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A widow’s message to Big Red

You may remember this girl I was trying to talk to a few weeks ago up at University of Toronto. I was trying very calm to keep my voice even and reasonable. Here’s part of our conversation, and you may notice what I’m trying to talk to her about while she’s sneering and singing:

I’ve been talking about this incident with Brenda lately. Who’s Brenda? She is a close friend of mine. I have spent many, many hours talking with her.

She is also the widow of Paul Donovan and a Men’s Human Rights Advocate. I admit, I had problems stringing together some words about this. But she had something she wanted to say, so I’m gonna let her say it right here in this video:

Since I’m having trouble saying more, I am going to reproduce some of Barbra Kay’s article about Paul’s suicide.

Bills mounted, but Paul’s livelihood remained blocked. He couldn’t afford a lawyer, and when he acted for himself a judge told him she couldn’t help him. The Family Responsibilities Office (FRO, a Canadian version of what’s better known as Friend of the Court in most of the U.S.) took him to court, petitioning for $10,000 or 188 days in jail. Appalled, Paul confided to Ms. Higgins he would rather die than serve such a sentence. Famous last words……At the time of his death Paul Donovan owed a measly $4,000 in child support.

I tried to tell Big Red about Paul, but she and her feminist clan are already addressing the issues males face, or so she tells us. And if we would just Shut The Fuck Up (STFU) and let her and her feminist friends deal with it things would be fine.

I’d say you have them so “addressed” that they are covered with about 6 feet of dirt, buried in graveyards across the western civilized world.

Guess what Big Red? I agree with Brenda.

Its about time you and your feminist friends Shut The Fuck Up and actually listen instead of dictating what is affecting males these days or claiming that it’s you who’s working on fixing these things. Because if you are, you’ve done a pretty fucking shitty job so far.

About Dan Perrins

Dan "Dannyboy" Perrins, up until a few years ago, was blissfully ignorant of what was going on. Then a series of events demanded he either grab his ankles and let a corrupt "just-us" system have its way with him or take action. He chose the latter.

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  • onca747

    When some soft idiot on youtube makes the comment, “yeah she should not have sworn but I can kinda see her point”, I’ll just point them to this article.

  • Grumpy Old Man

    Hey Dan, I really hope Red sees this.

    Thank you for all the work you’ve been doing.

    • Paul Elam

      “Thank you for all the work you’ve been doing.”

      No kidding. We don’t do awards here, yet, but if we did the first person I would nominate for a men’s human rights activism award would be Dan Perrins.

      No doubt about it. I love this guy. He never stops.

      • Iron John

        And I would second that nomination in a heart beat. As I have said many time before, he is very brave. He does what most of us only dream of doing. And that’s why he is my favorite activist in this movement that we are all a part of.

        • Suzanne McCarley

          Me three!

      • Dan Perrins

        I am not really sure how to reply other than to say thank you one and all.

        • Jay

          Dan thanks so much for your tireless work, you sir, are an inspiration.

          My deepest sympathies to your friend Brenda. Debtor prisons were long abolished in countries such as England. And America, famous for its entrepreneurial spirit didn’t really have them, until the feminists such as Big Red showed up and systematically took away basic human rights for fathers and men. Here is an article about how brutal and tortuous prison can be for men: Warning: the article is so incredibly sad:

          Effectively, due to white knights and feminists, we are basically saying: if you are unfortunate enough to lose your job, and you have been unfortunate enough to have your partner divorce you, your punishment will very possibly be brutal forced anal rape in a prison.

          Not some “I really liked that guy and decided to have sex with him, but I did have a couple of drinks, and I now regret it” rape, that feminists call rape.

          No one will be charged, you will get no justice, and society will tell you, you deserved it.

          Is it any wonder that a man can get depressed when facing a situation like this? This Human Right’s Movement is the only one which cares enough about men to say unequivocally THIS IS WRONG.

      • Peter Wright (Tawil)

        I’d like to propose we DO do awards here, on International Men’s Day. Just how we would recognise them I dont know…. perhaps an article giving a paragraph each on some of the stand-outs this year, and maybe a little certificate of appreciation on behalf of the AVfM org. Two categories come to mind:

        -Heavy lifters (those laboring 24/7)
        -Big achievers (those who made a mainstream impact for men)

        Just a thought.

