Man – the walking wallet

Usually I don’t have to put up with stupid shit. As most of you now know, I’m very introverted, so my encounters with “the real world” are few; but the last few of weeks have blown my mind, and I’m not even living in a major city center, I live in a “hick” city. This is spurred on by a video the Youtuber Sandman posted, it had a single line in it which was just too much for me to ignore, and I spent the afternoon at work obsessing over the last few weeks. This is  the resulting rant.

I turned up at the flooring shop a couple of weeks ago to grab some supplies, banter with the staff, and make off like a bandit (it was payday). There was this guy at the counter, well-kept younger guy. From what I gathered, he owns a jewelry store, is about to get married, and is about to sign off on flooring bill.

The saleslady dealing with him obligatorily asks, “And you’re sure this is the one you want?”

He responds rather off-handedly, “It’s the one she picked. Whatever makes her happy, right?”

And the saleslady says something like, “It’s usually for the best.”

The female manager couldn’t resist adding her two cents in, “What do they say? Happy wife, happy life.” And he grins ecstatically.

I cannot express enough, the sheer stupidity of this encounter. I was mentally screaming at him, but I could not say a thing, because  my job relies on men like him. Single men and single women, do NOT buy flooring. Married women buy flooring, with the money of these walking wallets. Being a jeweller, he should have seen the irony of his situation; men have no use for jewellery, and single women won’t spend their own money on expensive  jewellery. Jewellers and flooring guys like us would starve if women never got married to blue-pill morons.

Shortly after that, I was working at this older woman’s house; and we were conversing, incidentally, over the Olympics. It may have been a mistake, but it was calculated, and the conversation took the direction of my stating that I was an anti-feminist. As a result, we spent the next twenty minutes shooting down the same tired old arguments about so-called male privilege.

While we came to a reasonable middle ground on the rape issue (she abjectly refuses to believe feminism promotes rape culture, but, she decries the thought of young men being falsely accused and convicted without due process), we never did come to consensus on the wage gap.

She then launched into a story about a couple she knew who bought houses, renovated them, and turned them over for a profit.  The man had some prestigious profession but she couldn’t recall that the woman had a job… she just had the final say on interior decorating.

Look guys, you potential walking wallets, you really need to assess the value of the women you’re gonna marry. It doesn’t matter if you have the money or not; it really doesn’t matter. You can afford to keep her happy but what is she doing for you? What can or will she do for you, that you can NOT do for yourself? I’m talking about YOU spending two-thirds of YOUR net income, to get that value out of her; what is THAT value?

If it’s the sex, then you married a prostitute. If you need to spend money on her to make her wet for you, you need to reassess your pick of bride. If money is what makes her tolerate your flaws , you will be spending money on garbage, for the rest of your… marriage. Afterwards, you’ll be spending money on her lawyer. Marriage, in this day in age, is legitimized prostitution. It’s actually worse. If you demand sex, it’s spousal abuse.  If you withhold sex, it’s spousal abuse. And if she decides you forced her to perform, it becomes marital rape. You’re gonna marry her because she’s sexy? Well sure… for now.

She cooks? What does she cook? I can attest, that it is cheaper, as a single, to eat out for every meal, than it is to have her cook for you. And unless she’s a damn good cook, you will spend the duration of your marriage, LYING about her cooking. They can’t cook!!! Just look in the cupboard, it’s full of pre-fab meals; you can make that crap yourself, just as good, because they all come with instructions on them.

Before third wave feminism, when women bantered, “what’s your recipe?” They really actually meant, “what’s your recipe?” Now when they ask it, they expect you to show them a box or can. And they can’t even be bothered to make sure you’re eating healthy; I wanna tell you a secret: fast food is healthier than most of the crap in the grocery store.

She cleans your house? So you’re gonna marry a maid. You know you can hire maids, fifteen bucks an hour, for three hours, once a week. Unless you’re a real slob, such as myself; then it’s four hours a week. Likely she’s gonna demand you do your share of the housework, even if she chooses to be a housewife, so what’s the point?

