AVfM Radio

Dr. Tara J. Palmatier on A Voice for Men Radio

Dr Tara J. Palmatier of Shrink4Men.com will appear on A Voice For Men  Radio again next week, Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 9pm ET. The topic will be “Accidental” Pregnancies, Entrapment and Children as Weapons.

How many men have been suckered and emotionally extorted into relationships and marriages with crazy, immature, high-conflict and/or personality disordered women who “accidentally” got themselves pregnant?

How many men would have ended relationships without looking back if not for being forced into fatherhood against their will and wishes?

How many men have stayed in an abusive relationship for the sake of their children, even though they feel a little piece of themselves die inside everyday?

An “accidental” pregnancy is one of the oldest tricks in the book of desperate, emotionally disturbed women.

Deliberately becoming pregnant without a man’s consent, against his explicit consent, as a way to hold onto him or to extort a commitment and money from him is one of the the most underhanded, contemptible forms of betrayal and theft there is.

Her body, her choice. Fine, but what about the genetic material a woman needs from a man to even have that choice? Parenthood ought to require mutual respect and consideration; a mutual choice. His sperm, his choice. Very often men have no choice about becoming fathers.

Before certain women make the emotional argument, “If he didn’t want to be a father, he shouldn’t have had sex!” let me say, grow up, get real and get some self-respect.

Women lie about being on birth control. Women claim their antibiotics rendered their birth control pills ineffective. Women lie about their menstrual cycles. Women lie and claim they’re infertile. They get ex-boyfriends drunk and lure them into bed. They collect sperm from used condoms. They get pregnant by another man and lie about the paternity. This is just wrong. It is wrong. It is wrong. It is wrong and it’s just a glimpse of the hell that is sure to follow.

Self-respecting, psychologically healthy women do NOT force men into fatherhood. Self-respecting, psychologically healthy women want to be loved for themselves, not because they arm twisted a man into “doing the right thing.”

A woman who deliberately gets pregnant against a man’s wishes and/or when she senses he’s about to end the relationship is a self-centered, un-empathic, duplicitous, manipulator of the highest order. Do not be fooled by her lies that it was an accident.

Accidental pregnancies are easily remedied. A woman who honestly becomes accidentally pregnant is open to exploring options such as adoption or abortion. If it’s a healthy relationship that was leading to marriage, then the pregnancy becomes a pleasant surprise.

A woman who doesn’t consider a man’s feelings and wishes about having his baby is NOT a woman he should bind himself to legally in marriage. These women are so twisted they lie to themselves and convince themselves that they’re doing this out of “love.” This is bullsh*t.

A woman who becomes pregnant to trap you is telling you loud and clear: “I don’t care what you want. I don’t care about you. I don’t care about your feelings. I want what I want and the consequences be damned. You will do what I want whether you want to or not. This is all about me and it will always be about me.” This is not love; it is the opposite of love.

In healthy relationships between healthy adults, children are a living symbol of their union and love.

Stealing a baby from a man to force a relationship or to extort money from him has nothing to do with love. It has nothing to do with wanting to raise and nurture a child into a healthy, productive adult.

A child conceived in this way is not his/her own little person; the child is a means to an end. The child is conceived for the sole purpose of tying the father to the mother against his will. The child is a weapon. The child is created to control and hurt the father. Women who view children as objects and weapons are highly likely to be parental alienators.

These women are not good parent material. Being a parent requires selflessness at times. Tricking a man into fatherhood is a supremely selfish act. A woman who does this demonstrates, before the child is even born, that she is incapable of acting in “the best interests of the child.” How is it in any child’s best interest to be born into a family in which the father was forced into parenthood with a woman he neither loves nor wants to be with?

If this has happened to you or someone you care about please tune in and call in to share your experiences and frustrations next Tuesday night.

I am considering doing Shrink4Men’s own radio show. Paul Elam of AVFM has graciously offered to let me use his platform to do my own show before I make the financial and time commitment of my own platform. I understand some of you aren’t comfortable with the MRM, however, my appearances on AVFM are about you and the issues you struggle with in your relationships. You can use a fake name to call in, but please consider calling or Skyping in. Ladies, I would love to hear from you, too.

I’m not interested in doing a 90-minute show during which I just run my mouth. That would be too boring for words. This show is about reaching out and interacting with you more directly. If you’ve felt shy or inhibited about calling in, please know you couldn’t possibly be more nervous than I am about going on air live. I hope to hear from more of you next week!

Shrink4Men Coaching and Consulting Services:

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

About Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

Dr Tara J. Palmatier provides confidential, fee-for-service, consultation/coaching services to help both men and women work through their relationship issues via telephone and/or Skype chat. Her practice combines practical advice, support, reality testing and goal-oriented outcomes. Please visit the Shrink4Men Services page for professional inquiries.

