End of rope

An open response to troubled men

I have just received another email from yet another man who is getting screwed over by a dishonest, manipulative ex-wife using a horrifically corrupt Western family law system to hurt him; another man getting his name dragged through the mud; another man losing his children, property and income for no valid reason; another man who never dreamed that men could face such injustice until it happened to him, wrecking his life; another man out of the hundreds I have heard from in the blue pill void, reaching out to AVfM after a hard time and a frantic search on the internet using keywords like divorce, child support and “men’s rights.”

These emails always leave me fumbling for a polite, supportive way to tell them they are fucked and that there is no help. These men write me because they think I am an expert on the system they are up against, and to some degree I suppose I am, so I don’t much relish writing them back with the news that there are no answers that don’t involve knee pads, copious amounts of Vaseline and platitudes like “survive to fight another day.”

I think perhaps, I have been struggling with the wrong issues when replying to these men. Perhaps there is something else I should be saying; some other words of wisdom that I could try to impart to help them address the very real problems they face directly at the source. How about I just say what really needs to be said?

Like, fuck you.

Like, tough shit.

Like, go fucking bother someone else with your problems.

I’m quite serious.

It is not that I wish any ill will on these men. I most certainly do not. Indeed, these men are a huge part of the reason that I spend 12+ hours a day, seven days a week doing this work. I wish them no harm at all, and I think I am at least as aware of their struggles as anyone else – even more than most.

I am also aware that many of the men who support this movement got here from similar circumstances. Our comments are crowded with men who have had it all taken from them, and who were then beat mercilessly for not being able to bleed any more after being bled out.

We have thousands of readers come here every day, most of them men. It is easy enough to infer that most of them have either been directly affected by these problems or know other men who have.

How many men any more can say they don’t know anything is wrong in the system? But how many men still stuff their fat fucking faces with cheese covered wacky fries and cruise sports channels on the big screen every day without lifting a finger? How many of these men at one point or another in their lives have stared into the utter destruction of a friend’s, or even a brother’s life, as it was happening, then looked at their watches and made noise about what time the game was coming on?

I will tell you how many — a fuck-ton of them; enough of them that at some point or another some of those indifferent, selfish assholes end up in my inbox pleading for guidance, legal help and financial assistance; looking desperately for someone or something to save them.

It is enough to make me want to hit “delete” and turn on a fucking ball game.

Here is the deal, and with this I give you the no holds barred truth about me and where I am today after years of bloodying my forehead on a brick wall.

I’m tired.

I am not wearing down or ready to quit, but I am honestly, genuinely tired. I am tired of seeing a handful of men and women fight for a cause that should include millions. I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them.

We will keep doing this no matter what. I can tell you personally that I will keep fighting this shit till my dying breath, and I know that many of the good men and women working with me feel the same way.  Personally, I have no other clue what to do with myself. But the longer I am at this, the less patience I have with dead weight, those who think AVFM is a fucking source of entertainment, or a life preserver for when the tables finally, inevitably turn against them.

In a way, I feel even worse now for most of the men who will make contact with AVfM looking for that lifeline. Unless their story is one that has the potential for me to exploit and gain media attention to THE CAUSE, then all I will have for them is a link to this article.

Well, and perhaps this piece of advice.

If the system has ruined your life, join the club. You are now in the ranks of men you have ignored your whole life. My advice to you is simple. Take your fucking quietly and with grace. Expect the same compassion you have always extended to those men who wore the shoes you are now wearing.

If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.

You want help? At least prove yourself worthy of it. There were millions of men totally fucked over before you showed up asking for the world to stop around your problems.

Face it. You did nothing to help them. You didn’t even care.

Quit asking for things and become part of the solution. You obviously still have internet. Spend the next few days reading through this site. Study the men and women who are actually doing things, and fucking find something to do to help.

Your life as you know it is probably over. Turn that fact into part of the solution, turn it into a way to fight back, or turn your ass somewhere else.

About Paul Elam

Paul Elam is the founder and publisher of A Voice for Men, the founder of A Voice for Men Radio, the AVfM YouTube Channel, and appears weekly on AVFM Intelligence Report, Going Mental with Dr. Tara Palmatier and monthly on MANstream Media with Warren Farrell and Tom Golden.

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  • http://www.hollismusic.com David Messner

    Tough love, but still love. Before I read this, I was over at CNN.com getting my daily beating and I saw this story:

    http://www.cnn.com/2013/03/22/living/son-do-not-rape-steubenville/index.html?hpt=hp_bn11

    Lets make this Spring Fundraising Drive here at AVfM a great one.

    • Disorderly Conduct

      Those comments have renewed my faith in the MSM.
      http://i47.tinypic.com/2zqzk35.jpg
      Here’s a screen cap of the first few, including a decent rundown of rape and gender roles, and a comment accusing CNN of changing the title from “Raising a boy not to be a rapist” and deleting objecting comments. Another example of blatant misandry surfacing in the MSM, and then getting beaten down and thrown out by the internet.

      There’s a few statistics in there just waiting to have their bunk removed if anyone wants a go. Remember, ACS ALWAYS CITE SOURCES!!!!

      • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

        This is proof of #3 in my latest blog, that Rape Culture Cultists overplayed their hand with this Steubenville case. It’s one thing to see that these 2 young rapists (and they were rapists, let’s be clear) get their due. But they use these cases to browbeat men into self-loathing, to paint these as more than aberrant criminality, but a symptom of how “normal” and “accepted” rape is among boys. That is when we come in and not only call”bullshit” but ask these same zealots in the sports community why they did not demand the arrest of Crystal Mangum, the Duke accuser, before she murdered her boyfriend Reginald Daye. Why Traci Tapp, Bengals Cheerleader Sarah Jones, and now the Tennessee cheerleader are not part of the true “rape culture” of pussy entitlement. There is cross pollinization here.Dave Zirin, a sports columnist forThe Nation who also appears on ESPN, is an Amanda Marcotte acolyte. I’ve gone on his page when he used the Pistorius case to talk about a “Global Death Cult Of Misogyny,”but nothing about his heroine Chamique Holdsclaw shooting into her exes’ car and smashing it with a bat. I could use some help in the sports community, where “feminism as flouride” is a spreading infection. It’s one area that caters to men, yet Jemele Hill feels free to say the same thing this morning on ESPN as CNN said. There is a opportunity, and people willing to listen,tired of being beaten over the head but have no understanding of the other side,so they just capitulate.

      • Poester99

        They’re censoring like crazy there. Don’t expect a good counter argument to stay up long.

      • http://www.avoiceformen.com/activism-page/karma/ KARMA MRA MGTOW

        The MSM will never be our friend.

    • Alek

      The biggest enemy of feminism is feminists. The only major reason feminism will be destroyed is because of the backlash they trigger by going too far and not knowing when to stop (i.e. overplaying their hand).

    • rizkann

      DO NOT defend a False Charge instead COUNTER ATTACK ON NUMEROUS FRONTS WITH EVEN MORE SERIOUS CHARGES, Back it up with witness(however it may be).

      If you have Witness on your side no Verdict from the Courts can go against you.

      According to the Law of Attraction in Meta Physics, Anything that you focus on with Energy Expands.

      When you defend a false charge you are concentrating a lot a energy into the false charge expanding it and thereby making it Real.

      You Must Win the game of the Mind to win the War.

      If False Feminists, False Accusers, Oppressors, Exploiters defeat you with Despair in your Mind quoting the Laws against you, If you succumb to this Despair they have conquered your Mind & You have already Lost the war in the Beginning.

      If your mind is constantly fearing and focusing energy on promotion of fear that something bad is gonna happen, sooner or later something bad will happen, because our Life and Lifestyle would be according to the dominant thought patterns in our mind over a prolonged period of time,

      As we know What we focus our energies on Willingly or Unwillingly Expands, We know that we cannot control our thoughts but can feel the feelings of What We Want in Reality.

      We know that our focus on Despair and Fear of Laws makes it Larger than Life and the other hand if we focus our Minds on Positive Outcomes and work towards it we are bound to be successful on any of our Mission sooner or later.

      Pro Men’s Groups and Pro Family Organisation must Turn the Fear and Despair of being Oppressed into feelings of Positive Outcomes and filling the Mind of our members with Clear Cut Vision of what we want.

      The Power of Intense Belief will work its Magic on Our Life Mission and Objectives.

      Laws are made for a Psychological Control of the Mind and Rightfully so,
      No Law in the World can stop a Determined Unison of Minds seeking a Positive Outcome,
      If you Fear that Certain Laws are Exploiting you, Voice your Concern, But don’t let it Subjugate your Will and Determination to Succeed and be Enslaved to Anyone.
      You have the Ability to Love or Cause Harm in a Hundred Ways where Laws have No Meaning.
      Always Remember Wars are fought in the Mind First before the Sword.

    • rizkann
  • KeanoReeves

    I agree with you, Sir. However, from the time that a guy is fucked by the system till the time he realizes how he has been screwed is atleast 2 years. Thats the truth.

    As outsiders who see someone get screwed, we are not able to correlate the screwing with the system. We feel it is bad luck – because the screwing is so subtle and yet gross.

    My 2 cents

  • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

    Paul, thanks for an outstanding article, which resonated very deeply with me. I have well-off ‘supporters’ who expect me to devote time every week to lengthy email exchanges on whatever’s bugging them – although I’m invariably only repeating material from my books and articles, and sometimes tell them so – but when I ask them for a donation for the party, from which I personally earn £0.00 p.a., ANY donation, they say they’ll ‘think about it’. In future I’ll send them the link to your article, saving maybe 10+ hours a week, and reducinge my blood pressure.

    Last week I had a donation of £170 from a man, and I asked (as I always do with donors) what had prompted him to make a donation. He’d nearly been broken by the system, and is still hanging on by his fingertips. It was ony after a few email exchanges that he revealed the sum was his weekly income. How I didn’t forward that little nugget of information to my well-off supporters who are still ‘thinking about it’, I’ll never know. Maybe I will now.

    The MHRM doesn’t need keyboard warriors. It needs people who will ‘put up’ in some practical way – in ANY way, including financial – or shut up. What will keyboard warriors say in coming years, when their damaged sons and grandsons ask them what they did to fight the scourge of feminism? Will they say proudly, ‘I typed out my opinions almost every day’?

    I hope there’s a beer in the fridge…

    Mike Buchanan

    JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
    (and the women who love them)

    http://j4mb.wordpress.com

    • Bombay

      While I appreciate your view, we also need key board warriors, but not ones that want something more than play that role. This site’s rankings are very important in our fight for rights.

    • http://gloriusbastard.com/ JJ

      Face it. You did nothing to help them. You didn’t even care.

      Quit asking for things and become part of the solution. You obviously still have internet. Spend the next few days reading through this site. Study the men and women who are actually doing things, and fucking find something to do to help.-PE

      Honestly, I don’t think that everyman can be faulted for not joining the MHRM, even if he is going through a divorce. Honestly, what if he/she was doing something for another charity or noble movement? No one can be all things to all people! However, I agree with you; if you can’t do, give!

      Eventually, people wake up to it. Whether it is personal, themselves or a loved one they know; or they just happen to fall into to it.

      For me, I noticed a lot of feminism; but it never truly dawned on me until it happened to me; and even then I was totally incapable of articulating my experience. Let alone articulating it the way I can now.

      I love the article PE, I do; and I don’t fault your point of view as many men who are going through this are suffering a merely knee jerk reaction to the pain; and will eventually just pay their support and move on.

      So, I am actually not disagreeing with you or Mike here.

      I was however going to say that maybe the few men who did actually work, then came home to family, and maybe did give to charity should get a pass; then I thought about it and realized that still, if they are not going to help themselves then they are still no use to us outside of some keyboard warrior ops.

