Meet John Nazarian, the King of Scumbags


Sometimes, the appropriate adjectives escape us when it comes to describing certain individuals in this world. Such is the case with John Nazarian, private investigator for Pauley Perrette and a host of other Hollywood A-listers. “Scummy” is good, but it is obviously just a start. Three minutes of him talking will quickly make that apparent.

Pauley Perrette schmoozes the police

Pauley Perrette

Has Suz become a celebrity gossip columnist? No but it might look that way. Suzanne McCarley further chronicles the exploits of Pauley Perrette, whose vindictive campaign of harassment against her former husband, reads a bit like, er, a screenplay.

Seven years in hell


Mix one part Violence Against Women Act, one part Patriot Act, one part Duluth Model, and shake like crazy. Strain and serve during court hearings over a rocky custody battle to a drug-abusing ex-wife. The toxic, teeth-rattling backlash will make chemotherapy seem like a cakewalk. Just ask our intrepid Della Burton, who saw the whole excruciating ordeal play out first hand. [Illustration by Typhonblue]