Meet John Nazarian, the King of Scumbags

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Sometimes, the appropriate adjectives escape us when it comes to describing certain individuals in this world. Such is the case with John Nazarian, private investigator for Pauley Perrette and a host of other Hollywood A-listers. “Scummy” is good, but it is obviously just a start. Three minutes of him talking will quickly make that apparent.

Pauley Perrette schmoozes the police

Pauley Perrette

Has Suz become a celebrity gossip columnist? No but it might look that way. Suzanne McCarley further chronicles the exploits of Pauley Perrette, whose vindictive campaign of harassment against her former husband, reads a bit like, er, a screenplay.

Seven years in hell

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Mix one part Violence Against Women Act, one part Patriot Act, one part Duluth Model, and shake like crazy. Strain and serve during court hearings over a rocky custody battle to a drug-abusing ex-wife. The toxic, teeth-rattling backlash will make chemotherapy seem like a cakewalk. Just ask our intrepid Della Burton, who saw the whole excruciating ordeal play out first hand. [Illustration by Typhonblue]