Being at the helm of AVfM has always been more than just running a website. It is a constant and sometimes frustrating juggling of priorities, stress and conflict; it can be (and has been) life-consuming. Before this starts to sound like finger pointing at my own website for the stresses it brings, let me fully own that I have been obsessed with these issues for a long time. I needed to say that before saying that I am increasingly experiencing the toll from all this on my health and even my state of mind. I am also sure that the years I spent sedentary and smoking while chained round-the-clock to a computer have taken their toll as well. I don’t feel too well these days, folks.
So here’s the deal. I have quit smoking for a while now, but there are other changes I need to employ if I want to be around for a good bit longer than the near future, at least with the gusto to continue the work here. Diet, exercise (for my body as well as my brain) and something other than activism in my life are now musts for me. I have run out of excuses and room to procrastinate.
That means I need to make some changes, today. It means I have to make cuts. None of them are easy. Starting today, I am suspending operations of AVfM Radio. John is fit and capable to do the show, but unfortunately cannot control the show studio from a Canadian locale. He could, however, make it work if there were a conscientious, reliable and known MRA who would step up to the plate and produce the show. It would not require you to be on the air, but would require your “show must go on” commitment.
Once I have adequately addressed the health issues I am experiencing, I will return to the show on some sort of modified schedule.
In the meantime, I will continue to perform the day to day operations of the site, as well as hopefully writing one or two articles a week. John will sit in as chief cook and bottle washer during this time. Until I feel like I have retaken ownership and control of my health, that is all I am going to be able to give. My goal is to be an activist till the day I die. Meeting that goal was never in question, but I would like to add some quality and maybe even some time to that objective.
I appreciate your patience and support during this time of change.
Paul
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quolls:
Jared White:
Codebuster:
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Rper1959:
Your health will always be more important than anything else. Can’t be Activisting if your not breathing, right? Anyways let me know if you need anything. I know I am not a long time member. I am fairly new but am willing. Anyways stay strong and make the changes you need to live a long and happy life! Much love and support from Oregon.
Do take care Paul. I too have been concentrating more on quality of life issues after health problems. But I’ve also gone back to school, working to enhance my MRA skills so as to address frustrations experienced merely for being male. Life is a balancing act for males under the best of circumstances. Hang in there bro. I wish you the best, the very best.
Absolutely — your health must come first or we will not have your powerful presence to support this cause. Please take good care. We will miss you on the radio but happy to know you will still be around on the site. We wish you the very best, Mr. Elam. Sending many prayers for a speedy recovery.
Thanks to the folks who stepped up and gave Paul the ability to take this much-needed break: writers and editors alike.
Can you comment on how the AVfM show has been doing? Was it successful in your eyes?
Also, will Dr. T’s show continue on?
One cannot take care of others until he takes care of himself. So take care of yourself. That has always got to be the first and foremost priority. Get healthy.
I wish you well.
TDOM
Keep well Paul.
Look after yourself in all the ways that count mate.
Get well soon, Paul. Wish you the best.
Paul I just want to say that you have helped me over these last 2 years although it took me some time to identify as a MRA. I do wish you well get better soon and make sure to take care of yourself. And I don’t care that you identify as an Athiest, you are still in my prayers.
Hey Paul, your broadcasts are the best. I have learned a lot and your message has definitely given me strength and courage to stand up to the beast. Take a break, take a rest, clear the mind, do some practice meditation, steer clear of that negative psychic energy for a while. Get away from the confining little world inside the computer. When you are ready we will be waiting, we’re not going anywhere.
Since you’re so obsessed Paul, I reckon you should hook up an exercise bike to a generator, and power your computer from it, as well as the radio show. Yep, the only way the damn thing stays on is if you keep peddling. You’ll be the fittest man in the world in no time.
Then again, you could run your equipment off a battery pack, that needs to be charged up everyday….from your peddle powered generator…..that way we wouldn’t have to listen to you huffing and puffing and the whirl of the generator while you spoke.
The principal is sound. The more time you want to spend on the computer, the more you have to peddle. Now all we have to do is relocate you to a shack in the bush where there is no power, and you’ll have no choice but to peddle for hours everyday to pursue your passion lol
Your health should always be a high priority, Paul. You need a good work/life balance and yes, what you do here is hard and stressful work. Take care of yourself, get outside, eat healthy food, and I’m sure you will be feeling better soon.
If BlogTalkRadio won’t allow JTO to administrate the show from a Canadian IP address, there is a service called unblock-US that can be used to get an American IP address via proxy server and only costs $5 a month.
Get well Paul!!!!
We will endeavor to carry on FTSU.
