Father

Lessons for Parents and their Sons

[Admin note: I had intended with the new year to write more about teaching young men more realistic lessons where it concerns women.  I have been too busy to get to it so far, which made finding this and other efforts by Dr. Palmatier all the more satisfying. Her site is shrink4men.com and you can link to original article here. This article is reprinted here with permission- PE]

To write this article, I did an internet search for the phrase, “Teaching boys about bad women.” The top results are links to content about “Why women like bad boys.” Next, I searched the phrase, “Teaching sons about bad women.” The top results are “Teaching your son to respect women” and “What appeals to women about bad boys.” “Teaching your son about relationships” yielded the post on The Frisky, which I discuss in the Shrink4Men article, 22 Things to Teach your Son about Women.

Teaching boys about women” also didn’t yield any useful results. Then I searched “Teaching boys about domestic violence.” Again, the search yielded more results about teaching boys to respect women and the tired old rot about men are always the aggressors and women are always the victims.

This isn’t surprising. In the mid-1990s, I did my Masters-level internship at a domestic violence shelter for women and their children. I have fairly decent drawing and illustration skills, so one of the projects I worked on was a K-12 Domestic Violence education program.

I created drawings for a coloring book and poster boards for classroom presentations. Some of the images I created were of little girls hitting boys; the message being, “Hitting is wrong no matter who is doing the hitting.” The program wouldn’t use the illustrations of girls hitting boys with the justification, “Men are physically stronger than women.” Uh, not when they’re 5-years old and, by the way, physical size doesn’t matter as it pertains to domestic violence. Sadly, things haven’t changed much in the field since my exposure to it in 1995.

Obviously, there is a glaring double standard in our society regarding violence against women and violence against menDr Phil believes it’s abuse when a man hits a woman and that it’s a “relationship issue” when a woman hits a man. TV networks run “funny” ads in which men are kicked in the groin repeatedly and wives are portrayed as all-knowing sages who keep their imbecile husbands in check. Women who assault their male partners because they suspect infidelity, like Tiger Woods and Elin Nordegren, are lauded as heroes and publicly supported with statements such as, “He had it coming!” and “You go, girl!” Imagine the public outcry if the genders were reversed in these scenarios.

As I learned during my internship in 1995, domestic violence prevention school programs teach children that it’s wrong to hit a girl or a woman under any circumstances, but rarely, if ever, teach the same about hitting boys and men. Parents teach their daughters to be wary of boys and men who will take advantage of them sexually, control and/or abuse them. We teach little girls that there are bad men out there and they need to be careful. In fact, some women take it to the extreme and teach their girls and boys that all men are bad. I for one, believe this is a form of hate indoctrination and a form of child abuse.

Why don’t families provide the same cautions to their sons about abusive girls and women who will try to take advantage of them, control and abuse them?

Families need to teach their sons about the dangers of abusive women just like we teach our daughters about the dangers of abusive men. We need to teach our boys to respect themselves and develop healthy boundaries—even if it’s a woman who is violating them. We need to teach boys that it’s healthy and right to walk (or run) away from girls and women who are disrespectful, cruel, indifferent, demanding, controlling, demeaning, manipulative, opportunistic, possessive, jealous, emotionally dishonest, unempathic, abusive, crazy and/or predatory.

We need to teach our boys, just like we teach our girls, that it’s not okay for a loved one or anyone to lay their hands upon you in violence; that it’s wrong to be taken advantage of financially (i.e., he earns all of the money and she spends it all while running up debt and refusing to work); we need to teach them the warning signs and symptoms of abuse and that’s there’s no shame in admitting they’re in an abusive relationship and that men, just like women, don’t owe their abuser a damned thing except a view of their backsides walking away from them and, in some cases, a trip to the local jailhouse. We need to teach our boys that tolerating abuse from a woman doesn’t make them “men;” it makes them victims and suckers for buying into the bull that abuse isn’t abuse when the perpetrator is a female.

We need to provide boys and young men the same information and supports we provide girls and women. Predators come in all shapes, sizes and sexes and we need to teach our children, girls and boys, how to avoid and protect themselves from manipulative, abusive predators. We also need to stop normalizing predatory behaviors in females exhibited in high-conflict and personality-disordered types as normal and/or acceptable female behavior. These behaviors are not normal.It’s just as bad and pathological when women exhibit abusive behaviors and they should receive the same public censure, condemnation, ostracism, court fines and jail time as male abusers.

I implore mothers and fathers to discuss these issues when they feel it’s time for the birds and bees talk with both their daughters and sons. Trust me, you don’t want these kinds of women as future daughters-in-law.

About Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr. Tara Palmatier is a life coach, blogger and webmaster of A Shrink for Men. She is also a regular contributor to A Voice for Men and monthly co-host of A Voice for Men Radio.

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  • Aharon

    “Why don’t families provide the same cautions to their sons about abusive girls and women who will try to take advantage of them, control and abuse them?”

    The reality of that occurring so frequently is telling how society devalues males as sub-human or second class to the female. Males are after all the the disposable sacrificial gender and child.

    Great article. Thank you Dr. Tara.

    • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

      You’re welcome. Wish I didn’t need to write it.

      • Tom M

        YES! We must equally teach our own sons AND daughters equally, basically the same advice, so they can both hear what each other is being taught. It helps develop a conscience where entitlement might otherwise override. Teach mutual respect only, which the DV coalitions violently despise.

        Teach both your sons and daughters, “Don’t be abused and don’t be an abuser.” Teach both the real stats on dating, partner, spousal violence and on child abuse and murders as well. Those entitled abuse more (girls, women and moms). Don’t stay with an entitled partner and don’t BE an entitled partner, male or female.

        And spouse murders, you ask? Teach both that the fact that most spouse murders are the result of an entitled partner (women) making false abuse allegations, committing parental alienation abuse which go hand in hand and accompany much more ongoing abuse and manipulation which goes on and on, non-stop violence against these men, until some see only one way to stop the never-ending entitlement driven violence against them and their children.

        Teach both sons and daughters to respect each other and their future dates and partners equally (yes, girls and women commit and initiate more dating violence too).

        TEACH OUR GIRLS that the single thing that puts them at highest risk for abuse, injuries and death by male partner is for THEM to be the entitled initiator and protagonist.

        Look at how much pain, injury and death the DV coalitions could so very easily prevent, if they only wanted to, simply by teaching actual equality. My police chief and many others in the local DV coalitions go bonkers when we bring that up. Truth must be horrible to the entitled.

        Right, teaching reality, equality and self protection is thus up to us as parents, because DV coalition feminists and their lapdog chivalrists violently oppose truth every step of they way. Not power-promoting, not profitable with fewer injuries, deaths and vastly lower false abuse allegations, their bread and butter abuse…

        • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

          I like what you’re saying. Teach our boys and girls means also looking at where some men have a part to play in women ending up with the entitled, princess mentallity. What I love about the MRM is it requires men to look at ourselves as well as women.

          UNLIKE feminism!!!

  • http://truthjusticeca.wordpress.com/ Denis

    I really enjoyed reading this, originally at Dr. T’s site. I’ve printed it out to give to some young boys that I know. Yep, it’s going to piss off their mothers but they usually tolerate my impertinence.

  • http://voiceformen.com J3DIforce1

    Seeing this shows that there is an over whelming amount of psychological damage that has to be undone. After 5+ decades of feminism I would hate to even speculate how long it would take to deprogram the masses, if that’s even possible.

  • Ben

    That was one concise, solid argument. I would really like to gain permission to make this article into a pamphlet to distribute it here on campus. The campus multimedia center could help me. I would have to get permission, from Dr. Tara, of course and ensure that I cite this superb piece of work properly. I could do my own article, but I am not a credentialed professional and will just get laughed at. I don’t know how publishing and proper, ethical distribution of scholarly materials of others work is to be carried out. I am just a student, not a professional yet, and want to help.

  • Gender-based violence

    This “One In Three” website would have to be the best ‘violence against males’ site on the internet. It’s high accuracy and quality: http://www.oneinthree.com.au/

    • Aharon

      GBV,

      Thanks for the link. The Australian site states how at least 1 in 3 victims of DV are male.

      In America the USG CDC has stated that among heteros 15-20% of couples have DV problems. Within the hetero group in one-way (the hit person or victim does not strike back) DV attacks 7 out 10 initiated attacks are females against the males. Interestingly, among lesbians, 1 in 3 couples overall have DV problems.

      • Gender-based violence

        The Aussie figures are no-doubt higher than those stated on the 1 in 3 site too, which is why the site says “at least…”. The author is just going off the universally government accepted (and therefore wrong) studies in order to pre-empt the dismissing of his site on the basis that he ises bad figures. But even on the basis of those stats males deserve to be included as victims of DV. And yep, the lesbians are renouned for being relationship thugs.

        The great thing about the 1 in 3 team is that they have and are embarassing local governments all around Australia by lodging complaints against government exageration of male perpetrators. When the formal complaints process demands the misinformation be corrected, the governments and officials suffer extreme embarassment for having deliberately peddled hysterical bullshit. As a result of this 1 in 3 complaints process, many man-haters in Australia are ceasing the practice of exagerating statistics, and being much more careful.

