woman attempting sex with sleeping man 750

Amy Schumer, Special Snowflakes, and Rape

It’s just harder to be a woman in general, and you get treated differently in the world in general. Everyone deals with you a little differently. But I can’t complain about being a female comedian. For me, I can’t say it’s been harder. I’ve had a really nice road to where I am now and I’ve worked really hard and it’s paid off.Amy Schumer

It’s just harder to be a woman. This seems to be the premise underlying most of Amy Schumer’s comedy. Going through a synopsis for each of her TV show episodes is like reading a litany of feminist grievances about how it’s so much harder to be a woman.

There’s the usual whining about menstrual cycles. And she does a lot of whining. There is a heaping helping of how women struggle with body image and how women’s bodies are objectified. There are complaints about double standards—one for sluts and another for studs. There seems to be a lot of comedy about sexually transmitted diseases. And, of course, rape is a topic in her comedy.

Amy coined the term “grape” in one of her comedy routines. The term references the so-called gray area of rape. Schumer describes this gray area in her own words:

It’s not whether or not something is rape. It’s the gray area of how to handle it. It’s not always black and white, ‘he did that and he’s going to jail.’ It’s a really hard decision—how to handle it. Every girl I know has had a sexual experience that they’re really uncomfortable with, that was really questionable. In some cases it was absolutely rape, but they didn’t think it was the best idea for them to try to prosecute it.

“So when I say the part of that joke—which I don’t say anymore because I did it on the show—‘some guys think a girl sleeping is a suggested no. That’s a no!’ When I say that, the whole joke is the hope that maybe a guy will hear that joke and know that this isn’t ok, because that comedian talked about it. And a girl will hear it and feel less alone, because she knows that it happens to other people. That’s my goal with that joke. I would never just make a rape joke to make a rape joke. It needs to have a point and be really funny. I think rape is the most horrible thing you can think of and that’s why people use it as a punch line.”

It’s all a very clever and comedic way in which to draw attention to some of the complex problems women face in regards to rape. According to Schumer, it’s also a very personal issue. During one of her appearances on “The Opie & Anthony Show,” she described her first sexual experience as rape, saying “one of my boyfriends kind of raped me. That’s kind of how I lost my virginity…I was like seventeen, hahah…we were drinking and hanging out and then I passed out and I woke up…and I go ‘what are you doing!’…I woke up to him having sex with me…We went and visited a college together the next day.”

She goes on to describe another gray area, saying “This never happened to me, but they’re like starting sex…and the girl falls asleep and the guy finishes. That’s a gray area… I don’t know. I’ve never fallen asleep, but I’ve had like two guys fall asleep while they were going down on me…I just like kneed him in the ear [and said] ‘get back to work!’”

Amy goes on to describe how it would be tough to date rape a guy who is passed out drunk or asleep, saying “That would be pretty tough…for you to be asleep, that would be so much more difficult…to rape a guy…I mean. I’ll try it.” She later describes herself as a “sociopath” and says that she likes to watch rape “porn, where the girl is sleeping and the guy wakes her up.”

This all provides a very interesting backstory to a speech given by Schumer at the “Gloria Awards and Gala” that was hosted by the “Ms. Foundation for Women” in honor of Gloria Steinem’s eightieth birthday. The speech went viral when Jennifer Vineyard published a transcript of it on Vulture. At last check, the article had over 186 thousand “likes” on Facebook and thousands more tweets on Twitter.

Schumer posted a tweet thanking those who passed around her speech.

Passed Around
According to those in attendance and many more who read the transcript, the speech was inspirational. Contained within was a powerful message about womanly self-esteem. There was also, contained within the speech, the description of a possible sexual assault, or, as Schumer might say, a “grape.”

Folks were so busy indulging in Schumer’s message about womanly confidence and lauding her about it that they missed what may have been Amy’s admission of her sexually assaulting a man too “wasted” to give meaningful consent. An anonymous writer over at Thought Catalog published an article about this admission.

In Schumer’s speech, she talks about how great high school was for her, saying “I was running my high school…People knew me. They liked me. I was an athlete and a good friend. I felt pretty. I felt funny. I felt sane.” High school was great for her. She was a special snowflake there.

The transition to college didn’t go so well for her.

Schumer says that “being witty and charismatic didn’t mean shit. Day after day, I could feel the confidence drain from my body…I was getting no male attention, and I’m embarrassed to say, it was killing me.

Schumer talks about how she put on her Freshmen 30 pounds in “record-breaking time” and blames men for being too shallow to appreciate her. She blames men for her loss of confidence. She blames men for her experienced loss of status as a special snowflake.