All the best to you Paul. I’ve been feeling crappy lately too and have been thinking of ways to deal with it. Maybe I just need a change of pace in some way. Let me know if you figure out any good answers.
I know everyone appreciates the radio show, but you should make an honest assessment about it’s value in terms of activism vs. time investment.
You really are an icon and we need your guidance even if you feel the need to step back for awhile.
Paul:
1. Health first my Granpa always said.
2. Do what you must to take care of it.
3. Get and stay well.
4. Come back soon, but don’t “hurry” back. Refering again to #2.
Something doesn’t add up here…
I’ve just seen Amanda Marcotte’s note on Pandagon that she too is taking time off due to “health issues”.
Are you two running away together?
…Or is there, in fact, a Texan MRA lurking behind the fringe of this Texan ‘Feminist’?
You is busted, man.
Get yourself well Paul!
Dittos, Paul, for all the sentiments so far expressed (except maybe for the pedaling-for-power given how you’d never get any sleep trying to keep the AC running in “summer”). But you know as much as you’ll be missed this self-styled timeout announcement is a whole lot better than some others I can think of (but won’t speak of).
Perhaps, diet-wise, you might find these as interesting & helpful as my husband and I did (hope you won’t be put off by the titles; I mean no disrespect):
1) “Fathead” a documentary that will change the way you look at all kinds of food, but especially “evil fat” & “angelic whole-grains”
http://www.fathead-movie.com/index.php/about/
2) “Wheat Belly” an amazing book that will turn your idea of “healthy eating” upside down (if watching “Fathead” didn’t already do that!)
http://www.amazon.com/Wheat-Belly-Lose-Weight-Health/dp/1609611543/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1330038232&sr=1-1
http://www.wheatbellyblog.com/
All the best,
Patrice Stanton
Good advice.
My husband and daughter both were diagnosed with celiac through an alternative medicine practitioner, after years of anti depressants and lipitor, being wrongly diagnosed with irritable bowel and depression.
They both cut out wheat and no longer deal with high cholesteral or depression.
A month ago my college son blacked out and fainted at work. His blood pressure was through the roof, ears ringing, blurry vision. He dropped his classes after being diagnosed with panic attacks and hypoglycemia, and prescribed anti depressants and anti anxiety drugs.
Finally took him to holistic doc and found out he had…Mono.
Please, take care. Life is good, and you are important to us.
Having just recently received a fair warning from my doctor due to the same causes: Too much smoking and too much time spend in front of the computer, without the exercise that is needed to balance this, I can only wonder how you keep on doing what you do with such vigor. You have been at it for far longer than most of us mere mortals, and you need to take care of yourself, Paul.
Take the time off to get that motor up and running, so that we may be able to enjoy eachothers company for many decades to come. You know what the enemy is saying: ‘-There’s still such a long way to go’. That holds true to a much larger degree for us all here at Camp AVfM, and I have no reason to doubt that JtO would not be able to lead the troops, until the return of our commander in chief.
With admiration and best wishes for a speedy recovery from abroad.
-See you on the frontline, my brother in arms.
Best wishes for good health and a speedy return!
Paul,
take the steps needed to get yourself well and back in the saddle again. Do not cut corners on this issue.
I hope a suitable American MRA is found soon to help with the radio show. I have no doubt JTO can handle the rest from Canada.
All the best,
Dan
Smoking, damn whoever started that. When I was a young bloke, I dabbled with dope, speed, even a bit of smack. Never had any addiction to any of them. A few of my friends were really heavy dope smokers, and a couple were pretty heavy speed users. At one stage I reckon I went six months with hardly a day without using speed…..than I just stopped…..no urge to take it at all, no withdrawal. Same with drinking, I done quite a few years of heavy binge drinking……then one day I just decided the only reason I drink all this booze, is because everyone else around me is doing it…….so I just stopped, and never missed it. I’m lucky if I have a couple of drinks a month now…..been that way for twenty years. At a party, I’ll have maybe two cans, or a couple of Jim Beams and cokes. I’ve often thought I must be immune to being addicted to anything. In my late teens, I had two friends that got really heavy into speed…..and for ages it was like….every day when I seen them, I’d be using with them. Really weird because I never had any ill effects from it. I used to eat normal, sleep normal, used to go and workout, kept working, but they both ended up becoming hopeless junkies…..I just stopped one day when I seen what it was doing…..to them….not me.
But these fucking smokes…..I can’t give them up. I feel healthy, but in the last couple of years whenever I get a cold, anything involving the chest…..it really knocks me around…..I feel like I have asthma, and they hang on for two weeks or more. I had one recently and am still getting over it two weeks after the worst of it….I got so bad I thought I was going to drown in my own snot at times, and had coughing fits that were so bad I couldn’t get a breath and almost passed out.