      Yet still; many men are still white knighted in their indoctrination; and their experience is the eye opener like Neo in the Matrix. Essentially, they run into Mr./Ms. Smith for the first time; and boom, they meet their Morpheus event. I chose the red pill before it happened to me; I just never felt I needed to delve deeply into it as the material you present here was not this readily available. Also, I was in and out of deployments. Taking a day of leave off to sit in family court was the least thing on my mind. I saved every day I had for family visits back then.

      Yet, I can’t argue with you because ultimately we can only trust those we can rely on. If those who are too downtrodden by their pain can’t help us; we should provide a resource or two that at least helps guide them through the emotional process so that they don’t become a statistic; but at least know the door is open for them to be a “good soldier” for the cause when they start to identify themselves again outside of the feminist darkness, and into the light of who they actually are in their own identity.

      It is a process to deal with such pain, and if memory serves correct, it took me a long time to get over it; as my identity was strong identified with family. I was unprepared to cope with the ordeal as it was. Even as it is sometimes I still struggle. Seven years later, and after being released a year ago I just feel comfortable starting something at a college like the NCFM thing. It takes time; perhaps putting men on blast this soon is a tad harsh; yet I have not dealt with it like the two of you have. So, I guess I am more asking then arguing?

      It is truly overly taxing on a man’s mind to deal with the horrific excuse for justice euphemistically called “Family Courts” in our land and others throughout the West! I see your points; but I am not as sure as you that telling them this is what I would do. Of course, after a couple decades of making it my life’s mission; maybe I would be worse? LOL

      • Near Earth Object

        “For me, I noticed a lot of feminism; but it never truly dawned on me until it happened to me; and even then I was totally incapable of articulating my experience. Let alone articulating it the way I can now.”

        Ditto!

    • rizkann

      Mass Revolutions of the Day begin with the keyboard using the most important tool of today’s influence which is the Mass Internet Media as was the case in many recent revolutions.

      We do not need en-mass numbers, We need to take the approach of the Guerrilla force which would pale in comparison to an Organised Army, but which can puncture the most vulnerable areas within today’s False Feminism and their Vicious Lies. We need to Strike with force where Feminism has its weakest defense eg. (Rendering 71% our children with single or no parents within our Western Family system)
      Pro Men group should organize for an Industry or Franchise(We have excellent ideas) which brings in the much needed revenue than counting on donations. We would be have an abundance of fish or revenue for Pro Men Activities than counting on where the next fish or revenue would come from.

      Efficient smart organised keyboard warriors with team leaders working towards a goal along with organised foot soldiers or commando team(what ever we may call it) is the immediate need of the day.

      Laws are made for a Psychological Control of the Mind and Rightfully so,
      No Law in the World can stop a Determined Unison of Minds seeking a Positive Outcome,
      If you Fear that Certain Laws are Exploiting you, Voice your Concern, But don’t let it Subjugate your Will and Determination to Succeed and be Enslaved to Anyone.
      You have the Ability to Love or Cause Harm in a Thousand Ways Against the Oppressor where Laws have No Meaning.
      Always Remember Wars are fought in the Mind First before the Sword.

    • epoche

      I heard some of your interviews mike, you were pretty good. I was going to donate online but I dont know about the exchange rates. Could you do a talk in show where we could call you?

      • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

        Epoche, thanks for the support. If you pay by PayPal, credit card or debit card (link below) the sum will be converted into sterling automatically.

        http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com/donate/

        Could you please email me directly re the radio interview mb1957@hotmail.co.uk? Thanks.

    • All Contraire

      I’m seriously curious about the power dynamics in society today. I assume you’re speaking about asking well-off men for contributions. Have you tried charming their wives (the real power now?) for support?

  • Bombay

    And from experience, even if you do give them advise they will not take it. These people want their problems to magically disappear. And if/when their problems are resolved, you do not hear from them again.

  • http://www.shrink4men.com/ Dr. Tara J. Palmatier

    I get many similar emails and my heart sinks when I read about each individual case of carnage, fear and despair.

    It’s an ugly truth, but the reality is if you are a man entering into the wood chipper of family court, unless you are very, very lucky, very well-prepared, in control of your emotions and behaviors at all times, have a good attorney (i.e., an attorney who gets it — women as the family terrorist), win family court judge lotto (i.e., a judge who gets it), have a decent amount of resources, have documented everything for at least 2 years while managing not to have a false DV (or worse) claim leveled against you, have an ex who is overt in her abuses and are willing to stop being a nice guy and start being a smart guy, you will suffer serious damage and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.

    Most of the time, men inquire about my counseling services after they’re already in the hurt locker. In these cases, I focus on helping men dig their way out of mistakes they’ve already made (e.g., poor choice of attorney, accepting a plea for a false dv claim and agreeing to a litany of others things not in their or their children’s best interests), fighting their own nature to be “good guys,” and to make use of what supports they have and do their best to take care of their physical and emotional health and rebuilding after the legal wrangling is over.

    The men who seek my services before filing seem to fare better. I can help them prepare and strategize, but nothing is foolproof. There are just too many moving parts in the divorce/custody machine. You can do everything right and still get screwed over by a biased and/or corrupt judge, GAL, evaluator et al.

    I’ve seen the system work as it is supposed to work, and the good guy and the kids “win,” but it seems like those cases are the exception and not the rule. Most clients have to fight hard for 50/50 custody and the ones who get more are because there is no denying how batshit crazy and malevolent the ex is – even to the most golden uterus worshipping judge.

    The reality is there is nothing any one person can do to help a man or a woman who is being brutalized by a sociopathic ex and equally sociopathic and corrupt family court. The only thing that will universally help, one hopes, is legislative reform and that won’t happen until the parasites who are profiting off the current system start being held accountable (appropriately and legally) through public exposure, awareness raising and activism.

    • All Contraire

      Is there an organization or listing of professionals supporting men’s rights to which Paul and others wanting to help can refer men in need of assistance?

      • OneHundredPercentCotton

        Q: “These emails always leave me fumbling for a polite, supportive way to tell them they are fucked and that there is no help”.

        • All Contraire

          Yet there is, as I see and admire it, your own example of overcoming a difficult background and adversity by your bootstrap efforts, hard work and smarts, becoming independent-minded and obviously well educated, and building a successful life.

          Anyway, I deeply distrust the social workers who are pouring out of college SJ Departments now imbued with Feminist group-think and a passion to transform the world to their misandrous ideology. They represent the expanding contagion of the DV Industry model where employees regard their work as both just a boring paycheck and yet also affording exciting opportunities to evangelize by empowering and converting women and shaming and subordinating men.

          To yet again mangle Reagan’s warning about Big Government:

          “Hi, I’m Cindy from Social Services and I’m here to help you.

          Worship ME…

          • Near Earth Object

            “social workers”

            Today, more like ‘antisocial workers’, than not.

            And teachers, the self-proclaimed “change-agents”…change is neither—inherently—good nor bad, but too much change in too short a period of time = distress.

      • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan
        • All Contraire

          Thank you for your reply. Sad and revealing, but not surprising . . . and depressing that it’s not.

  • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

    That hurt to read. Because it’s true.

    I’ve been out there talking about and working on these issues, writing, counseling men, going to group meetings, volunteering my time, calling or writing politicians, for years, only to face stony silence and indifference from most people, and others who cheerfully accept my help but then when it’s their turn to give something back disappear.

    This shit is going on all around you. It’s been going on for years. Now you just realized it’s you who’s getting fucked over and you want help. Great. Well you can get a supportive ear, maybe, but unless you’re willing to put your back to the vehicle and help fucking push, you’re actually getting in my way.

    Some months ago I had a guy who was desperate for help actually start swearing and cursing at me and calling me a liar and not a real men’s advocate because I had to break it to him that I literally had no way of helping him except maybe point him to some forums that could help him with emotional support. Because I didn’t have any other answers for him. He swore at me, called me names, accused me of being a faker, a charlatan, and not a “real” men’s advocate.

    I still didn’t have it in me to say “fuck you, where have you been all these years when it was just me and a handful of other people who barely gave a shit, some of whom quit in exhaustion or quit because they were harassed into silence or just gave up, psychologically broken?”

    There is only one solution: the men’s human rights movement. That’s it pal. It’s all you’re gonna get. Get involved, figure out how you can help, and maybe, maybe we can figure a way to help you; more likely the best you can do is help it from happening to someone else.

    I really hate “if you’re not a part of the solution you’re part of the problem” reasoning, but god damn it. I put well over 40 hours a week into this, and that’s on top of my day job and while squeezing in family time. What are you doing?

    • http://salientsight.com/ergot/ Limeywestlake (Neil Westlake)

      Yeah, Dean, I had the good fortune to come into contact with one of these guys recently, one who started to turn on the histrionics when he found out that I could not a.) give him money or b.) access free legal help for him.

      Paul is right: they can go and fuck themselves. They are selfish assholes. On several occasions they have quizzed me as to why I am an MHRA – ESPECIALLY when they find out that I have NOT been ‘burned personally,’ or had my kids taken away, etc. Yes, they cock their heads and look at me as if I am deranged or something.

      The fact is I am an MHRA precisely because THE POLITICAL IS NOT THE FUCKING PERSONAL.

      It is not about me. However, it is is about the guy I see sleeping on the street, shivering to death; it is about the little boys I see internalizing gender shame during the school day (as a result of hateful ideologues directing their transference onto them.)

      I am a MHRA because I love men and boys.

      Most of these guys who pop up and suddenly complain about their lot in the family court are, some of the biggest ass-wipe white knights you will ever find. And once their wounds heal, it will be back to business-as-usual: back to slavering after the punani, back to telling other guys to ‘mind their language – that there are ladies present,’ (or whatever mind-numbingly boring B.S. that they are wont to come up with.)

      • Aimee McGee

        Today in the Friends Meeting I attended, there were several men who ministered about activism in response to the plight of others. It heartened me to see a 50:50 split of genders and plenty of young men. On their notice board they were advertising two men’s only groups. This was in short walking distance of a university with a women’s studies department!
        The political does not need to be personal. In fact, there is a greater risk of burnout if it is.

        • http://salientsight.com/ergot/ Limeywestlake (Neil Westlake)

          Yes, very heartening to hear. I was an attendee for many years and there was not quite that level of gender symmetry present back then.

      • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

        Neil, I accord you even more respect than usual, upon learning you’ve not been ‘burned’ personally. I wasn’t burned as far as my beautiful daughters (now in their late 20s) were concerned – ex-wife #1 was relieved to have me look after them every other weekend, and it meant the world to me to do so – but more recent events radicalised me, which I don’t want to outline here.

        I guess one challenge is to raise the consciousness of younger men as to the fate that may well be in store for them. Few of them will listen, frankly. We might hope for wealthy men to help men in trouble, but I’m reminded of the point Erin Pizzey makes about what happened after milfems took over her woman’s refuge in Chiswick. She set up a number of women’s refuges with the help of some rich (male) benefactors, then suggested to them they might fund a men’s refuge. What did these rich men collectively offer her? Yeah, you guessed right, the usual sum. £0.00.

        Man’s inumanity to man…

        • http://salientsight.com/ergot/ Limeywestlake (Neil Westlake)

          Yes, the Erin Pizzey story does make one take pause, Mike. It is a cogent fable – one that accurately reflects the strange, anti-magnetic repulsion that many men exhibited towards each other in the late 1970’s.

          I suspect that things, thankfully, are a little different these days. The ‘metrosexual, re-constructed man’ meme of the mid-nineties has left its residue on many of us – whether we like it or not. Out from that odious mythopoetic fire, stand men like myself; men who are able to express their fraternal love openly, simply because it is the just and natural thing to do (and not because they are trying to re-connect with a heroic or bardic energy.)