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  • http://jmnzz.wordpress.com jmnzz

    Dr. T is my hero…just in case anyone didn’t know.

    Now you know.

    • Snark

      Yup, Dr T is great.

      • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

        You guys are much too kind. It’s easy for me to say what I say from where I sit. You all are living it. It ticks me off that my chosen profession enables what happens to men while turning a blind eye.

  • Bombay

    I was trapped as described. She is so right.

  • Eff’d Off

    Thank you Dr Tara.

    I always like what you have to say and your site is terrific. You just cannot disappoint now can you mam ?

    You inspired me to do the following cartoon and I dedicate it to you :)

    [img]http://avoiceformen.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/Manblobz preggo test1.jpg[/img]

    • Snark

      LOLOLOLOL!!!

    • Gendeau

      Is that “Dave, the crazy idiot, man-tit”?

      • Eff’d Off

        For legal reasons I am pretty Dave sure I couldn’t Dave say for sure. I’ll Dave tell you this though, if you Dave look at the activity of Dave this person you Dave refer to then maybe you can Dave draw your own conclusions Dave.

        Dave.

        • Gendeau

          Is it ‘crazy’, or ‘idiot’ that I’m not supposed to call the ‘crazy idiot’?

          I’d hate to trigger something by using the wrong trigger word. Like lovely manboob did.

          • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

            Who is “Dave?”

          • http://truthjusticeca.wordpress.com/ Denis

            Manboobz

          • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

            Okay, but who is Manboobz? Is he an actual person?

          • http://truthjusticeca.wordpress.com/ Denis

            Sorry Dr. T, he’s David Futrelle (probably, just my interpretation of Dr. Eff, y’know wink wink) who runs the manboobz site devoted to mocking mras and exposing misandry of anonymous commentators on men’s sites.

            Paul had a debate w/ him last year.

          • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

            Ahh, yes, I vaguely recall hearing mention of that.

          • Eff’d Off

            Yes, and did you know that an anagram of his name is “A vile turd fled” ?

            …and this is what he did in fact.

        • BeijaFlor

          As if I Dave a s#!+. ;)

    • Stu

      LOL

      • scatmaster

        [img]http://avoiceformen.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/06/LOL-Medeval_Soldiers.jpg[/img]

    • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

      OMG!!!! ROTFLMAO!!

  • Gendeau

    I doubt I’m a special case, so…here’s a word of caution to da menz…

    I was targetted by a popular variation:

    “Oh…I’m late” and then she watched for my response – not the one she wanted (the lying twunt).

    Look worried? Offer to do the right thing? You can bet that next time this won’t be a dry run.

    If you hear the words, drop her like a rancid, hot, putrescent potato. It may not be true this time, but it damn well will be next time if she judges you to be susceptable to ‘manning up’.

    Even if it is true, you won’t look like a good bet for her little plans for domestic heaven for her.

    Wimminz can lie, bizarre I know, but very true…trust me on this

    • Gendeau

      And this was 15-20 years ago, the legal situation for men is far worse now.

  • Stu

    I can’t wait until an affective male pill that does not have side affect is developed. This will put some power in mens hands. Women definately don’t want such a pill to become available from the tone of the conversations I’ve had and read.

  • Eff’d Off

    Putrescent. Wow, now that is a great word. I think it’s my favourite one for the time being. Definitely toon material.

    putrescent [pjuːˈtrɛsənt]
    adj
    1. becoming putrid; rotting
    2. characterized by or undergoing putrefaction
    [from Latin putrescere to become rotten]

    • Gendeau

      You’re welcome…think nothing of it mate.

      I always think of it in a piscine context…tuna mostly (for some reason).

      • Eff’d Off

        “Piscine…”

        Right… as in ‘Pisces’ or something ?
        Bah… now I gotta go check that one out too.

        Messing with my head eh ?
        You’re a flaming tease… a “dictionary tease”

        • Gendeau

          I love playing with words (can’t always spell ‘em though)…I’ve a veritable cornucopiea of ‘em.

          I’ve been learning another language which makes things worse – you have to be a bit more free-wheeling to drag the meaning out of a sentence that you only understand 50% of the words of. More imaginative in selecting words to speak too – the posh English words tend to work in other languages, the common ones don’t (on the whole).

          Anyway, g’night

          • Gendeau

            It’s clearly screwing my speing up too, and the wine isn’t helping. Beer isn’t a problem – I’ve run out…

          • Gendeau

            And my effing keyboard is screwed up too…

            Good night!

