex drive or just get fat as they get more “comfortable” aka married. This is a major turn off to men and why they cheat.

  • Ralph Canine

    It’s a shame that there’s so much bitterness on this website and in the comment section. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Only date women of faith who pro-life and conservative. This simple strategy screens out all the nasty feminists and brings you a selection of loving, sweet women who want to be good wives and mothers. Forget the propaganda that pro-life women of faith are nothing but silly little baby factories. What you’ll find in reality is women who are intelligent enough to see through the lies and choose a better path. The upside (or downside, depending on personal behavioral choices) is that men themselves need to become pro-life people of faith. To find the right woman, you need to be the right man. Cheap sex fuels cheap anger because both arise from cheap behavior and cheap ideas. The sexual revolution is based on the idea that what we do with our bodies has nothing to do with what we feel in our hearts or think with our minds. This is false. Men and women alike need to reject what is false and decide to live in Truth. All good things become possible when we make that decision and stick to it.

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      Welcome to the house of pain.

    • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suzanne McCarley

      If you want an idea how sweet and virtuous those conservative “women of faith” really are, go take a good long look at https://dalrock.wordpress.com/
      You are selling a dangerous myth. We’re not buying.

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      Conservative religious people get divorced more than any other demographic in America. And women file a majority of divorces. So good luck with that.

      Here’s a quarter. Go buy a clue.

  • scottm068

    OK.My most recent realized reason for not wanting to get married again is that most women my age(44), being divorced, are still getting alimony, OOOPS, pretty new word for it, maintenance. Anyway, most laws say that once she gets married the maintenance stops and guess who gets to fill THAT little financial void? Jeopardy music here.

  • The JMan

    In all the talk about why men aren’t getting married I never see my main reason: there’s a shortage of interesting women.
    All the pitfalls-of-marriage talk kind of assumes that it’s an issue of price, as it were, and not one of selection.
    A lot of guys talk about women being fat, or promiscuous. Or there’s talk of possible consequences. What I don’t see is talk of how soul crushingly BORING the mass of women are. (At least this is my primary complaint.)
    Pop culture loves to denigrate men as being boorish & mentally unsophisticated, and women as being cultured & cerebral.
    Yeah… ’cause soaps, Cosmo and 50 Shaded of Grey are mind expanding.

    I’m single mostly because I can’t meet a single woman who isn’t utterly convinced that Harry Effing Potter is nuanced literature. It’s like I’m in some terrible Disney movie where every woman I meet my age has actually switched bodies with her 12 year old.
    Go on a dating web site and read what women are writing. It’s remedial 8th grade English. Then these same women will speak of their superior ability to communicate.

    Call me sexist, NAWALT me, whatever. That’s cool. All I’m saying is that my interests are not often satisfied by people who think that The Hunger Games equals good writing.

    • AlexB

      That’s true too.Even without all the pitfalls most women are quite simply boring and I’m not even interested in literature like you.

    • Daniel Qian

      Quick, name a guy that you know that you’d date if you liked dick. Now name one that hasn’t already friend-zoned you. See what I’m getting at? I think that your real problem is people, not women. But I have an idea! It is based on the notion that the positive is generally more useful than the negative.

      Try using the Dresden Files as a discriminator. Urban fantasy is very hip right now, to the point that publishers are trying to pass off paranormal romance and the like as if it counted. Jim Butcher is a great writer, and has also given us an awesome male protagonist from an authentically male perspective.

      Don’t worry about what people like that you don’t. Some people just aren’t as discriminating. However, if they like a genre but not what’s manly in it, then that could be a red flag on a neon sign that’s ringing alarm bells.

  • sagacious

    most of the reasons men are single seem to based on portrayals in the media. Feature films and sitcoms go out of their way to make husbands and dads look like dorks. Even in real-life stories, like Moneyball or Argo, they changed the main guy from a husband-and-father into guys with broken marriages — even though in real life, the guys are happily married and love their kids. A Brit newspaper ran a story called “America’s Lost Boys: Why are American men failing to grow up,” It basically said all American males were some a version of a-Seth-Rogan character. I mean really!?

    • http://www.beatstockpromoters.com/ beatstockpromotersdotcom

      This is true for many men under 35.

      • kyle

        It’s a self fulfilling prophecy. Society fears us, society doesn’t respect us. What do we have to go out into the world and be excited about?

  • fonduman

    I met a girl online, from a different country, and she’s moving here soon. If I want to be with her, I have to marry her. I hate that the system forces me into this. She seems trustworthy, but I shouldn’t be required to trust someone not to pull the trigger of the loaded gun marriage points at me. What does marriage provide that cohabitation does not? Where is the benefit to offset the huge risk?
    I’m finding it a difficult pill to swallow, that I must marry. I don’t want to ruin my life.

    • Daniel Qian

      Don’t do it, man. Women are as sharp to advantages in personal relationships as men are to advantages in business relationships. How long would it take for you to recalibrate your perception of power dynamics and your approach to deals upon arrival in another country? She is just as smart as you, and will do it just as fast.

      If you absolutely must marry a foreign woman because she’s so different, then do it there. Live there. Make your life there, where she is the woman that you love, because she would be a different person elsewhere. That is life with humans. Accept it.