          It is not as ‘touchy-feely’ as it sounds, however, as I perceive that many men still have touch/ boundary issues; nevertheless, I suspect that the vulnerability that many men feel they are allowed to express inter-personally has deepened; as a result, their emotional lexicon, their octave, has increased – albeit marginally. It may be almost nothing, but for the first time in many thousands of years, it is a definite something.

          It is watching this phenomenon – essentially this ‘man’s humanity to man’ – dove-tailing along with ubiquitous reach of the internet, that gives me the slenderest skein of hope.

          Hell, it is precisely this that gets me out of bed in the morning. Without it, I do not know what I would do….

          • http://gloriusbastard.com/ JJ

            You make a cogent point. After thousands and thousands of years, men are waking up. We have been sold goods that were great, but swapped with cheap imitation many thousands of years ago.

            I have awoken to the fact that feminism, contrary to their claims is not an appeal against mass spectrum oppression of females by men; but men waking up to the fact that they are something more than mere utility; deserving of respect.

            I strongly believe, and wish I could have confronted them, that the suffragettes realized the technology that would become available, contraception, and the modern age that would propel itself off of their end of the industrial age; and it scared the hell out of them.

            The rationale had to have been that by destroying whole swaths of men and boys, females could gain control of production, and the passion of males in all it’s flavors; and rule over us. A global hegemony we are seeing now. Government did not exactly put the gold standard on it; for obvious reasons. Yet a ton of trees could be buried next to each aborted fetus since then if you catch my drift. Nothing spells communism like the replacement of gold with oak sheets.

            And yet, it is not to last. Marriage, then later in human history was chivalry; women have been pulling strings to have all the benefits of hearth and home. Simultaneously guaranteed by male disposability used as a false meme for generations. While bearing no consequences; and they expect it. Oh how the mighty Western woman has fallen. Once the vixen, as highly prized as the Spartan bride of the Ancient Mediterranean; was the “American Bombshell.”

            She was bold, truly veluptuos, stood by her man, and worked hard herself. Even men in the middle east had to have had a few pinups adorning their walls. Right on top of a Persian I’m sure. LOL

            Mental conditioning if you will, is a necessity of the hero and the tyrant alike. Much like a baby elephant incessantly touched after it has been roped to a stake in the ground. Later, when it is a monstrous animal that could rip the stake with little to no effort it naturally refuses. So it is with men as a paradigm and whole. A mob is easily satiated, and outlived when tipped past the boiling point.

            But give em a society of men who work hard, tell the truth, and fight their enemies; well, only reason and truth will guide them. Crooks have to lead the unpleasant life of frugality, a pure marriage bed, and raise their own kids on top of their tee times and hectic work lives. What are the Bill Clinton’s of the world to do?

            Men, left to themselves, and openly competing with women they only fuck, but never marry, is a surefire disaster for their future daughters and female progeny. A surrogacy of social contract never payed and maintained, only used and discarded.

            Hence many of the atrocities last century led to the induction of women into the work place. Governments needed their “little pets” to maintain their control. It is not actually that women are oppressed; but that I sense they (women and governments) realize that if men were left unchecked; we would only invent things and work, and have sex with them and that was something they could not afford without the ability to force us into a contract we would not sign on our own without some sort of brainwashing.

            Without us putting a ring on it, and no way to produce themselves this side of a brothel or home front; they viewed they would be adrift.

            Hence their movement bore radical feminism. It is institutionalized tradition of hatred bred out of chivalric submission by men married to the cackling hen mentality laziness of too many women whom were far too idle and left unchecked to themselves.

            Now, the very thing they tried to prevent, male isolationism and avoidance of traditional marriage and responsibilities; is making the down payment on the foundation of all future relationships between the sexes.

            I don’t see marriage, nor housewives in our future if feminists are left unchecked. I hope they want work as much as they claim they do; because brothels are going to have a hell of a time maintaining a steady flow of customers if the holograph meets porn video ever comes into the big time!

            The fact that many men have serious discussions about artificial wombs, porn stalls with holographs, and RISUG as savior of the Western male; has got to be humiliating. Yet how can they win in a open debate forum when they have been protecting the female variants to the exclusion of everything else?

            They can’t, and this is why we must push! If we make it to where these things become serious contentious legislation pieces in the future; society will have to take a good, long hard, and painful look at itself. The kind of look it has avoided taking since the rebuttal of the slave trade. Considering that it still won’t acknowledge the enslavement of the Irish, Scots and Picts of this country; we can only assume our society of the West will continue to balk; and fall to those who openly practice and promote all the evils our parents and grandparents of WW2 fought so hard against.

            Human nature is ugly indeed. Repeating itself as History. If God is Love itself; we are tragedy incarnate.

          • Near Earth Object

            To: JJ

            A very good read for me.
            Thanks for writing it all out.

  • Gordon Wadsworth

    Beautiful article Paul.

    Apathy is a gamble, and you shouldn’t be on the hook to counsel men who lose their bets. I feel very bad for them as I’m sure you do, but your article nails the reality of the situation.

    • Imdefender

      “Apathy is a gamble”
      I a very real sense apathy is death

  • malcolm

    100% Paul.
    How many cops are out there who have enforced unjust laws? How many lawyers have looked the other way? How many teachers just shrug their shoulders when they see something wrong? How many men just walk by homeless people pretending they don’t exist, not even time for a smile or a kind word? How many men have seen something go down in the workplace to another man and felt only relief that it wasn’t them being hung out to dry?

    Now they are in trouble and think that help is around the corner, just like that? Join the lineup pal, it’s a very, very long one, thanks in part to your own inaction. Hope you make it through.

  • Anti Idiocy

    What a fucking terrific essay/rant, Paul. I have, for several years now, felt exactly this way. I’ve gotten to the point where, if a now-former male feminist were to complain to me about being railroaded by the system for being male, I might well laugh in his face.

    I’ve been in this game for decades: writing letters to editors, going to the offices of my federal representatives (both house and senate) to discuss men’s concerns, donating to organizations such as NCFM, and just trying to talk some sense into idiots.

    Well, I’m tired too. Younger bucks are now fighting this battle, though I’m still at it in another way — helping the homeless, most of whom are men and many of whom are military vets thrown under the bus by the system that in many cases used and abused them so horribly.

    There are far too many men who not only do nothing to fight the evils known as feminism but also take whatever personal advantage they can from all the vicious misandry. Fuck ‘em. And fuck the women who were silent or complicit when the shit hits their fans.

    To an extent, at this point I’m stocking up on popcorn.

  • http://ncfathers.wordpress.com Michael Sharron

    I agree 100%, I run a small blog with every conceivable Men’s/Fathers related search term sitting smack dab on page one of the search engines in North Carolina, a readership of 1800 a day, and I get maybe 1 or 2 joining our mailing list per week. A small group is not going to be able to make changes, it requires just an hour of your day either saturating the global Internet with data, calling politicians, or whatnot. It’s very disheartening to put an effort like this site into existence and see a lot of people making comments but not actually giving financially or volunteering to blog so we can build an empire.

  • Justice

    >Perhaps there is something else I should be saying;

    Paul, you have done good work for much time. But, are you ready to listen to my wisdom yet? No amount of talking, writing, video creation, radio interviews, podcasts, etc will achieve much.

    It’s time for men to realize that women fundamentally hate men. Some may talk “equality” but will *DO* nothing. Most women hold men in great disgust and feminism has become a religion for them.

    Once when men realize this, only then will direct ACTION start to free men from the matriarchy.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/DannyboyCdnMRA Dan Perrins

      Justice,
      I down voted you because as a man who does a lot of work on the street I am finding different results.
      Perhaps a Canadian thing, but I can tell that what you claim is not the case in my backyard. I am finding about a 65/35 split. For men on the 35 side but still an improvement from say just a year ago.
      I do agree however most women and a shit ton of men are under Acme Fem & co.’s dogma.
      I point to Dr Fiamengo a former feminist who spoke up and out for men and boys on March 7 of this year. She is a single example but the most recent, there are many more. Also look on my yt channel for a video “Hamilton Ellie speaks up and out for Michael Ryan” another woman.
      Cheers,
      Dan

    • Raven01

      I accidentally up voted your comment Justice.
      I have to concur with Dan.
      At least here in Canada there is an increasing number of women that are openly supporting what we do. Sure there are still feminist trolls slavering under the bridge but, they are losing ground in the public arena and that will be followed by a loss of influence in the halls of power.

      The single biggest detriment to men is not feminism, that is but a tool. Men allowing their brothers to be treated as subhuman are the biggest problem we face.
      Refuse to allow your fellow man to be treated this way and you too will be freed.
      I cannot help but think of another man’s imagery. That of the strongest chains binding a slave being those in his mind.

    • Aimee McGee

      I certainly don’t hate men. Neither do the Honey Badgers who are part of the MHRM. None of us HAVE to be here, we choose to.
      What do I get out of this? Initially satisfaction I was doing something that might some day lead to true equality under law regardless of gender, but an unexpected consequence of being part of the MHRA has been friendships with some terrific people.
      The MSM ridicules men and many sheeples (both men and women) ignore misandry on a gross scale. It’s not hate, just ignorance.
      Every single one of us has a role in addressing ignorance – we talk to people 1:1 and highlight the issues, we signpost male victims to supportive communities such as a Shrink4Men.
      It we don’t have time, we can give money – even $5 a month adds up.
      Back to your point – not all women hate men, but your kind of post suggests you have a problem with my gender

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/DannyboyCdnMRA Dan Perrins

    Paul,
    I hear you brother I hear you.
    “I am not wearing down or ready to quit, but I am honestly, genuinely tired.”
    I hope one day that we can all retire from this gig with a Fucked Their Shit Up grin on all our faces. A cold one in my hand, perhaps a celebratory Romeo Juliet to compliment that barley sandwich.
    Until then 12 hours a day sometimes more and stay the course for me.
    Lets face it I am better at speaking (when my nerves aren’t frazzled because masked femmie terrorists are waving some stick with an irrelevant message in my face) than I am at writing.
    I spent 20+ years working with my hands and now I still work with my hands as a keyboard jockey.
    I don’t get emails so much, but I do hear the horror stories, I get face to face reports. Pictures of bruises all over his body, hand marks where she choked him. Same old police response , take her to an abused woman’s shelter pussy pass handed out without an ounce of care. Then she moved back in and slapped him with a false charge and had him removed from his house, that he paid for via the trucking industry. Last I heard the house is going to be lost, the whole family him and her as well as the kids will be living in 2 separate rented out apartments instead of a home with a backyard and some grass. If he can afford an apartment, his monetary situation isn’t that good with paying alimony and child support. I hope he has a decent sleeper in his rig. But he still has to pay, after all 1 of the kids isn’t even his but that’s OK right brownskirts. Never mind he caught her in the criminal act of adultery.
    He doesn’t want to tell his story here for fear of repercussions in his and his children’s already ripped apart lives.
    I stopped by another friends place yesterday, his words “66 times she hit me upside the head even with the phone receiver, and yet after she hit me 1 too many times (once is to many imho) and I defended myself I was arrested and charged.
    Or my friend whom I talked to last week, his ex was a real charmer, she only blocked the bathroom door. Beat on her pregnant belly screaming “I am going to tell the police you beat me and our unborn child.”
    He called his Dad his father’s advice was to head to the police station and make a report. He did and after about 10 minutes an officer came in and said I’m sorry we have to arrest you even though you are here making the complaint. Your wife called she told us a different story. 7k later the Judge tossed her allegations out. Funny the crown never held her accountable for malicious prosecution, but hey she is a woman, no agency, no responsibility for her violent crime against him or their unborn child.
    Brenda Marie’s deceased husband Paul Donnovan. Another innocent victim of this direct feminist attack on men and boys.
    Rob Goodnough his ex only owes him something like 60k in back child support payment and yet what is it the feminist dictated family responsibilities office is doing against her? Nada ,, continual pussy pass.
    I wonder if she rolled herself under the train how fast society would act to change the laws then?
    Go into any bar around here, in fact in any first world nation. give the room a pan and look for the guys just sitting there holding their drink as if it was a life preserver, the life drained from their eyes. Yup another victim of the brownskirts misandric march.
    I hear them everyday.
    I am lucky though I got Jeb and he helps me bring a smile to those folk’s faces and for a small window of time they forget, that nobody cares, and I listen.
    I tell them we are organizing. We are legion we are strong and to stand up speak out and invoke your right to equitable treatment.
    Invoke your rights as a Human.
    ‘do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against that lying feminist spite ” I paraphrase.
    Yesterday you were one, today we are two, tomorrow we are the FTSU pacifist army. Ready to hold you accountable feminists, ready willing and able to expose your words and lies to the world to see.
    Until then, in Hamilton I walk proudly and carry a big truth stick, well that and a few recording devices :D
    Cheers,
    Dan

  • OneHundredPercentCotton

    If you think nobody gives a shit about family court victims, at least be thankful the majority of the American public isn’t applauding those showing up at your front door to shoot you for it.