Clearly, college was traumatic for her. The unchecked narcissism of her female ego was forced into a confrontation with the reality that she may not be a special snowflake—that she might be alone and indistinguishable—something that men learn to deal with when they experience rejection—something that Amy had little, if any, experience with until college. She seems to be completely unprepared and not equipped emotionally to deal with rejection. She seems unaccustomed to the lack of attention paid to her throughout childhood and high school.

This is all very traumatic for her and she is desperate for attention and restoration of her status as a special snowflake. She seems to believe that she is entitled to that status and so proceeds to entitle herself to the attentions of Matt—the first guy in college to finally pay her what she is owed.

Schumer says, “He barely spoke, which was perfect for all the projecting I had planned for him.” Make no mistake about it. Matt was nothing more than a tool to Amy. She used him as a tool to try to restore her self-esteem. To her, Matt was a means to an end. She wanted him to call and pay her with attention—something that other men had refused her.

When Matt finally did call, Amy was filled with a rush of excitement and began feeling like a special snowflake again. She shaved her legs and washed her armpits, running over to his dorm room, expecting to have a fun-filled day—a new day of many forthcoming days in which Matt would pay her the attention that she deserved.

Amy Schumer Rape

Amy finally arrives and discovers that “It’s Matt, but not really. He’s there, but not really. His face is kind of distorted, and his eyes seem like he can’t focus on me. He’s actually trying to see me from the side, like a shark…He’s fucking wasted.”

Schumer goes on to disregard any moral responsibility to actively care about Matt. She disregards the fact that he is too “wasted” to give any meaningful consent to sex. She puts the narcissism of her ego before Matt and explains that she “wanted to be held and touched and felt desired.” She says, “I wanted to be with him. I imagined us on campus together, holding hands [so that others could recognize that]…I am lovable.”

She gets into bed with him, but he smells like “skunk microwaved with cheeseburgers.” She says that they tried kissing, but his “9 a.m. shadow” scratched her face. His “alcohol swollen mouth” was like the mouth of somebody who had just been given Novocaine. His penis was too soft for penetration.

At this point, she realizes that Matt is too “wasted” for sex and not worthy to restore her status as a special snowflake. Amy begins to again feel the deficit of attention owed to her. She begins to feel alone and indistinguishable. She feels “faceless and nameless…just a warm body…” She looks around the room and hopes to “distract” herself or “disassociate” herself from the surroundings and escape the depths of her low self-esteem.

Matt starts to go down on her, but he “falls asleep every three seconds and moves his tongue like an elderly person eating their last oatmeal.” His drool is the only wetness between her legs because Matt has passed out and is now snoring into Amy’s vagina. Matt’s failure to give good head is the last straw for Amy. She “escaped from under him and out the door,” never hearing from him again.

Let’s be clear. Matt was never anything to Amy. He was nothing other than an object-of-utility—a means to an end. She saw him as a means to restore her status as a special snowflake and demonstrated no care at all about him as a human-being. His extreme intoxication and inability to give meaningful consent was seen, by Amy, as a hindrance to her goals.

Not once did Schumer express or demonstrate an iota of care for his well-being as a human-being. Not once, as a sober party, did she act on her moral responsibility to refrain from having sexual relations with a person too “wasted” to give meaningful consent. Not once did Schumer grant a concrete context to the personhood of Matt. Again, he was nothing other than an object-of-utility.

She took from him all that he had to give and it wasn’t enough. She actively engaged in her own narcissistic self-indulgence and desire for attention and status, neglecting her moral responsibility to care for another human-being.

Schumer says that she is a sociopath. Given the lack of moral responsibility and care described in her speech, I’ll take her word for it. I believe her.

Schumer’s comedy is celebrated by various feminists as a different voice—a woman’s voice in a sea of misogyny. However, it may turn out to be a voice of unchecked narcissistic female ego, wrapped in sociopathic charisma and attention-seeking. That’s not really a different voice and neither is it a special one.

It simply is a voice—one in a sea of many who routinely claim that it’s just harder to be a woman because everyone deals with you differently.

Amy Schumer Gloria Steinem Rachel Feinstein


Editorial note: for a different take, see Christopher Cantwell’s point of view. –DE

About Jason Gregory

These are the words of a retired gigolo, small business owner, and philosopher who mashes together some Nietzsche, Kant, Sartre, pragmatism, and rum. Holler, bitches!

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  • Daniel

    great piece Jason, the comments section is so sickening.

  • Daniel

    If this “Matt” is real and everything she said is true…. how the fuck would he feel about this? no one seems to care! well we do, decent people do…. but the misandry is so extreme, that is actually down the list of things to deal with!

  • ReyekoMRA

    So she claims to have been ‘sort of raped’ by a guy who had sex with her when she was supposedly unconscious. Then she claims to have engaged in sex with a man who she admits ‘wasn’t there'(speaking mentally) which amounts to the same thing as non-conscious. The first story is an example of how hard women have it, the second is an example of how hard women have it….