        All it requires is that we take these liars on carefully and tactfully. It acheives almost nothing when folks set up websites complaining about the racket, which comes across as the author is saying “I hate you all for saying lies”. The liars just laugh at that and, because they have not been officially challenged about diseminating misinformation, continue to peddle the same lies indefinately.

        Seriously, the author of 1 in 3 has the nations misandrists running scared. Thats poetry.

      • Tom M

        Actually its almost the other way around:

        MOST DV victims are victims OF WOMEN, not victims of men. FACT.

        We are chivalrists when use the “conservatively” manipulated stats against men. We MUST start using the real studies, the real stats, the fair and legit studies and stats, which show both sides properly by questioning BOTH the men and women about BOTH their OWN behaviors as well as their partner’s behaviors. Many studies, esp govt studies are skewed due to education of the surveying entities to dismiss and not count violence by women.

        Despite that, the CDC study in the US did happen to show that out of the total of sole-perpetrators of partner domestic violence, females (not males!) commit 71% of it!!!

        Women likewise clearly commit most child abuse and murders of their own children – even govt stats show that one. But, that must mean FEMINISTS ARE RIGHT about ONE THING: A parent more likely to abuse their child is also more likely to abuse their partner, and vice versa. Women rule!

        • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

          Google a sad, gut-wrenching book called “A Child called It.”

          A young man who suffered years of abuse at the hands of his mother. A woman.

          • Tom M

            I’ve talked to LOTS of men and women about their own experiences with being abused as children. They mostly say it was their mothers who abused them and those they know. They also said that their mothers were likewise more abusive toward their fathers than the other way around.

            That matches the legit studies and stats, and also the feminist claim that an abusive spouse is more likely to abuse the kids, and vice versa.

          • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

            I wasn’t badly abused, there was out of control, meotion-based violence though. At times. My mother was definitely more out of control that way than my Dad ever was.

          • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

            And again, not making it out to be a victim story…meant to say I knew a lot of other kids that had badly abusive mothers. Cigarette burns and such.

  • J.G. te Molder

    Thank you for another truthful article. If only this article was printed just about anywhere, especially in schools, and handed to parents when they come to PTA meetings.

    • Tom M

      Join the PTA and hand them out.

      Be sure to include something to this effect too:

      TEACH OUR GIRLS that the single thing that puts them at highest risk for abuse, injuries and death by male partner is for THEM to be the entitled initiator and protagonist of abuse. (women commit most dating, partner and spouse violence, not men. Mothers abuse and murder their children most, not dads who are the most protective and stabilizing family member. Maligning the protectors rips apart families and especially shatters children.

      Look at how much pain, injury and death the DV coalitions (parents for that matter) could so very easily prevent, if they only wanted to, simply by teaching actual equality. DV coalitions violently oppose these most protective truths. Truth must be horrible to the entitled who are more interested in power and money than in giving up their well orchestrated pandemic of false abuse allegations, their bread and butter abuse, which costs the whole community dearly in money, injuries and lives…

  • scatmaster

    Dr Phil (the idiot) believes it’s abuse when a man hits a woman and that it’s a “relationship issue” when a woman hits a man.

    Says it all right there doesn’t it. Just insert any number of names to replace this buffoons name. They are interchangeable. The fact is they are full of hatred for men. Case closed.

    • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

      What also says it all within that, is how men with a lot of money co-sign bullshit like that and go after other men with it more than women. Powerful white-knights are the most dangerous.

      • Tom M

        Amen! THE WORST: Mangina’s: Feminists’ lapdog chivalrists. They are the foundation holding up the pillars of femifascist supremacy.

        The marriage of chivalrists to feminism forms the most prevalent and worst family violence offenders. Family predators who hunt in packs.

        Without chivalrists, feminism is gone, gone, gone, instantly.

        • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

          Take back the knight, and let stand in it’s stead an “archer”!

          Archers were thought of as UNchivalrous in the Middle Ages because they killed their enemies at a distance with no regard as to who was on the receiving end of their bolts and arrows. They also were generally responsible for the victories of many battles. While the knights relieved them of the burden of taking the credit.

  • Keyster

    Very few men fear being physically hurt by a woman. Boys being attacked by older girls fear only the shame that comes with it, along with not being allowed to defend himself. “You got beat up by a girl, HA HA!”

    Men fear two things, that she’ll push him far enough to actually retaliate or that she’ll hurt herself in the course of punching or kicking him. More often than not either alcohol or mental illness or both, is the fuel that feeds this fire.