You have things in common? You actually think that she’s interested in your hobbies? It’s a dating MO to hijack your hobby, to get you interested in them. Once she has succeeded, she’s gonna dump your hobby like an old tampon, and she will eventually expect you to do so as well. The goal is that you shouldn’t need anything else but her, you should spend more attention on her, she has needs didn’t you know about. Your needs will revolve around what she thinks she need – end of story.

She’s pretty and brings warmth to your home? Dolls are pretty, and you can buy a fine doll for the expected price of an engagement ring; and it’s a one time payment, not a down payment on a lifelong promise to spreading your wallet.

Now look guys, if your answer to any real or imagined relationship problem, is to reach for your credit card, you really need to assess the value what you’re purchasing.

That’s the real issue; you’re opening your wallet, why are you opening your wallet? You bought her a house, demand she pay her half of the mortgage, or you sell it. You bought her a car, demand she make up half the payment, or you sell it. Better yet, covertly bank half your check, and see how long she makes due with the half you have to offer. Will she step up, put up, or fuck off? Learn to say no, tell her to buy it herself. You have no use for flowers, flowers die. Why buy her flowers? Buy her seeds and gardening gloves and tell her to work for her flowers.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. That means both parties have expected value, with expected separation equity; the one who puts in more, gets more out. You are opening your wallet at her bequest; do you really think anything will go back into that wallet when the marriage falls apart? Close your wallet.

I’ve seen more newlyweds fall apart over building brand new houses, than I have over boozing. Something is wrong with that reality.

About Clint Carpentier

He's a halfway serious introvert, plodding through life watching people and taking notes. Call him anti-social, he won't deny it, because society keeps giving him reasons to turn his back on it. Opinionator.

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  • Partridge

    Ha ha… This made me laugh and really cheered me up. It’s true that there are many happy marriages and many fine women out there; I have a few truly great female friends myself. But Jeez I’m so glad I remained single! And even more glad I kept my finances secret and my wallet closed in the presence of women with whom I was not fully acquainted! Not having allowed our hearts to rule our heads, my cat (God bless her) and I can look forward to a peaceful and happy old age…

    • John Narayan

      Hell yea! MGTOW/Grass-eaters rule!

  • kronk3

    Excellent, just excellent!

    How many of us ‘red pill guys’ have said it? “If only I’d known then what I know now…”

    Well, my son will be made to know. I only hope he will listen to me because frankly, the problem is, men intrinsically know this already; but still choose to bend over anyway!


    • Snarge22

      I’ve got a son just about to turn 13. You’re darned right he’s going to know about all this. And a few simple pieces of advice can make so much difference. Like separate finances, check her medicine cabinet if you like her for red-flag mental drugs. And there’s all that psychotic shit women pull. That will take more time to explain. He will become an observer of female behavior.

      ….speaking from experience.

  • Jack Barnes

    “Happy wife. Happy life.” should read to any self respecting man “No wife Happy life.”

    The couples I know that have good marriages have separate checking accounts. They split the bills based on earning potential and the rest is each individual persons own money to spend how they choose. A good friend of mine is a IT guy for a local utility company he makes 6 figures. His wife is a school teacher. They split the bills based on earnings. When she wants new clothes or a new purse she buys it herself. He refuses to pay for it. In reverse she doesn’t finance his hobbies or clothes. They have a great marriage. They have separate checking accounts.

    • SlantyJaws

      Yup, my solution is simple, just don’t get married.


      And I’m neither celibate nor lacking in interested partners.

    • justman

      What happens when the schoolteacher decides not to work anymore? She can do that, but if a man does that, it is instant divorce and alimony based on the earnings he USED to have.

    • http://funkymunkyluvn.wordpress.com/ Jason Gregory

      If she ever starts talking about how a joint checking account will move the relationship forward, it’s time to move on without her.