  • donzaloog

    I agree with you here. She shouldn’t have had sex with that drunk guy. She definitely used him to feel better about herself. At least she didn’t cry rape.

  • G Trieste

    I could be wrong, but I think Schumer could be made into a MRA.
    She has been ‘educated’ in the standard pop-sociology of western male-female relationships and expectations, so that is where she is coming from.
    But if offered a red pill, I think she would take it. She seems to edgy and real to deny what we know.

    • ExpatMatt

      It would be an interesting experiment, but how would one arrange it? How do we put a person into a position where they feel compelled to give serious consideration to something ignored, denied or ridiculed by society at large?

  • Jeremy

    I’ve heard her on O&A, she is witty, but she comes off as deeply self-entitled. O&A&Jimmy don’t really help her realize that fact.

  • Christopher Cantwell

    I wrote the different take the editor put in the footer. Definitely disagree with you here, although the point of it being a sexual assault by feminist standards is an astute observation. Amy is clearly not advocating in any of this that a guy be locked up just because a woman is drunk or has second thoughts after the fact, which is a lot more than we can say for folks like Laci Green and other full bore violent feminist radicals.

    She may have started off blaming men for her self esteem issues, but what I thought was uplifting was the fact that she ultimately took responsibility for herself instead of blaming society or some imagined “patriarchy” for her problems.

    As to her complaining about stuff, I think that has a lot more to do with being a comedian than anything, that’s sort of what we do for a living.

    • http://funkymunkyluvn.wordpress.com/ Jason Gregory

      If you listen to the Opie and Anthony episode linked in the article, one of the guys (not sure which one) describes his first sexual encounter. He was only 13 and was statutorily raped by an older woman, an encounter which was arranged by his father. Amy says that both his father and the woman should have gone to jail.

      Clearly, that event was not “grape.” It was pretty clearly rape, but the guys and Jim Norton all chimed in to minimize it, reinforcing the idea that boys (and men) are just walking hard-ons, that rape is something taken from women, but something not taken from men/boys–saying that rape of boys isn’t as bad because it is something given to them, rather than taken from them.

      So, I give props to Schumer for calling the exploitation and rape of boys by older women rape, something that guys do have difficulty admitting because…be a man.

      However (and this is, in part, what makes Schumer such a mixed bag), she talks about her principle to never date a wealthy man, saying that she prefers middle-class or working-class men and “dirty” men. Honestly, a lot of her sexual escapades (whether embellished for comedic purposes or not) are exploitations of male sexuality, like with “Matt.”

      She seems like a rich entitled girl who has gone slumming for the past decade, exploring her hobosexuality, using these men as fodder for her comic routines and as a way to boost her self-esteem. For example, she basically describes Matt as being a shy guy, talking about how he didn’t talk much and how that was good for her, but then she assumes that she was his last option–that she was at the bottom of his phone rolodex, rather than considering the fact that perhaps he was too shy to call her and may have spent the whole night alone in his dorm drinking enough liquid courage to call her.

      That scenario would have been funny too, if she hadn’t been too self-absorbed to consider it. She could have put on a pot of coffee for him and told him to get some sleep, take a shower, that she’d be back later to check on him, and been considerate of him as a person, but she didn’t do that. Instead, everything was about her. Narcissism.

      Anyway, I don’t think that she ever did take responsibility, as you say. She never took any responsibility at all to care about Matt. Years later, she still uses him as a way to boost her self-esteem, which is what most rich girls do when they go slumming to explore their hobosexuality. It’s not that they actually care about poor men. It’s that they use them to try and make themselves feel better…and that’s not taking moral responsibility. In fact, it’s the opposite.

      • mike gibbs

        You, my friend are a genius! I could not have said it better…

  • brmerrick

    Schumer says that she is a sociopath. Given the lack of moral responsibility and care described in her speech, I’ll take her word for it. I believe her.

    I’ve never heard her routine, but if it’s true that she’s a sociopath, then nobody should ever bother with her. Sociopathy is a sickness that destroys relationships. It is an outwardly mobile emotional cancer. It is salient Satanism. Someone who brags about being one is not going to be fixed. Get a pet and learn to enjoy life as a solitary, sick person, is what I say.

    Give me Sarah Silverman and her riotously filthy mouth any day over a rapist.

    • Chris Wedge

      Comparing sociopaths to Satan is only assuming that YHVH’s word about Satan is true. Which I guess you are.

      • brmerrick

        It’s hyperbole. I’m an atheist. I do not believe in Satan or demonic powers.

        When I was religious, the concept of Satan I was taught is now my perception of the sociopathic personality: humans are playthings.