    “These emails always leave me fumbling for a polite, supportive way to tell them they are fucked and that there is no help.”

    That goes double for men falsely accused of rape or child abuse.

    In the 15 years I have been involved as a advocate for those falsely accused of rape and those suffering under the new Nazi era sex offender laws I have been threaten by police, or had police threaten my son, I have been “outted” online by an insane crazy lady stalker who posted my son’s information on a public forum,I’ve had my name and address publicly posted by a vigilante group “FBI Watch” as a “pedophile protector” with calls to the public to find my place of work (I’m the only person listed on the internet with my name), and worst of all – told to shut up and quit “retraumatizing” REAL victims.

    I WAS a “real” victim.

    As a person molested by a stranger as a little kid, I physically retch at the thought of “real” offenders – yet I still advocate for them.

    I’ve been called and accused of every horrific thing humanly imaginable, and have often wanted to just chuck it all and rejoin the living, the “good” folks who get to heap hatred, not have it heaped on me. It’s gets almost too unbearable to stand…

    Having lived through injustice, I can’t keep quiet about injustice. There’s too much at stake. I HAVE to advocate for the innocent, the falsely accused – and for the CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS of those who were actually guilty that are getting used and abused by profiteering politicians and celebrity victim parents looking to make a buck off their misery.

    In the last 15 years I have watched as more and more useless draconian measures have become the law of the land for the accused —and watching those same laws are encroaching further and further into the main stream. Title IX has found it’s way into our hallowed halls of learning, and wait and see if it doesn’t also become The Law for us all.

    If it weren’t for the well organized efforts to stop the unbridled encroachment of these laws, and to stem the tide of the sanctioned shredding of Constitutional rights, you would have seen Title IX and worse happening much quicker, and much sooner, because there is no more sanctioned hatred and injustice than that directed against men accused of sex crimes.

    You can ask any man and every man – they ALL know a family member, or a friend from school, or a guy at work who was falsely accused of rape, or is being raped in family court.

    EVERY MAN IN THE UNITED STATES IS EITHER EXPERIENCING IT OR KNOWS SOMEONE IT HAS HAPPENED TO.

    Yet, they do nothing, or they attack those who are trying to do something.

    Thank you for listening.

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      “Having lived through injustice, I can’t keep quiet about injustice.”

      Which I have always admired in you and others here who actually get involved.

    • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

      When I wrote a guest commentary for the local alt. newsweekly, my probation officer asked me, “why put yourself out there like that?” My response was “as opposed to what? Participating in my own marginalization?”

      My false accuser has since twice been to prison, and the detective who lied to get my indictment lost his wife and daughter to a large wave in the ocean. I wish the latter on no one, but I waste no more energy hating either of them. Fighting the SHIC(Sexual Hysteria Industrial Complex) is bigger than any individual.

      • SPECULA

        KARMA is real… blessing AND curses exist in most Holy Scriptures.
        The lawyer that harmed my safe custody of my small children: her husband committed suicide, she went insane and left the ‘practice’ of sociopathy, ‘er family law.
        The NEXT lawyer the X used to do my family harm, had his wife run off with another lawyer, and took him to the financial cleaners, three kids.
        A later X, who assaulted my youngest child, AND MADE false allegations and convictions, lost her job, married a brute, and they both soon ballooned up 100 pounds each. True married bliss.
        The Judge that harmed my third child and I, 2005, had a stroke, not too long after, and ‘retired’ to the golden retirement they have Federally appointed… at least she can’t harm anyone else now.

        There IS a God. God bless us all, everyone.
        Curses optional. No choice.

  • Aimee McGee

    I came to MHRM activism from having a partner munched by the family courts. He’s in no way ready yet for activism, being that he’s still fighting crazy 3.5 years on (though he finally read the modernist vs. post-modern articles because of their relevance to his next court date).
    He occasionally talks of what he wants to do once the battle is over – and I believe he will be an asset. In the meantime, you got me :)

    • OneHundredPercentCotton

      I suspect a lot of men who shun activism do so because of their raw hurt and anger.

      You have to be on the mend somewhat to withstand the lashing accusations of “you’re bitter” or “you just hate women because you got burned”.

      A man still fighting with the demons or with freshly bleeding wounds really isn’t in the best place to advocate for others.

  • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

    Good work, Paul.Your work is appreciated, and my 1st monetary contribution was made last week right after I got my account out of dire straits

    I know of the cohort Paul speaks, and I am putting the elbow grease in to reach them. As an avid sports junkie who first dedicated myself to this cause 20 years ago as a student political columnist(long before a false accusation put me in prison), I use the frivolity of sport as a hook to draw people to the larger gender and men’s issues that certain sport topics illustrate. It’s not easy; people come to sport to escape, especially men, which is why it feeds their larger disease of collective indifference and aversion to gender identity politics until it hits them.

    Part of breaking through this is creating a tipping point of collective awareness. Just as sports teams don’t turn a profit until a critical mass of “casual fans” buy a jersey or watch 20% of games a year, the movement grows by mutual support of all the minor and major players who are out there making blogs, videos, comments, or postings. Social media is an easy way to do this. I follow, retweet, re-post the work of the larger players whenever I can, and retweeted a the vid of a man with 48 followers, Dr. Evil One. We should all follow suit, subscribing, following, liking, blog-reading the work of others. That way it gives our respective friends more courage to join in, as they see us as individuals that are not out on an island, but part of a wider group.

  • SPECULA

    SPOT ON! I agree, with a proviso…
    =Anyone then not believing this isn’t a covert war, with real casualties, real suffering- disproportionate so to fathers and men, in the main, is fully heartless.

    Having said that, I believe a ‘military style’ motto for AVFM of “no man left behind” is DUE these newly blindsided, the falling, the hurt and the depressed. We are stronger for the aid we can give these newbies.

    Finding God on one’s deathbed is a cliche, Paul. Right?

    So then, is seeing gender-based injustice for the FIRST TIME once you have been culled out for the standard F-branding. Amazed they are that THIS DONE BY, surprise-surprise, OTHER MEN profiting from it, while the offended ‘oppressed’ ones, stand back, as giggling, protected and safe? It’s like they knew.
    It’s all political, it’s ALL about money, not personal, really.

    It is not easy to consider ‘real’ risks, until airborne and falling fast. To be suddenly culled and ALONE, like all the ‘others’ they knew, or heard about, but for the grace of GAWD, not them… now it IS them. Bastards!
    H – E – L – P is hard to say, socialized BY WOMEN not to ask, beginning with mommy, usually.

    Marriage is like paying a lot of money to go out to the airport, and take a few hours of fun for the thrill, and yet, still KNOWING that every other parachute they hand out to the guys actually was folded wrong, or will not work. (The pink parachutes, for ladies only, are ‘almost’ perfect, if you dare bring your gal pal. She’s would NEVER jump with your known male risks! see MGTOW.)

    I’d suggest two things for the downtrodden coming here, Paul, that we CAN do, automatically.
    1.) Offer advisory to strict adherence to protective MGTOW, where a huge risk of going ‘fry pan to fire’ in rebound ‘ships can really make a bigger mess of a mess. (First aid)
    2.) Make an effort to find and post accredited MHRA-inclined professional supports, and practical advisory, from everywhere.
    Lawyers (rare), psychologists (infrequent), spiritual supports, accountants… services needed practically.
    3.) Make a NEW Intranet for verified AVFM MEMBERS, not the Forum; and, there be a place for the hurting to fill out organized question ‘forms’ on the various aspects of their true, sad, angry story; limited to a few thousand words. People ‘may’ offer some support, monitored for appropriateness perhaps. Pictures.
    4.) No matter one’s philosophy in life, we GIVE.
    Prayer, or a simple KIND thoughts can be a great assist. With an icon attachable to the stories, above. Or, other tangible proof of care.

    Hey, I had a NDE (Near Death Experience) 11 years ago in neurosurgery. Over there is real.
    Proven. (ASK)
    The mystical power of mindful awareness of others’ needs for their best aid, IS real.

    Don’t think of the ‘newbie’ hurting now, as just his/her gross indifference of OUR MHRA perspective, done too late, as much as the prodigal son/daughter who has come home.
    He or She is fully welcome. Corrected and welcome.
    Aggravatingly in a way, yes, but understandable, and welcome… we can design that better welcome and assist. Taking some of the emotional pressure off of P. E. is a good thing.
    Soooooo,
    Slaughter the fattened cow, we are to have a feast! Pun is intended. Prodigals may enter HERE. We ‘get it’, they do too, if just now.
    Better late than never. We may literally save lives from auguring down into graves.

    Paul’s efforts and all the crew, as is growing, are endlessly appreciate!

    I can see a country-wide TV, newspaper campaign self-funded to bring awareness of the risks of being branded, culled from the complacent herd… the EVIL of this clandestine war against men and boys. A political voting block, and TRUE equality for all, opportunity not outcome as fair.
    No man left behind. More roast beef, friend? Gravy?

    AVFM… you found a safe house!

    Patrick (SPECULA)
    Ontario, Canada

    • Aimee McGee

      One thing my Beloved and I have discussed already – creating a safe house for men. Now we have to work out how…

  • keyster

    After generations of flag drapped coffins and limbless soldiers returning from some purposeless foreign war, young men STILL sign up for military service.

    And they’ll still recklessly co-habitate and/or marry young women too – – because somehow “it won’t happen to me”.

    Don’t come crying to anyone about how unfair the government is, when you knew all along there was a decent chance you’d be a victim of it.

    Organizing men to do anything other than FIGHT EACH OTHER, is like herding cats on LSD.

    • TPH

      Or hamsters on meth

    • Theaverageman

      The ideological circle jerk arguments between
      trad-con MRA’s and non partisan MRA’s on youtube is a great example of what you mentioned.

      • keyster

        It’s OK to say Conservative MRA’s and Secular-Progressive MRA’s…and honestly political differences are far from being the issue.

        A few thousand dollars and some internet sites vs. a multi-million dollar (partisan) women’s rights industry and it’s sycophant mass media machine – is the issue.

        A rag-tag bunch of amateurs/keyboard jockeys working in their spare time vs. a juggernaut of full-time professional lawyers, public relations experts and academics – is the issue.

        But at least there’s this much now, because 20 years ago there was barely an internet to exploit.