  • https://www.youtube.com/user/KopperNeoman Christopher Wedge

    Almost inspires one to get to thinking:
    “what if homosexuality WERE a choice?”

    • Clint Carpentier

      With a little bit of genetic luck (androgyny), and some talented dedication; a bi or gay can easily fool straight biology. It’s when the forebrain catches up and goes “uhhhh, are you sure about this?”

      Hell, even straight cross-dressers often come to a point when they question their own sexuality. It’s due to the complements they receive, complements from the gender they are essentially appealing to, men.

      Basically what I’m trying to say, is it’s less a matter of choice, than a matter of attraction. Are you attracted to women? Or are you attracted to femininity? Even straight cross-dressers (when in role) are more feminine than your average woman. That’s the biggest sticking point; women do not equal feminine, and men do not equal masculine; lest wise, the terms “butch” and “pussy” would have no meaning.

    • tallwheel

      The answer to that is simple. I would be gay.

  • Mr. J

    Society would be so much better if both men and women stopped the ignorant objectification in all forms..
    This was apparent to me before I became a teenager and I could never figure out why people seemed to make life so difficult for themselves.

  • patricio

    I enjoy the company of a woman, but I agree that the cost is not close to the return you get from it. Marriage for service, sex or company is not an investment, is just crazy. To marry a woman should not be one slaving the other, should be a permanent preference to love and support the other in their projects and build a family (if both want it).
    Legal and religious institutions make sure you don’t run out of marriage without having a fee for the rest of your life. No woman who loves you will make you sign such an unjust agreement.
    I think in this case, what you need to do if you are getting married to a woman is not to do it in the institutions we have right now. Just make the promise to love and support the other both, be sure you avoid all the legal problems and be happy in your marriage.
    Create your own rules for all: money, time, house, food, work, family, etc. Your marriage is an independent entity based in that promise. That is the beauty of marriage.

    • Stu

      You can’t create your own rules. She can agree to anything, sign in blood, swear on her mothers grave, blah blah blah. It’s worth nothing……zip. When she wants out, or when you want out……she can disgard any and all promises, written and verbal, and take you to the cleaners. There is no way you can be secure in marriage if you are a man. The whole system is against you. It’s entirely up the woman how much she takes advantage of that, but remember, if she is leaving you, it’s because she doesn’t want you anymore….how much do you think her love is protecting you then. Same if you’re her.

      Bottom line is, any marriage of live together relationship, and you are owned, and at her mercy. If you don’t want to live under those circumstances, then don’t do it . That is the only option There are no other options.

  • http://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/FamilyCourtDads/info Gary Trieste

    This was a powerful indictment of the expectation of entitlement of women in relationships.
    Although it was done in a breezy, non-confrontational way, it really slams the point home.
    When I met my girlfriend I had significant savings in the bank and almost no bills; after 8 years of a relationship I owe $20+K, and have to spend thousands on CS, psychologists, therapists, and legal fees.
    That condition would not have happened had I stayed financially single, but I thought it was supposed to be team. The only problem is the “team”‘s resource and cash flow only went one way.
    I dodged a bullet, when I trusted my better instincts and did not accede to the marriage she wanted.
    However bad I have it now, it would have been far worse.

  • MotorMan

    I first saw this in 1986 or so, and I thought it was cute, but now, as a middle-aged man, I realize how serious this actually is. They present the subject in a funny, cartoonish way, and they probably HAD TO present it that way to get away with it. Don’t let the appearance fool you because it’s actually a pretty strong statement if you listen carefully.


    It gets better. The following is the same band, and they’re making the statement in an even more scathing, whistle-blowing way. Again, don’t let the cuteness fool you. It’s pretty serious stuff.


  • http://funkymunkyluvn.wordpress.com/ Jason Gregory

    This cracks me up!

    “Why buy her flowers? Buy her seeds and gardening gloves and tell her to work for her flowers.”