The doctor I went and seen told me my blood pressure was 205 over 120…..and I was at grave risk of basically just falling over dead before I hit the floor. After the worst of my chest infection subsided, my blood pressure was 185 over 100. I stopped smoking for a few days, and it went down to 145 over 95…….but here I am smoking a pack a day again.
I refused the blood pressure meds…….I don’t know what it is, but I just have a complete aversion to taking any sort of meds of that sort……what I call death delaying pills……blood pressure pills, heart meds, insulin, basically anything that old people take to put off death. I’ll probably never take any heart pills or shit like that in my life. If I’ve got an infection, I’ll take anti biotics…..or anything else that is a temp thing…..for something you get over……..but I just have no intention of taking anything that is like…….you have to rely on these pills from now on……I think it’s the pig-headed self-sufficiency streak in me, I’d rather be dead then relying on some thing that I could not produce to keep my going.
When that doctor told me I was in grave danger of just falling over dead at any time, I just laughed. He said….”I’m serious, you have to start on medication now” I told him if he wants to scare me he’s going the wrong way about it. He said he is not trying to scare me, he is dead serious and I have a very real chance of just going to lift something heavy up and straining myself, and just collapsing dead…..I said…..so what…sound like pretty good way to go to me. Everybody in my family lives to really old, I look at it as long slow deaths……fucked if I want that. Nope, you can take the meds and shove them…..(I didn’t say that part) if I can’t get my health under control naturally……I’ll take my chances with the sudden death….which by the way doesn’t bother me in the slightest.
I went back after not smoking for a few days, and my blood pressure was acceptable. I said see, if I take meds for blood pressure…..I will have no incentive to give up smoking…….and I’ll smoke myself to death.
But like I said…..I’m back on a pack a day again. How the hell did you give up Paul?
Well done Paul!
Once again you take leadership.
We are worth more than to be a sacrificing ourselves to big tobacco and desk-bound physical decay.
I think that as the healthcare system is geared more towards dealing with women’s health than men’s health issues, men have to take more responsibility for their own health. I imagine the fresh air and physical exercise can make us more potent MRAs too.
I’m about to make some similar changes to you to bring about preventative health in my own life and even thinking about writing an article on the subject for aVfM. Some hiking might be just the perfect time for me to mull over ideas for such an article.
With your super new cardio levels you might beat me to it though!
Since you and I ‘go back’ a few years, I know I can say this to you.
It’s about fucking time.
Last year had to be the worst year of my life, and most people here do not know every detail, but it opened my eyes to how short life can be, and how much our own actions can make it even shorter. From what I’m told… you only get one ‘go-round’ in this world…and you get only one body to experience it in.
Take care of the body, my friend.
The mind will always appreciate it in the end.
See you when we see you. Drop in when you can, and take a little extra time to actually enjoy some life…and its fresh air.
We’ll leave the light on for you.
Oh yeah…and eat lots of sushi.
Oh Paul, I’m deeply sorry to hear your health has been compromised in your efforts to bring both light and growth to the Men’s rights movement. Please do get well, you are an integral part of this movement and have given so much vision to the cause. You’re irreplaceable and we need you to be around with us for a long, long time. Most importantly we want you to be around to see the fruits your hard work will bear and having our sons and grandsons thanking you for making their lives much easier than ours. Get well soldier and come back to us when you’re ready.
Please take care of yourself.
Me & a lot of people on this site & others who believe in your long strive to make men & boy’s life’s better & people who care about them ( their families) are wishing you a quick recovery Paul.
Perhaps a hierarchy can be organized to handle different topics, with Paul as overlord, once he has a healthy routine in place.
Idea queues might help. I am sure there are many things that Paul observes and wants to write about, if he has the time. By listing the ideas with references in a place accessible to writers, then someone can (semi-publically) claim it and get cracking, and others can invest their energies into other things. Paul should not be writing about random blogs, which are endless in number, but instead tackling the essential and most important issues.
An idea queue could be accessed via logging in to your account. Contributing writers would receive a flag on their account to let them into a the list, along with space for corresponding discussion, and some kind of link dump.
If a project is active and broad, for example, “Sweden”, then all relevant research and data can be set in that category via primary and secondary tagging. The projects can also be organized by urgency of needed address.
Much of the burden of command must be in the organizational process, so…spending some time in the future on automatizing that would pay dividends. Where stress level would normally clash with a feeling of moral urgency, instead one can rest easy knowing a system to delegate tasks is in place.