        • RM1970

          I agree with you Keyster. It is guerilla warfare, one side has all resources and the other has almost nothing. So I am not very optimistic, but something really important is going on right now, millions of men are aware about the gender war against boys and men, when the economic collapse hit the State, the current structure of power will fall apart, most of men can choose better options. Today nothing can be changed, because you have to change the laws, the courts, the main stream media, the universities…well it is not possible. What it is possible is educate men. I want to remember here, French revolution began when people stop believing in the church and began to read the encyclopedia, I don’t want start more controversy talking about politics, but this always happened, the revolutions begin when an economic crisis strikes a power that don’t have control of people’s minds anymore.

  • TPH

    Blunt, painful, and all too true. I’ve seen men look on with total apathy as their friends and male relatives get fed into the meat grinder, ground into a pink paste, and do nothing as the situation didn’t affect them. Then when it was their turn, well their friends and relatives did nothing, just as the men before them.

    A male feminist acquaintance of mine used to go on how feminism helps men and boys repeatedly. A real jagged pill of a man. When he suddenly was forcibly removed from his house and kids and accused of abuse, he still supported feminism.

    During the meat grinder of the family courts, he supported feminism. He supported feminism up to the point where he was forced to live in an old van on his uncle’s property, the only place left for him to live on what meager $$ were left after child support, alimony, and lawyers fees. He suddenly began to question feminism.

    Last month he called me and asked to borrow $250. I refused. To be truthful, I was an asshole and asked him how feminism was helping him and boys. He cursed at me and hung up.

    As much as I strive to keep compassion for boys and men in my daily life, there is a challenge when active male supporters of feminism suddenly find themselves being ground up by the very same misandric system they supported. There is some Schadenfreude on my part.

    I work with homeless vets and am constantly amazed at the level of incompetence and utter apathy the government and agencies display on a daily basis.

    Funds to get these guys off the street are constantly under attack by feminists who want to grab the pie for their agenda’s. It just never ends. I see men and women viciously oppose homeless vets rehab centers because they think the money should go to other “charities” such as breast cancer, or women’ shelters.

    As long as they don’t have to see the men, or listen to their stories, it’s ok. When fortune changes and those very same men and women find themselves on the fringes of society, eating out of McDonald’s dumpsters, suddenly it matters – to them.

  • Viamus

    As a keyboard warrior, I’m of somewhat limited use. But, I work hard, so I can help financially.

    To the young guys on this site – this is the first chance we’ve ever had. Many of these problems predate my birth. Fact is, when one of us gets fucked over, it is a source of amusement for many of them. Closing the all important gender gap one ruined family at a time. They know what they’ve done. It was not an accident.

    This site is the first that’s drawn serious attention, and anyone who’s paying attention can see why. We all have our stories, let them be our weapons. We didn’t declare this war, we didn’t want it.

    We’ve read about men like Paul our whole lives. We call such men “great”. But we cannot expect him to fight this war alone. He needs an army, and armies need material to fight. Our enemy is forcing us to fund them at gunpoint via VAWA and the IRS. That’s their power, but we still own ourselves. We’ve found our captain. Now comes the time where we get behind that captain, and join the fight.

    • ManUpManDown.

      Keyboard warriors are crucial. Where would the MRM be without them? I’m not sure why Internet vigilance is so mock-worthy. It’s arguably the the type of activism driving the movement (and it is indeed “activism”), though I agree it’s certainly not enough by itself.

      • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

        Thanks MUMD. My point is that we’ve now had more than enough ‘keyboard activism’. The intellectual base of the MHRM has been rock-solid for some time now, thanks to websites such as AVfM, ManWomanMyth…

        Time spent being a ‘keyboard warrior’ – whilst bringing some satisfaction to the ‘warrior’, and possibly enlightenment and even amusement to others – has an opportunity cost. It’s time to face a stark reality:

        A billion keyboard warriors posting a billion thoughts every day will change NOTHING.

        It’s time for MHRAs to focus resources (time, money, expertise, effort) into initiatives which they believe have a chance of making a difference in the war against militant feminism. The alternative? Things will be the same (or even worse) in 2023… 2033… 2043. I’m 55. I’m not prepared (or able) to wait that long.

        IMHO.

        Mike Buchanan

        JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
        (and the women who love them)

        http://j4mb.wordpress.com

        • Primal

          ONE powerful thought on most lame stream articles is sufficient to trigger the censors. That tells me that a thousand potent keyboard warriors would do a world of good. Breaking the fascist control of the narrative is necessary but not sufficient.

          Organization, discipline and focus are also essential to win this war quickly with as little MHRM blood spilled as possible. One can see that in Syria. Some of the groups fire away blindly and battle incessantly among themselves while others create codes of conduct, impose discipline, and pick their targets carefully. It’s not hard to figure out which groups have the best track records.

          That said, the internet tends to favor weak bonds…at least in it’s current manifestation. Weak bonds are not very useful for risky warfare. Therefore, to create really powerful organizations, we will probably have to figure out how to create strong bonds using the internet somehow more creatively or do so somewhere else….somewhere where strong bonds traditionally tend to proliferate.

          So the open question for me is: “Where or how do we create the strong bonds which are so necessary for the kind of focused attacks you so rightly call for above”?

          • Aimee McGee

            We get out and meet the other keyboard warriors in our communities, in the coffee shops and bars. When we know we can trust them we may spend time in their homes or ours. We form the networks of fellowship and support so lacking in a fragmented community.
            From this will arise the next genaration of leaders, who will have the capacity to speak as the public face of the MHRM. There are men (and women) out there who don’t know they are capable of fronting a campaign, speaking at a hustings, perhaps even running for office, because they might be plugged in to the MHRM via virtual means, but have never had the nurturing feedback and constructive criticism of face to face community with like minded others.
            I live in rural East England. I’m pushed to the limit with NHS reforms, but I know I will be in London, Liverpool and Edinburgh in the next 5 months.
            MHRAs in those parts – lets meet for even one hour. Lets plan it and put into place a chance to meet and talk face to face. As always I’m going to have to fit this around work (which has a habit of getting in the way of activism!)…but lets do it.
            Others out there who travel for work, or who don’t but can find an hour to meet another MHRA, reach out and start making this a real life movement

          • Primal

            @Ms. McGee

            Looks like coffee and drinks, trust, home, fellowship, support, and integrated community, empowerment, feedback, constructive criticism, face to face, and like-minded are the primary components needed to bake this particular cake. How do can those components or good substitutes be created online I wonder? Given the widely dispersed nature of the talents that form this fragmented movement, the web could play a powerful role were the strong tie components present somewhere in the otherwise weak tie digital world.

          • Aimee McGee

            @ Primal, we are in a world of possibility with the WWW, but my own take is that there is very little to substitute for face to face human interaction.
            I know that I can do Skype with those I know and trust and plan activism with them…but I’m chronically shy of new folk via Skype as several here can attest to!
            Any ideas from your experience?

  • James Huff

    Am I the only lucky one here? I feel weird being the only one around who hasn’t gotten personally fucked.

    I am really glad for the outside perspective at times, but other times I realize just how fucking sad it is that I seem to be only one of a few swinging dicks around around here who came to this from the recognition of another man’s pain instead of my own.

    What is that saying about us?

    • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

      No you’re not. I was writing on Susan Smith, Jennifer Ireland and Shannon Faulkner long before I caught in the meat grinder.

      http://wc.arizona.edu/papers/old-wildcats/spring95/March/March24,1995/02_1_m.html

      But also, don’t diminish the politics of the personal. It gave us MADD and many of the laws that harm men. The problem, though, is that we don’t empathize to the degree women often do. That’s why you should pass around Manwomanmyth’s video “The Other Man Is You.”

    • http://marktrueblood.posterous.com/ Mark Trueblood

      You’re not the only one. I have had some less-than-pleasant experiences but nothing like the cheese grater on testes scenarios I hear about.

      It would be very easy for me to hide under a rock and just focus on my career and hobbies. But I’d still be living in this society and witnessing the suffering of others.

    • http://salientsight.com/ergot/ Limeywestlake (Neil Westlake)

      I have not been put through the grinder (see above.) I just instinctively intuit that men and boys are human beings.

    • TigerMan

      No you are not alone. I am in my 60’s now and I never married or fathered any kids the 2 two big potential gotchas that feminists and their enablers can fuck you over with.
      What got me involved is just my sense of fair play and over the decades since feminism really took hold I seen that sense progressively violated to extremes where I have actually doubted my own sanity at times.

    • Aimee McGee

      James, human experience is a funny thing – because you have clearly experienced some forms of misandry or you wouldn’t be here – maybe your tolerance threshold is lower?
      Would I have become active if I were not exposed to the family courts via Beloved? I suspect eventually my disability advocacy would have led me to find the MHRM. When confronted with a 47 y/o man with a history of suicidal ideation who has a dual diagnosis of dyslexia and ADHD, yet he’s fighting a battle for reasonable (and minor) adjustments in the workplace and for funding assistance for his medications, you begin to realise that ‘man as a victim’ is not a ‘cute enough’ meme to warrant care by most of society. Yet that man is still a son, a brother, a very good friend and a human worthy of dignified treatment.

    • Kimski

      Nope, you’re not alone. Never married, and never will for obvious reasons. I also don’t have kids. Got burned so thoroughly in my younger years, that I refuse to consider any of the two options, even today.

      On the other hand, I am my own master and have a lot of time at my disposal, to watch how other men are grinded into their graves by spiteful wives.

      Now, why would I want any part of that?

    • http://www.deanesmay.com Dean Esmay

      I’m here because of my father and what happened to him.

    • malcolm

      No, you’re not. I’m started getting active because I saw what was happening to a friend’s 8 year old son who had aspergers. After that, I became like a Rottweiler on a tennis ball.

    • Near Earth Object

      “What is that saying about us?”

      That pain and suffering associated with the human condition exists on a continuum.

  • Peter Wright (Tawil)

    @Paul: “Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.”

    As someone who ran a busy forum for the best part of a decade for fathers getting screwed over by the system, let me say that this response is absolutely right on. There’s a lot asking for favours while giving zilch to the revolution.

    “Don’t ask what AVfM can do for you, ask what you can do for AVfM”.

  • http://www.mralondon.org Andy Thomas (aka “Andy Man”)

    I sometimes get the impression that many think that you need to be going through a divorce in order to have a valid reason for being here. It’s not the case. There are many of us who have never been married, but have other incredibly fucking painful experiences that gave us the necessary insight to bring us here.

    People who believe that they have no power or influence in a situation tend not to be curious about it and won’t want to engage. It was the same with other struggles of the past. It takes people who are quite special to make a positive contribution to something like this at the moment, because they must be willing, not only to put in time and effort, but perhaps make a sacrifice knowing that they are unlikely to getting anything back in return–except for the satisfaction of doing what’s right.

    No doubt, in 10 years or so, when the MRM is full of self-promoters and people who wear morality as a badge, we will wish for the good ole days when, at least, it actually meant something.

  • externalangst

    This is all too true. Human brains are ‘conservative’ in that they usually conserve existing beliefs regardless of contradictory information – hence the old adage:

    ‘A man convinced against his will is of the same mind still.’

    Changing one’s whole mind-set is radical stuff especially when it involves one’s perspective & position in the all important ‘society’. But there is hope for the future.

    As Paul said: feminists aren’t that smart. New generations are being raised where chivalrous, pussy-begging gynocentrism is not so deeply ingrained into their being from a young age. The mainstream misandry to which feminists have become addicted has the effect of preparing young minds against the otherwise powerful social programming of male servitude & subservience to females.

    When MHR advocates & activists challenge and contradict the prevailing narrative, younger minds are fertile ground for reality & justice. Sadly, many of the older minds may just have to be written off. (Doffs cap to KARMA).

