AVfM Radio: Think with the big head


Please join us Monday, April 9, 2012 at 8pm EST when Paul Elam of AVoiceforMen and Dr Tara Palmatier of Shrink4Men will discuss the merits of thinking with your big head instead your “little head” and your lower brain. Too many otherwise intelligent men get themselves into trouble by choosing romantic partners based solely upon physical attraction and sabotage potentially good relationships or stay in bad ones out of fear.

Physical attraction is important, but if what lies beneath the surface is ugly and incredibly damaged, you’re not using your big head. If you sacrifice your self-respect and integrity to please a woman, you’re using your little head. If you sacrifice your self-respect and integrity because you believe you can’t live without some woman, you’re using your lower or “reptilian” brain because you’re allowing fear to guide your behavior.

We’ll also discuss how to engage both your reason and emotion in your relationships with women. Reason and emotion do not have to be antagonists and making proper use of both is one path toward having more satisfying relationships.

As always, the phone lines will be open, so if you have a story about allowing your little head or lower brain to do the thinking for you or how you’ve been able to get your self-respect in alignment with what you will and will not tolerate in a partner, give us a call at +1 310 388 9709.



About Dr. Paul & Dr. T

Dr. Paul and Dr. T have joined forces to bring the red pill truth to the brain washed world of blue pill men. They bring reality - to comfort the disturbed, and disturb the comfortable.

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  • Merlin

    Looking forward to this show…should be a good one and I will be tuning in for sure. Good luck to the Doctors.

    • Dr. F

      It was a great show Wizard,

      No need to thank me as your good words really should go to the other doctors instead.

  • kiwihelen

    I made the big mistake when I got with my crazy ex that sex equals love, and that because he wanted to have sex with me he loved me. Nope…he wanted to get his leg over, and unlike so many of the nice guys I had been dating before, he had no issues about wanting to make a first time a good time for a woman.

    So even women can make the mistake of thinking with the wrong bit of anatomy.

    I’ve since learned that the whole oxytocin bonding thing that happens when you share orgasms with someone is a big mind f#ck and will lead to some dumb decisions unless you are aware.

    With my SO, it was MONTHS before we even snogged…and by the time we got it on, we knew each other really well and I must say the sex was mind-blowingly good…I finally got what the phrase “making love” was all about.

    I would give one bit of advice to anyone about the whole sex/love conundrum. Being sexy is about attitude rather than looks. Being comfortable with yourelf and understanding your own pleasure is part of being healthy. Look for someone with the right attitude, who respects your boundaries and who takes care of their own sexual needs, rather than pressuring you into early intimacy.

    • Cumbria

      Well said, kiwihelen!

    • Otter

      “Being sexy is about attitude rather than looks.”

      I must disagree. I believe that a woman’s “sexiness” is predicated almost entirely on her looks. Although I do hear this “attitude over looks” argument from women alot and I must say that it strikes me as projection.

      • Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

        I respectfully disagree. I have witnessed plenty of men panting after not especially attractive women (although, there’s no accounting for personal taste). These women project an aura of being “hot shit” and “you should be so lucky” and many men chase after them.

        • Otter

          Wutup doc? Hey you’re the expert I suppose. Personally although I find kind hearted, open and optimistic women to be magnetic and fun to be around, I could care less what a woman acts like or talks like or even what she believes in when it comes down to whether I want to *&^% her. That just boils down to cold hard math: ass, hips, waist, breasts, face, golden ratios calculated in the blink of an eye.

      • kiwihelen

        Otter, I believe that sex appeal is mental regardless of gender. Whether or not we think someone is sexually appealing is dependent on our primary and secondary socialisation. Some of us have more complex “love maps” than others.

        My SO is so far from having conventional masculine version of beauty (according to what I see of the media presenting men) he spent most of his teens and 20s being chatted up by gay men, but he is one of the most masculine men I have ever met, and one of the most comfortable with his sexuality as well. I find him pretty damn hot!

        It would take a fair day with a following wind to get me scoring a 6/10 in most men’s eyes, but for my SO, I am one of the sexiest women alive.

        To look at the two of us, you would see two small, slim dark haired people in their 40s…and it doesn’t matter to either of us if you find us sexy or not!

        • Otter

          “Whether or not we think someone is sexually appealing is dependent on our primary and secondary socialisation. Some of us have more complex “love maps” than others.”

          I’ll buy that. In my personal experience though every single one of my guy friends (myself included) would bang a chick based solely on her looks. I think the way she looks, sounds, and even smells trumps any sort of mental “sexiness.” Granted I probably wouldn’t bang an obviously insane chick but who knows if she looked hot enough I might. I’d say the mental aspect only accounts for about 5% of how attractive a woman is.

          • Paul Elam

            Hi Kiwihelen.

            Just wanted to welcome you to posting here. I know you give a lot of support over at Dr. T’s forum, and want you to know that it is appreciated and needed.

            Thank you for coming to comment here as well.


      • Sting Chameleon

        Indeed, they’re the ones who’re attracted to certain behavior patterns and believe we’re wired the same way.

        Of course, no one likes a loudmouthed, obnoxious harridan.

    • Sting Chameleon

      Uh, thanks for the advice Grandma.

  • Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

    I’m looking forward to tonight’s program, too. Touch wood it will go well.

    • Cumbria

      The shows have been fantastic!

    • kiwihelen

      I find live radio exhausting, I occasionally do interviews for local radio and even the short slots have me wondering where I am going to get energy to get through the rest of the day!

      The shows have been so interesting…I’ve been using them to exercise to!

  • Perseus

    Wooohooo, intro song .. so good ..

    • Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

      I know. It makes me want to toss back a pint, clap my hands over my head and stomp my feet.

  • Perseus

    ManWomanTruth !! Sweet!

  • Turbo
  • DruidV

    Where were you two when I was an adolescent?

    This is invaluable stuff that I’m sure we all could have stood to hear, when we wore younger Mens’ clothes.

    No use crying over spilled whatever though, because all of this wisdom and more will be passed on to my 7 year old son.

    That is no threat, it is a simple fact.

    If he can in any possible way avoid all the shit I went thru at the whims of femalians, then that more than makes up for being thrown to the (she)wolves by my own “role models”, whose best advice to me about femalians was “Don’t piss her off!!!”

    There will be no case of history repeating with my son, I assure him, you and myself of that!

    God bless you both, Dr.s P&T!!!

    I hope you both realise how many lives you have already saved and more importantly how many more you will save in the future.

    Yours is the superior!


    • Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

      I’m touched by your words, Druid. Thank you.

  • DruidV

    Also, when it comes to “hot chicks”, I am one of those rare Males (I presume) who has always avoided them. (Running away like my ass was on fire, in fact)

    I learned early (middle school, or to really date myself, junior high) how they all (every last damn one of ’em) act. Even then they were too HM and as time has gone by, these types (usually young, blonde and stacked) have become even more expensive and difficult to maintain.

    Plain Jane sometimes has her advantages (although, she too is starting to cop that butt-ugly “hottie” attitude, anymore).

    • Kimski

      I used to deliberately go after the Plain Janes, ’cause the pretty ones would be left standing there with an open mouth, trying to figure out why they were being completely ignored. Then they would try to backstap me verbally to the Plain Janes, and when the PJ’s finally caved in, the lookers would then come on to me at the first chance they got. So much for being loyal to your ‘best friend’.
      It was a win-win every time, if you didn’t want to be in a steady relationship.