Of course a lot of that may rest on how trustworthy individual MRA’s are.
You’ve taken on one hell of a load, with AVFM and have chosen to fight the battle no one wants to admit needs fighting. That would strain anyone bro. Getting through this life with your health and sanity intact, is the most important thing.
You’ve given an immense expenditure of your energy and have made a difference in the plight of men and boys already. No reasonable person would fault you for protecting your own health.
It’s sad that you’re not 100%, and that your work with AVFM must take a backseat. At the same time you have to do what is best for your own health. That way you can continue with advocacy for many years to come, as you state in the article.
Perhaps eventually you will feel up to taking more on again. Until then I fully agree that it’s best you rest up and get yourself well. Not only that, but doing this day-in day-out is not easy. So it’s good to have something else in times of stress and ill health.
All the best to you Paul – your work with the MRA is a great asset to men’s rights.
Have a good break, Paul. We need for you to be healthy first and foremost. Jogging works really good to combat that sort of thing. The weather in Texas ought to be perfect right about now.
It’s unfortunately a male stereotype that rings all too true for many of us – pursuing that about which we are passionate at the expense of other priorities in life. Get the yin and yang right Paul – we are always much more efficient when things are in balance. And get active, movement is sadly limited in modern life, and much to our detriment!
Dr Elam,
It always surprises me how little it takes to make a big difference to my health. You were supposed to take a break a few months ago, but it was hardly a break at all. I think you were back within the week. I hope you take a proper break this time.
Men our age are used to disregarding our health because most of us resent being told what to do and have always been expected to soldier on regardless. Even staunch MRA’s are prone to falling into this trap. I am sure I speak for everyone here in saying please stick to your guns this time.
Mr JTO will do a sterling job as usual. He’s very clever, you know? Take care of yourself and come back re-energised and repaired. We need you.
Health and strength to you Paul. We will keep up the fight until you can rejoin us.
Your health is your number one priority. Get well and be safe.
I understand.
This is extremely intense subject matter that takes a very strong constitution to constantly deal with. As I told you a year ago or so, “I don’t know how you (and JTO) do it.”
Standing up against the monolithic Feminist Machine is not for the faint of heart; not to mention the powerful white-knight element you have to contend with. You can’t carry this burden by yourself — let it go sometime.
20 years ago there were a few dozen guys writing to newspapers, now there’s an actual “movement” online of a few thousand. It has too much momentum to just stop at this point.
The MRA die has been cast.
Walk everyday; briskly, a mile or two.
Get well, be well. We shall soldier on without you for the moment, but come back. We need every helping hand we can get. Wish I could quit smoking…
Commit to your health, Paul. You’re so worth it.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that you’re an important person in all our lives. You’ve inspired us, taught us and made us feel like what we have to say is important. Hell, that is more than what some of us can say of our “closest” family members! I’ve come to think of you as a distant, digital “father figure” of sorts and I don’t care how sappy and silly that may sound. Be good to yourself and do what you must to be happy and healthy. We’re here for anything you may need in the process.
Very well said my friend!
A big thank you for all the warm wishes and support. And i know this place will do fine without me butting in all the time.
Stu. How did I quit? Fear and nicotine lozenges. You see, you will reach a point, as I did, that just stopping the cigarettes will not make your blood pressure go down.
I also got to the point that after several months smoke free my breathing is still not right. I have to use an albuterol inhaler.
That is the fear part, and the really fucked up thing about denial and addiction. Most people see the light when they cough up blood the first time. I hope to have my shades off before that happens.
Quit smoking, Stu. Fucking quit, man.
As all of the above have said your health must come first, for yourself moreso than anyone else. Lean meat and tons of veggies will help a lot I find. Best of health to you, good luck
Paul, I would much rather you die (much) later than sooner!!! Here’s wishing you the best outcome for both your health and your life. You have given me so much affirmation of my own life, having been the son of an emotionally and physically abusive mother. Your strength to confront the outrage of misandry has given me the strength and dignity to confront it as well. TAKE YOUR TIME, RELAX, ENJOY have some fun and get well!!
Paul, I wish you the best and I want to thank you for everything you and the rest of the AVfM crew have meant to me for the last 4 years.
This has been both an oasis in the sense that I find comfort and support away from a world that despises masculinity, and it has been a fire in my heart that burns inside me and causes me to speak out and reject the notion that I, or my fellow man, are disposable creatures.
I also want to thank you for speaking up and encouraging others to stop smoking. We need to take care of ourselves and value our health and longevity the way the world values the female gender.
Take care, sleep in, and give’m hell the rest of the day.