  • http://www.avoiceformen.com/activism-page/karma/ KARMA MRA MGTOW

    Yep most men won’t work as a team, and this above all else has made feminism the success it is. Men will not work together many are just selfish. I was very close to leaving the MRM a few weeks back because of this, l still might.

    I think it is about time males started to look in our own backyard this is something that the MRM really lacks, males need to get our own house in order (this is what feminists fear the most) , feminists can wait.

    • Near Earth Object

      You make an excellent point here: “males need to get our own house in order”.

      And above, ‘Sports Dropping’ made another: “The problem, though, is that we don’t empathize to the degree women often do.”

      From my take on recent history…
      Think back on how attendees were treated by feminists at the Dr. Farrell event.
      Now think back on how feminists behaved at the Dr. Janice Fiamengo event.

      Something changed! Actually, many things changed!

      A few examples: attendees had a markedly different experience, as did presenters; feminist tactics changed; AVfM gained more battle experience; many folks once sitting on the side-lines in a blue-pill haze got their first REAL look at what feminism and Women’s Studies is all about…

      Now imagine, what if the MHRM stopped everything it was doing, after the Farrell event, and focused solely on getting our house in order and learning to better empathize with our brothers. What might the Fiamengo event have looked like, had we not challenged feminists on their conduct at the Farrell event? The same, of course, if not worse.

      My sense is that we do not have the luxury of getting our house in order before we re-engage the feminists, for we will lose way too much ground in the interim, and it is not like we are sitting on the fifty-yard line at present.

      I believe that we need to be doing what we have been doing, and more.

      This is a war! We need to throw what we have at the enemy, while we are developing more, to throw at the enemy. And while we are throwing and developing, we have to be planning and doing scores of other things simultaneously—multitasking! And if that wasn’t enough already, we need to get our house in order, learn to better empathize with our brothers, protect our sons, and still find time to take a break and care for the personal needs of thyself.

      • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suzanne McCarley

        Yes, the sudden explosive growth in the movement is absolutely a challenge. Men empathize plenty, just not so much with other men. You’ve all been taught (and are somewhat naturally inclined) to put women first and give what’s left to other men. In more primitive times there could be no society without families, there could be no families without children, and there could be no children without “wives.” While “women first” makes sense in terms of species survival, it has grown obscenely out of proportion and has become like religion.

        In this, we have a great deal to overcome, while at the same time trying to gain and maintain forward momentum. There are many many men out there who already “get it.” More of them absolutely MUST come forward and “give” some of it to their fellow men.

        And there are so very many ways to contribute.

        • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

          Men also are good at working together when they get to meet each other. I’m a former basketball player, and we can go to any court and play with guys we’ve never met and figure out quickly how to win, from who is the best shooter, the best ball handler and rebounder, and knowing the basic principles of passing, screening and movement. Somebody spoke of meeting folks. I’m in Arizona, and would love to network. One of my college dormmates has just been elected to the legislature, so I now have someone with dec.making influence who will give me an audience.

          • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suzanne McCarley

            It’s awesome that you have the ear of a lawmaker; every single one counts.

            And you are dead on about what men can accomplish while they’re not distracted by the “needs” of women. This world needs more woman-free spaces where men can be men.

            Yes, I know that seems odd coming from a woman on an MHRA site, but I’m here because my contributions are productive. I will stay completely away from spaces where my presence would slow men down.

    • OneHundredPercentCotton

      Bear with me in thought here, please, because I don’t think most men are selfish at all.

      Most men are motivated to protect the women they love.

      There is nothing at all wrong about that.

      I hate to lapse into an anecdotal story here, but bear with me, it illustrates my point:

      In high school a popular football player randomly choose my daughter to target in a sexually humiliating “practical joke”.

      She didn’t know the guy other than sitting in the same class together,they were complete strangers.

      It was a truly horrible thing he did, and she was completely destroyed with humiliation, which was the goal of the “joke”. She dropped out of school over it – it was that serious.

      She knew he did it, although he denied it. His smirking and laughing buddies knew he did it, yet none would come forward or admit he’d done it.

      Working in the school, I had a friendly and respectful relationship with a couple of the boys who were in on the “joke”. I could tell from their faces they struggled between telling me and the peer pressure to keep quiet.

      Ultimately, they all chose to keep quiet so their buddy would’t get in trouble.

      At the time I remember telling one of the boys that someday he will probably look back with regret for not having done the right thing. I could tell my words burned on his soul. Clearly he recognized the pain it caused her, and me…yet he giggled nervously and looked away.

      My theory? My suspicion? The guys who stick together just because they were guys, even when they knew it’s wrong are the ones who end up being those fierce “White Knights” types later on in life.

      I have no doubt whatsoever even if it hadn’t become a national news story, those guys who observed the girl being assaulted and urinated on in the Stuebenville drinking party are the same guys who will later go on to be fiercely white knighting males – and it’s mostly guilt-fueled by not “White Knighting” or doing the right thing themselves at that critical time in their lives. They are trying to make up for it later.

      The vast majority of guys DO go on to have a deep commitment to women they love, and spurred on by the guilt of their own culpability, they no doubt strongly feel they would kill another man for causing ANY harm to their own daughter…the same harm THEY themselves caused that girl…back in high school.

      I don’t ever buy into “men gotta stick together” any more than I buy into “women gotta stick together” – because that’s when injustice happens.

      The “Men gotta stick together” battle cry isn’t going to make much impact on a man who feels guilt over “sticking together” for the wrong reasons in his past.

      I think appealing to men to stand up for the morally right thing instead of the politically correct thing is far more apt to reach most men.

      Every human being in this country is promised equality and the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness by the Constitution.

      As a human rights activist, all I can do is defend the Constitution (al rights) against ALL enemies.

      I’ll wrap myself in the Constitution and defy anyone to say I’m wrong.

  • tamerlame

    I am trying to convert men to the men’s rights movment.

    At the very least I show all my friends the manipulated man, so they realise woman don’t think like them. (Most woman are uncreative, and manipulative.)

    I advise them not to get married.

    I plan to do more when I get my life sorted out.

    • Near Earth Object

      “(Most woman are uncreative, and manipulative.)”

      If someone is being manipulative, then s/he is both creative and likely adept at thinking on his/her feet.

      Great activism with your friends! And all the best, working on your personal projects.

  • http://manamongoaks.com/index.html Ray

    We used to get these calls on the answering machine of our local MRA chapter. Most of the guys were desperately desperate, broke, and had been screwed over in divorce court (usually involving kids).

    Most had trusted their wives, trusted the legal system and wanted to be fair and un-vindictive, while most of the wives had lawyered up from the get go and were vindictive and/or made false accusations of some kind of abuse.

    Yep, many guys don’t wise up, until they’re on the ropes, going down for the count, or just plain ole TKO’d.

    I guess that’s the reason we started doing a Beat Dead Dad’s Graveyard at our rallies. One day after a rally one of my buddies even had a neighbor lady come up to him and tell him her nephew just blew his brains out with a .45, roughly about the same time we were displaying our Beat Dead Dad Graveyard. http://tinyurl.com/cyg84nh

    Why is the MHRM not more successful?

    A. Dead men make bad activists

    B. We’re an army of the walking wounded, often physically and/or emotionally damaged by rampant misandry in societal institutions.

    C. Many MRA’s have had their wealth stolen by courts, or are in the process of being disenfranchised.

    D. All of the above.

    • Shortcircuit

      It is difficult to go up against the state religion. Attacking said religion is attacking an arm of the state, and likely to be seen as attacking civilization itself.

      In Mark Twain’s “The Mysterious Stranger” there is eventually a killing of a suspected witch. Afterwards it is revealed that of the 68 people there, only 6 wanted her dead. Yet they all threw stones at her as she hung. Out of fear they dared not listen to their own hearts which pitied her.

      Of course people are enlightened now, just ask them. “Yes,” they will say, “of course I care about the plight of women as any enlightened fellow would.”

      Also in that story it mentions that there are more types of witches than there used to be, some are even children.

  • Keith

    The one thing that men lose in the meat grinder is purpose and the drive to achieve. They become isolated and without direction. If you want a war be prepared to form ranks. Maybe its time to set new goals focus on revenue and employ some mercenaries. You sir should be speaking publicly for money as should others here. No doubt Cafe would invite you. That needs funding to get started. There’s men here on this site that would gladly dedicate themselves permanently and full time if it gave them the security to survive. This is a great site for therapy and established popularity but if you don’t capitalize on it then contributions will be the only source of revenue and its not enough. We should be targeting 6 figures + and an open budget for it and the only direction from there should be up. If the SPLC can publish a hate map we can publish a love map fuckem. Its time to crack the revenue nut and buy some swagger. IMO

    • SPECULA

      Money talks, actually shuts up the static from others.
      I agree with your ideas.
      e.g. WHY do corporations spend billions collectively, annually to lobby government? A: “Because it works”, no apology to Weight-Watchers.
      1. Paul to speak at CAFE at U of T.
      2. Sacrificial giving by US to AVFM. Get charitable tax status in all countries.
      3. Lobby government for NGO ‘studies’ on the issues.
      4. FUND RAISE. Surely there is a trust fund out there, a champion with pump-priming principles.
      Use all social media, FM ads, postering, silent protests, blog, write columns free neighbourhood rags, ads in and CraigsList, Kijjijji, ETC. to bring traffic to the site. And, GATHER in all the rag-tag ‘father’s rights’ groups into the larger picture. “It’s NOT just Family Law, anymore, dudes!” It’s gender war.
      5. (intuitive to the Internet) DECENTRALIZE, also. We need to have ease of contact to each other, locally.
      6. Love Map. see 5.
      7. Inventory the enemy. EVERY single offense against men, and boys, and our women-of-like-mind, needs to be documented. Micro, macro. Permanent. Public (privacy-protected, as need be, for ‘us’.)
      8. Inventory the help, and the armory. World-wide. Set an agenda, a Mission Statement, a Constitution, a Board of Directors, Incorporate as a Co-Operative with shares. Monetize. KNOW WHEN WE REACH our GOALS…
      8. Full-time ‘staff’, paid and accountable to the Board.
      9. Stop making lists, just do it. Leadership leads, and naturally expects ‘MEMBERS’ to sign pledge of ‘blood, sweat and dollars’… time, money, and heart in. Boots on the Ground EVERYWHERE.

      C H A R G E, ok I’ve had 3 mugs of coffee, opps !!!! I want our best practices world back, and possibility of safe family life, the love of a GOOD woman- as redefined in themselves (hey, lol that’s a twist in their panties, eh?) and HOPE. A better economy, results. Healthier, happier populations.

      ?Keith – are you a Canuck, too? I’m in sw ON, contact me, time to ‘organize’ the cesspool of central Canada …pd@pc9.me :-)

  • http://www.NewDemocracyWorld.org Dopesauce42

    Right on, Paul.

    I will be printing and posting awareness posters tomorrow. They will direct people to my men’s rights email if they want to learn more and get involved in the discussion. I’m in Boston, a very liberal part. I look forward to people getting in touch.

    If that doesn’t work, I will get a long fact sheet together, with references and sources, and hit the street-corners to ask people what they know and think of the misandric laws being passed around the world.

    I have done this for other issues. With great success. I and others asked people to read this statement:
    http://www.newdemocracyworld.org/This%20I%20Believe.pdf

    Of those who have stopped to read it so far, 75% have signed it. I see no reason the same cannot be done for awareness for men’s rights.

    Snow storm tomorrow night, so posters up by Thursday!

  • http://www.NewDemocracyWorld.org Dopesauce42

    I hope everyone who has commented on this article is doing something they think is really meaningful to the movement, or is right now looking for a way to get involved.