    EVERYTHING about the DV hysteria industry has to do with limiting the man’s control over the woman, whether she needs it or not. The government is king of his castle.

    • Type 5

      “Very few men fear being physically hurt by a woman.”

      When I read the article in light of my own experiences, I think of a whole lot more possible advice for young men than simply avoiding violent females.

      Back when I was 21 or 22 (3 decades ago) it seems that the gods wrote “SUCKER” on my forehead and over the course of a year, a procession of four successive women introduced me to the myriad of ways that a woman can lie to, use and abuse a man. Physical violence was never a part of the equation. On the plus side, I lost 40 pounds from the stress.

      At some point in my righteous anger and self-pity, it occurred to me that, one, no one had ever warned me about any of these things and, two, I had let each of these women do this to me. The second realization actually dissolved most of my anger. I realized that behavior which you don’t object to is, by definition, acceptable. Long story short, I started developing my own ways to weed out women with an agenda counter to my interests.

      Those are the lessons I would like to teach young men – the ways that females can use and abuse you if you’re naive, their motives for doing so and the fact that they don’t have to put up with it.

      • http://huntingforarchetypes.blogspot.com Factory

        “At some point in my righteous anger and self-pity, it occurred to me that, one, no one had ever warned me about any of these things and, two, I had let each of these women do this to me.”

        Exactly the point of this article, and something I am glad is starting to be addressed a little more. I hope to make something like this a regular feature in MenZ, once I can pay for the articles. There are so many fatherless families out there (and many of the ones that are intact are run by mommy), and so much propaganda fed to people, right from birth, it’s a daunting task to try and lift the veil.

        But, we are…slowly. This is where PUAs and Game come in, in my opinion. I can’t find a more accurate measure of relationships and human behaviour anywhere else, frankly.

        You, along with everyone else, were fed a constant diet of lies. They were never disabused by your family (no one taught you different) because your family either bought the bullshit, or they cynically allowed you to get the wrong idea. Maybe they thought you’d eventually figure it out…who knows?

        The point is, this is simply one more aspect of the severe neglect of men and boys in our society. And not a small one either, this type of thing alone is enough to bring down a society…

        Which is why I am glad to see people like Dr Tara taking this sort of thing on.

    • Tom M

      Keyster??? Chivalrous statements like that are why we are where we are, with our necks under the jackboot of the symbiotic partnership of chivalry and feminism. Chivalry says, “take it like a man!,” among other insane admonitions.

      “Abuse by women just isn’t as serious, other than the humiliation (so just keep it to yourselves how abusive she really is…)”???

      That is exactly why feminists and chivalrists can get away with continually face-planting men and their children face-down in the mud, so “women” can walk across on their backs, entitled and smiling, but not grateful of course. No actual woman would EVER take advantage of that gratis slave gesture either. Only feminists and entitled little girl princesses in adult bodies do that.

      Also, equality, not dominance by one, or the other.

  • Stu

    Off topic. It’s NSW election in Australia today. Good news.

    Another money spending misandrist is about to bite the dust.

    http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/8228908/last-nsw-poll-predicts-huge-loss-for-labor

    • scatmaster

      Well Stu the minority government here in Canada went down to defeat today when a coalition of the treasonous separatist party along with the Liberals, and socialist scum bags brought down the government. The misandric liebrals, and their butt buddies the socialists are going to be wiped off the map. Schadenfreude assholes.

      • Poester99

        Stephen Harper is much smarter than his opponents and has them exactly where he wants them. Worst case is another cons minority gov’t, and the VisitingProfessor tossed on his as*.

        Wish he was more Conservative than populist though.

  • Stu

    @ gender- based violence.

    1 in 3 is great. I think setting up sites and whining has value too. The more people hear the msg the better. But all MRAs should spend some time writing to the people that count and pointing to “real” statistics. They should then post any replies, or lack of reply on their websites if they have one.

    I’m a crappy writer so I concentrate on funding those that do it better :)

    • Tom M

      But “1 in 3″ (accurately low figures) still concedes to chival-femunists that women are still our prime concern.

      Baby steps? They don’t help when they allow the lies, abuse and gang rape of men, their children and all society to persist.

      That approach here in the USA has been met with dismal failure-after-failure and getting further behind rather than slowly sneaking up to equality.

      • Tom M

        Woops – “(INaccurately low figures)”

  • Kazzi

    We should teach our children whether it be male or female.. not to hit .. period.
    When it comes to the ‘Fake’ Dr Phil… he should shut up. His words are not worthy of repeating anywhere when it comes to any matter.