        • http://www.avoiceformen.com/ Dean Esmay

          Psychiatrist M. Scott Peck (also author of “The Road Less Traveled”) wrote a rather startling book called “People of the Lie” which was meant to be a study on the nature of human evil, and he came to pretty much the same conclusion, although he thought it was rooted in narcissistic personality disorder or something very close to it. (Most sociopaths are complete narcissists, although clinically, there’s evidence that a real sociopath may be less dangerous than a plain old narcissist, and yeah there is a difference). Anyway I find it interesting you’re not the only one to make that comparison. (And Peck, BTW, was very much a Christian and did believe in Satan.)

  • iggy

    I read both articles on Schumer and I believe one is a bit too generous in her views, this one me be a bit too harsh. However the point made regarding her abuse of Matt’s condition is valid, she took advantage of an opportunity that if the roles where reversed would easily be interpreted as date-rape. I think Schumer does see the complexity of sex and rape (as a mature adult would), it’s not black and white to her, however her own narcissism blinds her to the fact she just admitted to raping a guy by feminist standards. Narcissism is not gender-specific, and certainly a LOT of young men and women come to college and experience what she did… and get into situations like she did, either as the drunk man or drunk women. Comedian’s are not examples of moral authority, they provoke and sometimes bring light to issues, but that’s not exactly their first priority. I’ve give her props for being able to laugh at herself and recognize her narcissism.

  • Vương Vi-Nhuyễn – 王微軟

    Dafuq :-O I’m genuinely surprised that she lost her virginity at age 17, almost every woman I’ve met lost it before or around 12… Americans are way less promiscuous than your media paints you out to be. :-

    • Dennis Markham

      Damn, where the hell do you live?

    • Civilisationftw

      She claims she lost her virginity at age 17!
      Comedians often stretch the truth, so i would not be surprised if it was way lower.

  • gwallan

    “one of my boyfriends kind of raped me. That’s kind of how I lost my virginity…I was like seventeen, hahah…we were drinking and hanging out and then I passed out and I woke up…and I go ‘what are you doing!’…I woke up to him having sex with me…We went and visited a college together the next day.”

    “This never happened to me, but they’re like starting sex…and the girl falls asleep and the guy finishes. That’s a gray area… I don’t know. I’ve never fallen asleep, but I’ve had like two guys fall asleep while they were going down on me…I just like kneed him in the ear [and said] ‘get back to work!”

    So which is it Amy?

    • Correctrix

      Oh, come on. It’s pretty clear. In the first instance, she woke up to find he’d started fucking her while she was asleep. In the second instance, she points out she’s never fallen asleep during sex.

  • gwallan

    “one of my boyfriends kind of raped me. That’s kind of how I lost my virginity…I was like seventeen, hahah…we were drinking and hanging out and then I passed out and I woke up…and I go ‘what are you doing!’…I woke up to him having sex with me…We went and visited a college together the next day.”

    “This never happened to me, but they’re like starting sex…and the girl falls asleep and the guy finishes. That’s a gray area… I don’t know. I’ve never fallen asleep, but I’ve had like two guys fall asleep while they were going down on me…I just like kneed him in the ear [and said] ‘get back to work!”

    So which is it Amy?

  • DEDC

    This is in fact the correct Red Pill perspective. Completely inaccessible to non red-pillers. You are quite correct. She either should have left immediately or rebuffed his advances and nursemaided him (had she not been using him). After all, isn’t that what Austin Powers* would have done (you know, caring about her – for her- and all)?

    *I actually saw this on another comment thread about this. The fact that a hyperbolic chauvinist does the honorable thing when the woman he cares about is drunk.

    If Schumer had any ‘balls’ at all, she would say she felt creepy about it because of HER, not because of him. This is in fact closer to reality. Just another example of how women tend to enable their self-ignorance by projecting it onto men.

  • Flo

    lol my comments got deleted. one was 100% quote of Amy and my own opinion supported by her own words that it was sex… what the hell is happening at AVFM… why do you try to silence me? it’s the first time… I need to know.

  • Mike Schonewolf

    As anonymous “rape” accusations of men are drawn on Columbia bathroom stalls, a narcissistic comedian admitted to raping a dude while he was asleep, and praises where met all over the feminist community. This is how gynocentric our culture has become.

  • Gerald Vrooman

    So here is a woman who goes around raping drunken men. And then she complains about the quality of the sex. Don’t be that girl!

  • Bob Loblaw

    “She disregards the fact that he is too “wasted” to give any meaningful consent to sex.”

    I disagree with this. I’ve heard Laci Green make a similar argument: “”If she’s too drunk to drive, she’s too drunk to consent.”

    You can’t get off of drinking and driving charges because you were too drunk to make a meaningful choice not to drive. Unless you are passed out drunk (which of course is rape) I think you are still responsible for your actions, including giving consent. After all, you are the one who ultimately chooses to drink.

  • http://twitter.com/crxuchilbara MegamMix

    wow you guys are dumb asses