    Here is my suggestion,

    Print out posters for AVfM. just regular sheet of paper, black and white. Costs no more than 10 bucks for 100. grab some packing tape, and post them on light poles and such where people will stop and read them. Bus stops, crosswalks, busy streets near schools.

    Go one step further, mention on the poster, or on a different poster, that you are trying to start a discussion group to discuss these issues. Leave a new email for your men’s rights activities. When people contact you, work out a cafe you could meet at to discuss things, try to pick a time when everyone who contacts you can show up.

    More tips when my new life experiences reveal them to me, about 2-3 weeks. By then I will have my posters up and will be receiving emails (fingers crossed). If it doesn’t work I will just hit the streets with a fact sheet and spread the word. (which will be a shit ton of fun!)

    • http://www.NewDemocracyWorld.org Dopesauce42

      So I posted 2 ads today, 48 left. Tomorrow I can get out of my mostly liberal neighborhood and get to other parts of town.

      here is what I posted:

      Men’s Rights
      Are
      Human Rights.

      Across the world, governments – not the people –
      are making laws that discriminate against men and boys.
      Men and women are being pitted against each other in order to weaken us all as part of a divide and rule strategy being carried out by Big Money and the governments that Big Money bought.

      *************

      To hear about what is going on,
      as well as let YOUR voice be heard,

      contact Abe at mhrmboston@gmail.com

      hope it works.

  • http://www.NewDemocracyWorld.org Dopesauce42

    Let’s not be the traditionalist girlfriend who complains about what the boyfriend doesn’t do, rather than doing it themselves.

    Fuck the politicians, they don’t work for us, they work for the 1%. We know this. Let’s tell them to fuck off, we don’t need them, we can do this.

    Don’t give your agency to a politician or government. They don’t work for us. Only we can do that.

    Ask not what AVfM or politicians can do for you. Ask what you can do for the movement.

    Now go Fuck Their Shit Up.

  • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

    Speaking of overplaying hand, The Brian Banks Story just aired on 60 Minutes, and the Rape Culture Red Book holders are up in arms

    http://www.cbsnews.com/8618-500251_162-50143485.html?assetTypeId=58&messageId=13792159&blogId=

    The commenters are killing him, though.

    • OneHundredPercentCotton

      They’re pissed the Stuebenville rape feeding frenzy will lose it’s charm when countered with a true victim of false rape accusations.

  • http://commonmanmedia.blogspot.com TCM

    “How many men any more can say they don’t know anything is wrong in the system?”

    In J.J. Abrams’ 2009 film Star Trek (the first of the *new* remakes), when Kirk meets Dr. McCoy for the first time McCoy tells him “Yeah, well, I got no where else to go. The ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce. All I got left is my bones.” Hence his nickname, Bones.

    Abrams knew his audience was composed mainly of males. And he knew that the problem of selfish and vindictive ex-wives was known well enough to make his target audience identify with it and laugh. And and identify and laugh they did.

    People have forgotten what the phrases “civil rights” and “human rights” actually mean. When you don’t have them you have no protections. It is like going through life without an immune system: there is no cure for you if or when you come under a fierce attack. For some things the only cure is prevention, and in our case the only prevention is to actually have equal human rights in the first place.

    When it comes to fighting for those rights, people often say, “if I didn’t have anything to lose I would do something about that.” But that’s not how these things work. Once human rights have been taken away, nothing but risks and sacrifices can bring them back.

    Nothing.

    Here is the Star Trek clip:

  • Primal

    “I’m tired.”. You also seem to be resentful and enraged. That’s perfectly predictable given the nature of your game. Giving away priceless guardian work 12x7x3??x?? for next-to-nothing is a recipe for some serious shit storms once one begins to hit the wall.

    Typically the cycle goes like this: 1) Work hard as hell doing things for other people, 2) Slowly get tired because others aren’t working hard as hell back for one or for one’s particular gig 3) repress the righteous resentment and rage for a long time 4) blow one’s top when the pressure finally becomes unbearable, 5) blow away the very people one initially intended to help with indiscriminate rage. 6) cool down and feel guilty or ashamed, 7) go back to step 1 and repeat the cycle. Of course, endlessly repeating said cycle is not good for one’s longevity or one’s long term effectiveness. It IS good for creating serious discomfort which is a powerful driver for progress.

    Progress looks like some sort of conditions that create common commitments/obligations so that things never again become so unbalanced for fearless leader(S). Ideally, one wouldn’t be tired, resentful or enraged because one would feel that everyone else has his/her back.

    But that doesn’t happen by accident or by PollyAnna platitudes. It happens because one involves other people in creating common commitments (which often tend to challenge one’s own initial parochial interests), because one insists on common obligations for fulfilling those common commitments, and because one imposes seriously strict sanctions for failing to fulfill common agreed upon obligations.

    The key is to create a container where everyone’s energy is contained, conserved, and directed effectively so that all feel happy to contribute…over and over and over. In time, the temperature rises until the blow torch is hot enough to cut through almost anything. And no one is tired or burned out because no one burns alone.

    Course, energy conservation always starts with the top dog because if he ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy.

    FIRE seems to do a fairly effective job of this internally but they do not often involve any of their weak-tie internet fans to work for em. I don’t know why not, but I suspect they don’t want to give up control. The first group which figures out how to leverage the world wide web to create strong ties from common commitments/obligations will blow the competition away. Jimmy, (The Maoist Monkey) Wale’s Wikipedia is but a baby step in that direction…and yet WP is big news.

  • Roger O Thornhill (George Kaplan)

    Hi Paul,

    A great and timely article! Send me a list, I know what to do. :-)

    Cheers,
    ROT

  • Turbo

    Understandable Paul, and I agree. It must be hard to get these emails from Fathers in a terrible state, and have to tell them basically that there is nothing we can do right now. But you are right to tell them that and then advise that unless they help change the system it will not only not get better for their sons, but it will get much worse.

    That may not be the great message that these poor souls are looking for, but it sure as hell beats the unbelievably patronizing bullshit that you get by visiting the website of the Child Support Agency. That shit will drive you insane.

    It is like the joke about the woman who prayed every night that she wanted to win the lottery. After years of this praying, one night God finally spoke back to her.

    He said “Maria, I would love to help, but first you have to buy a ticket”

    As for who is here and why, I have always said I admire greatly those who are here and have not been directly shafted by the system. That will never change.

    It is however, hard to believe that any person cannot be aware of the way the system shafts men and their children. I am in my mid fifties and I recognized a corrupt system in my early twenties.

    Over thirty years ago I was working with many men who were very hard working, respected intelligent men, late thirties early forties, living in one bedroom flats, seeing their kids maybe once a month, and really having no direction in their life because the carpet was pulled from under them.

    I was basically MGTOW from then on. The system caught me however, just how that happened I will not expand on, but many may guess correctly, it is not complicated.

    So I am here both as someone who has seen it, and then as someone who has felt it. I have not been ruined financially, and although I am paying child support I did not lose any assets. But my daughter was taken to live in another state, some 400 km away from me, about 8 years ago.

    Would I be here if I was aware as I have been for most of my adult life, but had not been shafted personally?

    I am certain I would be, but I cannot be 100% sure, perhaps this is the problem.

  • AntZ

    Here is one helpful tip for drowning men who are just starting to circle down the family court sinkhole that leads to feminist hell:

    ABR: Always be recording.

    There is only one thing that these men have on their side: 99% of all women KNOW that the rules are completely stacked in their favor. They think that they have absolutely nothing to fear. Usually, they are right. BUT … that same arrogance can be used to obtain the only trump card left that gives men equal rights in court:

    A high quality recording.

    Most women who make the decision to use a strategic false allegation to clean a man out in divorce feel at least a little bad about this. Bad enough that they want you to know why they are so mad, and why (with enough entitlement and feminist dementia) you actually deserve to be falsely accused. High quality recording equipment, at the correct place and time, can be a game changer.

    • http://sportsdroppingsusa.blogspot.com Sports Droppings

      Recordings are what saved Brian Banks(post-conviction) and The Hofstra Five(pre-conviction). Worked in rape case, could work in family cases.

  • Winstone

    Paul, I am one of those who discovered the method of false allegations in the hard way. I never asked for any help, and happily I no longer need it.

    Crimes of feminism are hidden by official media. Had I encountered your website years ago, probably I would not have believed it. Still, it is 100% true. In my country, we worked a lot on communicating these topics. We reached 500,000 people. Many don’t believe us. Many write us, and we cannot do anything to help them. But I would never write them in this way

  • OneHundredPercentCotton

    How many people are willing to stand up for the rights of the accused, even if what they were accused of was reprehensible beyond measure?

    Like Jerry Sandusky?

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/25/nbc-news-jerry-sandusky-john-ziegler_n_2947597.html?ir=College&ref=topbar

    When WE, the American public, were put to the SHIT TEST of standing up for THEIR OWN Constitutional rights by DEMANDING the Constitutional rights of pariah’s like Sandusky be upheld – WE FALTERED AND FAILED!!!!!

    While I’m sure no one reading my words here attended Sandusky’s courtroom hearing, reports of misconduct and liberties with justice HAVE been reported – with everyone hissing and booing those reports, saying he doesn’t DESERVE the right to a fair trial.

    His (seemingly legitimate) complaints of an unfair trial are being laughed off by the public at large, while reporters making it known are scourged as losers and fools if not “pedophile protectors”.

    Child abuse accusations, just like rape accusations, cause blinding knee jerk reactions in the public, and anyone seen questioning the accuser is immediately deemed a rapist/child molester apologist.

    Even though BOTH types of accusations have HIGH “unfounded” outcomes.

    I, for one, don’t give a shit about Jerry Sandusky’s guilt or innocence.

    I am DEEPLY concerned that his Due Process rights to a fair trial were not honored.

    HIS rights to a fair trial are MY rights to a fair trial.

    Anyone taking a default “he deserves what he gets” or “he doesn’t deserve any rights” stance does not deserve a fair trial and does not deserve due process rights either.

    The constitution is in place to protect the minority from the majority.

  • http://shiningpearlsofsomething.blogspot.com Suzanne McCarley

    “Life is hard. Wear a helmet.” Where have I heard that recently?

    Gentlemen, I am not shaming you or even chiding you. I am pleading with you:

    Please become the kind of man you came here to find. There are still far too few. Not for me (nor for any woman) not for “God and Country,” or whatever version of Man Up the masses are currently cramming down your throats.

    Do it for yourself and for your children, which might be all you have left.

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      Wow. ++

  • MGTOW-man

    I am not surprised that this thread has already generated so many comments that I am 101st (if I hurry)…and it is brand new. This thread is part of the reason that I come here: to try and rally men—mostly the men who have done nothing to help men and boys because they bought into the baseless, manipulative lies that men who care about mens rights “must hate women” or “are gay”, or something else just as stupid and damned untrue.

    This is why I repeat over and over: Change men and you change the world. It is the heart of our hope.

    Men, overall, are too concerned with their sports games, competing for women to the point of making us all look like utter fools, ignoring the good things they can do to help their own sex and not wait until the shit hits the fan for them personally and for all of us as a group, apathetic/hard-wiring scapegoat “reasons”, etc.

    Men apparently love to cling to losing so long as they look like great big men in the eyes of society and especially to women. Get over it! There is a crisis here damn it!

    I truly believe the best way for us to get out of the mess we are in as men, is to start teaching boys something besides the same ole same old that has helped facilitate us being where we are. Teach them to not worry if they get the girl OR NOT, if they fit into the manhood approval corral, if they get called all sorts of baseless, assumptive names, to quit putting women first—quit selling the boys and their futures down the river.