    I found this news article: http://www.news.com.au/national/hidden-epidemic-of-women-beating-up-men/story-e6frfkvr-1225869842575
    Hidden epidemic of women beating up men May 22, 2010 By Stephen Lunn

    These particular articles are few and far between…

    But here is another one: http://jezebel.com/#!294383/have-you-ever-beat-up-a-boyfriend-cause-uh-we-have
    Have You Ever Beat Up A Boyfriend? Cause, Uh, We Have Aug 28, 2007

    From the article here is an extert: According to a study of relationships that engage in nonreciprocal violence, a whopping 70% are perpetrated by women. So basically that means that girls are beating up their BFs and husbands and the dudes aren’t fighting back.

    It is a sad reality that women are doing more of the hitting/violence in any relationship.. yet it is portrayed in so many news articles/tv advertisments that it is the other way around… WHY????? The Why can be answered… due to the feminists getting their own way and falsifying data/statistics to suit their own agendas. And this has got to stop.. how I have no idea.

    Yes there are some men out there who do hit their wives,gf’s etc… but statistics have been proven that most of it is started and done the other way around.

    When will these governments all around the world start actually reading and listening to the ‘real’ information with regards to domestic violence. Too many times now we are reading/hearing of women how are killing their husbands. The women always state.. oh I was abused (but of course there is no record of it ~ police records/hospital records to prove this).. when they go to court… the dead husband/male cant speak for himself, so of course the court believes her… B/Shit!!!!! If there is no recorded evidence anywhere (and heresay by so called friends is not evidence)… then it should not be taken into account at all – ever.

    • Tom M

      Yeah…and portrayed by mangina’s down under (who are supposed to be MRA’s) that ONLY 1 in 3 victims are male…

      Hell, the results of the HUGE international dating violence survey (Dr. Murry Straus UNH) showed that women were the sole perpetrators of dating violence in Australia at a rate of OVER 2:1, and in New Zealand where feminism and mangina-ism are even worse, the ratio is 3:1 more women being the sole abusers. Those rates tie closely to live-in partner violence and spousal abuse because they reflect what’s at the core of abuse – entitlement, unstable personalities and privilege, usually female privilege as reflected by ALL reputable, non-skewed studies and stats – hundreds of them.

      • Tom M

        Another hidden epidemic (pandemic proportions, actually) is the high incidence of false allegations in divorce (85% of all RO’s and PO’s are bogus) AND others and I find through personal surveying that 75% of divorced fathers had false abuse allegations used against them (please start surveying yourself to confirm this striking number left out of ALL surveys on abuse) and thus against (hurting) their children.

        75% (!!!) of divorced women being very dangerous abusers is a huge number, escalating their abuse to making false abuse allegations. That alone amounts to huge numbers of additional and invisible abuse. But that additional and invisible abuse is additionally accompanied by parental alienation in EVERY SINGLE CASE, FAR MORE THAN DOUBLING that first whopping figure of invisible abuse (since there are often more than one child being abused by this PLUS all of their fathers, again being additionally abused). BIG, BIG numbers there.

        And to push the figure even further, those women/mothers were already manipulative abusers prior to the icing on the cake, but this abuse is already included (though largely invisible to the public) except all except in hundreds of legit studies. But even these legit studies completely leave out all that extra abuse pandemic from false allegations and the resultant even greater parental alienation abuse – very serious and invisible abuse crimes on top of it all.

  • sparkwhite

    Awesome. It rings of truth, but it’s radical from within this culture of feminism!

  • Promoman

    Great article. Girls should also be taught to develop emotional/ethical intelligence & maturity rather than being indoctrinated into thinking that life’s a game of chess and that others are pawns by Mommy and others. Most of these violent situations occur in the first place when there’s been a long run of mind games and other types of bullshit going down, the men involved have lost their patience for them, and that’s when things get nasty. Thinking that the world’s a soap opera isn’t smart as there are consequences for how you treat others, consequences for your actions, and that everyone has finite amount of tolerance. You don’t see people spitting out their teeth after doing their shit in the soaps like you do in real life. What’s also lost is the collateral that others, like their children, have to pay as a result. The wisdom of the Golden Rule could go a long way in fixing this, in addition to massive legal reform.

    • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

      Excellent point. All children, especially girls, need to be taught that critical thinking, re: thinking based on logic and facts, is just as important as their feelings and that facts may often trump their feelings (when their feelings have very little to do what’s going on in reality).

  • http://www.angryharry.com Harry

    @Stu

    “MRAs should spend some time writing to the people that count and pointing to “real” statistics. ”

    There aren’t any ‘real’ statistics.