  • joe

    The proper term for when a woman forces a man into fatherhood by “accidentally” messing up her birth control is:

    “Predatory Pregnancy”

    Let’s please start using this term as often and as loudly as possible. Catchy phrases like this are unbelievably powerful. They get out there and no matter how hard feminists try, they can’t make people stop using them.

    • Ben

      Added to the ManLexicon!

      • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

        It’s the female version of REPRODUCTIVE COERCION. I think you guys should consider co-opting that term. I’m going to start doing it.

        Take the feminist slurs and reclaim it. All the bs terms feminists/DV orgs apply to men can actually be applied to them. When they project at you, hold up a mirror to Medusa and watch her turn to stone when faced with her own ugliness.

        Just a suggestion. Also, they really don’t like it when you do that in case you need more incentive to do so.

    • BeijaFlor

      How about “Pregnanscam”?

      “Late, she says? I’ll bet she’s pregnanscamming you, buddy.”

      • BeijaFlor

        Or “pregnantrapment.”

  • Operation Opt-Out

    Dr.T, you are a class act!!!

  • http://huntingforarchetypes.blogspot.com Factory

    I hope Dr T’s show takes off, and she has a slot alongside Paul. And I hope a PUA or two decides a radio talk show would be a great idea…

    I’m just sayin’

    • Gendeau

      Very nice idea

    • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

      Actually, we are working toward assisting Dr. T with her own show as a part of an emerging AVfM Radio Network. We have 3 hours per day, seven days a week of programming time available.

      I would like to eventually expand the original show to three times a week and that would leave time for Dr. T and two others to have weekly shows.

      • Gendeau

        Now THAT sounds like a plan.

        The time zone thing means that listening live is a problem, but I haven’t missed a show by download.

      • Ben

        I want to see the Howard Hughes come back from the dead, buy the Los Vegas televsion stations once again, take control over their programming, and play AVFM Network and Dr. Tara’s shows constantly like he did in the 1950s.

      • keith

        http://fatherist.wordpress.com/

        An opinion piece on fathering, If I could Dr. T I’d like to link this article to it.

        • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

          Keith, is this your blog?

          • keith

            Yes. It’s something I started to think about and work on. The concept is to step out of the political and into the personal. Ideally men nurture better when they learn to nurture themselves.

          • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

            Would you like a link to it from the home page here?

          • keith

            Absolutely, eventually as I start to roll, I’ll be asking to link to this site and others.

          • http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

            Just let me know when you are ready and I will make it happen.

      • Rog

        i like this very much think large no femnazi censors and under the control of somone to whom the message is more important than the advertising!

  • zuismanm

    I have seen studies, that says, that in Russia around 45% are result of blackmail from female side, using “accidental” pregnancy. One on main advises in such situation is – to not surrender and marry her… Since according to same studies in plenty of such cases pregnancy is … faked. Many females lie that they are pregnant to force male to marry them… For female that take pills some 10 years , many times it is not so simple to get pregnant….

    • Adam

      Could you please find the link to this study?
      I think it would help convince any passersby that this is not a Western countries problem but a true global phenomenon.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAmOxvudpF8 Ray

    Dr. T. and Paul on a AVoiceforMen, taking listener call ins about stresses in men’s lives, resulting from men living under the boot heel of the gender feminist nanny state… Hmm… That’s a more exciting premise than Dr. Jennifer Melfi and Tony Soprano having a dialogue about the stresses of the waste disposal business. ;-) Tape the show and sell it to HBO. :-)

    • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAmOxvudpF8 Ray

      “taking listener call ins about stresses in men’s lives, resulting from men living under the boot heel of the gender feminist nanny state…”

      Okay, the gender feminist, nanny state creates the arena for men and women in the gender war, some of the weapons used in the arena are: “Accidental” pregnancies, entrapment, and children.

      Sometimes late at night, when writing, metaphors and similes fade from the creative consciousness into a more dream like state. Zzzz.

  • Avi

    Dr T., you are really giving me back some of the confidence I used to have in the clinical psychologists in the past. I am a psychologist myself, though I chose to specialize in behavioral research rather than clinical work. That decision came about, in part, due to the realization that a clinician’s job is a pretty thankless endeavor, unless he or she chooses to go about it Dr. Phill – style: http://www.youtube.com/user/thehappymisogynist#p/u/74/JT7_5PQACG8, in which case there is at least a financial incentive. It seems to me that most clinicians choose the latter option to a greater or lesser degree. You are one of the all too few exceptions, and you’re doing a great job.

  • Nancy

    Ah, but now the feminists are claiming that it is MEN who are forcing pregnancy on women. They are calling it “reproductive coercion” and doing studies to support this asinine assumption. You can see an mra breakdown of one of these studies here on youtube:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKXVcUSBKH4

    Three studies are examined. The reproductive coercion study is the second one and starts at about 3:33. The other two are also worth watching. The vid shows how the feminists have tweaked the numbers, the questions, the media etc in obtaining false data that is then broadcast out to an unknowing public.