    Our boys need a revamping in their education so that the natural dynamics between the sexes do not continue to be hijacked like what has happened by feminists and their traitorous cronies. For Pete’s sake, we are Homo sapiens!—you know creatures at the top of the taxonomic hierarchy, with cognitive, aware, BRAINS? Men CAN give some substance to this title if they try and want to. For starters, they can refuse their “hardwiring” limitations, quit being obedient puppets that take in all their rules from others who want nothing more than the status quo—whatever cowardly thing they can do that gets them a woman.

    Perhaps I am chiding irresponsible men, but I am not preaching to the choir: I hope to instill in men out there to take charge of their own destinies, instead of finding out the hard way that we MHRA’s were/are right about feminism’s hatred of truth, masculinity, and sensible but sacrificial living (that ultimatey DOES benefit all of mankind).

    The thing that gets me is that many of these so-called “men” had to find out the hard way that MHRA’s are abolutely correct, but then they go out and make the same mistakes that got them where they are. Time after time again. Whew!

    There can’t be a better example that illustrates stupidity. If you have been burned by women, STAY AWAY FROM THEM…DUUUUH! Your manhood isn’t really contigent upon deferring to women for just about everything and especially to determine your worth. No it isn’t !!

    The sooner we men can send a clear message to women that we are fed up with their emotion-laced, oblivio-selfishness, reality-skewed, subjective, gynocentric perspective by not having anything to do with unruly, disorderly, even violent-at-will women, the sooner we can help shape the equality process—in which we men have every right to be involved.

    Equality is not only a female/feminist thing. In fact, it should’t be in their hands at all—apparently—just look arround! Don’t take my word for it! The proof surrounds us all. Just what have we gotten by letting THEM have the reigns to do almost completely as they please, fully knowing that their synthetic changes hurt men and boys?

    How can you call yourselves “men” and allow such destruction?

    I wonder how many men in bad shape who Dr. Elam described herein, will just shrug their shoulders and ignore the multi-faceted warnings that span this website…or even too afraid to let their woman find out they visited here?

    Good grief!

    It is enough to make one grow tired. But thankfuly we have a leader and a group of leaders who have resilience and will stick it out. I am so proud of them.

    I appreciate everything done on this site aimed at genuinely helping men and boys, but if the men out there (on the fringes, or even oblivious to there being a mens movement) would get off their asses, stop letting feminists make their rules, break out of the one-size-fits-all manhood corral, actually USE their brains here (not the one in their pants) and actually become the great big men they think they are, then we would all see things take a turn for the better.

    So, my message here is to put up or shut up! It is not enough to whine when bad women make your life miserable. Get involved…and DO SOMETHING!!!! Quit clinging to losing. Take preventive action instead of being reactionary.

    I do activism on so many levels. You can too. There are so many things, large and small, that men can do to help themselves. But if they do not have the freedom, impressive finances, time, etc, then they can at least donate something—even if it is their time at a homeless shelter (which mostly are men), a mens awareness group, big brother, or create something new.

    Just the other day, I wrote my local newscaster, and lambasted him for throwing men under the bus when it comes to offering men up as punching bags for women. I lit in on him so hard that he surely got the message.

    Actually change his white knight attitude?— likely not! But little by little, the message gets out. Nonetheless, I am not going to quit harping on men who act like robotic fools and utility carts for women.

    WE must do everything we can do to stop this outrage feminists erroneously call equality. The point here: there is something every last man out there can do to help men and boys. SO DO IT!!! Turn off your TV ball games, try to think outside the box, take a stand, and get ready to tell the woman you love, “NO, not any more, enough is enough!”

    That is, unless you are foolish enough to think manhood is all about your penis, what it does, (and does not do), about your ego getting inflated, and other wheel-spinning wastefulness, then DO SOMETHING TO HELP YOURSELF and help the boys who are going to hate you for not stepping up to the plate and going to bat for them.

    Get busy!

  • napocapo69

    “Your life as you know it is probably over. Turn that fact into part of the solution, turn it into a way to fight back, or turn your ass somewhere else.”

    I wonder if men into trouble will be able to get properly the message. It is a red pill at its maximum dosage.

    But I frankly I understand completely your point Paul.

    Many of the men that look for savage once they realize they are lost into the jungle of misandry, make me a bit upset. Because most of them are actually the ones that dressed the white knight armour for an entire life.

    I feel, as everyone else, compassion for them. But I’m pissed off by the men that address a problem only when affect them directly. And their concern becomes not changing the society, but just recovering themselves from the pitfall and bring back the time. And they do not realize that their life is compromised with no recovery option. Maybe, just maybe, at that point, they see the greater picture; what is harming them is not an occasional fault of the system; actually the system is working fine as expected, by design.

  • Carlos

    In some of the advocacy work I do related to fathers, families and children I also frequently receive requests for assistance from bewildered men facing their politically correct realities.

    More often than not in such cases the only role I can play is one of assisting them to acclimate themselves to the fact that they are fucked.

    The system is such that, barring a series of egregious mistakes, blatantly obvious malice and bad faith on the part of their ex-partners, not to mention significant financial resources, these men stand no chance of having law enforcement, courts, the media or politicians take their, politically incorrect, side.

    I hate doing it though. It is disheartening, exhausting and generally thankless (everyone likes to shoot the messenger when the news is bad.)

  • Robert Sides

    Great article! I whole-heartedly concur.

    I used to get long-distance calls from guys asking for support, data, and legal advice. In most cases I wasted my time, money, breath, and energy. The guys didn’t care about “men’s issues;” they just wanted their own nuts out of the feminist vise.

    I weaned myself from responding to messages left on my answering machine (it was a stand-alone tape-cassette device then, not like today’s iPhone). I got tired of playing the sap.

    Guys would refuse pay $30 dues to a men’s rights group (MRG), yet fork over tens of thousands to lawyers… even more for CS (States, after all, get a cut of the action).

    It was painful to watch, hearing men had “all the power” when they so obviously did not. The fact is, the average Joe is/was a working-stiff serf. He has no power, save to fork over taxes… which then fund misandry. That is, feminists get paid to work full time legally castrating him and other men.

    Yet schmucks like Joe won’t fund their own movement. They chose not to help themselves or their brothers, yet scream like stuck pigs when they finally get snared in feminist traps.

    Before they got the TRO or divorce decree or SH charge, they didn’t care about men’s rights. During their court travails, they didn’t care, either. They just wanted free help…and pronto. After being emotionally and financially savaged by the legal system they continued not care care about the MRM.

    So maybe feminists are doing us a favor, culling societal deadwood. Maybe guys THAT clueless about misandry shouldn’t be around kids. Perhaps they ARE only good for mindless, robotic factory/office drone-work.

    In any case, it broke my heart. I was hurt and angry and sad for too long. Then I stopped caring. I figured they got the karma they’d accrued when laughing at the “silly” men’s movement.

    Alas, their head-in-the sand cluelessness continues to this day. It’s a major block to growing our movement: how to reach blue-pillers while attracting red-ingesters?

    • Near Earth Object

      As usual, a good read, Robert.

      In my experience, some folks are incredibly skilled at taking the experience of others on board and learning from it, whereas other folks seem to nearly live by the age-old adage, “there is no substitute for experience”. To partially paraphrase JJ (above), ‘I didn’t think it would happen to me.’ To continue, the latter category are often thrown into some level of crisis when the misandry-monkey lands on their back. I was. As a former Crisis Counselor, I understand the initial and sometimes protracted ‘me…me…me…what can YOU do to help me’ mindset. I also understand that those raw negative emotions, like anger, are an incredible source of energy that—in the better interests of the individual—need to become outwardly directed into action (activism), for both self, and when possible, others. Though I cannot find the source at the moment, this is right out of the feminist playbook—why get angry when you can get even. On a closing note, where feminism goes absolutely sick, is that they intentionally cultivate this anger and mold it into pure hatred.

    • Astrokid

      Bob,
      The MSM has done a fantastic job hiding male suffering. So this knowledge could only spread via a grassroots, mouth to mouth mechanism. Some old timers on the spearhead mentioned that even in the 70s and 80s, they tried to spread the knowledge on Family Courts. Can you throw some light on how this was done? Sticking pamphlets?

      For the last 10 yrs none of my friends (mainly via workforce) talked about this, although a few were mumbling about how they were suffering through marriage and couldnt really go for a divorce. After I took the RedPill, I talked to a good married friend of mine.. and he said he was aware of the destruction in divorce, in a hushed tone.

      Nowadays.. thanks to the internet, you got to be blind to not see the message even outside the Manosphere.
      Divorce is Crazy – Joe Rogan
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij1AhVnvC-c
      THE TRUTH ABOUT DIVORCE

  • zuismanm

    Hi guys. let me add some spoon of tar too your flow of honey flowing all sides around…
    I totally understands Paul’s anger , and think that from personal and any moral point of view – he is dead right… 300% even 400%. No doubt!
    From political point of view – as leader (or one – that pretend to be one of such leaders) of social movement, that pretend to be wide – he is dead wrong.
    Let us state it straight at beginning. 95% of people are ignorant fat assholes. males and females. and it is this way for at least last half million years. And it will not change radically in close 100 years , not even in 200… I can promise you. Take my words to bank.
    And if you plan to mount successful, effective social movement basing on assumption that at least half of people, that can be interested in your case will become “active warriors”… Ok – it will be great entertainment to follow you. But there is no fucking single chance , that you will get even close to something that will Even remotely resemble some kind of success…
    All mass movements, that succeed to make real change; had solid kernel of active and convinced of their rightness activists , that succeed to convince “the mass” that they defend their best interest and drag those mass after them… I do not know about even single movement, that succeed to convert even 50% of “mass” into active kernel…
    And saying people “your life is effectively over, now let me see – how I can exploit what remained from it to my best interest” – do not looks for me as effective way to mobilize inert mass to your side… Even if factually and morally – you are 200% right…

  • STONE

    I think that we should pass around a short memo to all of these rudely awakened souls.
    The Memo: The MHRM is not for you, it’s for humanity. The MHRM is not about the past, it’s about the future.

  • http://fightingfeminism.wordpress.com Mike Buchanan

    Stone, thank you for this insight. We need to appeal more to men’s nobler instincts. Of course… a ‘light bulb’ moment for me. I find more such moments on AVfM than anywhere else. The act of subscribing to AVfM has brought me more insights than any other single thing I’ve ever done. If Paul, Dean etc. ever sell shares in AVfM I’ll buy as many as I can afford!

    Mike Buchanan

    JUSTICE FOR MEN & BOYS
    (and the women who love them)

    http://j4mb.wordpress.com

  • http://upstatenysocialists.webs.com Otaku155

    Umm, Just wondering, but can people honestly not see the true gist of this rant? I guess the folks at AVfM are beginning to realize that pandering to and appeasing the gay movement is not going to get them the contributions or the converts they want. Look, we need to get this movement back on track, back to the business of MEN’S RIGHTS. If gay men or the gay movement don’t want to roll with it, if they simply want to walk in lock-step with feminism as they have ALWAYS done, then we will roll right over them.

    It is the MRM boys and girls, NOT the MHRM. All of this appeasement of other movements is not only confusing, but it has also caused divisions in our movement and even turned some away from it. Let’s get back to what we should be doing folks; fighting feminism and misandry, and securing equal rights for ourselves and our sons!

    • https://www.facebook.com/pages/A-Voice-for-Men/102001393188684 Paul Elam

      Here, the editorial position is the it is the MHRM. Also, if you think AVFM has ever tried to appease any other movement, you have missed the reality train. That results in two lessons for you. One, LEARN a little before running your mouth and two, if anyone told you that you were in charge of the focus and mission of this website, they lied to you.

      Welcome to your own fail.

  • http://avoiceformen.com Daniel Martinez

    Life is too dangerous. Not because of people who do evil, but instead because of people who sit and watch.

    Albert Einstein.