    And if you include those things that should count as domestic violence, then the 1 in 3 figure is ludicrous. It’s more like 10 to 3; e.g. see, …

    http://www.angryharry.com/esWouldYouSignThisContract.htm

    • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

      You rock Harry.

    • Tom M

      Yes! We must not only look at legit surveys, studies and stats (which by themselves show that women rule).

      We must additionally add on top of those numbers the abuse NO study acknowledges = false abuse allegations (which means a whopping 75% of divorced fathers – from surveying done by myself and others…) which then automatically guarantees parental alienation abuse accompanies those false allegations (“Don’t worry kids, your dad hasn’t really turned into a crazed monster, I just made up the lies…” Yeah, right!). That’s even more very serious abuse against dad + multiple children…

      That adds up fast and BIG, on top of women already ruling the abuse roost from the legit studies alone. It all adds up and is a HUGE sum total.

      Your stats seem very close to mine, and for that reason, you look at the full picture.

      • Tom M

        Many “men” also only count one man abused a thousand times as one incidence of abuse. They do not recognise that more women abuse, but they also fail to recognise that women tend to abuse the same man more often as well, because they are ENTITLED.

        Like a dog, they do it because they CAN, and it “feels good,” and gives good rewards…

  • http://www.angryharry.com Harry

    @Dr T

    That was a FABULOUS article.

    • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

      Thanks, Harry. It started out as a newsletter item for Jan Brown (DAHMW), but they weren’t able to use it this cycle, so I expanded it and am now working on a series of articles on this subject matter.

  • elvis

    We should instill high minded moral values into our children. we should encourage sexuall deviant proffessors to show their students how to take a saws-all with a dildo on the end of it to a womens vagina.
    This saws-all with a dildo on the end of it as a class project, is just the first step in hyper-sexualising boys, and getting them ready for the more ” Hard core raunch” that the professor is sure to discuss later.
    feminists of just 25 years ago would have been appalled, But new gender-Raunch feminists see it as “Empowering” to debauch and pervert the boys. The saws-all with a dildo is quite tame compared to the “hard core raunch” that Im sure this professor is teaching his students.

  • http://none Sir Oliver of Zeta

    Dr Phil can go suck a whole BAG of dicks.

    • BeijaFlor

      He can suck a Sawzall dildo, and choke on it.

  • http://matthewabsurdity.blogspot.com/ Matthew

    Well, women are actually the ONE who are perpetuating violence, YET they portray themselves as innocent angels? I think this is because women have a natural abilities to claim victim status, thus reducing the responsibility they need to hold (indeed, a recent Harvard psychologists found that people tend not to blame victims for ANY wrongdoings).
    This point to what women are good at (statistically speaking, of course): emotional manipulation. To fight their amazing abilities in controlling our emotions, logics and reasons are the only solution.
    So I guess to truly beat feminism, promoting critical and logical thinking is the first step.

    • Aharon

      Erin Prizzy started the first DV shelter in England. Later she wrote a book how a large percentage of the DV female victims were actually perpetrators in starting the violence or in edging on the male to hitting them. Interestingly, her book exposing these facts was banned in Great Britain.

  • Eff’d Off

    Until recently I always thought true it’s not possible to debate with a liar an idiot or someone who is sleep walking.

    I no longer hold this as to always be the case as a friend is now very much an MRA and all I had to do was show him a single youtube video. I’ll never forget that night as he sat there gobbling up one upload after the next. He was dazed for about two days and then he got really mad. Now he’s back and better than he was as he puts it.

    He was asleep and simply needed a wind up on an alarm clock. He did the lot as all I had to do was crank the key. This is not a comment to bleat my horn as it has a point that I’ll come to in a bit.

    So can I speak for most of MRA’s when I suggest that there is a palpable feeling of impotent rage when witnessing the daily immolation of quality of life for a gender in the work place, business outlets, public services, homes, courts, education system, literature, social settings, video game and movies only to be served it all again in the media ?

    Well you know what, I think I can and this means almost certainly it means you. If it doesn’t, then it means your in dire need of an alarm clock the size of Big Benjamin and crystals of smelling salts like translucent cannon balls to be stuffed in your nostrils because this war has begun.

    The participants are of both sexes on both sides, so if you get huffy mam I suggest you do so in the company of a significant male in your life and explain with your hand on your heart the true reasons why your pulse is flighty.

    They may be asleep while you are awake and upright. If so then you are at a juncture. “Do I wake them or let them sleep ?”