    This makes shopping for Valentine’s so much easier. :-)

    • Stu

      ‘Bad advice.. Do it my way…….tell her to buy the seeds and gloves

  • stansbury

    Any women who loves their partner, would never support marriage as it exists today. If she does, DUDE RUN! Every guy I am friends with that have children, including myself, have all been trapped. They wont discuss it with you, or tell you. The last thing you want too hear is the first thing they want to say, and thats “I am (we’re) pregnant”.with a smile.


    There’s nothing you can do. You can however, do yourself a huge favor. DO NOT GET MARRIED! You are going to have too pay for her reproductive choice regardless, why pay for her too? That’s not love, that’s trap. Watch any five bar bar videos and you will be forever changed. Theres a link on this page at the bottom.

    DO NOT GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • Caprizchka

    This rant strikes a chord with me and reminds me of this nursery rhyme:

    Peter Peter, pumpkin eater
    Had a wife and couldn’t keep her.
    So he put her in a pumpkin shell.
    And there he kept her.
    Very well.

    Materialism amongst wives is generally due to the mis-prioritization of the respect, admiration, and envy of other women over the happiness of their husbands. A man who makes for himself a humble nest who invites a woman to come live with him should make her continued right to reside therein contingent upon her continued satisfaction with that humble nest and her earning her keep therein. The same would apply if the genders were reversed in both instances.

    • Aimee McGee

      I’ve always worked on the principle that if I want it, I should earn the money to buy it….

  • kronk3

    I work at a hospital as a physical therapist. I make a comfortable living. Not too hard on the eyes and get ‘looks’ all the time from female staff. Yesterday I was sitting at the nurse’s station and I overheard a conversation between two nurses that was just so typical of women today.

    1st nurse- “I went out on a blind date last night”
    2nd nurse- “Oh really? What kind of car does he drive”?

    The very first question was one of “what can the man do for you”? In disgust, I got up and left the area before I said something I shouldn’t at work.

    Where once I might have thought that nurse was attractive, and I might have even gotten around to inquiring about “her marital status” because I wanted to ask her out sometime; I now understand everything I need to know about her. Nothing more than another gold digger at some poor guys expense. Now, I will have nothing to do with her. Ever. I won’t hold open any doors, I won’t even say good morning anymore. This is the ‘just due’ for all of the females who would blatantly take advantage of men just because they can… And why we men put up with it will never be fully understood-

    I don’t agree that men are only here to provide for women.
    I don’t agree that men should pay for every date, every time.
    I don’t agree that men should do all the ‘asking out’ and be the one to suffer any rejection each and every time while females get to suffer none.
    I don’t agree that men are ‘less of a parent’ simply because he does not have a vagina.
    I don’t agree that just because you changed your mind about the CONCENTUAL sex we had last night, you lie and call it rape!

    I am a great catch; gainfully employed. Completely out of debt. Have lots of paid-for toys and even some extra discretionary cash to spend freely BUT; I am officially OFF THE MARKET because I refuse to be taken advantage of by virtue of my owning a penis!

    FUCK YOU GOLD DIGGERS! You lose me and every ‘cool-and-groovy’ that I could have shared with you!

    Will these ‘takers’ ever realize the harm they are doing to themselves? Feminism is ruining everything…

  • Billy

    “Marriage, in this day in age, is legitimized prostitution.” I don’t understand the anti-marriage attitude people have on this site. You do have a weird view of marriage Clint. Most people can’t afford a house on their own these days, it takes two incomes. You make it sound like women are only in it for the money. That’s not entirely true. Being that you have a house and toys to go with it, it sounds like your a proactive guy. You went to college and got a degree and took care yourself. All the things a person is suppose to do. Hence “proactive” is the key word that women look for in a guy. Biologically since women birth the children they look for a guy who is a good provider but that doesn’t mean their money hungry. After you meet a woman you like, you need to get to know her well. If she is in it for the money it’ll show eventually and you need to boot her to the curb. After a number a years of crazy dates I eventually found a woman who likes me for me. We have a loving relationship and a wonderful 5 month old son. But that’s me I’m a family man kinda guy. If a man chooses to remain single there is nothing wrong with that and all the power to them. In the end a man chooses his own destiny.

