Welcome to the University of North Carolina UNOFFICIAL Department of Men’s Studies program. Chances are, you are totally confused because you are not on the official UNC website and you are not seeing anything related to Men’s Studies. In an effort to help clear up any confusion, the University of North Carolina has no Men’s Study program, but A Voice For Men would like to offer you a healthy dose of satire and reality in an effort to get you to understand that Universities in NC don’t give a shit about you. Well, correction, they do care that you are paying for an education, but as we are about to discover, that education has the opportunity of being cut short in lieu of prison every minute you are on campus.
If you have any questions about our program or studies, we encourage you to talk with our Department Chair Paul Elam. Also, it should be noted that the women over at the Women’s Studies department — yes, that group of Women screaming equality, should be able to answer any questions if you have concerns about our meager offices, classrooms, lack of funding, programs, etc…
At the end of this document, we are going to offer a way for you, the alumni of the Men’s Studies Program at the University of North Carolina, to help our program prosper for those that follow in your footsteps. Furthermore, we LOVE to hear from mothers of men, sisters of men, friends of men, and children of men who love the men in your life.
Courses offered at the Satirical and Unofficial Men’s Studies Program At The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
- How to avoid being called a rapist and probable domestic violence offender on campus – Professor: Landen Gambill
In this course, you will learn about the new Department of Education and Office of Civil Rights directive known as the “Dear Colleague” letter than allows you to be identified as a rapist without any evidence, witnesses, or complainants going to law enforcement. Additionally, you will learn how your mothers and sisters might be forced to come visit you in prison because of this new directive in that it strips you of “innocent until proven guilty” and adds “preponderance of the evidence” which simply means that all a honor court or Judge needs is %50.01 likelihood that said assault or rape happened.
- Drink Alcohol, Go To Jail (Prerequisite – How to avoid being called a rapist and probable domestic violence offender on campus) Professor: To Be Announced.
In this course, we will expound further into new directives being handed down by the US Department Of Education and being lauded over by the women at the Women’s Studies program in that the definition of sexual assault and rape have been lowered in such that if you engage in sexual intercourse with a female who has been drinking, even if it’s two beers, you are a rapist because she is unable to provide consent. POP QUIZ: If you have been drinking and a female at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill wants to have sex with you and she has not been drinking, do you have the same protections offered by the Department of Justice lawyers? 1) No 2) No 3) No 4) No
- The History of Men’s Health At The University of North Carolina At Chapel Hill – Professors: University of North Carolina Nursing School
In this riveting and controversial course you will learn how the University of North Carolina satirical and unofficial Men’s Studies has learned that not one single clinical professor or researcher has any specialty in Men’s Health. But, that 27 have specialties in Women’s Health. In this class, we will discover new and exciting cutting edge treatments in prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and cardiovascular disease. It’s called beg the women at the Women’s Studies program for some of their federal money allocated for Women’s Health only. Additionally, we will learn how to mourn for your fathers much less early in life than your mothers.
- How To Be a Responsible Carolina Parent – Professors: Carolina Women’s Center
So your a proud new dad ready to hit the ground running and be a equal parent? Tough shit! Your job is visitor 4 days a month. As discovered by our professors, the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill does not even mention Fathers on their website, but they do teach the LGBTQ community and mothers how to be responsible parents.
- Depression, Stress, Substance Abuse, and Counseling In Men – Professors: The Other Carolina Women’s Center
In this class we at the Men’s Studies program at UNC will be holding a course on how to avoid depression, stress, substance abuse, and receive counseling because our Men’s Center has yet to be built. Again, ask the women over at the Women’s Studies department to loan us some money in the name of equality.
- Seeking Tenure Track in Men’s Studies – Professor: UNC Association of Women Faculty and Professionals
Considering teaching at UNC after graduating with your shiny new degree and are considering tenure track? Great! The best approach to doing this is by joining the UNC Association of Men Faculty and Professionals – Oh wait, there isn’t one.
This concludes our course list of Men’s Studies at UNC. It’s unlikely that we will be offering anymore classes in Men’s Studies for the foreseeable future because right now there is a War on Women and you’re the scapegoat. If you would like to help support the Men’s Studies program, we only ask that you get off your ass and realize that your entire future is being decided by feminist that have matured from gender equal activists to women’s gendered superiority at your expense. Don’t believe us, great! Then head on over to the REAL University of North Carolina website and we dare you to find anything positive about Men.