    Well I’m tempted to answer that with “I can’t tell you what to do, it’s your choice.” You sure as eggs are eggs can keep their nightshades and earplugs in place. It sure is your decision but you do of course realise that by expressing your liberties of choice of inertia here you are expressing the freedom from choice of another ?

    Yes that’s ” f r o m choice “.

    Also remember if and when they wake and with blinkering eyes ask “Have you been sleeping too ?”, are you going to tell them you have been watching over them or will you smooth the road with a fib ?

    We all know all wars kill the truth first but are we aware that it’s unassailable mitigation is it’s exact opposite ? This means education and in the words of a famous poster with a guy pointing at you it also means you.

    If you agree in whole with the last section then feel comfort knowing that at very worst by educating yourself or just one other your impotent rage is halved. If you’re already awake and pretty well educated, then the heat of your rage is quartered as you know more than the un showered foot soldiers that you can do it again and faster. You also know that your message will move forward split and move again just as a national geographic illustration of a cascade of uranium electrons shows.

    Essentially the message to heed is framed as a closed ended question and it’s this:

    Has your message split and moved forward again ?

    My partial apologies for the drama with it’s central formatting but the scream of my motivation is quadraphonic.

    My victory does has one point and that it’s not always difficult to wake another.

    You might have very good reasons for not opening your mouth to others about what you know and I am not being sarcastic here. Your reasons might range from social phobia, technophobia or you might just be plain nuts in some other way.

    You can have a strip of silver gaffer over your gob and lead another to your monitor to look over your shoulder. If you live alone you can do the same somewhere else.

    All I am saying is if this is the case then it’s ok to shut your mouth, but I am not so sure it’s ethical with what you now know to keep their eyes closed.

    If you have a son I suggest you read all of the readers comments here twice.

    • Tom M

      Spread the love, brother!

  • Gender-based violence

    Here’s the best lesson you could ever give your son: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMbTXTugnI8

    The Video is by Tyra called, “Mums Train Girls to Be Gold-Diggers”.

    I just sat my 15yr old son down to watch it. We had a conversation after it, and he thanked me for alerting him to this “mothers and girls secret.”

    • Aharon

      Good video. We spend far more effort teaching our sons how to avoid or win a physical fight with another male yet often give them zero or counter-productive advice on relationships with the female gender. The best advice that I ever received from my father was the opposite of what he intended. He wanted me to marry and be a mangina like himself. After observing my father for decades being dominated and emotionally abused by his wife, I would never trust a woman especially with today’s anti-male laws that put the Courts on her side.

  • Eff’d Off

    Definitely eff’d off and so will you when you look at this misandric PSA bullshit.

  • Nancy

    Fantastic article. The picture on the side about training the boy by giving his $ to his sister is absolutely priceless! Dr. T did you create that? Is it available in h-res format? Others? Do you still have the posters you created in 1995? We could really use things like that. Sometimes pictures can tell the story in a way that words cannot.

  • Midnight Gypsy

    So when I was attempting to work my way through the Ontario Family Court system I asked my Lawyer about abuse. I gave him the following piece that I wrote after my separation. It has been posted here before, but every time I see reports of Females abusing Males, I re-read it.

    In short “It’s NOT always physical”.

    A few words on Mental Abuse/Cruelty

    Unfortunately “Society” has a skewed definition of Mental Abuse when it concerns the interaction of Men and Women. If a man simply raises his voice when speaking to a woman it is seen as being domineering and abusive. However, as far as I can tell there is no possible way for a woman to mentally abuse a man under the present “Generally Accepted” definition of mental cruelty.

    If any person simply observes the daily interaction between men and women in public or at the workplace, they are easily able to see that women all use various forms of mental trickery and manipulation to acheive their desired ends. This is visible at all levels of society every day, and even turned into the topic of many sit-coms on television. It can range from a simple smile, with the implication of intimacy, to outright constant, never-ending, nagging. In every case the woman ends up getting what she wants at the cost of what the man would like.

    It is my contention that in any relationship where the woman uses these tactics to gain the upper hand in terms of controlling the direction of the relationship, then there has been mental abuse. As a man, I understand that society doesn’t care about my mental well being, just as long as I am not being abusive towards women. Any or all women may mentally abuse me in any way possible, but I am not able to complain or even mention it, since society does not recognise this as a problem. Indeed society sees any man with these complaints as a spineless whiner.