    • Clint Carpentier

      I think you’re making a lot of assumptions about me. Unless you’re talking about somebody else, which would make it meaningless; for sake of reasonable doubt, I’m gonna go with that.

      Anyhow, “most people can’t afford a house on their own these days.” Why does a man need a house? How many single women do you know who have bought a house with their own money? What is the purpose of a house, that an apartment can’t fulfill? There’s a laundry list of reasons to NOT get a house, yet the married buy houses.

      The rest of your post… just… confirms my stance. There’s nothing I can say to refute it. You used my argument, at me; aaaannnnnd… that’s supposed to change my mind? Dig deeper into your empty barrel of beta logic, I’ll wait.

      In the meantime, here, enjoy. http://www.avoiceformen.com/women/wives-demand-what-the-farce-of-household-equality/

    • MrWombat

      Every divorced guy here once thought and felt exactly the same as you.
      Billy, dude: you need to get over this idea that you are special.

    • johncullison

      You might also consider doing some studies on sociopaths and sociopathic behavior. Sociopaths are notorious for feeding back to you what they think you want to hear (and they’re pretty good at faking sincerity). No one really teaches young men about sociopaths and how to detect and avoid them. Marriage to one is a pretty good teacher; but it hardly matters now — if the breakup happens (50%+ chance), the lawyer she picks has a pretty good chance of being a sociopath herself and influencing the ex to do everything possible to waste family assets on legal fees due to excessive absurd filings and his having to fight it. On top of that, the laws were driven by feminists and legislators who cater to women, and both groups are — sociopaths!

      (A sociopath is someone without a functioning conscience, someone who lacks genuine empathy, someone whose behavior is entirely driven by their interest in self-preservation at everyone else’s expense.)

      All of women’s hatred for men is based on assuming all men are sociopaths (rape machines). The women who promote this — are sociopaths. (Projection of their own faults on others is a trite theme…) The legal system for marriage, divorce, and family law is tilted with the same bias. Proceed at your own peril.

  • J Galt

    “What is the purpose of a house, that an apartment can’t fulfill?”

    Having a body storage containment unit is the first step towards decorating the lives of others. It’s the dumbest dwelling imaginable. Designed purely to keep you in your place hypnotized by the television and dependent on the local utility shills.

    I’d rather have 2500 sq ft of warehouse space for basketball, floor hockey and woodworking. If I have to listen to anything whining I’d rather it was a table saw with an off switch.

  • TonyS

    I would have to agree with most – not all – of what you have to say Clint.

    As for the “Happy wife , happy life” comment, I hear this kind of nonsense coming from married guys all the time. The other one is…………..

    “The first rule of marriage is ………….she is always right.
    The second rule of marriage is …………… refer to rule 1.”

    I do not ever wonder what kind of marriages guys who sprout this kind of stuff suffer under. They are under the thumb and spend their entire married lives being submissive to some woman who would no doubt dump them the minute they said, ……”blow it … I will do what I want with this regardless of whether you like it or not.” What a way to live.

    If it is not that kind of relationship, and you do not let her get her way all the time then you will most likely spend you entire married life (however long that might last) compromising which means no party really gets what they want either. Again, what a way to live.

    In the short term you may well be financially better off married with 2 incomes but in the medium to longer term, if your marriage blows up – which happens frequently now – most guys would have been much better off to remain single.

    I really liked the post from Billy suggesting that Clint has a weird view of marriage (which I don’t believe is at all a weird view actually. Quite negative /pushing the envelope- yes with some justification – but weird – no.).