    Truly unbelievable.

    • Mr. J

      Yep, feminists are free to “tweak” and lie all they want because most men are too engulfed and obsessed with “professional” sports and car races to call them on it or to do anything to counter it.

      Been that way for decades.

    • http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

      “Oops,” I really should read all the way through the comments before replying.

      Guess what. Men and women commit the same bad behaviors. Therefore, women commit reproductive coercion, too. And, perhaps this is my bias, but I believe female perpetrated reproductive coercion is a heckuva lot more rampant in WESTERN culture (don’t want the same guy from Paul’s Ultimate Men’s Summit writing in/calling in to tell us the answer to the west’s gender wars is helping third world women) than male perpetrated reproductive coercion.

      Even if a man deliberately impregnates a woman, it’s legally her choice to carry the baby to term or give it up for adoption. Men don’t have this choice. Ever.

      • Ben

        You would think that people would be willing to listen to a female psychiatrist on this matter, of all people. When I get backed in a corner for mentioning that men need more rights, I often bring up your name and it has absolutely no impact on them. That has all the signs of brainwashing. My roommate moved out and now I get dozens of women’s magazines that were for his girlfriend. I read several articles on this just to see what women are reading today about men. These articles concerning this were some of the most sexist and bigoted I have ever read.

      • Nergal

        When you think about it, how the hell could a man reproductively coerce a woman?

        It’s completely impossible.

        He can’t force her to take birth control pills or not, he can’t force her to have an abortion or not.

        A woman,however,CAN force a man to become a father against his wishes.

        In the second place, why IN THE HELL would a man force a woman to push out an 18 year liability FOR HIM? A liability that,in fact, can cause him to be removed from his own hme and his wages garnished.

        That’s like police investigating a murder scene and going “Yep,there’s definitely a motive here. This person was gonna pay off his IRS debts if that guy didn’t kill him and now that he’s dead, the guy owes the government 100 grand. He killed this man so he’d have to spend the next 18 years paying the government this money.”

        I don’t remember who said it, some famous sociopath,but a guy once said something like “I fear that others might do the things I do to them to me.”.

        I think that’s true with this whole reproductive coercion thing. Women are mystified that men haven’t done the same cruel shit to them that they do to men, but the reality is that if a man has a beef with someone, he just shoots them, he doesn’t go through this whacky Rube Goldberg revenge scheme crap like chicks are wont to do.

        Men prefer cutting Gordian Knots, not tying them.

        • BeijaFlor

          “I fear that others might do the things I do to them to me.”

          Wow. What a convoluted statement. And a perfect explication of the sociopathic mentality.

          Goes along with the Chicago Golden Rule – ‘Do unto others BEFORE they do unto you.’

  • http://avoiceformen.com Tom

    Great Satire: Who be my baby’s daddy?
    http://minibytes.mondominishows.com/daddy/main.asp

  • wmnluvr

    Although some women behave this way all do not! And the same can be said for men raping, beating and emotionally abusing women yeah some do but not all men. The way this is written is just bashing a whole gender based on the actions of few.

    • http://avoiceformen.com Manuel Dexter

      @wmnluvr – some women are like that, but not all, some men are like that, but not all – yeah okay – pretty standard NAWALT argument. However, the issue your rebuttal does not address is that the system of the family courts, along with regular criminal courts, government and media – all these systems act to incentivize and to subsidize legal entrapment of men through the reproductive rights of women and the complete lack of reproductive rights of men. Individuals ( of whatever biological demographic ) will take advantage, and victimize and exploit others when a system is set up to incentivize it. The widespread public denial of this systematically tilted field of legal rights is the problem, and claiming “not all women are like that” is a denial of the scope and depth of an issue best described with words like apartheid and slavery.

      Also : to quote you: “men raping, beating and emotionally abusing women”
      This implies rape, abuse and emotional abuse are a sexually directional issue – men abusing women. This is a flatly false portrayal of the problem, sexual assault, physical and verbal abuse are pathological behaviors practiced by both sexes with no significant weighting of one sex or the other as principal offender (except when the victims are children, where women are the leaders of the field). Whether your characterization reflects your genuine misunderstanding of the issue – or whether its deliberate, I don’t know, but the comment cant pass unremarked.

  • kamarasune

    While it is a given that this does happen I find it odd that little is ever mentioned when men do the same thing to trap a woman like refusing to use a rubber or break them, take advantage of the situation if she had been drinking, poke holes in her diaphragm (yes this has happened) or mess with her birth control pills.