    In my specific case these tactics and others were used to select which of my friends were acceptable, which activities were allowed as hobbies, and what my free time was allowed to be spent on. Well over 90% of my friends were deemed unacceptable. My motorcycle was sold because there just wasn’t any money to waste on such frivolous activities. I was not allowed to buy any other “toys” as hobbies. I got to learn many renovation skills because that was the only activity that I was allowed to partake in. I was not allowed to simply waste valuable time with any person who did not fit into her opinion of acceptability.

    The tactics used included nagging for weeks, silence, withholding actions, sleeping alone, directing the TV programs which were allowed, managing the money to the point where the mortgage payments used it all, being prevented from owning any of the regular toys (such as snowmobiles, or motorcycles), verbal attacks for any transgression, giving any visitors (my friends) the “cold shoulder”. The list could get large.

    General day to day interaction included, the expectation that I cooked meals, washed dishes and put them away, bought groceries, repaired vehicles, watched children whenever I was not at work, cut grass, shovelled snow, maintained the house, cleaned and vacuumed, did my own laundry, made all of my own lunches for work, performed any and all renovations deemed neccessary by her, and above all did not complain about any of it.

    In return, she managed to stay current on all of her soaps during the day, but also recorded them so she could watch them again in the evening while I was being kept busy with my other duties. She managed to find several hours every day to discuss things with her friends and relatives on the telephone. She did do her own laundry and in later years the children’s laundry, but only because I was deemed incapable of doing it correctly. She always managed our money, again because I was not deemed capable. On one occasion I attempted to set it up on the computer, but the available accounting programs also did not do it “her way”.

    She would go out to visit her friends about once a week, while I managed to fight hard enough to get out about twice a year. And the times I was out I usually had an implied or specified curfew, and sometimes even got a phone call wondering when I would be getting home. Also I was harassed any time my co-workers invited me for a drink after work. I was expected to call home, but as soon as I made the call a fight ensued.

    In my opinion, I was treated this way in order to drive me away, so she would be able to get the benefit of my earning power without having to put up with a husband. This seems evident because she is now coercing our children to perform household chores which were previously my duties. When there is a task which comes up that she cannot handle she has called me to ask me to come into the home and take care of them for her. I simply tell her to learn how to deal with it. I sympathize with the plight of my children, but presently have no way to help them. Since I am paying so much to her for support, I am unable to procure a more suitable living arrangement for myself to offer the children an alternative life style.

    I found it to be deplorable that I had to deal with this level of mental abuse. What is even more depressing for me is to see that it is such an accepted norm as to be completely ignored by society as even being a problem. I only wish this situation could somehow be changed for the benefit of all mentally abused men everywhere. In my opinion, any woman who has used these tactics of mental abuse should not be eligible for spousal support of any kind.

    My lawyer’s response to this was to ask if he could show this “joke” to some of his fellow lawyers.

    I asked if we could use it. He told me we would be laughed out of the court room and my wife would get EVERYTHING!

  • Jayell

    Working in schools over many years I have more than once overheard girls say to boys “I can hit you, but you can’t hit me” – and they always got away with this without question! This apparent licence that females think they have to be as abusive to males as they like without fear of retribution powers a lot of current obnoxious female attitudes and behaviour patterns (including false allegations of rape). The answer? Quite simply tell them that if they want to try it on they can expect to get what they give back, and with interest. And get hauled over the legal coals.

  • Ancap

    Thank you Dr. Tara J. Palmatier!

    Outstanding, thorough presentation…

    You are way ahead, of the uneducated, immorally primitive pack!

  • gingerbred

    Thank you, Dr. T, for an article that all young men should read.

    A young man should never have to succumb to such messed up behavior by bad women. One thing that I’ve always felt frustrated with as a male is that when a male stands up to a female who is disrespecting him by treating him as less than a human being, she automatically gets defensive by calling him angry or overly sensitive. Or better yet, she calls on some “white knight” to protect her when she knows darn well she’s under fire.

  • RSDavies

    I totally agree with this article. In late October 1960 when I was 4 years old (way before the Beatles & modern feminism were invented) the delightful little girl next door, who was 5 yrs old, decided she was annoyed with me. So she did exactly what she had been taught by her mother. She kicked me in the groin, because that’s what you do to boys.

    Did it matter to her parents – seemingly not.

    But for me it mattered because I spent the following weeks in hospital with a scrotal hernia (& the scar’s been there ever since). I remembered the month of the assault because Guy Fawkes Night , 5th Nov, was spent in a hospital bed watching the fireworks.

    Girls were taught back then in the late 50′s / early ’60′s that all & any violence towards all males is acceptable. It was boys that were taught not to ever hit or be violent to girls. I see no change whatsoever in that. But I also see no recognition of this propensity for violence among women by feminists, which is very dangerous for everyone.