    What I liked about Billy’s post was:

    1. The rose glasses view (I am not trying to be demeaning) which I am sure many young guys who have been married for a few years enthusiastically share – until they come home from work one day in the future and are told by their wife that she is dumping them.

    2. The fact that Billy believes he was chosen for what he is. ( I eventually found a woman who likes me for me). But most divoced guys thought exactly that and surely most young married guys believe that also. Well in actual fact it is very likely that if Billy was unemployed or was some guy on near minimum wage with very few favourable financial propects his current wife would no doubt have passed him over very quickly for someone far better off financially. Sorry – but woman do make personal relationship decisions based in part on financial considerations

    3. Billy says….”Most people can’t afford a house on their own these days, it takes two incomes.” Whoah. I do hope this was not one of the reasons Billy got married but as he raised it I fear it might have been on the part of one or other party. If so it is a really bad reason/consideration in deciding that you want to get married. I wonder how many others follow a similar line of thought in relation to decisions on their futures. No not everyone needs 2 incomes to afford to purchase a residential property . I certainly did not.

    4. Billy says ………..” We have a loving relationship and a wonderful 5 month old son. But that’s me I’m a family man kinda guy.” “I don’t understand the anti-marriage attitude people have on this site”.

    That’s really great and I hope the millions of Billys out there have this kind of relationship their entire lives. I really do.

    The problem is of course that reality says they will not. In fact a very large percentage of them will not and in a majority of cases the termination will be initiated by the female party. It is just that Billy, as with most of the other young married guys out there, lack life experience and don’t believe the great relationship they have now will ever change. They do not believe that it is possible or even likely that one day their once loving wife may turn on them, use the system to extract as much of the family assets and future earnings from Billy as they can and simultaneously attempt to limit the amount of time he, the “family man” can spend with his children. This is common place in our society and has been for decades now.

    5. “I don’t understand the anti-marriage attitude people have on this site”.
    This is why so many young guys get screwed over because they do not understand, or do not want to understand, what awaits them when their once loving wife wishes to discard them. They do not understand that they are making the biggest financial and emotional gamble of their lives. In fact I suspect they do not even see that it is a gamble. Only other people’s marriage fall apart. Yes that is true – until yours does too.

    I would have thought that all the information and stories on this site would have educated young guys as to the enormous emotional and financial costs, and pro female system bias, that potentially await them when they decide to get married. Marriage is not a private contract between you and your partner which it pretends to be. It is, in effect, between you and your partner and the intrusive laws of the State, and the collection of intrusive institutions that hang off those laws, that will interfere with you and your children when you or your partner decide to terminate that contract. When marriages go bad, for the vast majority of men so affected, such marriages work out to be an extremely bad deal

    Thanks for the post Billy. But marriage is a giant gamble. Whether you realise it or not, so is yours.

    If you are a person who does not like to gamble with their life then stay single and save yourself a great deal of potential emotional and financial trauma. .

    • kronk3

      Holy Crap TonyS! you could not be more correct! I intend to give a copy of this to my son as the ‘epitome of a proper description’ of marriage as it is today (and probably always was?) so Bravo! my good man! BRAVO!

      Now, how do we get our sons to buy into it with all the other social ills vying for their money, er, I mean attention? All kids think they know more than the adults that raised them or at the very least will say, “I won’t be as stupid as my Dad was” and as such, we have less and less influence as they grow older and closer to making that “mistake of a lifetime”! As Fathers, we want to save our children from harm; why the fuck do we never mention marriage???

      • Caprizchka

        Marriage may well be the right choice for the person who decides to work with the system and go along to get along. But it is most certainly not the right choice for the maverick–or pair of mavericks–who want the “american dream” myth to just go take a walk. Which is the right choice if one wants to be a parent? In my view, that would depend on whether you plan to rely on The State to educate and care for that child. Bucking the system is hard! Marriage, on the other hand, of two people who actively resist the programming of the state, is probably going to make love and commitment more difficult to sustain not less. If you want to cement your commitment to someone you love and you’re both mavericks, that ceremony might have to be performed in secret, such as what Braveheart and his wife did albeit the secret was unsuccessfully kept. Let that be a lesson to romantics. If you like, substitute the murderer of Braveheart’s wife with “Feminism” because metaphorically, murder of spirit destroys love the same way.