        • August Løvenskiolds

          In addition to some well-deserved serious awards, some tongue-in-cheeky awards might spice up the event:

          -Top rape farmer
          -Top achievement in child abuse
          -Best unwitting ally named after a soft drink
          -Best “what have I done?!” moment
          -Sexiest shamer of men’s healthy sexual desires
          -Best nice guy
          -Best manslave
          -Best white knight
          -Lifetime feminist achievement award (awarded posthumously to the feminist whose solitary passing took the longest for anyone not her cats to notice).

          You get the idea.

          • Peter Wright (Tawil)

            August, Interesting you suggest these humorous categories – I was just now talking with Dean Esmay who suggested the same thing. One thing Dean proposed was an award for ‘the anti-male person who has inadvertently done the most to progress men’s human rights’ (eg. Big Red).

            I really hope this idea of recognition awards is taken up. All it requires is- (a). for the AVfM management group to have a meeting to select the candidates; (b). someone to write a ‘Roundup’ article to be posted on International Men’s Day briefly listing the candidates and thier achievements; and (c). someone to buy/print/post the AVfM award certificates.

            I’m willing to take responsibility for the latter task if this is something people want to do.

          • Paul Elam

            I can’t believe you did not include the all important kitten blending award.


        • Dr. F (Ian Williams)


          This is a terrific idea.

          The good spirited competition of men involved in this would be vying for good spots up the awards list.

          You’ve told me before that when it comes to such things that there is tremendous camaraderie felt by all those who work hard in competition, and the celebration that follows.

          I like this a lot.

          As for the idea of satire August Løvenskiolds, that project would not be the place for it. I understand your well meaning motivation however.

          • Max Cade

            I don’t understand your last para doctor F. Which project and why not?

        • scatmaster

          I’d like to propose we DO do awards here, on International Men’s Day.

          There is an “International Men’s Day”?
          I keed. Wikipedia can be by my friend for some things.

          My suggestion. April 14th.

          • Peter Wright (Tawil)

            It’s November 19 globally, so I read.

          • scatmaster

            Yes it is. I just thought the day the Titanic sank was just as appropriate. Thoughts.

          • Peter Wright (Tawil)

            Both good days, though my vote goes with IMD as its when MRM groups around the world traditionally hand out awards to hard working MRAs.

          • scatmaster

            Good point.

            Titanic is a “hobby” of mine.

            Not representative on this issue though closely related.

          • Suzanne McCarley

            Peter, I hate to mention it, but there seems to be a little red “1” following you around. You might want to swat it. Or not.

  • Ray

    “I’d say you have them so “addressed” that they are covered with about 6 feet of dirt, buried in graveyards across the western civilized world.”

    Yep, battered dad syndrome is a covered up epidemic in the beat-dead-dad graveyard.

    I’d say the feminists’ misandrist, legislative agenda is responsible for more than a few holes in the beat-dead-dad graveyard.

  • greg

    Well done. Thank you Danny.

  • The Real Peterman

    Poor Paul! What a nightmare to be trapped inside.

  • Theaverageman

    Feminists for a long time have been extremely critical of fathers rights groups pushing for equal parenting,bitching that it’ll reduce child support payments.It doesn’t make any fucking sense that they now claim that they’re “working on the behalf” of people they’ve ignored and ostracized for decades.The dishonesty is astounding.

    • Bombay

      Yeah – they have had 50 years to make things right. It’s time for them to admit that they are not getting the job done….

  • TigerMan

    Dan I’m even more impressed with your self discipline and composure because if I knew of someone who had been so badly abused by the system and had little Ms Red Roosteress crowing in my face like that, I doubt I could have refrained from shouting right back at her.
    Also very impressed with Brenda (Paul’s widowed wife) and I can’t begin to imagine the anguish she has endured watching someone she loves being screwed over so badly. I know it’s overwhelmingly fathers who are getting screwed over like this but shit like this shouldn’t be happening to anyone and it’s against all principles of humanity that the State is sanctioning such injustices!

  • prince_tybalt

    I was definitely moved reading the back story. Having my own experiences with suicide, Big Red’s actions definitely struck a chord with me. Reading Brenda’s story had me struggling to avoid showing it was choking me up as I shared it with my girlfriend, whose mother had her own dealings with the FRO.