    • rorschached

      Story from the UK – old guy brought wife back to the country and his house – she left him in about 20 minutes to go to her boyfriend after making the old guy pay all costs and cleaning him out of as much as possible. There are no guarantees and no protection. Find someone else.

  • FinKeel

    The reason men “don’t want to get married” anymore is that most women don’t need their entitled, self pitying, lying, bitter, abusive asses any more.

  • Acadia

    I disagree with the comment that men don’t want to get married because they’ll lose respect. And being married is looked down upon, 50 years ago men weren’t expected to act like women in a marriage. It was the women’s job to carry around a diaper bag.

    • Pamela N Red

      Some men want to carry the diaper bag. Have you ever lifted a baby in a carrier as well as a diaper bag? That stuff is heavy. It doesn’t emasculate a man to help carry his child and paraphernalia.

      • Tom Trucker

        True, but it does emasculate him to find out later that it wasn’t his kid to begin with and he still gets to pay child support if she leaves.

  • http://www.beatstockpromoters.com/ beatstockpromotersdotcom

    Most men don’t want to get married and get forced into it or just give in and then realize what a terrible decision they made. I personally am not getting married. The fact is men are attracted to lots of woman. For most men one woman will not suffice for a life time. Any woman that thinks this is the case is greatly mistaken about how the male species thinks and acts. The have no idea how many men cheat not because they don’t love their wives but because they are just horny nearly 24/7 and woman don’t want to have sex nearly as much as men. On top of this sex gets boring over time and men have a hard time getting off when this occurs.

  • http://www.beatstockpromoters.com/ beatstockpromotersdotcom

    No you are just an idiot. There is no such thing as love.

  • Pamela N Red

    I find it sad that you view movies and sitcoms as reality. It’s fiction.

    • Tom Trucker

      So a video of a man brutally beating and raping a woman wouldn’t bother you? It’s only fiction. They’re actors. What if EVERY tv show, every movie and every story in the main stream media was of a man brutally raping and beating a woman? Men, especially married men, are portrayed as buffoons in every movie, tv show and story fed to the public.

  • Tom Trucker


  • Tom Trucker

    Been pretty close to where you are from beginning to end.

    I don’t know if this will help, but here’s what I did. Go somewhere where no one will be able to hear you – in the woods, desert, forest, wherever. Find a tree or wall, something you can stand in front of and SCREAM. Scream until it hurts, scream until you cry and then start yelling at every person that helped bring you to this stage in your life. Do it until you are exhausted and sick.

    Next, get off that couch, stop worrying about women and get an education, get a better job and get away from those people. I’s also suggest you go to a doctor, tell them you want to quit smoking and get a prescription for Wellbutrin (just so happens to be an antidepressant too). It’ll help you get some clarity, because you are obviously depressed at this point and that sister whose couch you are sleeping on – she likes that just fine.

    Stop worrying about women and really ask yourself, are you gay or have you been traumatized by women to the point where heterosexual sex causes too much anxiety? I have no problem with gay people, but many men that have been traumatized by women try to have homosexual sex to fill the void and end up doing more harm to themselves because they aren’t really attracted to men. If that’s the case, stop, accept celibacy (because you’re only hurting yourself) and focus on improving you, building you and having a life where you like yourself.

    Finally, once you build that life (and that will take years, so get ready to walk out and scream at a lot of trees), never contact those people again. They are a source of tremendous emotional pain for you and no matter how much you love them, that emotional pain will put you right back on that couch.

  • Sonali Chandna

    I agree with some of the points mentioned in the article with it becoming more difficult to maintain a marriage, but it is perhaps due to the power of love that men and women are still marrying each other and perhaps with the availability of dating sites it is so easy to meet single women in your area that men at least are interested in going out on dates.

  • Sonali Chandna

    I know that I loved being single for a few years, had my wild share of time, and then after those years simply felt like settling down and having a family. I guess all of us have different phases where we feel like that, I simply went to MeetOutside, it’s a dating and marriage site and luckily found my life partner there. It does take time though so whenever you think it is time for you to settle down give yourself a year or two to find the one.

  • Daniel Kulkarni

    Women get alimony. Men get nothing.

  • litesp33d

    People enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations and then wonder why it all goes wrong. Observation should make it clear that just because your matrimony is blessed in Church it by God means it cannot fail does not work. God(s) cannot work miracles because the only place God(s) exist is in the minds of those that think they do. It seems to me that most people take more consideration in choosing a second hand car than they do a partner for life. Many people, with little or no life experience and a pair of rose tinted spectacles, end up marrying the first person that makes them laugh and then spend the rest of their life wondering why they did.

  • kyle

    “8. Single life is better than ever’
    You’re looking at this from a completely femmocentric point of view. Single life is not better than ever. The average man may enjoy casual sex, but at the end of the day, the single bachelor lifestyle is not in the best interest of most men. A culture that values monogamous marriages is in the best interest of most men. A culture that values polygamous marriages is in the best interest of most women. I’m not conservative, or religious at all, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that this fake “free love” casual dating culture is not in the best interest of either sex. Tons of average men get cast aside, overlooked, and under respected In the dating market. The men that women DO go for have so many options, that they move on the the next one as soon as they are finished fucking the previous one, so many average women are also cast aside and disenfranchised with dating. Only a very few eliete of either sex have a lot of success with this dating market, most of us are floundering in mediocrity.