  • Seele

    Our correspondent Billy either does not know, or prefers not to know that the current definition of marriage allows the wife to weaponize said marriage, and everything that it entails against the husband. I honestly hope that Mrs Billy won’t ever do that to him, because the pill he has to swallow would be doubly bitter.

    In that sense we are not against marriage; we are against the current state of how marriage works. In other words, we are against the way that wives are given the absolute rights to get the husband screwed over, and the husbands are considered guilty of every and any accusation that might arise, and treated as little more than a resource.

  • Maleman

    Of course the real answer is love. Every man wants to be loved. We are human after all. Sadly love is priced out of the market.

    Great article.

    Slightly off topic, I saw this today. Man discovers wife cheating so puts out flyers and is charged with threatening behaviour.


    Last line is priceless…….”Unsurprisingly Ms Kidd has now filed for divorce”

    I wonder if she gets all his stuff. If only he had seen this article.

    • Seele


      Love is about the knowing that we are safe; the knowing that our trust in another is reasonable and justifiable. Perhaps in the ancient times when the idea of marriage was invented, it was a way to assure that this trust was indeed for real, but nowadays, marriage does the exact opposite, Certainly, we have not grown out of our natural disposition of wanting to give and receive love, it’s just that the current framework of marriage turns love into a game of Russian roulette. And they won’t tell you how many rounds have been loaded into the revolver.

      • Maleman

        Agreed. I thought that was what I said.

  • Class-Punk

    I’m single and when I move again, if any bathroom has tiles with flowers on them, I will eventually buy flooring. Three men in a house that has a fridge designated for a keg needs the rest of the place to look badass inside. And you only know you’ve succeeded if frat boys five years younger than you are taking notes.

  • Andy Bob

    With the exception of serious illnesses and family tragedies, one of the most stressful and depressing experiences me and my partner can have is to be invited to socialize at the homes of our straight married friends. We find these glimpses into the world of what might have been – to put it mildly – harrowing.

    We rarely manage to stick it out to the bitter end, and always have a well-rehearsed escape plan in place. Our married friends must think that gay men’s lives are fraught with lots of unexpected emergencies, forgotten appointments and sudden ailments.

    Whenever we review what we have just experienced, there are always two points which come up every time: the way the wives speak to their husbands, and the fact that the husbands seem like guests in their own homes. This second point is no small matter for people like us who take for granted that we make the rules in the domains we pay for.

    I’ve lost count of how many husbands have shown me whatever pitiful, little, dark, spider-infested corner their wives have designated as their man caves. It is usually somewhere dank, inhospitable, underground, and lit with a naked bulb – obviously, an actual room of some kind is too much to ask for. The rest of their homes seem to reflect everyone’s tastes and aspirations except his – sometimes the family pets have more influence than he does. The result is a sense of displacement which I would find intolerable and rather lonely.

    However, it is the manner in which the wives treat their husbands which is most difficult to endure. It never ceases to astound us how many women think that scolding, nagging, correcting, whining, excoriating, reproaching, complaining, blaming and recriminating are appropriate forms of communication with their husbands. As outsiders looking in, marriage appears to us to be an excruciating test of how much a man can endure criticism and humiliation from someone who has stopped pretending that they can stand him.

    I’ll have a good-natured dig at a woman if I have known her for a very long time and I believe it will accomplish something. Otherwise, other people’s marriages/relationships are none of my business. Only once did a woman’s behavior towards her husband become so insufferable that I had to call her on it in a manner that was decidedly not good-natured. I flat out told her that I couldn’t stand one more second of listening to her talk to her husband like a piece of dirt. I knew it would end our friendship, and it did – a blessed relief.