  • KeanoReeves

    Can someone answer a question that is bothering me? WILL THIS EVER END? know that everything ends. What I mean is will this end in the forseeable future – say 100 years or so?

    Women are united and form 50%+ of voting. All parties try to sucker up to women by giving them special rights. So it sems like it will never end.


    • externalangst

      I can’t say when it will end but can suggest how it will end. These Government sponsored hate ideologies usually end badly.

    • Near Earth Object


      I do not see THIS ending like a period ends a sentence.

      Note the near-daily pushback, Keano.

      Every instance of a person, who has at least some hesitation about publically indentifying his or her self as a feminist, is a victory.

      Every time the protesting feminists view video footage of just how repulsive they must have appeared to the wider society, and subsequently change their tactics, is a victory.

      Every time the traffic at AVfM increases; every time a new article at AVfM is published; every time a new writer joins the AVfM stable; every time we form a new alliance—victory!

      Most every day, we see the beginnings of an END. And we will pass this foundation onto the next generation, if necessary, for them, so that they do not suffer the same injustices as so many of us have in our lives.

      Just my thoughts on your question.

  • Dr. F (Ian Williams)

    If Big-Red had any pathos, then right now she’d be blushing more rosily than her name.

    Lovely take on her our Danny but do not let it get to your head because her own take on her is even better. You come close mate, but let’s face it, she has all corners on that voice more than Wallmart does in tumble-weed littered One Horse Gully. (That’s the capitol shanty town of the state of Tinyville nestled in her bony skull.)

    You tried to tell Big Red about Paul? I wish you luck with that project. But then again I have been known to ask shop store dummies for their phone number too.

  • Dr. F (Ian Williams)


    Nothing more than feewings,
    Twying to forget my feewings of Big-Wed Wuv.

    Wolling down on, my face
    Trying to forget my, feewings of Big-Wed Wuv.

    For all my life I’ll feew it
    I’ll wish I’ve never met you, Big-Wed.
    You’ll never come again.

    Wo-o-o feewings
    Wo-o-o feewings
    Again in my heart I cwy a wivver.

    Feewings like I’ve wosst you.
    And feewings wike I’ll never have Big-Wed.
    Again in my heart.

    For all my wife (sowwy. I meant “life”) I’ll feew it.
    I wish I’ve never met you, Big-Wed
    You’ll never scweam again.

    Feewings like I’ve wosst you.
    And feewings like I’ll never make sex wiv Big Wed.
    Again in my life. (sowwy. I meant “wife”)

    Wo-o-o feewings
    Wo-o-o feewings
    Again in my heart I cwy a wivver.

    • Dan Perrins

      I have a Feewing dis will go viwal

  • 86

    I am sorry to hear what happened to Paul Donovan, and thank you Brenda, for this message.

    I like to think the best of people, so when I visit Big Red’s blog, I am disappointed for her that nowhere there is any sort of regret that she sang “cry me a river” during the discussion of suicide, any suicide.

    I would like to think I have the self-awareness, shame, and sense of honor to realize under a similar circumstance how poorly I had behaved.

  • KeanoReeves

    I am sorry for what happened, Brenda.

    Guys, this red haired woman seems to be a very evil woman. I know I can’t really make a judgement on one incident, but sneering and singing about a man commiting suicide for $4000? That seems to be downright evil to me.

    There is nothing I can do about her, but if we ever cross paths, i will look the other way and cross the road.

  • lensman

    You know, I am not trying to defend her or anything but now that I look at the clips more carefully, she (Big Red) seems pretty much out of it. I highly doubt she was even listening to Dan at this point. I mean, as tempting as it is to paint this woman as the quintessential villain, I think it was more something like this:

    DP: Higher work mortality for men.
    BR: Male privilege!!! Patriarchy!!!
    DP: Misandry.
    BR: I am going to purposefully laugh and ignore you now.
    DP: Higher suicide rates.

    For some reason, I don’t think she is evil. I think she is an ideologically blinded asshole narcissist. This doesn’t excuse her behaviour, but it makes it understandable.

    I haven’t heard of Paul’s story, I think what they did to him was a freaking travesty. As Dan mentioned in his article here, if feminists are dealing with men’s problems, then they are doing a pretty shitty job so far.

    • Poester99

      I actually get the feeling that, had she the power, she would be more that willing to meet out the “final” solution to the lot of us if it got her closer to her goal,or even on a whim.