    After we escape, me and my partner always look into each other’s eyes and exchange silent vows: “If you ever speak to me the way that woman just spoke to her husband, you will never see or hear from me again – that’s a promise.” I know he means it as much as I do because our expectations were clear from the outset of our relationship and have never wavered. There has never been any reason for them to do so. As men, the culture we live in does not accept, condone or excuse appalling behaviour from either of us, so it would never occur to us to tolerate it from each other.

    Sadly, the same cannot be said for what many men accept from women.

    Many may scoff at my saying this, but most of these husbands are not wimps. They’re just men who have been betrayed by a culture that encourages women to behave like entitled divas who perceive men as nothing more than financiers of their lifestyles – disposable, despicable and replaceable. Feminists have fermented this culture by seeping into it with relentless drips of vitriolic, anti-male bigotry. These men know that escape would have ruinous repercussions – another feminist ‘achievement’ – that enduring their toxic marriages, for the moment at least, is deemed the better option.

    Needless to say, me and my partner do not look forward to the legalization of gay marriage with anything but horror and dread. I’m sure that some men have healthy marriages in which they are treated with the same courtesy and respect that I enjoy in my relationship. I look forward to meeting one of them someday.

    • Seele

      Andy Bob,

      Very well put, as usual.

      You said that men are somehow able to accept a lot of negativities from their wives, and that is quite true. Speaking for myself – and my peers of the same generation (probably a bit more senior than yours, I suspect), since quite young we were told to keep our heads down, sacrifice everything and focus on getting wealth, for it brings status and power: once you get these then women would just turn up, pick one and then live happily ever after. In a sense, many younger people still think this way, as if wealth can bring about better spouses.

      The thing is that these men also lost the chance to learn about their own wellbeings, and what makes a fair and positive relationship. As long as men are not able to know these realistically, they would be prone to getting exploited and still think the relationships they get are indeed the real deals.

      • Andy Bob

        Very perceptive observation, Mr Seele.

        As a man pushing 50, I can definitely say that my peers were socialized with the same assumptions and expectations you mentioned. While most of my friends continued, heads down, along this path, the realization that I was gay sort of forced me to veer off onto a tangent of self-discovery, self-awareness and reflection.

        This tangent provides many gay men like me with an opportunity to develop an acute awareness of our own wellbeing and that it is our individual responsibility to achieve and maintain it. Gay men who can’t manage this often reconcile their failure by seeking refuge in drug addiction, queer theory ideology and feminism – all crutches for self-loathing malcontents.

        Sadly, most straight men of any generation, while not actually denied opportunities to focus on themselves in ways that will genuinely benefit them in the long run, are certainly not encouraged to take them. Vested interests wouldn’t like it. This is a tragedy.

  • Seele

    Andy Bob,

    In your case, sexual preference might have been a factor for you to see the fallacy in the belief that a man can go through that process of studying hard, getting good degree, getting a “respectable” job, getting wealth, and then a perfect match turning up automatically. To my mind, being different from the majority is the real factor; for you it’s your sexual preference, for me it’s other factors which are not relevent here.

    I was certainly pushed into going through this process when I was young and I resisted as much as I could, at tremendous personal cost, including having been seen by parents as a bad person. Even as a teenager I knew my strengths were somewhere other than the legal and medical trades (I would not ennoble them by calling them professions), and I certainly was aware of the rampant drug, alcohol and gambling addictions among people in those trades, let alone the wives who wanted their husbands merely for the letters after their names and the income they brought.

    Looking further back in history, to be a respectable man has always mean making oneself prone to exploitation, A man is deemed “good” if he sells his soul to amass wealth, status and power, and greatly denigrated if he refuses to do so. Just by calling them out is already a bad thing to do, not just in the eyes of feminists; in fact, way before feminism was dreamed of.